Hash Run 1499 E - Screamers Palace of Love @ Siusega

Morning,
Next weeks Run will be hosted by Screamer, COT and Schannel at Screamers Palace of Love at Siusega (Yes, she told me to put that in there) The Hosts have a small note to add to this, see below.

This will be a Rubix Cube THEMED Hash.
Please wear a variety of clothing, with each item in a solid colour. Each individual should wear at least 4 DIFFERENT colours of the Rubix Cube (Red, White, Blue, Yellow, Green, Orange).
The goal is to exchange your clothing with different people through the afternoon until you end up with an outfit that is entirely made up of one colour!
You may wear scarves, hats, belts, socks, headbands, wristbands or any other accessories to make up your multi-coloured outfit.
Remember to wear underwear (this advice is specifically for Schannel).
Prizes will be awarded for the most innovative, most sexy and most funny outfits after the swap overs are complete.

Also, bring swimwear, towel and a change of clothes as the pool WILL be clean (no chlorox needed)

See the Map below for Directions. Run Starts at 1730HRS

On On

Hash Trash 1499D

Hash trash 1499 d


What a wet day for a run! Rain was falling for the last few days, and was not letting up (more on the causes of this later). With no host available, the Hash was gathered at the Samoa Tourism Authority fale, where some dancing practice was going on. Luckily the Vailima truck had deposited the beer tap with the STA office, or things may have gotten out of hand. After some initial confusion, Schanelle was appointed to be a live Hare. And off he went like a rocket. Chased for a while by rethread BlowMe and newbies Jane and Simon, he relentlessly left the pack behind. The run went down Beach Road, to jeers from the merry-making crowd at On the Rocks, past the port and around Vaiala Beach, back down the Matafagatele Street and back to STA. The Hare had actually run around the Government Building, but by the time the rest caught up the Hare was waiting at the fale, so no thanks, we’ll stop here. But well done to BlowMe, Jane and Swinger for completing the torture. Nothing too eventful happened on the run – no dogs to taser, and felt good to vent off some steam to add to the sauna-like conditions in downtown Apia.

Eveready stepped in again as GM, and welcomed the newcomers to Hash. They were Simon from Melbourne, Charley and Jane from NZ, staying at Sinalei with Godfather. Charley had been briefed by Godfather, but messed up on Karaoke’s name, and the GM made all four take a dwon-down. There were many rethreads – Brazilian Wax, Kiwi, BlowMe, Bits & Pieces, Goer, Bloomin’ Luscious and Sassygirl Blowjob.

Our shoe inspector AC/DC was on hand, and he successfully identified Bloomin’ Luscious and Jane as having offended the rule on new shoes. Jane did hers with aplomb (“Too flash for Hash”), while Bloomin’ looked like she was pouring it on her shirt.

Mele was invited to pass on the Joker Award, which although she claimed she had received it for being the most charming, witty and beautiful at Hash, she was not sure whom to pass it on too. She settled for keeping it in the family and awarded it to Lesbian Vampire Killer, whereupon the beer was gone in a flash.

The GM was annoyed that the live Hare had set off at such speed, causing many to lose the trail (well, its not exactly that hard to find the way back, but anyway) and rewarded Schanelle with a large one. Celebrity Awards were given to Wahoo (repeated Lucky Foodtown commercials) and Lewinsky (ad for selling Swashbucklers). Wahoo of course was faster by a mile. The GM also invoked the Best Dressed at Hash Award for Sassygirl BJ.

Venting his spleen further, the GM had observed a Hasher turning up late, and when asked why, said that he hadn’t missed it but had done his own marathon. In disbelief at this, it was clarified that AC/DC had done a “horizontal marathon”. As this is not normal activity for Hash, at least between 17.30 and 20.00 on Mondays, AC/DC was given the For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge Award (2nd Class).

Our GM is a travelling virtuoso and while in Oz had bought a “charming” cooler for his Diet Coke. One hasher commented that the bikini motif obviously had had a brazilian wax. Who on earth would say such a thing but Brazilian Wax. He stepped forward for Voicing Thoughts No-one Else Want to Contemplate Award.

Our regular GM, Princess of Darkness, is of course away overseas, and a lot of things at Hash seem to go to the dark side in a carrying thingy. Hence the lack of beer cups this week, but not to be outdone creative use was made of a Pringles can and several bottles. Creative Architecture Awards to Karaoke and Blakey.

The GM, Eveready was pleased to see Bloomin’ back at the Hash, but was horrified that her own Father could not remember her Hash name. Bits & Pieces got a big one for this serious offence. Fully on a roll, he told of a Hash mere cavorting with rugby players to drum up some action – Screamer got the Female Action Award. And then the GM spotted Charley sitting on a table and Wahoo and Ring Ring leaning.

Having Interpol investigating you for money laundering is of course not to be sneered at, except if you have no money to launder, but apparently the GM had unearthed a Mafioso Award for Swinger. Sassygirl BJ had her arse grabbed upon arrival at Hash, but was disappointed to find that it was Ring Ring, who promptly gave the GM a demonstration of her technique for the Arsegrabbing Award. Poumuli gave an account of how Screamer had insulted his entire office for smelling of male sweat and feet, with BlowMe as a witness that she had asserted that what this office needed was some female action! Upon receiving her award she further lambasted her opinion that none in that office would get any female action.

Brazilian Wax spotted Charley on the cellphone, and called for a Rude Award – should have been Cellphonus Interruptus, but no one cared for details. As Charley reluctantly took his award, he made some offhand remark about the cost of avoiding the next one, which Wahoo mistook for using her real name. Or the story was different, but the temper tantrum cooked it for Wahoo, and she got a False Accusation Backfire Award.

Since Strangler was absent, Sassygirl BJ had been able to restrain her irritation and focus on the singing voices of others, and she nominated Simon to sing the Hash song by himself, for himself, which he did remarkably well under such unforeseen pressure. Ring Ring, having recovered her vision after her two awards, nominated Godfather for the Sexy Pants Award. The GM had been in a panic at the start of the Hash with the non-arrival of the BBQ etc., but Lewinsky helpfully pointed out that this was because for the first time in his life Snake was gainfully employed, so a large Entrepreneur Award was given to Snake.

Sassygirl BJ nominated Godfather, Swinger and Brazilian Wax for the Seafarers Award for their engagement with the voyaging canoe, which was made a large one for Swinger due to some swinging (or frigging) in the rigging. We then received the evidence for why there had been so much rain recently. Apparently the GM (and several unnamed Hashers) had performed sundry rain dances and rituals in the hope that a certain Hash mere would do the run a-la wet t-shirt, so LVK had to get her Lack of Incriminating Evidence Award. (Though I think the GM should get one next week for Pagan Ritualism!)

Charley, clearly by now colourblind and on the offense, called for anyone wearing a green singlet to get an Award in honour of St. Patrick’s Day. His target was of course the GM, though he was wearing a teal and beer coloured tanktop, and this is never a good idea to try on the GM. Blakey who was wearing a green t-shirt was thus the unintended victim.

Next week Hash will be hosted by Schanelle, Crown of Thorns and Screamer at The Scream in Siusega. COT had called for a theme of Rubik’s Cube, meaning that all have to show up with one item for each of the 6 colours of a Rubik’s Cube, then gradually exchange these with others until you end up with all single colours at the close of the evening. This sounds unduly complicated and positively unhygienic, but we shall try. (Hashers, make sure that whatever sweaty garment you use for the run gets exchanged to the brain surgeon who thought up this particular atrocity.)

The GM was concerned that not enough practice had gone into the dancing routines for the 1500th Hash, and while we did not get to see the Meres dance, he did command them to show us the moves for the Hash Anthem. This caused much hilarity especially in regards to the cumming motion – these Meres must be very lucky! Somehow this was translated into a down down for Poumuli. For the arrangements for the 1500th, Sassygirl BJ suggested an extra $5 for each hasher, to be combined with the $600 from the Veterans Association, as suggested by Snake, and that we find a suitable charity to award this to. The GM also called for action on the commemorative t-shirts and a live band. The Hare and the Host, Schanell and Sassy, with Schanell taking a double for something I can no longer discern from the notes.


On on

Poumuli

Hash Run 1499D - BYO Food @ STA Fale

Morning,
hash will be behind the STA Fale in town. Please note that this is a BYO Food run and the BBQ will be there so bring something to throw on the BBQ. Hash will supply the drinks as per the norm and run will start at 1730 hrs

We are also looking for a hare so if you are keen to set the run, please let BB know.

On On

Hash Trash 1499C

Your Scribe is back from a well-deserved break, and many thanks to our Assistant Trainee Scribe Lesbian Vampire Killer for the outstanding job she did with the trash the last few weeks. Many overseas hashers were able to enjoy the events as if we were there. So this will unfortunately then be a return to the mundane and humdrum.

The Hash was hosted by Crash Bandicoot and Mr. Whippy next to the Maota Samoa in the Vaitele area. The run had been set on flour which was not entirely a great choice given the intensity of the rain before and during the run. There were quite a few false trails and our front-running bastards were soon in the middle of the pack. With the run entirely following the roads the only obstacle to getting back was the rapidly diminishing flour piles. At one point the deluge of rain was so intense your Scribe was worried it would short-circuit his Taser, which was inconveniently close to the family jewels.

All made it back safely to the carpark, and Godfather’s delicious sweet nuts were consumed. While awaiting Snake’s return with the majority of carkeys the keg was opened, which caused a bit of foam when it had to be moved down to the fale as the rain came back with a vengeance. Eveready had supplied his tasty but fiery guacamole for the hungry snacking hashers.

Eveready called the circle to order as GM for the night. There were a number of newcomers to Hash. There was Nileema from India (she is also the United Nations Resident Representative for Samoa, Niue, Cook Islands and Tokelau), Derek (a marine biologist from Oz), Ian from Auckland (fixing Lewinsky Sr.’s car). BB was well chuffed that for the first time a UN bigwig was present and was no doubt relieved that she had briefed her well on the rules of the circle, and the GM insisted that they all do a down-down. The rethreads were Poumuli, Wahoo, Chilindrina, Hot Nuts and a few more (had to put down the notebook so I missed a few).

The GM also noted that there needed to be a special rethread award to two hashers who had promised to show up for a festive evening at Tropicana and then failed to do so. Swinger’s lame excuse that BB was sick (of what?) did not give them any exemption.

The shoe inspector was missing but there were no new shoes anyway. Missing In Action Award for AC/DC next week. Anyway, the GM was foaming at the bit to make things more interesting, and gave a special Confusing Award to Mr. Whippy for setting a trail that was hard to find, made worse by the rain, and for being seen going in the opposite direction. LVK and Mele even had to go an extra mile as a result.

Even if it was a fairly short run for some, the GM had observed Schanell trying to chariot ride – he only guiltily got out of the truck when he was spotted by the GM. Large one.

Last week, the GM had awarded the Most Improved Runner Award to LVK, only to find that a few days in Pago had resulted in her being the slowest again – so an Arrested Development Award was handed out. The GM also pondered at why, when we relocated the circle to the fale, it had taken Screamer 15 minutes to turn up – Local Action/Living Up To Name Award.

The GM followed this theme by claiming that one of the rethreads was now unrecognizable, except on TV, so Wahoo got an award amongst rude snickering about being locked up in hotel rooms with Poumuli.

Pussysnatcher caught Mele trying to stop a fridge from levitating, and the GM scored a point with Snake for the Leaky House Syndrome Award given the poor state of the fale roof. It became a double as Snake forgot the Hash name of his own missus.

The GM had arrived early and had found Crash simply admiring the view, while Delicious was at home cooking, while pregnant! This news resulted in a double Responsible Husbandry Award.

Mele nominated Vaa for Leaving Hash Award, while the GM requested Mele to stay for an award not awarded since 1990, Bringing Hash into Disrepute by running with an umbrella. Pussysnatcher then caught Swinger leaning on the keg, with Mele unsuccessfully calling for a tattle-tale award for PS.

The GM had been huffing and puffing on the run and was in need of a coconut but there was no knife to be found as Snake had taken away the keys. Snake claimed higher purpose of setting up the electrical supply, to the point of trying to rig the vote.

Poumuli had swapped a Hash shirt for a set of bunny ears in Denmark, which were awarded to the Hare, Mr. Whippy. He had also procured a Joker cap from the Tower of London, which was awarded to Mele.

FBI nominated BB for talking to Nileema and for the historic event of bringing the UN resident representative to Hash. Stunned, Mr. Whippy on all our behalf exclaimed that this was the shortest nomination ever made by FBI, deserving a Brevity Award, while Screamer said Nileema should join the two. SOTB spotted FBI sporting his sunglasses so he remained front and centre for a further award. Snake and Lewinsky were admiring Lezzie’s inspirational t-shirt (Nobody knows I’m a Lesbian). Swinger nominated Zsa Zsa for the Yugo Award for running backwards on the trail, although he got the country wrong (its Hungary). Zsa Zsa has not improved his speed beyond that of a snail, and we were on the third chorus by the time he finished.

Before the GM was able to give Vai Vai the floor, he had to take a down down for getting the name wrong. What followed was some waffling about dancing and singing, summed up by the GM as “the mouth is moving, words are coming out, but nobody’s at home”, so Vai Vai got the Incomprehensible Gibberish Award. FBI and Lezzie poetically nominated Crash for getting the GM’s daughter pregnant, a sort of slam poetry seldom heard in Hash. Most impressive and should have been rewarded by the GM.

Pirate Princess described how Schanell had exposed her to his booty before the circle, which he sought to explain away in that his indecent exposure shouldn’t have been ogled at by PP in staring at his booty. Lewinsky complicated matters in explaining some finer points of piracy, while Schanell drew a bigger award for complaining too much, so all three drank in the end.

The Hash saluted our leaving members Snakebite and Venom, and Mr. Whippy Sr noted that Jr was leaving as well – although this became a double for some sexist remarks.

LVK wanted Hash to celebrate Australia Day by making any Oz people drink, but keg was low, so the GM picked Roz to be their High Commissioner for the award.

Since he had been so brief earlier, the GM let FBI have the last nomination. Big mistake. A lengthy accusation of a UN staff member throwing stuff at the GM came from the now less than eloquent FBI, although clearly unethical behaviour, but complicated by Swinger with his countering tirade against CSL. After BB defended herself by reviewing the GM’s sexist remarks, she ended up with the Defending Gender Award.

The hosts and the hare were then saluted – Crash Bandicoot, Mr Whippy (with bunny ears) and Snake, with Fang being added in for making it all happen.

Next week will be a BYO at the STA Fale in town. We were reminded to think of a theme for the 1500th run. We were also invited to feast on the 70 hot dogs provided by Crash Bandicoot and the Whippy’s.

On On,

Poumuli.

Hash Run 1499C - Mon 25 Jan 2010

Back-of-the-Van Hash

Once again, Crash Bandicoot and Mr. Whippy will be hosting a glorious Back-of-the-Van Hash. Only this time the venue is far closer. You can’t miss it. It’s located at the top of the hill past the Maota Samoa in Vaitele (see map). The venue and backup venue have kindly been arranged by Snake.

Please be aware that the hosts will provide hot-dogs, buns, and toppings ONLY. Hashers are expected to supplement their dogs with their own food either on location or at home after Hash. There will be no BBQ. The food will be pre-cooked, and yes, the keg will be there in all its glory.

Remember, we are guests at this venue. So be respectful and don’t litter. As we like to say, “Be considerate - leave only footprints.”

On On!

Mr. Whippy.

Hash Trash- Run 1499B

Another Monday, another great Hash.

A small but dedicated pack of 24 Hashers braved the traffic from town and the prospect of rain to make it out to Puipa’a for this week’s run, kindly hosted by Sina.

Pussy Snatcher, Schannelle and I arrived as fast as traffic allowed armed with the best BYO we could find in our kitchen – half a packet of Pringles, some sour cream, and a tin of fruit salad. Fail.

The trail was set by Ring Ring (more on that later), and led us through someone’s backyard into the bush. Other than almost stepping on a giant pig, I enjoyed the off-road trail and somehow managed to stay not-too-far behind the boys at the front, Zsa Zsa, Schannelle and Pussy Snatcher.

GM for the week was Eveready.

The only newbie was Laauli Paul, a very youthful looking 24 year old brought along by AC/DC. Karaoke seemed very interested to know if he was married. He was not.

The retreads were Pussy Snatcher and David. Pussy Snatcher had been overseas for six weeks, spending some time with his Snatched Pussy and travelling. David had been in Copenhagen with fellow Hashers Screamer and “Palusami”, i.e. Poumuli. David piked out on the Copenhagen Hash due to the -6 degrees weather.

SOTB pulled up Gordon Ramsay for not declaring himself a retread. Gordon Ramsay, living up to his Hash name, hit SOTB with a pair of tongs.

Schannelle drank for leaning on a car.

Our resident shoe inspector AC/DC pulled up David for having new shoes. Brand new out of the box! David had sneakily removed his shoes before the circle and was standing barefoot, but everyone had already noticed and been blinded by the dazzling white of his shoes. Screamer tried to save her boss from drinking out of his shoe, complaining that we’d run through pig shit, but was overruled by the pack, who made David follow Hash tradition. “Tastes like rubber, with slight aftertaste of pig”, observed the shoe-sculling connoisseur.

Our hare Ring Ring was nominated for trying to bribe some locals to set the run for her, and locking her keys in her car in the process.

The GM gave Tammy an award for actually doing the Hash run for once. She usually turns up late.

Pussy Snatcher drank for only just making it to Hash, complaining that it was too far to come, when he has spent the last six weeks gallivanting around the world.

Lewinsky nominated David for the “serious crime” of drinking out of an official Hash mug in the circle.

Your scribe received the most improved runner award. Usually I’m with the walkers but this week was at the front of the pack. Like that week I couldn’t finish my beer, I think this week’s run was an anomaly, and not likely to be repeated!

During the run, the boys at the front of the pack decided the set trail wasn’t enough for them and went for an extra run. What is this, some kind of fitness club? Zsa Zsa, Schannelle and Pussy Snatcher drank. Zsa Zsa actually drank his Vailima reasonably fast, and was coughing and spluttering away after.

Lewinsky was nominated for standing up his own sister. Poor form, Lewinsky!

In typical Selena-and-Tony-Blair fashion, last week’s Hash turned into a huge night. What will we do without them? After the beer ran out at 11pm, Schannelle realised some of his stuff had been stolen. Good Samaritan Screamer offered him a lift home, but instead of taking him to his house, she took him back to her house! “I don’t make the news, I just report it,” said Eveready. Screamer drank.

“But that’s not the end of the story!” said the GM. Schannelle was given another down down for having a king size bed, even though he is a single guy.

Godfather was given a down down for planning to leave early after the circle. The down down must have had some effect, because he was playing his ukulele and singing for some time after the circle. Ring Ring drank too, for trying and failing to play the ukulele as Godfather drank.

Little Lani was given a down down as it was her last Hash before she heads back to New Zealand. “She wants to go home, but doesn’t want to leave Hash,” said Karaoke. I have it on good authority that Lani will return to Hash and Samoa again, and, yes, Hashmen, she will be of legal age by then.

Schannelle nominated Karaoke for blocking the driveway at Lotopa when he was trying to move house last Saturday. He said she drove to the cake shop at the end of the driveway and back twice in a few minutes. “It’s my road!” defended Karaoke. Eveready pitched in that Schannelle seemed to have an excessive amount of stuff to move. Put to a vote, Schannelle was made to drink. “That’s the last time I give a nomination!” he said.

Sassy gave SOTB a down down for breaking into Ring Ring’s car to get her keys. “Everything I know I learnt from my mother,” said SOTB. “I taught you good manners!” retorted Sassy.

Please note: things started to get a little messy around here, as our smaller-than-normal circle endeavoured to make its way through the keg, so please excuse any discrepancies in my reporting from here on in.

Snake nominated Lewinsky for failing to provide Diet Cokes. Snake went and bought some. Snake then accused Lewinsky of pretending he had bought them when the GM asked for one. Lewinsky declared this a “serious conspiracy”, saying “I would never disrespect the GM”.

SOTB gave Sassy a media award for making the New Zealand news. Someone asked Sassy for a verbatim transcript. “Ah, just give me the drink,” said Sassy.

Schannelle then nominated Pussy Snatcher and Little Lani for talking in the circle. This was declared a “successful cockblock” as after drinking Lani was made to stand three places away from Pussy Snatcher, with Schannelle, SOTB, and Snake in between them.

Snake nominated the person who posted the great photo of Godfather on the blog that day, as a “lovely photo of Samoa in yesteryear”. Godfather stands with a group of paddlers, with a big “mandlebar moustache” and a great head of hair. The photo came from Flash Gordon, whose nearest relative SOTB drank.

Eveready nominated your scribe, Pro Boner and Tammy for being no shows at Selena and Tony Blair’s farewell at Tropicana last Friday. We had told Eveready we would show up in red dresses! A Hashman was to blame, for inviting us down to Lalomanu that night – AC/DC!

Sassy nominated Ring Ring for not clearing it with the matriarch of family across the road before running through their backyard. The matriarch was mad and only calmed down when she saw Godfather and his pe’a tattoo.

SOTB, Snake and Lewinsky were nominated for telling chauvinistic jokes. They’re not worth repeating here (or anywhere); ask SOTB, Snake or Lewinsky if you really need to know.

Sassy then gave SOTB and Gordon Ramsay an award for eating dog. SOTB and Gordon claimed it was lamb. “Was the dog’s name Lamb?” someone asked. Sassy drank for a false accusation.

SOTB nominated Lewinsky for asking his sister to cover his shift so he could go fishing. Pro Boner pitched in that this was only three hours after he stood her up. Lewinsky’s lame excuse was that “I’m only a Hashman, and I like to fish.” Somehow after a vote, though, Pro Boner ended up drinking, although I don’t see how this was her fault.

To finish things off, Snake gave a down down to everyone who hadn’t drunk yet – Fang, Mr Whippy, and Laauli

The 1500 run was then discussed – a theme is needed, please send SOTB your suggestions – and the circle was closed.

Your scribe had a late night, drinking with the boys until past midnight. See you all next week!

On On!

Lesbian Vampire Killer.

Hash 1500th Run Theme

There was some discussion at the run last night about a theme for our 1500th Run. For those who might have some ideas, please post a comment below, or email me 'ant.sass@gmail.com' and send me your ideas. We will put it on a poll over the next week or so and hashers can vote on what they think the theme for the 1500th Run will be.

On On

Hash Run 1499B- Puipaa

Morning to you all...
Sina Retzlaff-Lima has kindly offered to host today's run at Puipaa. This will be a BYO Food Run and hash will provide the drinks. The details/Directions are below on the map. Please make sure you bring something to throw on the BBQ or a salad to accompany the meats. Which ever is easiest for you. Run starts normal time @ 1730Hrs

On On

Back in the days...

Here's a shot of Godfather back in the days...