Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Hash Run 1835

Monday 27th June the Hash will be hosted at Sunrise Restaurant by Gayboy. Go down Beach Road past Aggie's, turn off towards the wharf, go past Paddles and Palusami and the various bars in the Marina and you will see Sunrise past the Port Authority.

Run starts at 17.30 or 5.30 PM. Bring your 20 tala Hash Cash. Will update if there is any theme for the run later.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1834

The Hash was hosted by Witch Doctor at Nafanua Steakhouse, her restaurant on Beach Road. This came about as a result of the usual hash-up that Mismanagement can achieve on a regular basis – Situation Normal, All F’d Up. As we didn’t even have a live hare, it was agreed by the usual democratic process which must be the norm in the Lewinsky household – POD told us where to go. So off down the seawall past the government buildings, then across the back of the RSA to the Fish Market. Then it was onwards on the sea wall again, past the various establissements that still cling on. As the sun set on the monuments to Sino-Samoan cooperation, the small pack vended its way home. Godfather was absent, as were his nuts.

POD called the circle to order, and invited our only newbie, Michael – Eveready’s cousin – to take a down down. The only retread was Lewinsky, but he was so confused about when he was last at Hash that this became the Retard Award.

Il Capo as Shoe Inspector failed, but escaped when Witch Doctor’s hobbit feet were examined more closely, as they had a whole new layer of shit on them, thus new.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ for being in the news, and Screamer as Godfather’s closest living relative (Observer photo).
This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (632 – Yazdegerd III ascends to the throne as king (shah) of the Persian Empire. He becomes the last ruler of the Sasanian dynasty (modern Iran)), Wahoo for Pirate Princess (1631 – The sack of Baltimore: The Irish village of Baltimore is attacked by Algerian pirates), Witch Doctor (1944 – Iceland declares independence from Denmark and becomes a republic – it was Norwegian before the Danes stole it), Crime (World Sauntering Day), Michael (World Refugee Day), Il Capo (International Yoga Day) and Eveready (US Father’s Day).

The GM had been asked by Wahoo if Cupless was coming, as she has her shoes. The GM calculated that this meant Wahoo hadn’t run for 10 Hashes and gave her a Shirker Award. She then turned to/on Lewinsky who had been out drinking with ProBoner, and had got into a fight. Upon returning home he demanded his “sword”. While there was some speculation as to what he actually meant, or what the sword was made from, he did take his down down in wine!

In the news the GM had been following the Oscar Pistorius case, and decided that a Bladerunner Award go to Poumuli for his knee brace. As this was what Lewinsky called (the first of) a respectful measure, he was soon pistorius as a fart.

Then we had the dreadful Manu Samoa performance in multiple games – Crime took one for the Manu, while closest living relative to Spain was Il Capo. The GM took the Woeful Wallaby Supporter Award for their piss-poor performance against the Poms, assisted by Screamer.

Sassy nominated Lewinsky for the Blatant Attempted Staff Theft Award, for trying to persuade some competent hotel staff to join his competence-challenged operations. This sounded like a crime, committed against an Italian-sounding family, this he was joined by Crime and Il Capo. Il Capo revenged on Poumuli by recalling the appalling habit of his dog in shaking himself close to people when emerging from the water.

Witch Doctor had been playing pool at the Rocks recently, and as a result has been stalked by the bald dude who works there, forever coming over asking for coffee and food. When it emerged that Lewinsky encouraged such behaviour as a cost saving measure he took the Miser Award.
Poumuli then nominated Witch Doctor for the Unfortunate Award, as her attempt at making a chandelier looked way too much like a swastika.

Following another tradition Poumuli nominated Lewinsky, put it to the vote and got an affirmative before Lewinsky had even uttered “what the hell for?” Sassy was nominated for her foolhardy citizens arrest, while Il Capo nominated Screamer for feeding Black Swan’s cat, or rather forgetting to feed it.

Next week’s run will be at Sunrise Restaurant in Matautu, hosted by Gayboy. Details to follow.
The Hosts and Hare, Witch Doctor, Vikki and Poumuli were saluted before we had some pizza donated by Poumuli.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, June 20, 2016

Hash Run 1834

Today's Hash will be hosted by Witch Doctor at Nafanua Steakhouse on Beach Road. Run starts at 17.30 or 5.30 PM. Bring your 20 tala Hash Cash and enjoy the run

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, June 17, 2016

Hash Trash 1833

The Hash was hosted by AC/DC at the Tokelau compound in Moamoa. It had been a blustery rainy day, so AC/DC hadn’t even set a trail. There were mutinous voices heard that we should head straight for the keg. But when Godfather arrived it looked like we would have a window without rain. We have run this trail twice so we knew where we were going. Out left along the road we went down a path through the bushes, and over a surprisingly dry creek bed. Once over the other side, we hit the wider dirt track, and then the rain hit us. Hard. Running for shelter that wasn’t there in the manner of the blind man, in the dark room, looking for the black cat – that isn’t there, we re-grouped and set off down the tar sealed road. Apologies, the rain was blinding so road signs were ignored. Godfather called on back as he knew a better and shorter route than our intended. Thus we went down another dirt track, over the creek again, and arrived at the back of some school building. We were again on a good road, but were viciously attacked by some dogs – gate open of course – to be rescued by Poumuli’s well aimed stone, and Captain Mortein’s version of a cluster bomb – a bouncing coconut. Stupid dogs actually ran after it! We finally got to the road to Chanel College and then it was on home. Drenched as we were, Godfather’s lovely nuts were lovely as usual.

Eveready stepped in as GM for the day. There were no newbies, but the retreads were Nettie (Twin Peaks daughter), Pea (AC/DC bro) and Ring Ring. Shoe inspector Black Swan failed.

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (in the paper with the Georgians) and AC/DC (film star).
This Day In History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1219 – Northern Crusades: Danish victory at the Battle of Lyndanisse (modern-day Tallinn) establishes the Danish Duchy of Estonia. According to legend, this battle also marks the first use of the Dannebrog, the world's first national flag still in use, as the national flag of Denmark), Witch Doctor (1940 – World War II: Norway surrenders to German forces), AC/DC (1991 – 1991 Kokkadichcholai massacre: The Sri Lankan Army massacres 152 minority Tamil civilians in the village of Kokkadichcholai near the eastern province town of Batticaloa) and Captain Mortein (Global Wind Day).

Opening up for nominations Slim Shady gave Poumuli the Self-Immolation Award. Trying to light the BBQ on Sunday he had accidentally got flames up his face, singeing off his nose hairs, and complained that all he could smell was disgusting. He was joined by Slim Shady for taking a close up photo and posting it on FB.

Poumuli recalled an earlier discussion with Mismanagement of the need for Apia Hash to set up a position of Religious Adviser, common to most other Hashes, whose sole task it would be to ensure that it doesn’t rain on Hash. Godfather had enthusiastically endorsed this and put himself forward. As we had been soaked on the run, Poumuli suggested that a down down was in order. Godfather explained that the rain had actually stopped when he arrived, and it was AC/DC who gave the On On, thus the Rainmaker Award went to AC/DC.

Seeking to mete out more punishment, Poumuli nominated Captain Mortein for the Father of the Week Award for the numerous, painful and earsplitting times that Marco Polo had fallen before the run and during the circle. The GM got in on the act by adding Vehicle Abuse, but Captain Mortein alleged that this was Pirate Princess’ doing, as she would always load her entire aiga into the poor vehicle.

Karaoke then nominated AC/DC for the Future Troublemaker Award, as his son had been nibbling all over her and fondling her bewbs. As per tradition, Godfather exclaimed that he was proud of him.

Ring Ring was then nominated for getting into trouble in Guam, getting kidnapped from her stall at the Pacific Arts Festival. She was joined by leaners Pusiapa and Captain Mortein, as well as Pea who was also in Guam, albeit in a non-kidnapping function.

AC/DC then nominated Crime for a double as he was being suspiciously quiet, obviously contemplating something nefarious. Poumuli nominated Nettie and Wahoo for thinking that the Manu Samoa had been playing the State of Georgia as opposed to the Republic of Georgia, but ended up as whipping boy with Wahoo.

We then celebrated with AC/DC his birthday – cake provided by Karaoke – with the usual raucous singing. AC/DC thanked the Hash Family for all the fun and friendship, before he and the crew took the Hosts and non-Hare award. We had a great feast.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, June 13, 2016

Hash Run 1833

Greetings Hashers
Monday's Hash will be hosted by AC/DC in the Tokelau compound, same as a few months ago.

Take the airport road from town, and turn left at the lights opposite AST Industries. This is the road to Chanel College. Its quite a long way to drive, over some ridges and fords. The last ford is quite a substantial dip in the road. When you get to the top after that ford, there is a green sign on the right for some sort of B&B or accommodation. Take that right turn, a few hundred metres, you will cross a small white bridge and the compound is just on the left, with the word Tokelau spelled out in white painted stones.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, June 03, 2016

Hash Run 1832

Greetings Hashers
The run will be hosted by Cunning Linguist in Vaivase. A map can be found below. This is apparently the Queen's Birthday, so our host has requested that we dress in a queenly fashion. This would entail dresses for the male Hashers, and sundry cross-dressing by the Meres. This follows the long standing international Hash Tradition of the Red Dress Run which we have not done for a few years now.

Run starts at 5.30 PM, bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala and enjoy. If lost call Cunning Linguist on 7294913
Your Scribe will be absent so it is hoped an Assistant Trainee Scribe can be found.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1831

The Hash was hosted by ProBoner, POD, Lewinsky and the Happy girls at Taumeasina. We set off out the gate and ran down towards the new hotel entrance. Past the sportsfield we came to the small creek. A few intrepid runners crossed the water, while Godfather negotiated with the owner of the small house to use the bridge, which was successful. It was then unclear whether the route went towards the wharf or straight up to the UN office at 4 corners, but the majority chose the latter. After some further confusion the trail then took us down to Apia Park and past Crime’s place (Crime Scene?). Up into the village behind Apia Park we knew there was a short cut back to Beach Road, but were dissuaded by a local lady because of the saa. So up we ran towards NUS, but here there was a legitimate shortcut over towards Fagalii, which we all took except Pussysnatcher. Then it was on home past the corner church and the rugby field. By now it was getting pretty dark, so this should be kept in mind when setting such long runs. Godfather’s nuts were tastier than usual.

Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM as POD was cooking. First there was a small ceremony to dress Firstcummer in a green lava lava and adorning her hair with a toilet paper tiara. Pusiapa had sought out some questions from her fiancĂ©e, and checked how well Firstcummer knows her betrothed – she got zero out of five, so a down down was awarded.
There were none new to Hash, and the retreads were Do Me Twice, Slim Shady, Nutcracker, Hornithologist and Poumuli. Shoe Inspector Il Capo found Vicki’s new shoes, which she ably drank from.

The GM then asked Titty Galore for the run number – she had been told it was 1829 but it is actually 1831. It was actually Slim Shady though who had read the numbers wrong so they shared the award.
Before the run, Crime had gone out to help carry the nuts over, but was told by Godfather that a Hash Mere had been asked for help, which she did, but was also exposed to Godfather’s costume change. The GM decided that this was a Indecent Exposure Award for Godfather.

Then on the run, one Hasher had taken the wrong turn and took all the walking Hash Meres with him. Chick Hogging Award to Shitbags. Just then a newcomer Bruce arrived. He’s a friend of Lewinsky’s parents, and took a rapid down down.
Also on the run there was some grumbling about the enforced swim, but since a little patience would have avoided it, and then bitching about it afterwards was not to the GM’s approbation. This went to Hot Nuts. It was Firstcummer’s last run for a while, and she had forgotten her running shoes, thus a further down down.

Celebrity Awards went to Godfather (STA photo in the paper), Pussysnatcher (quoted in the paper about snakes) and Poumuli (spurious connection to recent climate change meetings).

This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (363 – The Roman emperor Julian defeats the Sasanian army in the Battle of Ctesiphon, under the walls of the Sasanian capital, but is unable to take the city. And for 451 – Battle of Avarayr between Armenian rebels and the Sasanian Empire takes place. The Empire defeats the Armenians militarily but guarantees them freedom to openly practice Christianity), Prince (1120 – Richard III of Capua is anointed as Prince two weeks before his untimely death), Cunning Linguist (1932 – In the Netherlands, construction of the Afsluitdijk is completed and the Zuiderzee bay is converted to the freshwater Ijsselmeer), Witch Doctor (1940 – World War II: Norwegian, French, Polish and British forces recapture Narvik in Norway. This is the first allied infantry victory of the War), Do Me Twice (1967 – Australians vote in favor of a constitutional referendum granting the Australian government the power to make laws to benefit Indigenous Australians and to count them in the national census), Lewinsky (1997 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules that Paula Jones can pursue her sexual harassment lawsuit against President Bill Clinton while he is in office), ProBoner (Feast Day of St Bona of Pisa), Poumuli (International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers) and Crime (Samoa Independence Day).

This led Hot Nuts to exclaim that this was the most thorough History awards ever, giving Poumuli yet another.

Opening up for nominations, Slim Shady had been disturbed by a performance of a new Hash song and dance by Poumuli. This he had picked up in Germany, and he was thus forced to perform the Chicken Action Dance. Deeming it highly un-disturbing, the GM gave both a down down.

Slim Shady then nominated Hot Nuts for the Prodigious Procreator Award for his vast success in planting pumpkins, which Hot Nuts commented was as a result of sowing your seeds far and wide. Pusiapa added that after the last Hash, Hot Nuts had run through four red lights.

Loose Lips had asked Lewinsky where the shower was so that she could freshen up after the run. He typically directed her to the outside shower, and asked her to tell him when so he could fetch the rest of the Hashers. Godfather was suitably proud of Lewinsky.

Il Capo had received a visit from Pussysnatcher who went to the beach with Angry Bird, which resulted in a locked gate debacle. Firstcummer then gave an oratorical performance to mimic Hot Nuts, the upshot of which was that he was peeved that no one flirts with him, and that he never flirts with intent. This went to both of them joined by Nutcracker.

The GM then organised a Boat Race, with Do Me Twice, Witch Doctor and Screamer on one side, and Phil, Crime and Bruce on the other, and then claimed that the male victory was really a draw. 

After Firstcummer thanked the Hash for being her favourite community in Samoa, the Hosts and the Hare (Crime) were saluted. We also sang the Hash Anthem for Firstcummer.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit