Hash Trash - 1508

Hash trash 1508

By way of explanation, we have not lost runs 1501 through 1507, but rather these were preponed to allow us enough planning time for the 1500th run. So run number 1508 was hosted by Poumuli and Wahoo in Vaola. The trail was set by BlowMe and Poumuli, who had tempted fate by setting it on flour. Luckily the weather stayed friendly and we were spared any rain. Maybe Eveready has stopped doing his rain dance now that Lesbian Vampire Killer is away. In any event, a fairly large turnout for the Hash, and the pack set out onto the Cross-Island Road. A false trail leading uphill was followed by Pussysnatcher, but we took pity on this quick runner and pointed in the right direction. A hash circle had been placed at the road below Myna’s, with Godfather taking the false trail this time. The pack re-established the trail and kept together for the next phase of the run, which took us down some slippery slopes to the river, where a number of false trails had been set. A visitor from PNG was sent up and over the hill, but when she heard Kiwi blaring the horn she just cut back straight through the bush, meaning that the rescue attempted by Poumuli was rather futile. The hares were quite surprised that the pack had made it ahead so far, so our mopping up of stragglers only resulted in finding Bits and Pieces on the Bernard Road intersection. The trail passed through BlowMe’s yard, down Bernard to the Cross Island Road, and On Home. It was a fairly tough run, and although “flat on average” made us all appreciate Godfather’s sweet nuts upon returning to Poumuli’s house.

Eveready again stepped in as Acting GM, and welcomed all newcomers to Hash. There had been one – Joyce from PNG (who’s Hash name was something related to beef jerky) but she had to leave early. However, we were able to welcome world traveller Roy all the way from Israel. His claim later that he doesn’t drink was borne out by the very slow pace with which he took the down-down. The GM was quite perplexed, but since there were no new shoes, Shoe Inspector AC/DC amply demonstrated the appropriate technique. Celebrity Awards were given to Poumuli (letter to the Editor), Sassygirl BJ (two appearances in Observer and TV, taken by SOTB) and Rottweiler (story in Observer – closest living relative took it, rather surprisingly this was Kamikaze???).

The GM noted the chat on the radio regarding similarities between a hasher and Tiger Woods, but that in this case it was a Mike Tyson Award to Kiwi (something about biting someone’s ear – very impressive). Another Fighting Award went to Godfather for inviting Stuart to the 1500th. The GM’s Conduct Becoming A Hasher Award went to two hash meres who had cut the run short to push a child’s pram back, however Pirate Princess and Blakey were observed carrying Vailimas in the pram! Captain Mortein managed to avoid this by proxy so Blakey took a double. Screamer made a long story out of this a-la FBI, but avoided a Windbag Award.

This was a sad day for the Apia Hash, as it would be the last time for a while for Kamikaze to run with us. He has been with us for 9 months but promised to return. In his farewell speech Kamikaze told us how much he enjoyed his Saturdays, no Sundays, that he had been hashing since 1996 and enjoyed the Apia Hash “veeeerry much”. With that he got a big glass that took 3 choruses to finish. A quick slip of the tongue by AC/DC for using the wrong name for Swinger brought him back to the circle.

The GM continued on his series On This Day In History Award, and since it was Brazilian Labour Day awarded this to Chilindrina, as it is practically next door (we have a geographically challenged GM folks!). Zsa Zsa joined her in the Commitment Award for running the trail late and by himself. Furthermore, the Peace Corps was established on this day in 1962, bringing Blakey back into the circle for the JFK Award.

Upon returning from the run huffing and puffing the GM discovered a hash mere doing homework in the car. Upon her explanation that she was assisting some students, Brenda received the Community Service Award. The GM also apologized for the late start of the circle, but that this was caused by the delay in getting the bbq started. The GM insisted that SOTB get the Barbeque Interruptus Award, rather than Snake (who owns the darned thing).

Opening up to nominations from the floor, SOTB recounted how during the pre-1500th beach party a hasher upon departing had backed into a tree, with someone else’s car. Kiwi received the Honorary Crash Bandicoot Award. At that point Roy was brought back on charges of spilling the golden nectar.

The by now much circulated Joker Award was attempted given to the GM by Chilindrina, but by the powers vested in him decided that it should go to Screamer, giving her something to put the three condoms on from last week. A clarification was given that the condoms had been in Pussysnatcher’s possession and could not be located.

Roz had been impressed by a hash mere running along with much gusto during the run, but ending in a scratched leg and butt when she fell – Ends In Tears Award to Wahoo. The GM had received an email from a hasher overseas who had noticed that Karaoke seldom got awards, so he insisted she get a No Favouritism Award. There was some muttering from her about the GM needing to fear for his life.

The host and the hares were saluted for setting a fine trail with some new sections not yet used by the Apia Hash. The GM closed the circle by thanking all for the great effort at the 1500th run, and announced that the Apia Hash still has money in the bank after all that expense!

A sumptuous feast was offered by Poumuli on the balcony, which it is hoped was enjoyed by all. Reports of food poisoning should not be shared on this blog as they will result in libel action in court. Or tasering.


On On

Poumuli