Friday, June 18, 2010

Hash Trash 1521

Run number 1521 was hosted by Princess of Darkness and Lewinsky at their home in Taumesina. In honour of the Manu Samoa winning the HK7’s and the Independence Day Fautasi win by the Don Bosco team, the theme was blue. The run was set by co-opted hares, Swinger and CB (more on that later). Hashers wandered out the driveway at a walking pace waiting for someone to spot the trail. As usual, one or two of the more eager dashed off in the opposite direction and had to be called back to regroup. The correct trail was found heading through a small patch of mangroves, through the back of someone’s home and back out onto the main road where the trail was again lost. ZsaZsa and Renee eventually picked up the trail and everyone set off on a well-marked trail along the footpaths. ZsaZsa, who was well ahead of the pack, followed the trail down what appeared to be someone’s overgrown driveway. The others were too savvy to follow his lead which, apparently ended with a floury “ha-ha”. The rest of the run continued along the main road up to the UN complex where the letters OH were laid out in flour to mark the “on home” course, complete with smiley face. (Pirate Princess later confided to the co-scribe that she wasn’t sure why someone would write “oh!” on a hash run. But that’s another story).
All in all, a good, well set trail for most runners but with enough falsies to keep the more fit on their toes.

The home of POD and Lewinsky was buzzing with activity as the rain cleared and the dinner table was piled high with food. Two kegs (one courtesy of the soon-to-be-departing Sid) were also on order.

GM POD called all to the Circle and invited first-timers to introduce themselves. All did with some aplomb and even correctly referred to their hash friends by their correct names. There was Renee (CB), Gloria (Psychodelic), Trent (Spanky) and Jenny (Spanky).

Rethreads were numerous in number: Smokey who was last here in 2001, Dayne, Marion, Sid, Casey, Cathy, Slim Shady (who argued that she wasn’t a rethread), Proboner and Takeda. All drank.

The shoe inspector found no new boots but Screamer happened to recall a new hash Mary sporting shiny shoes earlier in the evening. CB backed this up and Renee was invited to either bring her shoes in for inspection or – for some reason the co-scribe doesn’t quite understand – to drink from CB’s shoe. In an even more extraordinary turn of events, Renee chose CB’s (rather rank) shoe. However, she lost all credibility shortly thereafter by managing to spill almost every drop onto the floor.

GM called on Hand Job for a birthday drink. Apparently she had just turned 16.

Sid received a double – for contributing a keg and as this would possibly be his last hash in Apia. Everready kindly donated his special mug for the event and Sid took great pains to suck every drop as though it were his last.

Screamer, who had arrived early, saw much doggie-do in the area and had re-positioned her car to ensure she’d avoid stepping in any of it at the end of the evening. GM gave her the “foresight award” – apparently not a trait generally typical of hashers.

Proboner, recently returned from a conjugal visit to NZ and sporting a sore neck received a “needs more practice” award (with several Hash Mary’s doling out practical advice) while celebrity awards went to Foxy and Cherelle (who attempted to get out of this by saying this was her job).

Lewinsky had earlier requested CB and Swinger to fill in for him as a hare and they had done an excellent job. However GM had overheard Emily thanking Lewinsky for setting an “excellent bush run” and she was surprised to hear Lewinsky accept the praise without mention of the real hares. Worse, GM was still pondering what Lewinsky had really been up to as she hadn’t been aware there was a “bush” portion on this particular run. Lewinsky drank.

Sid was accused of forgetting to bring the gas bottle for the bbq but he reminded the Circle that his job was merely to ensure the gas was filled – pickup was someone else’s responsibility. SOTB and Sid both drank.

GM then called on “representatives” from the various countries that Manu Samoa had recently beaten. Through some minor manipulation of facts, she cobbled together the following representatives:
Kenya – Marian; Argentina – Chiliandrina (she was absent so Emily, who has lived in Mexico, was called on); France – Hobbs; England – Hand Job; Australia – Ros; South Africa – Cherelle (this particular one was explained using some convoluted geography that involved drawing a line between Ireland and Fiji, which the co-scribe was not able to follow). Godfather, rightly, represented Samoa. All drank.

Ever-ready, who obviously needed another drink, spoke up that the Manu Samoa coach is actually an American so GM gave him a drink.

A string of floor nominations commenced with Snake being nominated for a foresight award (another one in the same night?!) for bringing an additional gas bottle.

BB, who had been the last to arrive, was awarded for best dressed supporter of the All Blacks.

Three newcomers were cited for leaning.

SassyGirl nominated Karaoke for bringing her a beautiful cake for her birthday and for the best cakes in Samoa.

Pussy Snatcher was nominated for the gentlemanly award as Screamer had observed him always being on hand as whipping boy for Cherelle. He took the DD but not before complaining about someone called Seema being jealous.
Godfather was thanked for putting on a brilliant Sunday afternoon of jazz at Sinalei. (Cherelle took up the ukulele for this DD).

CB and SOTB were thanked for being the sausage sizzle boys.

Lewinsky and Everready accused each other of lack of chips, last minute salsa requests and eventually Everready was handed the false accusation award as GM was certain she had provided the chips. Karaoke, apparently concerned at the number of drinks Everready was consuming, reminded everyone of her husband’s religion and, more importantly, the negative influence of alcohol on “performance”.

GM noted there would be another not performing tonight as Lewinsky was handed yet another award – this time for short-cutting the run.

Cherelle received the G-string plucking award for her flat ukulele playing while SassyGirl was nominated for apparently not running.

SOTB, Lewinsky and Proboner took their awards for hosting tonight’s run.

In a last minute nomination allowed by GM, Smokey and Hobbs drank for overly friendly overtures with the dogs.

The Circle then broke up to fall upon the beautifully laid out feast and to work on consuming the rest of the kegs.

The next run will be hosted by Snake and Fang in Vaitele.

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