Hash Trash 1616

This April Fool’s Day Hash was hosted by Hooker Lua and SOTB at Vaoala. The Hare was Ring Ring, and although we were promised a short run this was not to be as we had a whole load of false trails. The weather was quite fine and we were finally off Daylight Savings Time – hurra! We were not disappointed in that this was indeed an incredibly inventive run. The trail led up the Cross Island Road with Tallyho and others running off in the wrong direction. Captain Mortein was on a roll and kept hitting the right tracks, as Poumuli floundered further up the Cross Island Road. A trail was acquired leading through someone’s taro patch, which slowed us down considerably, but hey rather go slow than break a leg. We finally arrived down on the cow pastures off Bank Street, with several tricky false trails, until finally we went through the bushes to get back to the main road. And there was even a river for us to get our boots wet yet again! Back on home through the fence and we were done. Godfather was not around so his sweet nuts could not be savoured.

SOTB had been cooking not running so he was not as sweaty as normal, and more or less cogent. He called the circle to order, but was rudely interrupted and Tallyho and Tramp were called in for not wearing anything flowery in line with the theme and for giving the GM lip. Those new to Hash was only Carlos, a Spanish dive instructor brought by Witch Doctor, so being so well instructed the GM gave him a down-down. The rethreads were Kiwi, Buzzer, Einstein, Sexpot and Tramp, respectively golfing, schooling, old ageing, ozzing and landing in Nadi.

Shoe inspector Tallyho was nearly stumped in his search for culprits, but the threat of having to drink from the GM’s shoes was enough for Queen Biyatch to fetch her shoes. Celebrity Awards went to Godfather for being the object of a World Bank feature in the Observer, so closest living relative Poolboy joined his missus. Further celebrities were found in Horny Ho kids who had been singing on TV – they both pretended not being able to or enjoying beer!



The GM had noticed that the National Bank had launched some new products that have yet to be matched by commercial banks, so Sexpot and Skidmark got the Not Keeping Up With Competition Award. Karaoke was so inspired by the moment that she commented that there had been a picture of a huge cake in the paper, and it wasn’t from Adria’s – obvious!
Captain Mortein and Tramp were both spotted leaning, before a Bad Grandparenting Award was given to Eveready for letting Divine fall flat on her face. This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1801 – Brits sink Danish fleet at Battle of Copenhagen), Carlos (1939 – end of Spanish Civil War), Tallyho (Argentina invades Falklands – Malvinas Day!), and SOTB (1973 – first ever mobile phone call made on a Motorola).

Sassy nominated Poumuli for not knowing difference between pork and chicken – hey it was frozen! Horny Ho had spotted Hideo crouching in a rather suggestive manner on the road, it was demonstrated for us, and while it could have been construed as passing a turtle he claimed it was a Stretching Award. Karaoke wanted all to check out Ring Ring’s new car, black tint, which was sure tp pull a lot of chicks??? Horny Ho added that this ride was getting Tallyho home the riotous laughter became too much.
The GM nominated Fireman Sam for dedication to the hash – turning up late and pretending to get sweaty. Tallyho had been reading the news and had found an item on quantum physics, and apparently Einstein had been right all along – step forward Einstein.

Sassy nominated all the nature lovers in the circle – Hooker Lua, Ring Ring, Horny Ho, Karaoke and SOTB. Poumuli nominated Witch Doctor for the Conman Award for dislodging his luggage from Air Pacific without the tags, same name on ID or any ID for that matter.

Sam desperately wanted to get the GM back for a perceived slight, as they had been out having drinks and the GM had scored phone numbers off some girls leaving nought for Sam. This was added to by Sexpot who pointed out that the whole 4G thing was bogus advertising. Somehow this got turned around to anyone being a Digicel lover, which was Kiwi with his bright red hat, and a few minutes later, cellphonus interruptus via Digicel.

Hooker Lua mentioned that one special historical event had been missed, namely the birth of Hans Christian Andersen, the Danish writer – this one went to Sassy (hubby Chris), SOTB (middle name) and Captain (obvious!). Tallyho added in Poumuli for not getting that one – bastard! SOTB then got Fireman Sam for not also owning up to the middle name issue.

Sexpot was very concerned that Samoa had been robbed in the 7’s, which obviously meant an award for Crime, plus a token Aussie – Skidmark, and Kiwi to represent the errant ref.

Hooker Lua then announced her special April Fool’s Day gig for the Hash Men. When I say that this was humiliating, I am off. It was much worse than that. We had to bellydance to some bloody hashish swirling Egyptian music. Anyway, the winners were Einstein, prize a voluptuous pink bra, Poumuli for graceful choreography, Poolboy as the fairest of them all – a mirror, and Sam for best poledancing impression.
Then the hosts and the hare were saluted as we descended upon the feast.

Next week its at Aqua Samoa – we need a Scribe for the event.




On On from San Francisco
Poumuli, IKA Slit