The Hash was hosted by Sassygirl BJ at the Eagle’s Nest in
Letogo. Perched high above the hoi polloi, she sent Crime, a representative
thereof, to do her bidding in setting a trail. Traffic coming out of town was
not conducive to an orderly arrival, so it was a relatively modest sized pack
that set out on the trail, marked with delightful swirls of gaily coloured
shredded cellulose. As we observed the glorious clouds over the Pacific,
perhaps pondering the futility of such passing beauty, we were confronted with
the realization that the trail went straight up into a vertiginous verdant and luxuriant
slope of grassland. Containing, we quickly surmised, a plethora of striking and
keen edged plants known as Youfuckinbastard
stickylongand cutyou samoensis grass. This spiteful lupus of the botanical
muddle that makes up Samoan biodiversity quite literally cut us to pieces on
the way up. The sole consolation was the fact that the pack stayed united in
its misery and progressed upwards together, albeit only until Godfather spotted
a shortcut familiar to him. This left Sam and Poumuli as lonely legionnaires in
the fight to conquer this mordant prickly hill. Our pointed remarks were by no
means indicative of any griping on the trail, soon to be made illegal once the
provisional Hash Rules are adopted. Nevertheless, our relief at being relieved
of the hellish foliage was terminated, as we realized it was soon to be
replaced by a gooey combination of slime and gloopy detritus. Nevertheless the
sun was shining bright upon our shoulders as we entered the leafy undergrowth
and squelched through the ankle deep repositories of mire and muck. Sure footed
we quickly caught up with the short cutters and walkers and ran the trail back.
Inspired by the visualization of getting ones footwear removed and washed, Sam
and Poumuli managed the final sprint up the zenith of a driveway. Thus
exhausted and fragrantly malodorous, they watched from the balcony in sheer wonder
– surely such speed in Lewinsky could only have been induced by speed? The pack
was greeted warmly by the non-runners and decimated the succulent coco kernels,
the sweet comestibles brought by Godfather.
Enough long words for you plebs?
The GM called the circle into sitting order as we were not
that many and Sassy had enough chairs – well one was broken and she kept
returning to it with much hilarity around. There were no newbies, and the
retreads were Sam, Schumacher, who were joined by Gayboy for claiming he had
attended a hash hosted by someone called Samm.
Murray was appointed Shoe Inspector, and as Poumuli was
already volunteering his new shoe, this was deemed a failure so Murray had to
join. Thank God that is out of the way now. Celebrity Awards went to the GM
(photo in the paper for the ANZAC Challenge), Poumuli double (photo in full
uniform at ANZAC – no those medals are real Lewinsky, and a SPREP one from
Noumea), Slippery (his wife was in paper) and Eveready for managing to avoid a
single photo on ANZAC Day.
This Day in History went to Sassy (1946 – The "Battle
of Alcatraz" takes place; two guards and three inmates are killed,
Lewinsky (1994 – Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones files a lawsuit
against United States President Bill Clinton, alleging that he had sexually
harassed her in 1991), Godfather for Swinger (Feast Day of St James the Less),
Crime (Feast Day of St Monica of Hippo) and Gayboy (Lei Day in Hawaii).
The GM started her nominations with a breath of fresh air,
not, nominating Lewinsky who during their training run for the challenge had
gone up Palisi, and on the way down his bolu fell out of his shorts. We were
too incredulous with laughter to decide whether this was a Janet Jackson
Wardrobe Malfunction Award or Advertising Tiger Award, especially after the
question was raised as to how far out the bolu had fallen.
She then called up Crime for the setting of the run, and
that he should have taken a bush knife with him. Since he claimed he HAD taken
a bush knife but it was blunt he was given the huge glass by Lewinsky. Karaoke
was also called up for being the only smart one to wear tights – Lewinsky said
he wished he had worn tights, but all and sundry were glad as no one wished to
see his bolu.
In honour of their athletic achievement of being the only
two that did the whole run, Sam and Poumuli were called forth. Since both are
recovering from leg injuries this remarkable accomplishment was recognized by
the huge glass being proffered on Poumuli.
Gayboy was asked where the Shrine was, as the GM wanted to
add Sam’s commemorative shirt for the Manu Samoa-All Blacks game, and ignored
his oft-repeated plea that he was on anti-biotics. Slippery was nominated for
the official complaint from the US Vets that they had not been recognized in
the ANZAC. Schumacher foolishly opined that Yanks never complain or litigate,
and thus joined the accused in the dock.
A Commiseration Award was given to Manny Pacquiao, who
unfortunately was not present, but his closest living resembler was given this
instead – Sam – he does look a bit like him, but you’d need to break his nose,
take away his vocabulary, add a few tasteless tattoos and make him speak more
sing-songy.
The GM was made aware that Gayboy would have to leave, but
needed to share the story of Tia having her car brake down and that he would
have to drive her. Why not let her use your car? Because she lives in the
village and someone will throw a car at my rock.
Opening up for nominations, Lewinsky called on the Ozzies
for getting a hiding from the Kiwis in the ANZAC test – POD, Slippery and yes
again Murray.
Godfather noted how proud he was of Lewinsky, who when he
arrived had grabbed what looked like a heavy crate from POD and carried it up
the slippery steep driveway. But apparently POD had seen the ogling wolf pack
on the balcony and was ready to protect her husband. Murray interjected that
normally expressions of pride from Godfather involved someone’s boobs, so
Lewinsky jiggled it, just a little bit.
Poumuli nominated Murray for a Pre-emptive Strike Award, as
he had explained the rationale for his being mislabelled the disgruntled Ozzie,
and that said disgruntled Ozzie had replied – you’ve been impersonating me. As
this would have been a perfect award, Murray had foiled the attempt. Since
Poumuli, and Murray, were deemed guilty of using big words, they both got the
award.
Gayboy, who had not left yet, nominated Lewinsky for telling
the same old lie of the one that got away after the fishing tournament. He was
forced to join for cellphonus interruptus, and POD doubled Lewinsky’s as he had
for once come back safely, on the boat, and not on the esky.
Sam then nominated Godfather for initiating the shortcut.
Sassy got Sam for the excellent service provided in getting her the
pay-per-view sorted. Eveready congratulated and nominated the GM for the
excellent roundtable setting of the circle. He was reminded that if he came to
Hash more often he would have been familiar with this concept, but the vote
gave it to both of them.
Poumuli, recalling that the Hash Rules had not yet been
adopted, but noted the prohibition against training, and that he had seen
Lewinsky doing just that. Lewinsky countered that he was just a lokoleaga and
nominated Poumuli for the Discouraging A Hasher Award. Again the vote went to
both.
Having noted that there was an accident at Sassy’s some days
ago, Poumuli asked what would you do if you saw a serious accident outside –
would you a) call the emergency services, b) go down and check all is allright
or c) take a photo and post it on Facebook. Sassy did c) so got the Facebook
Award, joined by Gayboy for driving skills and Karaoke for something related to
potty training.
Next week’s run will be Mother’s Day Hash at Sinalei.
Godfather’s request on parking and entrance will be relayed. He also noted that
the Circus will be in Poutasi Thu-Sat and encouraged us all to attend.
We saluted the Hare and Host, Crime and Sassy, and went on
to eat much more delicious food than we needed, but there was lots.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
