Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Hash Trash 1716

The Hash was hosted by Twin Peaks at his house off Bank Street in Vaoala. The Hares had been out with machetes and we had been promised a run of death worthy of what Witch Doctor put on last year. The trail went down the hill on well known roads, then turned up into a property last visited in 2000 according to Snake whose ophidian memory has not been thwarted by serpentine swigs of nectar. We were then taken through a rather steep plantation, with a false trail not well posted, and off onto the road that leads to the Shrine. Past the Shrine and on home. A vigorous but shortish trail, but certainly not like the Kokoda one put on by Witch Doctor.

The GM is overseas so POD stepped in to oversee the circle. New to Apia Hash were Scott brought by Snake, Hugh and Eva brought by Alby and Darby, Tai, Nathan and Malefono brought by Godfather. Rufie and Blowfish took a down down for not giving instructions. The retreads were Foxy, Snake, Cockblocker, who had quotidian excuses.
Celebrity Awards went to CB for Swinger (Swinger and his mum in paper), Poumuli (story in Observer about publishers withdrawing 120 gibberish papers), Crime (letter to Editor about underlying problem of crime) and Slippery for Gayboy (story on anti-gay laws).

This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (1658 – Treaty of Roskilde: After a devastating defeat in the Northern Wars (1655–1661), Frederick III, the King of Denmark-Norway is forced to give up nearly half his territory to Sweden to save the rest), Sassygirl BJ (1911 – International Women's Day is launched in Copenhagen, Denmark, by Clara Zetkin, leader of the Women's Office for the Social Democratic Party in Germany), Manwhore for Gayboy (1977 – Rings of Uranus: 
Astronomers discover rings around Uranus) and Dan (Commonwealth Day).

Crown of Thorns was appointed Shoe Inspector, but failed. Rufie piped up that he had seen POD with new shoes, to which she retorted that those were her touch (rugby?) shoes and not Hash shoes, so Rufie got a False Accusation Award. The GM had been told that a certain couple had been out for dinner, and the wife had too many strong drinks and didn’t remember the expensive meal. Well perhaps because Rufie spiked her drink to get out of paying for an expensive meal! Anyway, both Rufie and Blowfish took this award.

The GM turned her lasers on Twin Peaks, who had claimed this to be the run of death, when in fact it was the shortest run ever! False Advertising Award. Opening up for nominations, Manwhore had received a request from Overstayer, for an award to Lewinsky who had forgotten to pay for his shopping – Kleptomaniac Award.

Dan had gone to Overstayer’s farewell drinks, but she hadn’t shouted one round, so she was obviously underpaid. While this was aimed at Lewinsky it failed, as she is paid by the Australians, and Dan would do the honour of representing them in the down down.
Crown of Thorns had gone to the beach on the weekend and been there with a couple who had brought absolutely everything necessary for a beach BBQ – except the Baby’s bag – Wahoo got the Mother of the Week Award. Nettie who had been sitting outside the circle shouted something like “go yahoo” received a down down.

Twin Peaks had tried to get the boys to set a hard run, but in Sassy’s words you could drive a Mack truck through it, but good job anyway – Ricky and Vito. Lewinsky tried to nominate Godfather for a Dubious Fishing Advice Award, as he had told him that there were huge schools off Poutasi. A tourney held at Tafatafa had been a disaster he said. Not so, rebutted Dan, as they had caught a 50 kg tuna. Thus the boomerang award was doubled. Dan had to help him out, but he was wearing his sunglasses, so his was doubled also.

Witch Doctor had been on Cross Island Road and had observed Godfather losing his nuts. At least that what we heard, but the GM got cross at Snake and Foxy for gibbering. After their down down, Witch Doctor continued, and it turned out that Godfather had merely dropped some coconuts on the road. So for doubting the integrity of Godfather’s nuts Witch Doctor took the award.

Chivalry is not often seen at Hash, in Sassy’s words, and she demanded a down down for Snake and Slippery for tempting her with a Chariot Ride. All three took the award. Dan finally wanted to nominate Nettie for sitting outside the circle and for telling all that the pool was clean. This was deemed a false accusation so the boomerang flew once more.

Run 1717 will be held at Snakepit.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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