Friday, May 29, 2009

Independence Day Hash Run @ Apia Yacht Club


Hash will be held at the Yacht Club at Mulinuu on Monday, normal time 1730. This is a BYO Food & Drinks Run (Much like Matareva)Unfortunately the Brewery will be closed so we cant get a keg.

Bring some swimmers and be warned, that the last few times we ran here, we got "Dirty"...See you all there.
On On

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Hash Trash - Run 1467

The hash was hosted in Taumesina by Rebecca, Maddy, Heather and Michael. It was a beautiful warm day, perhaps a bit warm, but we were deceptively cooled by the ocean breeze. The pack set off after a trail of an extraordinary amount of paper. Your assistant trainee scribe has certainly never seen such excessive markings outside of the canine world. The pack was led out by POD and Poumuli, who took the first two of the three false trails. POD was in fine form (I think a down-down for training might be in order) and continued to get to the front of the pack throughout. The trail led down past Apia Park and up Viala-Vini Road past the UNDP office. As we turned the corner we feared a repeat of Lewinsky and SOTB’s trail, but we were finding so much paper leading into Faatoia that we simply had to follow. The trail was fairly smooth and level, so the pace was snappy, but a little too much road for some. A false trail leading towards Fagalii meant a return to possible trail that had been discounted, and now the pack raced across dykes and levies to get back to the main road. All thought that this would be a leisurely stroll home, but the hares had expected us to swim across the last bit. None did. Bugger that, lets walk along the beach. Several hashers did take a swim however upon return to base. We were getting hungry as Gordon Ramsey was roasting two (!) pigs on a spit, although he had joined the two together in a sexually explicit manner.

The GM called the hash circle to order and began with welcoming the newcomers – Emma from NZ (here with Will) and Emil from Sweden. AC/DC was given a special award for bringing him all the way here. There were many rethreads – Skankanavian, Desirable, Sid, COT and Slippery who also slipped in as whipping boy for COT. No new boots meant that the Shoe Inspector AC/DC took the award.

There was a double Celebrity Award for Sassygirl (four appearances in the Observer in one week!), and a special UFO Award for Poumuli for writing about censorship and Klingons. The GM had done some research and decided that Poumuli should get a warm beer – well it was bloody microwaved, and all that can be said about that is don’t try that at home. Yuk. It was reported that the Australian Navy was visiting, yet there was no mention of Skankanavian in the story, so she got a Failed Celebrity Award.

The GM expressed his sorrow that the Hash Nite at Tropicana was a complete no-show, and since none of the new Canadian hashers had come to Tropicana or to hash, he decided that Walking Eagle needed to take the NoShow Award. On a roll he recounted how the Samoan magazine Women’s Time had been showcasing successful and famous women, so for the life of him he did not understand how Skankanavian could be in the picture. Down-down administered and giggling accepted.

POD nominated Gabor for describing inter-species love between a gerbil and a dog at an APS fundraiser, and Gabor had to be quieted from explaining as this is a family hash.

As mentioned earlier, the pigs were roasting in a most suggestive posture, and SOTB pointed this out to the GM, who gave Gordon Ramsey the X-rated Porking Award. Slippery violated the family hash code by bringing up other sexual positions that would have been worse so he took a 69 Award.

The doubles were working on Sassygirl who accused Snake of trying to getting too cuddly with Happy Feet, but Sassygirl had to join in when she had been the first for picking up the baby from POD. Slippery slipped up again.

Lewinsky questioned whether Desirable had been away for business or pleasure, but the explanation was not good enough – Business Class Award. SOTB nominated the hares for the Pollution Award for the amount of paper used on the trail. A bit strange since Michael promotes recycling in the refrigeration sector.
The GM likes Tropicana, but apparently few else do. After the notorious APS fund-raiser only Suzanne had turned up to dance with him. As she drank the first mug too quick for the eye to see, the GM ordered another so that we might time it. Gabor claimed it was 5 seconds, but that was in Hungarian time.

SOTB thought that Sid had been such an exceptional sailor on the weekend and called for a Popeye Award. Keeping it in the family, Sassygirl nominated the bare-chested offspring of the house to step forward and stop arousing the hash meres. But it was pointed out that she had been stripping her shirt off in the carpark when Poumuli arrived. The hosts were thanked and honoured in the traditional manner – Heather, Michael and Rebecca. How did Maddy escape?

Next week’s run will be a holiday run, so if it is set on a beach then bikinis are mandatory. We all hope the GM meant for the ladies only, as we all recall his failing wardrobe incident when his tank top gave up the ghost.

On on!


Friday, May 22, 2009

Hash Run 1467 - Mon 25 May 2009

Hi everyone. Monday's Hash will be held at Taumeasina close to Lewinski and Princess of Darkness' place (House #2 of the complex). Mike, Heather, Maddy, and Bec are kindly hosting this Hash. Please show-up on-time. It's no fun running in the dark with rabid dogs. Bring your swim gear if you want to cool off after the run.

On On!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hash Trash - Run 1466 Island Run

The run was hosted by AC/DC in honour of Sara’s birthday. As per usual, AC/DC was too busy cooking to set a trail, so like last time he commanded us to run up Mt. Vaea to the Stevenson Tomb. A brisk pace was set by Dawn Raid and Poumuli, but running in island shirts was not the best idea. Morten, Will and Pussysnatcher soon overtook, and led the way to the top. Morten was complaining about the lack of Norwegian stamina as he passed us on the way back down. The path was immensely slippery, and Poumuli went head first into the mud, and decided to walk the rest. Quite a few hashers made it to the top, but at this point it was getting too dark to see. Godfather was the last one up and brought the stragglers back safely. Some hot hashers took advantage of the rock pool to cool off after the run, no doubt poisoning the river downstream. So not much excitement on the trail as AC/DC had taken the easy way out and avoided being a hare.

At the start of the hash circle AC/DC explained the purpose of the hosting, which was to celebrate Sara’s birthday. A cake with only ten candles appeared, to much amusing cradle snatching calls. Ben Vaai led the hash in the birthday songs in English and Samoan.

There were many new faces, including several nursing students and their tutor from Canada. After investigating them for swine flu, the GM asked for medical advice on the rare ailment that he suffers from – rashy butt. The remedy – stop scratching it GM. The new faces included Mona, Kaylee, Tasha and Deborah from Canada, Dave from NZ and Valehope from Tokelau. The rules had not been properly explained to Mona so the GM got a down-down, rapidly followed by another for the GM for forgetting Karaoke’s hash name. Several rethreads stepped up and gave varyingly lame excuses for missing hash. These were Lezzie, Barzilian Wax, Lewinsky, Greg, Mr. Whippy and Adrian from NZ. Lezzie should have gotten a double since he admitted to participating in girls’ sports.

AC/DC carried out his shoe inspection and found three – Adrian, Kaylee and Mona. All bravely drank the brew from their swampy shoes.

Celebrity Awards were given to Poumuli (climate change story), Godfather (sending labour overseas), Brazilian Wax, Sassygirl and SOTB for the sailing story.

A TV Celebrity Award was then given to FBI and Poumuli for their performances on local news.

Since the theme for the run was Polynesian, the GM called forward all who had disobeyed and were not attired properly. These were Morten, Will, Adrian, Snake and our four Canadians. Snake was also nominated for a Indecent Behaviour Award, which he got amended to Conduct Becoming a Hashman Award.

As mentioned, this is the second time that AC/DC has hosted without setting a trail, so a Lazy Hare/Tortoise Award was invented. It was Morten’s first run since becoming a father, and since it was a daughter a double was ordered.

Sassygirl nominated Tony Blair, Selena and Gabor for the Best Dressed Award. POD nominated Lewinsky for going on excessive numbers of fishing trips and not getting any fish. Instead he managed to kill a rat with a spoon (!) in Pago. Hobbes was caught leaning, and SOTB nominated Brazilian Wax for the Sailing Skills Award.

AC/DC had partially redeemed himself by providing a second keg, and the flowing nectar was making the hash circle quite rowdy. Sassygirl nominated Will for the Pecs Award for trying to (unsuccessfully) impress the four Canadians, who were seen to be slipping away. The GM gave a down-down to Delectable and Double D for calling him at 5.20 PM to ask about directions to the hash. In fine form, the GM presented Sara and her partners (yes, we all wondered) with the Dick Glass Award. Since AC/DC attempted to help finish it, thereby violating the rules of hash, and of all other decency considerations, he was awarded the Booby Glass Award. It became a double as he answered the phone on his way into the circle.

Selena demonstrated how Sassygirl had interrupted a golfing game to pose and model, and this should rank with the celebrity awards. She later received a Posing Award from FBI. BB came late, but claimed to have just delivered a baby. On that theme, SOTB nominated FBI for Endangering Young Minds Award for moderating a school IT debate while under the influence, which FBI strenuously denied. Well, at this point he could hardly string a sentence anymore, so the award was maintained. Poumuli tried to get SOTB an Intellectual Award for watching the news and only counting the minutes of a news item for purposes of giving Poumuli an award. After a vote, both of them had to drink. Sassygirl was on a roll now, and nominated Karaoke for Incitement To Not Wear Underpants With Lavalava Award, while Pussysnatcher got Sara and partners (yes, again) for not participating in the hash circle. Delectable recounted how useless Double D was around the house, so he got the Battery Dis-service Award. Lewinsky accused Poumuli of trying to ski down Mt. Vaea (this was only partially true), while Gordon Ramsey and Lezzie were brought front and centre for chatting up Sara’s partners during the circle. Dawn Raid wholly inaccurately recounted how he had only received 3 bottles out of 2 cases of Vailima on Sunday, so Poumuli was joined by Gabor and Avril in a Beer Hogging Award. Selena was disappointed that her weekend dancing partners Karaoke and the GM preferred their jacuzzi over their friends. Avril thought Snake had set a too dangerous trail last week, and showed the scars on her (according to Snake, unshaved) legs. Since it is FBI’s job to inspect body parts, this should result in a further down-down next week. Sassygirl pointed out that Fats had tried to sneak in on the hash, while BB nominated AC/DC for the Clueless Award. Apparently he had first invited the whole of the UN to the hash, only to later send around an email stating that he would be out of the office for family commitments. In a further repeat from last week, Snake nominated Selena and Tony Blair for the Well Hung Meat Award.

Since we had no hare, AC/DC and Sara were given the Hareless and Host Award. Ben Vaai and several hashers formed up a band that entertained through the evening.

Next week will be hosted by Michael and Heather out at Taumesina, near where Lewinsky resides. Please lets have a real trail this time!!!!

On On!


Friday, May 15, 2009

Hash Run 1466 - Island Run (18 May 2009)

Hash Run #1466 on Monday, 18 May 2009 will be hosted by AC/DC from his flat in Vailima (see map).

This is an island themed run, with lots of great island food, ice cold beer, and great company. Show your Hash spirit - Be sure to dress in island attire (see above photos from one of AC/DC's classic island runs) or face the wrath of the GM!

On On up to Vailima!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Hash Trash - Run 1465 Mother's Day

This run was held at the marvellous Matareva Beach, soon to be the venue for some shite American reality show. For some real reality, Snake and some of the hash kids together with Will, were dispatched to set a trail through the surroundings. Late arrivals meant that the run was started via cellphone. As can be seen from the photos provided by Gabor, it was a leisurely start along the sandy track, then an arrow pointed us across the beach towards the mangroves and jungle. That’s when reality bit. Scratching vines, moss covered stones and difficulty in spotting the flour piles made progress slower, then slowed it right down. The hares had found some nearly impossible crossings and first down to his waist in the mud was Poumuli, rapidly followed by Avril, Selena and others. The cursing was by now reaching internationally unacceptable standards. After some crawling and getting more wet, we finally found the On Home marker and re-crossed the beach. A nice dip, and cleaning off, in the blue sea.

There were a lot of absent hashers, so your assistant trainee scribe stepped in as temporary informal GM. There were no newcomers or re-threads. Celebrity Awards were given to Wahoo (her dad in the paper for the fishing tourney) and Poumuli (yet another climate change story). Poumuli recounted a dream involving a big ugly screeching mynah bird, after which he woke up to find that there was indeed a screeching bird in the house, so Dawn Raid took a Screeching Bird Award.

Ring Ring made a quick mistake in using real names in the circle, and Avril was given the Mexican Cursing Award for her innovative use of Spanish terms for private parts during the run. We all learned a few new ones. Crime was dobbed in for leaning.

As the circle had started Selena had started a barbeque that was clearly too small for the massive roast that she had brought so Godfather nominated her for a Hopeful Award. You can all see it in the photos – but as it turned out she managed to cook it, and it was delicious!

The Hares were called in for their award, and Fang was given the Nominal Host Award. As there were still a few full glasses left, Gabor, Will and Dawn Raid were given the Just For The Hell Of It Award.

Lets hope we have a better turnout next week. See you all then.

On On!


Friday, May 08, 2009

Hash Run 1465 - Mothers Day @ Matareva Beach

The Mother's Day Hash Run #1465 is a BYO food and drinks run. It will be held at Matareva Beach at 2:00PM. There may be a keg that you can share for a fee - refer back here to the blog later this weekend for details.

Please note, that Monday is a big holiday and the last day Matareva Beach will be open until October - so lots of families will be there. For best fale selection, get there before 11am.

Please see the attached map and directions from SOTB.

Happy Mothers Day Hash Merries and On On!

Directions: Go over the Cross Island Road and turn right when you reach Siumu, drive for about 20 - 30 mins (depending on how fast/slow you drive) and when you reach a Village called Matautu, Look out on the left hand side for the sign to Matareva Beach. Pay your $15 / $20 tala (depending on vehicle- best if you all car pool) and drive down to the beach. Map is also below...Don't forget your swimmers and see you all there!

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Hash 1463 Lewinski, POD, Milk Me Photos Up

Many thanks to Slippery for the great photos from Milk Me's naming at Taumeasina. Even more, we added more than thirty of his great shots to the Hash 1462 photo album. You can check out these photos and more in the Hash Photo Albums.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

These Boots are Made for Drinking (Random Classic Photo)

Toa instructs the legions on the fine art of drinking from the boot. This photo was taken at a classic island themed Hash back in 2006.

Check out these photos and more in the Hash Photo Albums.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Hash Trash - Run 1464 Cinco de Mayo

And what a day this turned out to be. Your assistant trainee scribe turned up early for the run, and was corralled by Snake into helping set the run, since no other Hare had turned up. Given the paucity of geographical knowledge Snake drove, while the assistant trainee scribe tossed paper, until he was ordered to find a path up a rather steep hill. Well it was a pretty steep one, and the pack should have realized that while the run would be short, the obvious distress that the assistant trainee scribe was exhibiting should have been a warning. Off the pack went, only to find a devious false trail to start them off. The trail continued up towards the heights, following the road until a new cross was found. Then the fun started. The trail went pretty much straight up, and while there were plenty handholds, some of these were ripped out by the more weighty hashers. Some excellent photographs were taken of the ungainly progress, but almost all the pack made it up to the road above. A slight mislaying of the paper sent some front running bastards further up, but they quickly returned. Snake had opined that anyone taking the uphill road after that climb had to have rocks in their heads, so a down-down was not awarded after all. The trail back was an easy one and the pack gradually reassembled at Bora Bora restaurant.
The GM greeted the Hash Circle with a hearty bienvenido in honour of Cinco de Mayo, with a promise of some surprises in store. Three visitors to Hash were introduced – Will from NZ (here for 6 months), Jeena (local) and Sonny from NZ (here for 26 more hours), the latter expressing gratitude for finally losing his Hash virginity. The GM then called on Gabor to demonstrate how to do the tequila down-downs – this was the first surprise. The rethreads – Pussy Snatcher and Orgy Georgy – did their tequila down-downs to the Tequilla song, with Godfather’s ukulele accompanied by Gabor on saxophone. The Shoe Inspector AC/DC found our newcomer Sonny had new shoes, and these were liberally doused in beer for his consumption.

To protect the Hash from swine flu, the GM called on our only resident Mexican – Avril – to step forward and be cleansed in an exorcism carried out by Skankanavian.

Celebrity Awards were handed to Pussy Snatcher (for being in the Cook Islands News), and for stories in the Observer - Dawn Raid (tennis coaching), Heather (salsa dancing) and Poumuli (climate change press release). There was some confusion regarding the Chicken Award, as FBI had conveniently run away, so the GM picked up the pace with a You Don’t Eat That in the Cinema Award to SOTB, Lewinsky and Skankanavian, for eating McDonalds in Magik Cinema.

Sassygirl, in her role as Samoa’s tourism supremo, nominated Michael for the Terrorizing Tourists Award for his notorious singing. On a roll, she nominated Ring Ring and Hobbes for the I’m Not The F’ing Chef Award, as they had refused to muck in and fix the BBQ. MilkMe turned up late and took his tequila with a nod.

At this point the Hash Circle was becoming exceedingly rowdy. The wisdom of the tequila was certainly now in doubt, but the GM pressed on as he spotted FBI, sans chicken hat, and awarded FBI a Don’t Know Chicken Shit Award for losing the chicken hat. Skankanavian called for a Matching Bandana and Liking It Backwards Award to Double D and Delectable. As mentioned in the blog this run was to be in honour of Cinco de Mayo, and a strict colour code had been called for. Swinger, Hobbes and Will were thus singled out for not being able to read. Godfather, having recently returned from eye operations received a Let There Be Light Award. The rowdiness was now so bad that no one noticed AC/DC switching the tequila for beer and downing the tequila himself. This needs to be addressed…

For living up to his name on the trail, Slippery got the Slippery Award from Poumuli for going arse over tit down the slope. SOTB had been nominated on the blog by Mr Whippy for a Scribe (Delinquent) Award (should be for Excellence - see editor's note below), which he took with ill humour. POD nominated Michael for taking Un-lady-like Pictures, which your assistant trainee scribe hopes we will all soon enjoy on the blog. Finally, Heather called on Fang for leaning, but it backfired into a False Accusation. Nevertheless, she got Fang as Whipping Girl for the beer.

Poumuli and Snake took their Hares Award, and the Hash also warmly thanked the host – Dean of Bora Bora. Pussy Snatcher had a close call, as he was observed chatting up some girls in the circle. AC/DC provided even more grounds for an award as he was actually smooching his girl. Again, this needs to be addressed…

Next week is Mother’s Day, so the run may be set out at Matareva Beach.

On On,


Editor's note: The award should be for excellence. SOTB stepped-up and ran the blog alone for much of Feb and Mar while Mr. Whippy was away.

Now You're Chattin'

The Grandmaster, Eveready gave the approval for us to upgrade our Chat Box (that box on the left hand side of our blog). Now you can exchange messages with Hashers in real-time! You should find this Chat Box even easier to use. There are additional features like a chat archive, name protection, and more… but will not bore you with the details. ‘Just enjoy the juiced chat box.

Give it a try. Stay in touch. Share the trash!!!

On On!

PS: Tell the GM what you think.