Thursday, April 28, 2011

Hash Run 1566 - BYO Run @ Greeny's- Siusega

Morning All,
Next weeks run is being hosted by Greeny at his new pad in Siusega. Please remember that this is a BYO Food run so bring something for the bbq or something precooked or a salad...something to contribute to the spread and please dont rely on a few hashers, you dont bring, you dont eat :)haha

Run starts at 1730Hrs on time. There will be a keg there. Map is below. Im not 100% sure of the exact location but the crap details that i was given is what i have used to draw the can also get hold of greeny on 7771414 if you cant find the place.

The Theme for Monday is Cinco De Mayo...Mexican dress up in Mexican, green and white..and if you got some cool hats to go with it..then by all means..put em on!

On On

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hash Trash 1565

The Hash was hosted by Godfather, assisted by Titty Galore, at the beach between Maninoa and Lupe’s on the south side. The run was set on the Sun, Gobi desert, inside a nuclear reactor – your Scribe has no words to describe this for he lost so much fluid on the run. This was serious torture, with all those false trails set and the sun burning down. OK, the run was set on paper, on out through the bushes past surprised revellers at Lupe’s bar. Up to the main road, we were tricked into a long false trail with an apparent double false trail where Godfather had place a cross. Apparently a large pony must have rolled in it as it resembled more a comfortable spread. Anyway, back to where we started the trail was reacquired leading straight up into the plantations on the semi paved track. Again a false trail off to the side confused many. It was at this point that the curious and unique geographic and meteorological conditions came into play, as it was sunny, hot and muggy and dusty all at the same time, with a nice whiff of smoke from the burning trash thrown in. The combination did also keep the local dogs to a nicely docile state. Catching up with the main pack, who had continued far up the hill on a false trail, we set off across until we reached the Cross-island Road. All the way we could hear Monica being blown to Kiwi’s content across the forest, but it was too dense to risk a shortcut. The heat may also have been creating sound mirages. Down the Cross-island Road your Scribe bought two nius on credit but the newly paved connecting road evaporated all the fluids with a new torture thrown in, namely running on newly deposited hot black tar and its associated reflective capabilities viz the sun. Gasping and puffing we arrived back to gulp down Godfather’s sweet nuts, plus gallons of cold water, before dropping into the ocean for a more complete cool-down.

Ok, this was a bit whingeing, but I am still in pain. It was an imaginative run set by Godfather, and we should have cottoned on that some of the false trails couldn’t have been set from the truck. And as he rightly pointed out, the beer tasted heavenly after the run, what was left of it after the surf dudes had been at it! We should also avoid having blind people as front runners, no matter how fast they are!

SOTB our GM was again too hung-over, tired and emotional from surfing that he couldn’t string a sentence together, so Princess of Darkness came to the rescue as acting GM. She called forth those new to Apia Hash and they were Ernie and Becky from Texas (here on holiday), Rikomi from Japan (with APS), Mini-Ninja, Joyce from here, Mihoko from Japan (UNDP) and Michael from Oz.

The rethreads were Pussysnatcher (been busy getting Snatch to accept getting snatched), Crash Bandicoot (busy being a father, or holding up the bar at On the Rocks, take your pick), Sassygirl BJ (busy playing with Daddy), Anna (she’s from Denmark, been away 2 years, back to see AC/DC in Tokelau), Malvern (Swinger’s brother, here from the US), AC/DC (swimming in Tokelau), and Godfather (fare-welling the va’ a crew in Auckland).

The announcement by PS caused a congratulatory award to be offered, which Snatch refused on the grounds that she is pregnant and that’s why she agreed to the above. Celebrity Awards went to Dumas and Joyce for their photos in the Observer. This Day in History Awards, for ANZAC Day went to Poumuli and Eveready as the only veterans who marched and Kiwi, Hot Nuts and Michael as token NZ and OZ representatives – Michael nearly went twice for wearing his sunnies, but Titty G took that one for poor instructiveness. For the founding of Rio de Janeiro in 1565 by someone named Francisco something we got Crash and Wax.

The GM had been told of a weekend party where guests had been warned about the glass doors and to be careful, yet Do Me Twice managed to go smack into one, resulting in a Pure Blonde Award (the Scribe objects to this type of stereotyping – should have been a plain Bimbo Award). Schumacher had observed a hasher trying to undo a lavalava on a Hash Mere. While PS claimed he was only helping Karaoke he got the Doing Eveready’s Job For Him Award.

Lewinsky, worse for wear for not having done the run, nominated Cockblocker for trying to beat up the host of a party. The GM took a vote, and Lewinsky joined CB for the Deck The Host Award, later doubled for Lewinsky for his inability to perceive that his hat was still stuck on his head. AC/DC and Anna were called forth for sitting and leaning respectively – must have been a long swim from Tokelau or something...

Vai Vai, inspired to see how much of a backfire he could create this time, nominated Ernie for being late to the Hash, which unsurprisingly went straight back to Vai Vai for not giving good enough directions and instructions.

At this point the Mad Hash Monk appeared, growling about naughty people in the Hash and sundry scandalous behaviour. Tasha was made to kneel before her, and in a cascade of flour, ketchup, beer and a torrent of abuse from the Mad Monk about her sexying it up, she will hence forth be known as Horny Ho.

Now Rebecca was made to kneel, and in the same manner we were told how this birdwatcher loves the two legged kind. She will hence forth be known as Hornithologist. Dev who was taking photographs of all this, had his hair used as a hand towel by the monk and looked like he had been named too! Susan was next in line, but instead was observed sprinting for cover on the beach and disappeared. The Mad Monk then amusingly tried to make her own exit through the dumpster, stepping into all sorts of unholy crap. Dev moved away at that point, knowing what the Mad Monk likes to do to him.

SOTB then nominated Lewinsky for his precision parking of the truck, just-so that the lid gave a little gap for the beer droppings to fall and fertilize the soil. Lewinsky countered that he had just hit the building and then moved gently forward, or pulling out as he described it. We were interrupted in getting to the bottom of what he meant by that by latecummers Ray Charles and Mermaid.

The GM tried to wrap things up, but Swinger interrupted with an award for Macho Man AC/DC for running barefoot. Swinger joined him for being so macho he thought he could interrupt the GM. Sassy nominated the chefs SOTB, Crash and Lewinsky.

We then had some announcements for events next weekend. DMT brought up the paddling regatta and Sassy that there will be a 70’s party on Saturday (tickets from Sassy or Ring Ring). Eveready informed us that there was a beer drinking contest at the Gekko’s Bar (Sassy said the prize was a 2 week date with Horny Ho). There is also a special fundraiser for Christchurch that weekend, and due to the clashes Godfather requested that the Hash still make a donation. This was duly done, results of which will be communicated by Sassy when she wakes up.

After wishing Malvern a Happy Birthday we saluted the Host and Hare, with a promise that Godfather would do his Elvis impersonation at the next Hash. The spread that Godfather, Titty G and the extended family had put on was quite simply amazing, delicious, super-tasty, stupendous.

Next week’s Hash is scheduled for Greenie’s new house in Siusega. SOTB will get us a map and directions.

A completely gratuitous joke attached below relating to some poor sod who won the lotto.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hash Run 1565

Easter Monday run at Lupe's Bar

Morning to all Hashers.There has been a change in plans for Monday's Easter Run. Godfather had offered to host at Sinalei but there is now a Wedding Booked for Monday so Hash will now be at Lupe's Bar (Next door to Coconuts Beach Resort) Dont worry, its next to Sinalei, so your beach plans aren't all screwed yet!

We are meeting at Lupe's at 12noon and the run will start at 2pm. Also bring your change of clothes and swim gear.

Same Directions, Head down to the south coast via the cross island road and make a right turn at the bottom. Head past Sinalei and look out for the turn off on the left to Coconuts Beach Resort. Head down this road and you will see Lupe's Bar.

If you get lost, dont bother calling me as I will be surfing.

On On

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Hash Trash 1564

The Hash was hosted by Hash at Snakepit #2, in Vaitele. A bright day with some rain threatening, but it didn’t appear. So it was off for a hot slog down the roads of Vaitele, courtesy of the Hare – Tiger Woody (AKA Kiwi).He had set the run on flour and there was a lot of space between the marks, seeking to ensure that the pack stayed together. And boy did Cockblocker and the paddlers find lots of false trails. Basically the trail took us all around the backstreets of Vaitele until we came back down the hill past Moata Samoa. A fairly arduous run that got the heart pumping – malo Kiwi.

The GM, SOTB was absent with undisclosed diseases ravaging him, so Hot Nuts stepped in for the evening. He called forth those new to Hash, and that was Diane from the Cook Islands, with us for at least 3 years. The rethreads were Hot Nuts, Screamer, Swinger and Fang. They had been travelling all. After the award, POD made a point of order, as Dev had not fessed up to being a rethread, for which he was suitably rewarded.

On this day in history, Poumuli could inform that Brazilian armed forces had liberated the town of Montese in Italy (1945), and this one went to Wax as closest living relative. It was also Bicycle Day which went to Swinger and Hot Nuts. Opening up for nominations from the floor, Swinger was nominated for not running Hash while in Fiji.

Vai Vai opined that a letter written to the Observer some weeks ago had to be a work of fiction, as it referenced Poumuli as a responsible drinker and dabbler in witchcraft. Protests that this had caused a down down at the time didn’t stick, so Poumuli took it like a man, so fast the GM missed it.

Tasha nominated Alfred for breaking off the knob again on the Hash BBQ. Do Me Twice tried to back her up but inadvertently used Lewinsky’s other name, and joined Tasha and Alfred in the Knob Fixation Award. Lewinsky nominated Screamer for taking a seductive phone call during the circle, which turned out to also include best wishes from the va’a crew.

Karaoke nominated Nutcracker for the Freakout Award, as she had screamed “no vagina cake” should be made for Hot Nuts birthday! As if she would create something like that. Well she did make a Barney Cake for Lewinsky so its not a far cry from that, after all Barney is a real C@#&. The GM was joined by POD for his birthday award. At this stage we couldn’t sing too loud as the family next door were having their sa.
Tasha had been on Rock the Boat, no surprises there, and then Ynot and had observed the very public argumentation between CB and DMT. POD informed us that SOTB had promised to bring the gas for the BBQ but hadn’t, so Lack of Gas Award went to closest living relative, former flatmate DMT, who staggered back in the circle.

Swinger nominated Dev for the Leaning on Fa’fafine Award – that’s just not on! Latecummers Spanky and Proboner were then greeted into the circle, but drank so damned slow the GM nearly fell asleep. CB then nominated Proboner for the Anti-conservation Award for her Exxon Mobil t-shirt.

Screamer explained how she and Spanky had been having a nice quiet dinner at the Yacht Club, when they were rudely interrupted by Poumuli and Wahoo seeking a place to sit. CB tried to explain his side of the story as they had also had free seats at their table. Poumuli chose to stab him in the back by concocting a story on DMT and CB.

The GM awarded the Troopers Award to Eveready and Snake for getting the gas. DMT nominated Dev for his “Getting High At Hash”t-shirt, and he was joined by Eveready for his extraordinary flashing t-shirt. Vai Vai was about to make a nomination based on the run, but then caught newbies Mike and Rene snuggling in the circle. This is not on – they should look to examples of such prudish self-restraint as Hot Nuts and Nutcracker, POD and Lewinsky, or even Poumuli who hadn’t even brought Wahoo! Rene had to take two for wearing sunglasses.

Eveready nominated Wax for driving her roommate home due to some undisclosed ailments – not quite sure about that one. Poumuli nominated Diane for the Preservation of Marriage Award for taking on so much of his work travel. Snake exclaimed that she must be a Hasher as she warmed the beer! ProBoner caught Tasha with cellphonus interruptus. POD nominated Karaoke and Eveready for the Cutest Couple Ever, but Karaoke claimed the flasher didn’t work! Eveready also nominated Screamer for the violated house sitter award. Lewinsky and CB were also brought in for their incessant chatter. We must retrieve the Dome of Silence!

Proboner nominated Lewinsky for leaving the GM hanging with no beer, but Lewinsky claimed that his runner CB wasn’t working. After calling Lewinsky a dick, the sole award went to CB. Mike nominated Tiger Woody for constantly breaking out of the circle, and this was doubled for his services to CB exhaustion for making him run all those extra false trails. As we had no Hosts per se, Spanky, Snake and Fang were saluted for their efforts.

Next week’s run will be on Easter Monday at Sinalei. Godfather has asked that we arrive by 12 and run by 2 PM.

The GM closed the circle with the piece of advice to any would be acting GMs in the future – always keep POD by your side!

Video clip below in honor of Bicycle Day!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hash Run 1564

Greetings Hashers

Monday's run will be hosted by Snake at Snakepit#2, which is by the Senese School in Vaitele. Head towards the airport road, past the brewery and when you get to Vaitele, turn left opposite BOC Gases and head up the road about 1 - 1.5km and look out for the Senese School on the left hand side.

This will be a BYO run so you are all requested to bring some food, salads, BBQ etc.

No theme has been announced, but stay tuned in case this changes.

There will be a special Hare coming on Monday so make sure that you are prepared. This cryptic message supplied by the GM, Son of The Bitch.

Directions in the map below

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Hash Trash 1563

Your Scribe is back from overseas purgatory, and will endeavour to produce the Trash on time.

The Hash was hosted by Slippery in To’omatagi up by the National University of Samoa. A kerfuffle had been caused by the non-appearance of Crime to set the trail, but Strangler was on hand to give it a go as Hare. Slippery explained that the trail was set on paper and on on we went out the gate. We followed the To’omatagi road up for a bit before launching us through someone’s garden and down a slippery hill. We have run this way before, but ended up in a dead-end. Strangler had found a connection to another garden which eventually took us out onto the Vaimauga Road. We went up and down a bit here, as Cockblocker and the hyper-fit bunch brought by Dumas couldn’t spot the trail. We ended up doing far more exercise keeping up, but eventually we headed down to Vaivase-uta Road, then Vaivase-tai and back. A good and interesting run made all the better by the light rain.

Back at Slippery’s Princess of Darkness filled in for a hopelessly hung-over GM. She called forth those new to Hash, they were Hans, Moana who had been brought by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein (he whooped at her diligent response), and Bruce from APTC who had come with someone called Mike. The GM made him drink for disrespecting and being a cheeky bastard. The rethreads were Poumuli, Wahoo, Chook, CB and Hot Rod. Poumuli then made a point of order since the Assistant Maestro Slim Shady had started the song before explanations of absence could be made.

Snake the Shoe Inspector couldn’t find anything initially, but Pirate Princess yelled out that CB was hiding his shoes and that they looked very new. CB protested that he had drunk from them before, but went along with it anyway. Pirate Princess joined for false accusation. On the topic of shoes, the GM was told that one of the Hash Meres lost a shoe on the trail, only to pick up a stray jandal and continuing merrily along. Wild Turkey got the Islander Award. Spanky pointed out the nice hat she was wearing during the award, so it was doubled. But in helping her as whipping girl, Spanky was wearing same said hat, so she also got another.

On this day in history, Poumuli informed the Hash that in 1775 it was the last time that they burned a witch in Germany – this one went to SOTB, Johanna, joined by Tasha for bitchcraft, and it was also the day in 1999 that Clinton got indicted for contempt of court for giving intentionally false statements about – Lewinsky. Tiger Woody had to join him as he was not blowing Monica.

Celebrity Awards were brought to us by SOTB. There was Ninja (in the Observer), Spanky (TV?), Wahoo (Rotary at Manumea story) and Lewinsky for story on HQ (your Scribe couldn’t get the whole story). Bunga Bunga was also in the paper, but nearest living relative was forgotten. During this CB dropped a full cup of golden nectar, and Pirate Princess pointed out Karaoke’s hip-shaking butt-swinging.

Opening up for nominations, Vai Vai was too quick off the mark in trying to get Hot Rod one for running in jandals. Total utter backfire! We are in Samoa, hello! Tasha nominated Karaoke and Eveready for leaving her behind on the trail, reducing her to tears behind someone’s toilet (“well that’s been known to happen” noted SOTB). Eveready launched into a vigorous FBI defence, culminating in his counter that Snake should get it as he was behind, and that he only shouts out On On at home! The defence breasts. The GM decreed that Snake join Eveready and Tasha in a Hash Sandwich. Poumuli tried to get a repeat as the sandwich re-enactment had been faulty – Snake should have been the meat, but was turned down.

We then had a Birthday Award for Lewinsky, accompanied by the most horrific caterwauling of Happy Birthday, probably thanks to Strangler and Slim Shady. Bruce got a Sour Grapes Award for something. Chook tried to get two chariot riders punished but mistook Pirate Princess for Princess of Darkness, and had to Join her and Moana for the award. There was also a Master Chef Award for the BBQ masters, who joined the Host and the Hares for the salute.

Trying to wrap things up, the GM was interrupted by Tiger Woody’s cellphone. The glitch in setting the run went to Crime, who tried the I Have No Car defence. Poumuli tried to get SOTB for Dereliction of Duty in not getting an Assistant Scribe the last two weeks, but this instead went to Slim Shady and Poumuli.

Next week’s run was supposed to be hosted by Dave and Theresa in Vailima, but they cancelled towards the end of the evening. Instead this will now be a BYO run at Snakepit #2, details will be posted on the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, April 08, 2011

Hash Run 1563 - Slippery @ To'omatagi

Morning All,
Next week, Slippery has kindly offered to host hash at his house in To'omatagi. There is no theme for Monday, but stay tuned and check back on Monday in case it changes.

Head up to NUS and go past the NUS Main gate and its the 4th (Last) house on the left hand side.

Run starts at 1730 HRS Sharp as it now gets dark earlier in the day.

See map below for directions