Monday, December 30, 2013

Tonight's Run #1706

How's everyone's livers surviving the festive season??
Tonight's run is at OTR - the home of Apia Hash, Elle Mac Jnr will be organising a buffet for the food - so tonight's event will cost $35 for the food and the beer - what great value!!
Run starts @ 1800 so we hope to see you all there
ON ON
JG

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Hash Trash 1705

The Hash was hosted by Full Moon and Manwhore at their place in Vaigaga. The Scribe is still largely immobile and only got as far the pizza place on the corner. But apparently a fine run had been set by Crime through the streets of Vaitele with a shortcut that no one would have found. 

Back at the Bayview Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM. There were many newbies – Fergal (from Northern Ireland) and Elle who are visiting Slim Shady, Mark and Deirdry the parents of one of the hosts, and Jolan who was a friend of Frid. Thus after the newbies had taken their down down, the following had to step up for not sharing the rules appropriately with their newbies – Manwhore, Da Head, Full Moon, Overstayer and One Infection.

Rethreads were Slim Shady, BB and Swingers brother. Swinger had to step in as shoe inspector, failed, so joined in with a down down. Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady, One Infection and Lewinsky for stories in the paper entirely unrelated to them but which were found to be close living relatively.

This Day in History Awards went to Manwhore (1956 – Colo, the first gorilla born in captivity), Lewinsky (1979 – first European Ariane rocket is launched), One Infection (1994 – Mexican volcano Popoctepl erupts gases and ash), Lewinsky (1998 Clinton is impeached for lying about Lewinsky).
The GM was quick off the mark in targeting the Scribe for not running, however he was able to do mocking Bollywood moves – Poumuli. The a Lucky Bastard Award went to Fergal for going on his honeymoon with two girls. And he made the men in green proud with this downing.

In honour of the great job the cops are doing in clamping down on drink driving, she gave a Cramping Our Style Award to Godfather. Twin Peaks was dobbed in for getting the names muddled up. Then Wahoo was dobbed in for getting what she wanted – a brand new car. Finally BB got a GM’s Award for leading her astray at Farmer Joe’s.

On the run, Lewinsky told us that Godfather had needed to relieve himself (we were not told if 1’s or 2’s) and had been cheered by the girls. So apparently a challenge of sorts was laid down, with the result that both Godfather and Overstayer got a down down.

Slim Shady had been impressed by the positive messaging from a fellow hash mere espousing all sorts of health and healthy lifestyles issues, only to establish a menagerie of cocktail animals at a recent outing. Sassy got the Health (Not) Guru Award.

Swinger quickly riposted with an accusation that Slim Shady was not giving appropriate cultural briefs for visitors, as Fergal was overheard commenting on Godfather’s lowly patterned shorts! Poumuli then had a Fail for trying to make something out of Sassy’s anniversary. Swinger was successful in getting Crime an award for setting an 8 km run, while Manwhore managed to get back at the whingeing Poms for winning the Ashes – Swinger et fr√®res.

The Hosts and the Hare were saluted. Then Fergal stepped back in to the circle to thank Hash for its hospitality and the common bond of rugby. When Godfather mentioned that Samoans were the Irish of the Pacific we had to get One Infection to join Fergal in a final award. Er, not yet, one more for Overstayer for advertising.

Watch the blog for next week’s run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Hash Run 1705

Talofa lava Hashmen and Hash Meres - [Run commences @ 1800hrs ma'ai]

Today's run will be at Vaigaga, close to the home of the world class beer VAILIMA! 
Head westward from Apia to Vaigaga and turn right just before the two storey building housing Cecilia Keil's Fashion House. There is also a signage saying Bayview Nursery and continue to the end of the driveway till you spot a lot of cars lol!!!

If you have driven past Vailima Breweries then you have gone too far! Call someone for help like on 7574250!!

Bring some change as the weather looks a bit dodgy and we do not want any of you catching a cold before the big events!!

Bring your $20 as well! The hosts will be laying on the food!


ON ON

Hash Run 1704

Even though we were having the first run after the 1700th run, this was technically speaking run 1704. Please note that DVDs from the 1700th run are available from Hash Flash – Slippery.

We were hosted at the last minute by Lewinsky at On the Rocks, and Tallyho set out as live hare. Your Scribe did not join the run, having ruined his knee trying to emulate the bollywood dancing of Screamer at the SPREP party. But from the viscous streams of sweat pouring off the returning Hashers it sure seemed like it was a hearty run.



The GM called the circle to order and the first order of business was the numbering sequence of the run. No one but Tallyho had an objection, thus the GM declared runs 1701, 1702 and 1703 to be leap year runs. The upshot of that was that anyone who was alive between 1701 and 1703 got a down down – Tallyho step forward.

There were no newbies and the rethreads were Rachael (busy), Haleck (overseas) and Vera (ditto). The GM then launched into a rather unsavoury story of a Hasher having too many down downs last week, and couldn’t keep it all in, as it were, so for the crime of peeing the pants and expecting to ride inside the GM’s car, Crime gets the No Spillim Pispis Blong Yu I Go Olbaot Award.

Celebrity awards went to Poumuli (climate change story in Observer), Julia Gillard (guest at Bluesky do) and Godfather (only person with a Vailima in hand at the NZ High Commission function photo). This Day in History Awards went to Tallyho (1642 – Abel Tasman becomes first European to land in New Zealand, and of course Tallyho was next), Slippery as closest living relative (1892 – Premiere performance of The Nutcracker by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in Saint Petersburg, Russia), Godfather (1970 – Soviet spacecraft Venera 7 successfully land on Venus. It is the first successful soft landing on another planet – any other examples of soft landings?), Lewinsky (1976 – Western Samoa becomes a member of the United Nations) and Blowfish (Feast Day of St Lucy).

Tallyho then fanfared us with the entry of the Hash Shrine. There were no stolen baby shoes this week, nothing to go in really. But as Karen had been bitten by a dog on the run, Tallyho sprinkled some of Overstayer’s mystical powders on the Shrine. In the end Slippery donated a 1700 Run DVD to the Shrine. Poumuli had been saving a beer can from Poland for Lewinsky that he claimed was evidence of Lewinsky’s advertising. The GM put this to a vote, so a Kemlewski Award was given. Fang then recounted how the Snakepit crew had given Poumuli a lift from the airport, and how a frustrated Poumuli had yelled at a car stopping for little reason – yield does not mean surrender! Anyway the Road Rage Award was taken by both.

Overstayer wanted Full Moon to have an award for the, eh, full moon, but it went back to her as closest living relative. Lewinsky, having got his breath back, recounted how Rufie had gone fishing but had brought no gaffe, and requested Lewinsky to bring one to Sassy’s to connect. He had gotten lots of fish, but then had brought no ice, so a further request to Lewinsky. There was some debate as to whether this was a situation of superman vs. stupidity, and in the end both of them got a double.



Latecummer Titty Galore was joined by Godfather in a down down for delaying the start of the run. The GM wanted to give Manwhore a down down for the Ashes, but Tallyho objected as this was not yet lost and that this was premature information. Nevertheless a Chronicle of A Death Foretold Award went to Manwhore. Lewinsky had gone to the Bluebird promotion, and had spotted a picture of Santa with Rufie’s baby on one knee and Rufie on the other. Not sure what to make of that disturbing imagery. Witch Doctor gave Cockblocker an award for accepting a nipple twist at the SPREP party.



Haleck was spotted sitting, and finally Poumuli nominated Spellcheck for an award as the latest version of Microsoft Spellcheck came out today (Spellcheck, this is basically going to happen every week).

Next week’s run will be hosted by Manwhore and Full Moon
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, December 16, 2013

Tonight's Run #1701

Talofa Lava Hash Men & Meri's
Apologies for the late notice, as everyone is still caught up way to much in the Christmas spirit....
Tonight's run will be a BYO @ OTR commencing @ 1800hrs (or 6pm for uneducated)
Look forward to seeing you there, suggest you all bring a towel and a change of clothes  - think the rain might just get us tonight.
ON ON
JG

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Hash Trash 1700 and Christmas Run



Once upon a time on an island far away, Christmas was fast approaching and not a mouse was stirring, coz it was too bloody hot and humid. Many fine traditions are celebrated – none so more elaborately mismanaged and wacky than the Apia Hash House Harriers Christmas Run. While it coincided with the 1700th Run, it would be more apt to call it an amble. Unlike in years past, the Hash had always been led by the Fire truck but not this year unfortunately. Being a resourceful advertising chap, the GM decked out his Ford with boughs of plastic holly and other tralalala accoutrements. Calling for adults to supervise the children, not adults acting like children the grand parade set off from the ophidian compound known as the Snakepit. Indeed he has a useful name, as these creatures are often described as elongated legless ectothermic squamates, and your Scribe understands that this state was reached with serendipity. Anyway, this boisterous parade ambled along to Amanaki where bemused locals and somewhat horrified tourists were regaled by the first stanzas of Tallyho’s witty (and mostly smutty) Christmas Carols. Of course the accompaniment by Godfather on ukulele belittled the grandeur of the occasion not a jot. Having cleansed our throats, we then set off to On The Rocks, which caused some confusion as we had been told we were going to visit respectable establishment. But while old age pensioners surely enjoy the warbling caterwauling of visiting kindergarten choirs, so the grumpy old sods in attendance at OTR sat up and took notice with some of the more tone deaf trying to join in. There is indeed something special about this time of year.



On we went to Paddles and YNot, whence the confusion of tourists was made even greater as we delved into the 12 Days of Christmas – although with Godfather that ended at 10. Perhaps he was self-censoring, perhaps his plucky fingers got cramped, or maybe he was just thirsty. Tis all part of the mystery of a Hash Yuletide. Final stop was the panoramic wharf bar, by which point the singing was way too loud, the Christmas hats sweaty. The amble back to the Snakepit went a bit faster, and a few extremely coarse rugby songs were given rendition by Poumuli, until slapped silly by Wahoo.
The GM eventually assembled the throng into a semblance of a circle, and announced that he would try and keep this short. He started with the Trail of the Year Award, which was held shortly after Cyclone Evan, and required ropes and handholding, and a soft landing methinks. This went to Witch Doctor, who tried to implicate her brother but to no avail. The Run of the Year Award went to Eveready and Karaoke for the finest Pink Run to date.



Speaking of Lewinsky, the GM was at odds and ends about the Prick of the Year Award. In past years someone has continuously sabotaged the vote meter that SOTB installed, giving Lewinsky several hundred votes when we only have about 120 on the books. Anyhow, the GM decided that for making an utter arse of himself, One Infection should get this award, naturally handed out in the tit cup, which he proceeded to lasciviously lick.



Parent of the Year Award went to the dad who brought his small kids on the run, lost them once, left them in a bar to go chat up some ladies, absolute hashman like behaviour from Seismic. And on that note the GM saluted the closest living relative of SOTB, Sassygirl BJ with a special award.
The rethreads were represented by the Snake family – Snake, Fang, Venom and Snakebite. Mismanagement was asked to come in and take a bow – POD, Poumuli, Lewinsky, Sassy, Godfather and Titty Galore.

This Day in History Awards went to Godfather (1962 – The Petrified Forest National Park is established in Arizona – and he had admitted being petrified of down downs), Poumuli (1997 – The Kyoto Protocol opens for signature – Poumuli negotiated that piece of crap), Slippery (Feast Day of St Richard), Tallyho (International Anti-Corruption Day) and Hot Nuts (Human Rights Day).



The Apia Hash Mad Monk then appeared and called on Russell and Kate to assume the position. Kate had been spotted skinny dipping at Taumeasina under the moonlight, and shall hence forth be known as Full Moon.
Russell of course plays with Full Moon, but was seen chatting up some Filipinas, so henceforth he shall be known as Manwhore.

The nagging petitioning by Dumas for a new name was finally acquiesced to, and in recognition of his persistent difficulties with grammatical correctness, he shall now be known as Spellcheck.



Sassy then nominated those Hashers Who Come But Once A Year for a down down, Soprano, Kiwi, Richard for Uncle Fred (who donated 1700 to the Hash Charity instead) and Rottweiler. Tallyho was also nominated for the Great Santa, Not Award.
The Angry Bird was back, and this time the award went to the year’s angriest Hasher, who had defiled the Hash Shrine and smashed the Shit of the Week Award, none other than Cockblocker. 



Speaking of the Hash Shrine, Tallyho added in a little boot that had been left behind, and noted that this was bad parenting. When no parent rushed to claim, Luana did so, resulting in a down down for Cougar, joined by Tallyho for stealing from a child.
A special salute was given to Uncle Fred for his continuing support, and he offered to pray for another 1700 runs. Sassy finally nominated the GM for his hard work, joined by Gayboy for designing the new shirts. The hosts and the caterers were saluted before we had our Christmas Feast.
Check the blog for next week’s run.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Sunday, December 08, 2013

1700th & Xmas Run - 9th December 2013

Talofa lava o mighty hares and meres of AHHH!!!

Another milestone has been reached in the history of Hash House Harriers in our paradise..over 32 years of running the Hash!

We look forward to seeing you all tomorrow with your christmas carols (emailed out recently by the wise one, Tallyho)  and dressed up for the run to some  of our well and truly established watering holes.

Run will depart the Snakepit, across the road from Lotemau Centre at 1800hrs, that is 6pm for the others! Run will be led by the fire truck with Santa and his/her elves so do make sure you are on time.

Tshirts for the occasion will be available for sale for a small fee. You will need to bring money for the food which is being catered at SAT25/head, absolutely no sorry stories or excuses! Hash cash will also be collected or may be waived by Mismanagement depending on the collective mood lol!

YOU ARE ALL KINDLY ASKED TO TAKE A TAXI PLEASE TO AVOID ANY ACCIDENTS THERE-AFTER OR BEING PULLED UP BY THE COPS AND MADE TO SPEND THE NITE IN A CELL...imagine, the whole AHHH locked up!

On  On

Sassy

Thursday, December 05, 2013

1700th / Christmas Run

Hey guys - just a reminder from Snake for everyone to catch a taxi to his place for Monday nights run - Apparently this message goes out every year for nobody to listen to, but given we are getting 4 or 5 kegs, probably a sound suggestion!!!
On On
JG

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

1700th & XMAS RUN - 9th December 2013

Talofa lava everyone

Whilst this may be a rather late message - its the way we roll in hash mismanagement in case you have forgotten, please give an indication of whether you will participate next monday 9th for catering purposes as well as Tshirts numbers... email nynette.sass@gmail.com if u will be joining us... preferrably before Monday? lol

Run will be from the Snake pit.

On on Sassy