Sunday, August 30, 2015

Run 1792 - Palusami Restaurant - Matautu

Talofa lava Hashers

Hope you are all feeling rested after that epic circumnavigation of Upolu Island for our main charity, Fa'ataua le Ola / Samoa Lifeline.

Monday, 31st Aug run is hosted by Chef Elle McJnr & Da Head from Palusami Restaurant & Bar at Matautu-tai.

Run will commence at 5.30pm. Bring your lovely smiles, 20 tala for the keg and be on time :)



Friday, August 28, 2015

Hash Trash 1791

The Hash was hosted by Sam at his place in Papauta. A lovely day for a run, but we were worried by the sight of an exhausted Crime who had set the trail. Setting out for the Cross-Island Road, the trail went down the hill, turning in on the hospital road, then all the way down to the traffic lights at Vaitele Street. Then it was right and straight back up the Cross-Island Road. Hard tarmac run, and a good sweat out for the Hash. Glistening wet coconuts were awaiting.

POD as GM called the circle to order and invited the newbies to step forward. These were Te’ao from NZ, and Katy from UK brought by Speedhumper. Retreads were Sassygirl BJ, Tallyho, Horny Ho, Lucy, Aaron and Cockblocker.

Claudia was appointed Shoe Inspector and struck gold with Sassy, but failed to get Sam, so she  joined them in the downdown. The GM demurred from introducing the Port Vila Hash tradition of first straining the beer through a sock into the shoe.

The GM nominated Sassy and Aaron for the Disrespecting the Hash Shrine Award for dumping their coconuts in it as if it was a trash can. Celebrity Awards went to Twin Peaks (letter to the editor praising the hospital), and Horny Ho (story in paper about someone dialing emergency using their butt), while Slim Shady’s many appearances were put on hold until her later arrival.

This Day in History Awards went to Tallyho and Katy (1770 – James Cook formally claims eastern Australia for Great Britain, naming it New South Wales), Crime (2004 – Versions of The Scream and Madonna, two paintings by Edvard Munch, are stolen at gunpoint from a museum in Oslo, Norway), Poumuli (Southern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day) and Hot Nuts (Feast Day of St Gregory).

A further GM nomination went to Titty Galore for her Father’s Day Hash vodka-fueled dancing etiquette lessons to the POD-sprogs, that she so clearly doesn’t follow herself.

A Latecummer Award went to Sunny Side Up, and then the Mad Monk of the Apia Hash made an appearance. She called forth Iapi to assume the position, and given his propensity for languages and tendency to sidle up to the ladies will henceforth be known as Cunning Linguist.

She then called on Sam to assume the position, and while he strikes a resemblance to Jet Li, his useless legs and requirements for medical tape ensured that henceforth he will be known as Strap On.

Latecummers Slim Shady and Prince were welcomed, with a large one for Slim Shady’s media appearances thrown in for good measure.

Opening up for nominations, Swinger suggested a Retard Award to Hot Nuts and Poumuli for discussing the possible Hash Names just bestowed on the group email. Swinger also nominate POD for leaving stuff at the Hash and then forgetting about it for months. This earned him a Crankypants Award from Slim Shady.
Poumuli had been viciously attacked by a horse he was trying to rescue and nominated Godfather for the Possession of Carnivorous Horses Award and Twin Peaks for the Possession of a Portable Nurse Award, but had to join for pointing out he was not a carrot or ginger.

Cunning Linguist nominated Te’ao for the Bravery Award, as she had landed that day, had never been to Hash and went straight for it. Slim Shady had been organising a Hash Mere catch up, but Horny Ho had been delinquent and came late and didn’t want to associate with them. She was joined by Nicholas for not knowing what susu means.

The GM then did a bit of Home Theatre by re-enacting what Slim Shady had told her, running up Palisi but stopping and bending over, gasping, when Strap On comes running up. Claiming that she was doing yoga was a good touch, but not enough. She was joined by Strap On for coming up on her.
Swinger nominated Cunning Linguist for attempting to tell him what his Hash Name should be, and he was joined by Twin Peaks for introducing his own Hash Name. Tallyho then launched into a lengthy tirade about how he always needed to harangue Cockblocker for the need for longer Hash Halts, making several endangered species. CB did take this but managed to wangle a Shortcutting Bastard Award for Tallyho.

A special birthday cake was awarded to ProBoner, with a panty-rose attached. Nessa was given a Bored Award for needing a cuddle from Nicholas. Slim Shady then continued the Retard Award, as she had been asked for a phone number for dinner reservations by Hot Nuts, but upon checking she found out that he had failed to make said dinner reservations for Nutcrackers birthday. So she made it for him. This also earned her a Hero Award.

Poumuli wanted to give Wahoo the Lack of Sympathy Award for getting into paroxysms of laughter over the horse incident. However, Slim Shady turned this into a Petulant Award  and forced Witch Doctor, Imelda da Welda, Lucy, Daz and Kristiane to join the Stupid Enough to Sleep with a Norwegian Award.

CB wanted to nominated Kristiane for volunteering at CI and then spending time puking on a boat and in a latrine. As this was caused by chikungunya she was excused, but Poumuli pointed out that the one History Award that had been left out for lack of takers, International Day for the Remembrance of the Slave Trade and its Abolition, should be awarded to CB for not paying Kristiane anything.

Swinger was trying to make an announcement about the Perimeter Relay, but royally stuffed up on the Hash Names. After his down down the three teams were introduced. After the run there will be a party at Swingmother’s.

The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, first with the song then the Hash Anthem, vigorously performed and enacted by Tallyho.

We then feasted.  Watch the blog for next week’s run. Those who can, be at the STA Fale at 8 PM Friday for the start of the night running perimeter team.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Post-Perimeter Relay Hash Party

Dear Hashers
there will be a post-Perimeter Relay Hash Party on Saturday 29th August, starting after the prize giving ceremony at around 6.30 PM. The venue will be Swinger's Mum's house in Siusega. Map attached below. Bring some BYO for the BBQ, which Swinger will fire up and 15 tala for the beers.

All Hail to our Mighty Hash Relay Teams, and do go out to cheer them on.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, August 24, 2015

RUN 1791 - at Papauta with Sam Saili

Talofa lava all Hashers

Today's run will be up Papauta way, hosted by Sam Saili. Drive up the X island Road past Insel Fehmarn Hotel. Keep an eye out on your left for the Mailelani Sign. Turn down this road and it is the third house on your right, just before the German Honorary Consul Entrance. Look out for paper or something :)

Bring your hash cash of 20 tala and be on time for a 5.30 start..



Friday, August 21, 2015

Hash Trash 1790

The Hash was hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo at their house off Bank Street in Vaoala. The weather was clement and the assembled throng set off for the run having been told to turn right on Bank Street. This simple directive was then immediately ignored as they promptly turned back and went left. This meant that the marks were seen in reverse, and the longest possible route was taken all the way down to the SPREP road instead of the road above Mynas. Oh well, you can lead a horse to water, but you have to break its legs and push it in if you want APS on your case. Thankfully Godfather had brought the usual supply of nuts.

POD called the circle to order and called the newbies forth – Alex here for a year and will be in the perimeter  relay. Retreads was Hot Nuts who claimed to have been tending the woman. Sunny Side Up was appointed Shoe Inspector, after the GM first got her name wrong, and SSU failed.
Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky for Pussysnatcher (at the Home Café photos), Poumuli (for looking bewildered in the paper) and Swinger for Snatched and Slim Shade (multiple photos in the paper).

This day in history Awards went to Witch Doctor (1692 – Salem witch trials: In Salem, Province of Massachusetts Bay, five people, one woman and four men, including a clergyman, are executed after being convicted of witchcraft), Poumuli (1955 – In the Northeast United States, severe flooding caused by Hurricane Diane, claims 200 lives), Twin Peaks (1980 – Azaria Chamberlain disappears, at Ayers Rock, Northern Territory, probably taken by a dingo, leading to what was then the most publicized trial in Australian history) Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: US President Bill Clinton admits in taped testimony that he had an "improper physical relationship" with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. On the same day he admits before the nation that he "misled people" about the relationship), Sunny Side Up (World Humanitarian Day) and Wahoo (International Lefthanders Day).

The GM started off her awards with one for Nicholas for Inappropriate Ogling, for having commented on the so-so blackness and slimness of Sam’s legs. Sam joined him for the Possession of Ogleable Legs Award.

Hot Nuts had a confession to make, that never before had he given in to his age, but he had now bought a donut. It took a while for this one to sink in, but a Butt Exercising Award went to Hot Nuts. It was now Murray’s Time To Shine, with stories from the international media, on the shooting of Twin Peaks, why runners should do yoga and something else involving SSU. Twin Peaks, SSU and Nicholas took this award.

The GM had heard some complaints about the run, and after a lot of back and forth it was ascertained that Swinger, Speedhumper, Claudia and Nicholas were the source of and beneficiaries for the Cockup Award.

Opening up for nominations, Twin Peaks noted that Godfather had confided in him about a ripoff at a hotel, with a guest being charged double for a bourbon and coke. Godfather denied this, and as Twin Peaks showed some disgruntlement at this turn of events, Murray had to join him.

Poumuli nominated Lewinsky. An excellent call but failed. Swinger nominated Crime for Not Living Up to Hash Name, as he had returned a borrowed mug. We then had congratulatory awards for the Wallabies, Silver Ferns and something else, but the pen ran out so no record was made.

The Hare and Hosts – Poumuli and Wahoo were saluted, and we feasted on Hungarian Goulash that was alternatively mild, hot or Farken Hot.

Watch the blog for next week’s run

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, August 17, 2015

Hash Run 1790

Morning Hashers
Tonights Hash will be hosted by Wahoo, Yahoo and Poumuli at Bank Street, Vaoala. Run starts at 5.30 PM, so bring your hash cash of 20 tala, as the hosts are catering.
Map below

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, August 14, 2015

Hash Trash 1789

This was the Fathers Day Hash and was hosted by Godfather and Titty Galore at Poutasi, in olden days a feudal fief of Godfather’s ancestors, but today has been charmingly turned into a feudal fief. The Hashers started arriving at noon, as it was a beautiful day and the water looked inviting. So did the keg for many. Thus when POD called the circle to start the run, there was some apologetic looking sods hanging around who were obviously not going to follow our live hare – Godfather. Given his standing in Hash, as well as the likely risk of being beaten to within an inch of your life by the strapping men who care for his nuts, rule 24 was held in abeyance. Thus we set out at an ambling pace along the road, and onto the rather nice beach. Godfather then detoured into the bushes, while nobody noticed that Poumuli breached rule 30. Catching up with the runners was no problem, and the ambling pace became even more amblinger. Godfather appointed Lewinsky as assistant hare, which allowed Poumuli to attempt to pull his shorts down when he caught up to him. Fortunately or not, depending on your perspective, Lewinsky’s shorts were tied on tighter than Scotsman grip on a penny. The run ended up on the main road, from whence we turn back towards the Poutasi slip road and on home.

POD called the circle to order, and called for newbies to come forward. There was Kristiane, who was brought by Poumuli, and who came here to make a climate change documentary, but decided to stay on to look for more work. There was also Tom from Germany, who has moved to Poutasi and was invited by Godfather.

The retreads were Cougar (lost), Crash Bandicoot (co-lost), Wahoo (no excuse), Aaron and Faumina (overseas). Claudia was appointed Shoe Inspector, but failed, and was joined by Iapi for missing retreads and Speedhumper who had brought new shoes last time and skipped out.

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (someone purporting to be the real Slim Shady was in the paper) and Poumuli (not inventive enough story to get Cockblocker or CLR an award).

This Day in History went to Twin Peaks (1858 – The first Australian rules football match is played between Melbourne Grammar and Scotch College – also known as the Incomprehensible Game), Lewinsky (1947 – Thor Heyerdahl's balsa wood raft the Kon-Tiki, smashes into the reef at Raroia in the Tuamotu Islands after a 101-day, 7,000 kilometres (4,300 mi) journey across the Pacific Ocean in an attempt to prove that pre-historic peoples could have traveled from South America), Murray now the disgruntled Englishman (2003 – The highest temperature ever recorded in the United Kingdom – 38.5 °C (101.3 °F) in Kent, England. It is the first time the United Kingdom has recorded a temperature over 100 °F (38 °C)) and Witch Doctor (991 – Essex is defeated by Vikings).

The GM’s awards were inventive to say the least. She had been watching NZ news when someone was reported to be the Godfather of the Ukulele, thus an Impostor Award to Godfather. Turning to Sporting History Awards, Aaron took one for the quickie loss of the Ashes, Crash for the All Blacks loss and Kristiane for the Ferns loss.

Latecummer Cedric was invited to join the circle, with Titty G who had invited him but he forgot her name. Cougar was also given an Advertising Award.

Poumuli had been to Kuala Lumpur and had failed to find the Mother Hash on his one day available, and had been dumb enough to vent about this on Facebook. Another Latecummer, Spellcheck or Dumass joined the circle.

Opening up for nominations, Murray was concerned about the misunderstandings about where he was disgruntled from, but since he is also Canadian he was joined in the Oh Canada Award by Witch Doctor as everyone assumes from her accent that she is Canadian.

Slim Shady nominated Titty G for the Art Appreciation Award for her purchase of a precious comb. Another latecummer Xavier was asked to join the circle. Poumuli nominated Crime for the crime spree that ensued after the prison escape, with Tom joining for leaning.

A Poor Communications Award was offered by Slim Shady to Nicholas and Nessa for missing meeting on the weekend, but the vote made Slim Shady join.

The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, joined by Lewinsky and Crime and we feasted til the sun went down.

Next week will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo at Bank Street in Vaoala.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, August 07, 2015

Fathers Day Hash- Monday 10th August- Poutasi

Fathers Day Hash will be held at Godfather and TTG's place in Poutasi. You are welcome to turn up from 12pm onwards. The run will start at 3pm. The hosts will put on an umu and everyone else is encouranged to bring snacks or desserts.

Directions- Go over cross island road. Turn left when you get to Siumu on the other side. After driving for approx. 11km you will come to the village of Poutasi. Turn right onto the road just after the Poutasi sign and across the road from the shop. Turn left after the hospital. Godfather and TTG's place is the only one on the ocean side of the road. If you get lost, ask for Tuatagaloa's house, not Godfather as no-one will know who you are talking about!

Monday, August 03, 2015

Run 3rd August- Swingers house

Hi all

Hash tonight will be a BYO at Swingers House (map attached). Swinger will put on chicken and bread, everyone else please bring salad or sausages or something else!