Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Hash Trash 1717

The Hash was hosted by Slippery and Snake at the Snakepit 2 in Vaitele opposite Senese. The trail was set on paper, lots of it so off we went down the road, turning left behind the big market complex. The front running bastards were taken down two false trails which the walkers avoided. The trail headed down a gravelly path that took us through a rather undeveloped neighbourhood, quite clean and few angry dogs. We ended up on the airport road, with the on home back to the Snakepit 2. A good run for those who ran and a pleasant one for the walkers.

The GM continues his sojourn abroad, so yet again POD took charge. New to Hash were Pippa, who had come with Wet Pussy, and who was given a congratulatory down down for being well trained. This was done with green beer as WP put in some food colouring to make it more St Patricky. But she needed to have a second one as she had her sunglasses on. The retreads were Granny Smith, Nell, Lowrider, Prince, Wet Pussy and Offspring – who said something unintelligible about pleasuring the inhabitants.

Hugh was appointed Shoe Inspector and failed. Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (renewable energy centre story) and Lewinsky and POD (Stephenson’s story in Sydney Morning Herald) – so a double.
This Day in History Awards went to Transporter for Gayboy (1781 – William Herschel discovers Uranus), Prince (1860 – The First Taranaki War begins in Taranaki, New Zealand, a major phase of the New Zealand land wars), Granny Smith for Julia Gillard (1958 – The Ford Motor Company produces its 50 millionth automobile, the Thunderbird, averaging almost a million cars a year since the company's founding) and Lewinsky (St Patrick’s Day).

Lewinsky took a second for it being his Irish Grandmother’s birthday! All the time WP was running around with her green dye, sometimes successful in dunking the vile stuff into our golden nectar. Anyway, the GM called on Titty Galore for being the first Ah Fook unable to balance the book. For messing up the Hash Cash Titty G got the Unaccounted Award. Lowrider of course got a celebratory one in honour of her engagement.

A Roadsmart Award went to Nell for passing the GM three times in her failure to find the Snakepit 2, joined by Hugh who was apparently holding up the fale. Opening up for nominations, Granny Smith gave a Confusion Award to Titty G for writing his name as Green Apples on the Hash Cash. Poumuli tried to nominate POD for what the youngest daughter was doing in keeping herself, er, abreast. Backing up from Granny Smith helped nay, so a Perverts Award to Poumuli and Granny Smith.

Lewinsky was nominated for the First Time FRB Award, while Offspring tried to nominate Godfather for looking dehydrated. This became a You Don’t Have Your Shit Together Award for Offspring instead. And of course the attention-span-of-a-small-rodent had her sunglasses on so the doubling of the award resulted in utter chaos and green beer spilled everywhere. So Granny Smith nominated WP for a Raping the Beer Award – and ensured that hers was really really green.

Before the run Kiwi had returned Monica the Horn, and as Crime had done the blowing he took the Monica Returns Award. Lewinsky sensing that he had got off lightly so far ventured that Granny Smith had been at OTR and had left without paying his bill. The dodgy banker replied that he had asked permission from Lewinsky, thus resulting in both of them taking the Cheapskate Award.
Transporter noted the success of the Nafanua paddling club, thus nominating himself, Prince and Titty G. Lewinsky had received a call from Emily at Stephenson’s that Hugh and Eva had run out on their bill. Hugh tried to contest this, but failed, but he did succeed in fending of WP trying to rape his beer with green. Transporter then nominated him for being the strongest palagi in South Auckland.

Next up Granny Smith was first caught smoking in the circle (but we have no clear policy on that one), and this was doubled for a dubious story regarding a girl in a taxi, which Nell tried but failed to pin on him.

While Wet Pussy finished her award for trying to give beer to a child, Witch Doctor was called up by Godfather for having gotten so very close to him when he was trying to pee in the bushes (we do have a rule about no peeing on the Hare’s Trail!). In her right of reply Witch Doctor claimed fatigue for getting so close, and because she said she had seen nothing Godfather took the award.

The Hare and the Hosts, Crime, Slippery and Snake were saluted and a feast was had.

Next week’s run will be Weathercock’s last run, and he will host it from Poumuli and Wahoo’s place off Bank Street in Vaoala.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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