Monday, March 31, 2014

Tonights Run #1719

Hey Everyone,
Due to the lack of a Host for tonight's run, we will be setting off from Hash Central aka OTR at 1800 SHARP(ish) - Gayboy will organise us some kai kai, which will cost $15.
The nectar of life will be flowing and hopefully Godfather will produce us some fluid from his sweet nuts to savour after the run!!  So tonight will cost $35 including food & drinks
See you there
ON ON
JG

Friday, March 28, 2014

Hash Trash 1718



The Hash was hosted by Weathercock and Poumuli, at Poumuli and Wahoo’s house off Bank Street in Vaoala. Crime had agreed to set the run and it was on out down the familiar track, as new fencing prevented Crime from going through some properties. Your Scribe was walking and thinking he had found a short cut instead found himself crawling on all fours under fallen trees and bushes. But this led to the right trail eventually which led out on to the road below Mynahs. It was then on home up the hill. A serious run for those who ran, and a sweaty event for the walkers. But Godfather’s sweet nuts awaited.

Julia Gillard our GM was back from his frolics in Thailand. He appointed Full Moon as Shoe Inspector, but she failed. The visitors to the Hash were Alban from France, Michelle and Douglas from Australia. Dan hadn’t explained the rules to Alban so he took a down down.

The retreads were Captain Mortein, the GM, Tickled, Swinger, Pirate Princess, Weathercock and Nessie (Snake’s mum). The GM then turned his attention to the Rugby 7s and the victorious Fijiians. Since Tickled was born in Fiji and Weathercock is returning there they took this award.
This Day in History Award went to the GM (1965 – Ranger program: NASA launches Ranger 9, the last in a series of unmanned lunar space probes. The GM sells Rangers), Poumuli (1978 – The first UNIFIL troops arrived in Lebanon for peacekeeping mission along the Blue Line – he served in UNIFIL in 1989), Manwhore for Gayboy (International Day of Happiness), Weathercock (World Meteorological Day) and Crime (Feast Day of St Dismas the Good Thief).

Celebrity Awards went to Crime (letter about the facts behind Crime), Godfather, Captain Mortein and Lewinsky for Sassy (front page in Observer). POD reminded that it was also Emily’s birthday.
Turning to the circle for nominations, Dan wanted the GM to have a double for showing off his “equipement” in the shower room at the gym. This boomeranged to Dan for looking at the GM’s package. Granny Smith nominated the GM for finding a missing airplane, while Dan had been at the Xbar and had to break up a fight for One Infection. This too backfired.

Weathercock had been taken to the beach by Swinger and they had picked up Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess on the way. Pirate Princess incidentally looked like she wanted to strangle the Captain. Anyway, the crime was that the Captain had forgotten to bring the cheese, the one task that he had. Thus a Not Cutting the Cheese Award to the Captain.

Witch Doctor had used her welding skills to make some cool ashtrays for OTR, and had offered to attach some security measures so they wouldn’t get stolen. Lewinsky had declined the offer, yet is now so worried about losing them that he is not using them at all. Cheapass Award to Lewinsky.

Swinger reminded that this would be the 2nd time that Weathercock has left the Apia Hash, and before his double, WC thanked the Hash for a great time and wished to be able to return one day.
The GM suddenly remembered that Pirate Princess had had to change the tyre on the car while Captain was on the run. He shared this Gentleman Award with Swinger. Granny Smith then gave Dan the Mustard Award, as Dan had been as keen as mustard to get an award given yet they continuously backfired.

Snake stated that it was not often that someone leaves the Hash twice, so offered that anyone who had been here for both of Weathercocks departures take a down down – this was Snake, Godfather, Crime, Lewinsky and Nessie.

Dan then got a false accusation award for his lack of a name, followed by a debate with Godfather as to what we will do for Easter Weekend Run.
The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, the Hash Anthem performed with gusto for Weathercock and some food put on by the Hosts consumed. 

Watch the Blog for next week’s run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Hash Run 1718 - Weathercock's fare-thee-well

Greetings Hashers
Monday's run will be hosted by Weathercock at Poumuli and Wahoo's house off Bank Street. See map below.  The hosts will cater the event so just bring your 20 tala Hash Cash and prepare for a good run. Try and park along the side of the road as not much space in the yard.

Run starts at 18.00 or 6 PM, although perhaps we should change this back to 17.30 again for runs up the hill? The house is marked on the map below with a star for those challenged in the head.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit


Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Hash Trash 1717



The Hash was hosted by Slippery and Snake at the Snakepit 2 in Vaitele opposite Senese. The trail was set on paper, lots of it so off we went down the road, turning left behind the big market complex. The front running bastards were taken down two false trails which the walkers avoided. The trail headed down a gravelly path that took us through a rather undeveloped neighbourhood, quite clean and few angry dogs. We ended up on the airport road, with the on home back to the Snakepit 2. A good run for those who ran and a pleasant one for the walkers.

The GM continues his sojourn abroad, so yet again POD took charge. New to Hash were Pippa, who had come with Wet Pussy, and who was given a congratulatory down down for being well trained. This was done with green beer as WP put in some food colouring to make it more St Patricky. But she needed to have a second one as she had her sunglasses on. The retreads were Granny Smith, Nell, Lowrider, Prince, Wet Pussy and Offspring – who said something unintelligible about pleasuring the inhabitants.



Hugh was appointed Shoe Inspector and failed. Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (renewable energy centre story) and Lewinsky and POD (Stephenson’s story in Sydney Morning Herald) – so a double.
This Day in History Awards went to Transporter for Gayboy (1781 – William Herschel discovers Uranus), Prince (1860 – The First Taranaki War begins in Taranaki, New Zealand, a major phase of the New Zealand land wars), Granny Smith for Julia Gillard (1958 – The Ford Motor Company produces its 50 millionth automobile, the Thunderbird, averaging almost a million cars a year since the company's founding) and Lewinsky (St Patrick’s Day).



Lewinsky took a second for it being his Irish Grandmother’s birthday! All the time WP was running around with her green dye, sometimes successful in dunking the vile stuff into our golden nectar. Anyway, the GM called on Titty Galore for being the first Ah Fook unable to balance the book. For messing up the Hash Cash Titty G got the Unaccounted Award. Lowrider of course got a celebratory one in honour of her engagement.

A Roadsmart Award went to Nell for passing the GM three times in her failure to find the Snakepit 2, joined by Hugh who was apparently holding up the fale. Opening up for nominations, Granny Smith gave a Confusion Award to Titty G for writing his name as Green Apples on the Hash Cash. Poumuli tried to nominate POD for what the youngest daughter was doing in keeping herself, er, abreast. Backing up from Granny Smith helped nay, so a Perverts Award to Poumuli and Granny Smith.



Lewinsky was nominated for the First Time FRB Award, while Offspring tried to nominate Godfather for looking dehydrated. This became a You Don’t Have Your Shit Together Award for Offspring instead. And of course the attention-span-of-a-small-rodent had her sunglasses on so the doubling of the award resulted in utter chaos and green beer spilled everywhere. So Granny Smith nominated WP for a Raping the Beer Award – and ensured that hers was really really green.

Before the run Kiwi had returned Monica the Horn, and as Crime had done the blowing he took the Monica Returns Award. Lewinsky sensing that he had got off lightly so far ventured that Granny Smith had been at OTR and had left without paying his bill. The dodgy banker replied that he had asked permission from Lewinsky, thus resulting in both of them taking the Cheapskate Award.
Transporter noted the success of the Nafanua paddling club, thus nominating himself, Prince and Titty G. Lewinsky had received a call from Emily at Stephenson’s that Hugh and Eva had run out on their bill. Hugh tried to contest this, but failed, but he did succeed in fending of WP trying to rape his beer with green. Transporter then nominated him for being the strongest palagi in South Auckland.



Next up Granny Smith was first caught smoking in the circle (but we have no clear policy on that one), and this was doubled for a dubious story regarding a girl in a taxi, which Nell tried but failed to pin on him.

While Wet Pussy finished her award for trying to give beer to a child, Witch Doctor was called up by Godfather for having gotten so very close to him when he was trying to pee in the bushes (we do have a rule about no peeing on the Hare’s Trail!). In her right of reply Witch Doctor claimed fatigue for getting so close, and because she said she had seen nothing Godfather took the award.

The Hare and the Hosts, Crime, Slippery and Snake were saluted and a feast was had.

Next week’s run will be Weathercock’s last run, and he will host it from Poumuli and Wahoo’s place off Bank Street in Vaoala.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1716


The Hash was hosted by Twin Peaks at his house off Bank Street in Vaoala. The Hares had been out with machetes and we had been promised a run of death worthy of what Witch Doctor put on last year. The trail went down the hill on well known roads, then turned up into a property last visited in 2000 according to Snake whose ophidian memory has not been thwarted by serpentine swigs of nectar. We were then taken through a rather steep plantation, with a false trail not well posted, and off onto the road that leads to the Shrine. Past the Shrine and on home. A vigorous but shortish trail, but certainly not like the Kokoda one put on by Witch Doctor.

The GM is overseas so POD stepped in to oversee the circle. New to Apia Hash were Scott brought by Snake, Hugh and Eva brought by Alby and Darby, Tai, Nathan and Malefono brought by Godfather. Rufie and Blowfish took a down down for not giving instructions. The retreads were Foxy, Snake, Cockblocker, who had quotidian excuses.
Celebrity Awards went to CB for Swinger (Swinger and his mum in paper), Poumuli (story in Observer about publishers withdrawing 120 gibberish papers), Crime (letter to Editor about underlying problem of crime) and Slippery for Gayboy (story on anti-gay laws).

This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (1658 – Treaty of Roskilde: After a devastating defeat in the Northern Wars (1655–1661), Frederick III, the King of Denmark-Norway is forced to give up nearly half his territory to Sweden to save the rest), Sassygirl BJ (1911 – International Women's Day is launched in Copenhagen, Denmark, by Clara Zetkin, leader of the Women's Office for the Social Democratic Party in Germany), Manwhore for Gayboy (1977 – Rings of Uranus: 
Astronomers discover rings around Uranus) and Dan (Commonwealth Day).

Crown of Thorns was appointed Shoe Inspector, but failed. Rufie piped up that he had seen POD with new shoes, to which she retorted that those were her touch (rugby?) shoes and not Hash shoes, so Rufie got a False Accusation Award. The GM had been told that a certain couple had been out for dinner, and the wife had too many strong drinks and didn’t remember the expensive meal. Well perhaps because Rufie spiked her drink to get out of paying for an expensive meal! Anyway, both Rufie and Blowfish took this award.

The GM turned her lasers on Twin Peaks, who had claimed this to be the run of death, when in fact it was the shortest run ever! False Advertising Award. Opening up for nominations, Manwhore had received a request from Overstayer, for an award to Lewinsky who had forgotten to pay for his shopping – Kleptomaniac Award.

Dan had gone to Overstayer’s farewell drinks, but she hadn’t shouted one round, so she was obviously underpaid. While this was aimed at Lewinsky it failed, as she is paid by the Australians, and Dan would do the honour of representing them in the down down.
Crown of Thorns had gone to the beach on the weekend and been there with a couple who had brought absolutely everything necessary for a beach BBQ – except the Baby’s bag – Wahoo got the Mother of the Week Award. Nettie who had been sitting outside the circle shouted something like “go yahoo” received a down down.

Twin Peaks had tried to get the boys to set a hard run, but in Sassy’s words you could drive a Mack truck through it, but good job anyway – Ricky and Vito. Lewinsky tried to nominate Godfather for a Dubious Fishing Advice Award, as he had told him that there were huge schools off Poutasi. A tourney held at Tafatafa had been a disaster he said. Not so, rebutted Dan, as they had caught a 50 kg tuna. Thus the boomerang award was doubled. Dan had to help him out, but he was wearing his sunglasses, so his was doubled also.

Witch Doctor had been on Cross Island Road and had observed Godfather losing his nuts. At least that what we heard, but the GM got cross at Snake and Foxy for gibbering. After their down down, Witch Doctor continued, and it turned out that Godfather had merely dropped some coconuts on the road. So for doubting the integrity of Godfather’s nuts Witch Doctor took the award.

Chivalry is not often seen at Hash, in Sassy’s words, and she demanded a down down for Snake and Slippery for tempting her with a Chariot Ride. All three took the award. Dan finally wanted to nominate Nettie for sitting outside the circle and for telling all that the pool was clean. This was deemed a false accusation so the boomerang flew once more.

Run 1717 will be held at Snakepit.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, March 17, 2014

Hash Run 1717

Talofa,

Apologies for the late posting. Today's run will be hosted by Snake at the Snakepit 2 in Vaitele (Senese School)


The hosts have kindly offered to put on the spread for Monday's run so you will need to bring your hash cash, drinking boots and perhaps a change of clothes.

Snakepit 2 is located in Vaitele, take the road opposite BOC Gases and head up that road. When the road starts to get steep, you will see the Senese School on your left hand side.

We will have our usual brew/nectar of life, softies and sweet nuts from Godfather.

See you all there!
On On


Friday, March 07, 2014

Hash Run 1716

Monday's Hash will be hosted by Twin Peaks at his place off Bank Street in Vaoala. For older hashers its the house above where Zsa Zsa used to live. Turn on to Bank Street off Cross Island Road, keep going down until you have a rising turn to the left (before heading down the dreaded hill), and its the last house on the right at the top of the hill.
Run will start at 18.00, bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala - the host will cater the event.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Hash Trash 1715

The Hash was hosted by Dan at the Ford compound in Vaitele. The runners went off in search of the trail which apparently took them on a wide ranging tour of the quotidian back streets of Vaitele. It was also a first in that the host neither set the run nor ran.  Clearly the heat of the day had gotten to him, poor fellow. To the point that he had to bring some of his hotel staff to help with the arrangements.  The runners though were sweaty enough upon their return to the compound to at least have prepared themselves for a lot of golden nectar, after having first gorged on Godfather’s trusty nut supply.



The GM Julia Gillard called the circle to order – this time we were in the tent out back so the acoustics were better, and we were not in sight of the various clocks he has in the office that do not work at all, so your Scribe forgot that award. First up were some visitors to Hash – Kelvin and Megan, Steve and Janis. For giving good instructions Manwhore and Full Moon got a down down. Overstayer got a double for some infraction, while late entry Emily was also introduced to the circle.



Witch Doctor was appointed shoe inspector, and after some hesitation found that Titty Galore and Proboner had violated the rule. Retreads were Crown of Thorns who is working overseas and Transporter who has been on his knees. 



The GM then turned to our host for his unorthodox approach, which normally prescribes setting the run or going on the run, and he did neither. Not only that he didn’t carry any chairs out to the tent but had his staff do it. A Donald Trump Award doubled for Dan. The GM was also concerned that there had been no Hash Trash to read this week, so Assistant Trainee Scribe Overstayer got the Failure Award.



It was also clear that someone had been trying to out-box Dan. Lewinsky apparently on a health inspection had hit him, so a Tuaman Award to Lewinsky. Then Transporter as we know had not been at Hash last week due to preparing to woo Lowrider, yet he had been at YNot on Tuesday with the GM. In the end the GM joined in this award, double for Transporter.



Celebrity Award went to Sassygirl BJ for being in the paper. This Day in History awards went to Sassy (363 Roman Empire attacks the Sassanid Empire), Witch Doctor (1628 Salem Witch Trials), Lewinsky (1805 Samuel Chase is acquitted at impeachment trial – viz Clinton) and Full Moon (1921 first whitewash at the Ashes for Australia).

Dan nominated the visitors, Overstayer for leaving joined by Crime. Sassy nominated Rufie, Blowfish, POD and Manwhore for their Iron Man efforts, and Godfather for doing an awesome job putting tourism people in their place.

Overstayer has never been able to go quietly into the night after so many down downs, and tonight was not any different. Her attempt to explain the setting of the run with Full Moon descended into full confusion. POD rescued the situation by nominating the Blues fans Transporter, COT and Wahoo (was added for family connection). Sassy nominated the GM for a Promotion Award for having a car drive up with no lights.

Your Scribe lost the plot a bit after this (thanks jet lag), but there was a whole section of page referring to Dan sucking his testicles up into his stomach, COT accusing Manwhore of bad instructions to visitors, and something about Overstayer not staying up.

We saluted the host and the hare and sang the Hash Anthem for the leavers. Food was great. Cant remember if next week’s venue was announced so watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, March 03, 2014

Tonight's Hash Run #1715

Hey everyone,
Tonight's run is being hosted by Daniel @ the Ford showroom in Vaitele.
Just go past the Vailima Brewery and you can't miss it - if you don't know where the brewery is frankly you shouldn't be coming to Hash anyway :)
The run starts at 6pm sharp (well Samoa sharp) - remember your $20 for the nectar of life and we will see you then.
Might be worth bringing a towel and a change of clothes as it looks like Cyclone Kofi might be sending us some rain from Fiji
ON ON
Julia