Monday, January 29, 2018

Hash Run 1917

Malo Hashers!

Hash Run 1917 is being hosted by Cunning Linguist and Snip'n'Tuck at their house in Vaivase-Uta.

The theme is HAIR as CL has none and S'n'T has loads! 

House is on Vaivase Uta Road, just before you get to the large sports field on the right - "Tanoa le i'a" - the driveway is on the left; house is at the back behind another house. CL normally puts something on the rubbish stand! There will be lots of cars parked before and at a small neighboring shop. You'll see it!

Please leave your car at the main road!!

Run starts at 6pm sharp! 

Don't forget your hash cash and your hair spray!



Hash Trash 1916

The Hash was hosted by Pussysnatcher, Snatched, Toa and Catcher at their house in Apaula Heights. It was a nice cool day after the rain and the Hashers set off into the bush. The trail meandered through the jungle until we came out at the top of Apaula and then followed the road home. It was quite a challenging run, but not the usual killer we expect from Pussysnatcher.

StrapOn as GM called the circle to order. There were no newbies, and the retreads were Alex (no excuse), Prince (communing in NZ), Amit, and Barefoot & Anal. Peeping Clam was made Shoe Inspector and found Alex, Prince and just Paul.
Celebrity Awards went to Overstayer (for Crime’s new prison) and Jonathon (for Sassy being in the paper).

This Day in History Awards went to King (AD 41 – Roman Emperor Caligula, known for his eccentricity and sadistic despotism, is assassinated by his disgruntled Praetorian Guards. The Guard then proclaims Caligula's uncle Claudius as Emperor), Poumuli (1523 – Christian II is forced to abdicate as King of Denmark and Norway), Twin Peaks (1788 – The first elements of the First Fleet carrying 736 convicts from Great Britain to Australia arrive at Botany Bay), Nom Nom (1931 – Sir Isaac Isaacs is sworn in as the first Australian-born Governor-General of Australia), StrapOn (1960 – Little Joe 1B, a Mercury spacecraft, lifts off from Wallops Island, Virginia with Miss Sam, a female rhesus monkey on board), Lewinsky (1993 – Bill Clinton is inaugurated the 42nd President of the United States of America), and Karaoke (Feast Day of St Francis de Sales).

On the run, Pussysnatcher had given instructions not to trample any plantations, but Snip & Tuck ran straight over one. Jonathon was also awarded for his barbed wire skills. Also the assurance that there were no problems with dogs on the trail was false, thus Pussysnatcher joined.

In the news Trump had referred to shithole countries, while praising Norway, which led to Pussysnatcher, Dannii and Paul getting a down down with Poumuli. Samoa has also been banned from the temporary work visa in the US, which went to Overstayer and Titty Galore. Poumuli noted that Trump has been accused of an affair with a pornstar, which was reminiscent of Clinton, hence a down down for Lewinsky.

There had also been a March for Women’s Rights, which went to Peeping Clam and Snatched. Australian criticism of Chinese aid to the Pacific went to Titty Galore and Nom Nom. Opening up for nominations from the floor, Cunning Linguist nominated Poumuli for practicing and fixing hair in the car. Ge joined for a Jealousy Award for having  no hair, while Witch Doctor was a latecummer.
Nom Nom nominated Alex for overachievement for running Mt Vaea, and he was joined by Poumuli for no longer doing that. Paul was also nominated for the noises from his sword interrupting proceedings.

Witch Doctor nominated Wahoo for throwing away her contact lenses. And then the Monk arrived.
She started with the couple that had just got married Mr and Mrs Smith, so Paul with his amazing moves will henceforth be known as Quicky. Dannii whom many have called upon for house doctor calls, shall henceforth be known as Drug Dealer. Toa, our littlest host, is from a family of cat relations, and shall henceforth be known as SOAP – Son Of A Pussy.

Reverting to the circle Twin Peaks nominated Poumuli for giving directions but not explaining the theme, while Lewinsky nominated Tittty Galore for excessive advertising, joined by Godfather. Jonathon got nominated for saying he would bring more med students and then didn’t. Poumuli tried to nominate Pussysnatcher and Snatcher for their dangerous driveway and failed, while Alex’s cellphone went off.

Finally Peeping Clam got the Worst Sword Award while King got the Best Sword Award.

We then feasted
On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, January 19, 2018

Hash Trash 1915

The Hash was hosted by Princess Fantapants, Dannii and Paul at their house in Siusega (past residence of Screamer the First and venue of many a Hash). The run was set by Nom Nom on this  rather hot day. Out we went past the Catholic Church and around the Faleata sports complex. Coming around on the Siusega side there was a detour down to Swinger’s compound where Nom Nom abides. He and Sassygirl BJhad arranged for all Hashers to do 10 push-ups, 10 star-jumps and have a shot of something that tasted like kerosene, but was in fact Niu Voka. Then it was on back to the house, where the circle was called by GM StrapOn.

New to Hash were Jonathan, a medico, brought by someone called Courtney. There was the ANZ neighbour whose name escaped. Lemiki and Ti from Fiji brought by someone called Nynette. Josh brought by Snip & Tuck. So Sassy and Lewinsky did a down down.
Retreads were Sassy (looking for a man), Fanta (leaning), Dannii and Paul (honeymooning), Karaoke (mowing the lawn in Auckland), Princess Snip and Einstein (hanging out), and Matthew (forgotten his hash name, hashed with us 20 years ago).

For staying away from Hash so long, Matthew had his served in a sauce pan. He thought his Hash name should be Hashtag, but the King suggested Toetag.

Shoe Inspector Nom Nom found Ti and Lemiki, but Nom Nom took it on their behalf.
Celebrity Awards went to Gabby (quoted in the paper) and Godfather (there was a fire in Siumu after he had consumed too much of the extra spicy goulash).

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (1814 – Treaty of Kiel: Frederick VI of Denmark cedes Norway to Sweden in return for Pomerania), Sassy and Thom (1900 – The United States Senate accepts the Anglo-German treaty of 1899 in which the United Kingdom renounces its claims to the Samoan islands), the ANZ Banker (1960 – The Reserve Bank of Australia, the country's central bank and banknote issuing authority, is established), Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: Matt Drudge breaks the story of the Bill Clinton–Monica Lewinsky affair on his Drudge Report website), Karaoke (Feast Day of St Francis), Godfather (Feast Day of St Titian) and StrapOn (International Fetish Day). The King requested more information on St Titian.

The GM had several awards. On the run King had driven past the pack, all sweating and panting, teasing them with sweeties. Before King took his award, Godfather reminded that there would be an Elvis impersonator at Travellers Point – if King goes, will that make them Elvi?

At the pitstop, Godfather had insisted on showing off, and did 30 push-ups instead. So why not do 50 now? Lewinsky had been persistently shouting come on you fat bastard, ostensibly to himself, but POD was in front of him several times, so a Spousal Abuse Award to Lewinsky.

The newcomer Jonathan had claimed to be a terrible runner, yet he was far and away the best of the pack (not saying much, but…). He was joined by Coinsave and Will who had stopped to watch a girls volleyball game, and they stood there for hours. They got the GF Proud Of You Award. Witch Doctor was a latecummer.

Overstayer and Thom had avoided the pitstop, so the GM made them do the push-ups and jumps, followed by the shots. POD had her birthday last week, and also renewed her vows to Lewinsky. The King explained that he wanted Lewinsky for a double as he had forced drinks on him, and also for the DJ falling asleep.

Opening up for nominations, Sassy had noticed some foul smells around the place, and gave the down down to Fanta and the ANZ Banker. Cunning Linguist wanted to give a Carelessness Award to King for losing his glasses, but this became a Heroes Award for CL.

Godfather was moved to see the two Fijians at Hash to remind everyone of the great opportunity in the Interhash being organised in Nadi in late May this year. He urged the Hash to consider attending with the estimated 6000 runners from around the world, and asked POD to gain share the information (which she has now done).

Karaoke was very interested in going, but she said she was broke, so she nominated the ANZ Banker, who at Poumuli’s urging was joined by Coinsave.

Sassy was really grateful to Fanta that his toilet wasn’t working, as her phone had fallen in. Coinsave gave an Undercover Celebrity Award to Poumuli for singing at the Oka Festival. (It was 3 Little Birds, not No Woman No Cry).

Nom Nom thanked Overstayer and Thom for the finely engraved mugs, and POD nominated Karaoke and King, for Karaoke’s dance with, and disappointment in performance of, her dad. King was added in for raising expectations.

The King obviously hadn’t had enough, and claimed to set the record straight that the lawn mowing in Auckland was in fact a Brazilian wax. Ungrateful Award to King.

The hosts and the hare – Fanta, Dannii, Paul and Nom Nom were saluted before we had a wonderful feast of curry.

Next week is hosted by Pussysnatcher and Snatched in Apaula Heights.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, December 15, 2017

Hash Run 1912

Hope you all recovered from Christmas Hash. 

Hash next week, 18th Dec will be hosted by BB, Swinger and StrapOn at Papauta.

Theme: Heroines

Venue - StrapOn's house: Same road to Mailelani Soap Factory/Le Petite Cafe, it's the second house on the right. The house has a white deck in the front. 

Run starts: 6pm on the dot!



Hash Run 1912

Hope you all recovered from Christmas Hash. 

Hash next week, 18th Dec will be hosted by BB, Swinger and StrapOn at Papauta.

Theme: Heroines

Venue - StrapOn's house: Same road to Mailelani Soap Factory/Le Petite Cafe, it's the second house on the right. The house has a white deck in the front. 

Run starts: 6pm on the dot!



Hash Trash 1911

The Christmas Hash was hosted by Gayboy at Sunrise Restaurant in Matautu. It had been a really rainy Monday, but we were blessed by a lull in the deluge as the pack set out for what is really a pub crawl. The Hash kids safely ensconced in a red Hilux, the trail went down Beach Road to Amanaki, then back via CVs, OTR and sundry other places. Bemused locals and tourists were regaled by bawdy versions of classic Christmas carols, belted out with gusto and accompanied by Godfather’s ukulele. The pack meandered slightly on the return, but we were finally able to muster a very large and loud circle.

Slim Shady was our GM, and invited the newbies to enter the circle. These were Soopuka brought by Gabby, Tanya brought by someone called Tammy, Paulie, Peter and Taz brought by Skull, Coinsave’s brother, Talai brought by someone called Courtney, and Nicholai Taulelei brought by Poumuli and Wahoo. All got a down down, joined by Titty Galore and Lewinsky.
Retreads were Wahoo (mummying), Captain Bolitos (doing things with balls), Cunning Linguist, Swinger (world tour), Coinsave, Nom Nom, Cunning, Skull, GBH, Gayboy and Captain Mortein.
Shoe Inspector Gayboy found Kiwi and Coinsave’s brother.

Celebrity Awards went to Princess Fantapants, GBH, Gabby, Peeping Clam (all in photos in the paper) and Lewinsky for Sassygirl BJ (numerous stories from Vanuatu Games).

This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (902 – Battle of the Holme: Anglo-Saxon forces are defeated by Danish Vikings under Æthelwold (a son of Æthelred of Wessex) who is killed in battle), Godfather (1996 – Gwen Jacob is acquitted of committing an indecent act, giving women the right to be topfree in Ontario, Canada – GF approved), Poumuli (1997 – The Kyoto Protocol opens for signature), Nom Nom and Skull (2005 – Cronulla riots: Thousands of White Australians demonstrate against ethnic violence resulting in a riot against anyone thought to be Lebanese in Cronulla, New South Wales; these are followed up by retaliatory ethnic attacks on Cronulla), Princess Fantapants (2017 – Marriage Amendment Bill to recognize same-sex marriage passes in Australia) and Pervert (Human Rights Day).

The GM had some awards, and started with POD for a Child Abuse Award for making Happy Feet run all the way from Amanaki. Then there was a Mean Aunty Award to Titty Galore who stopped a couple handholding on the run.

Next Princess Fantapants for the Not So Secret Award – apparently he had been revealing a bit too much of himself in the Santa suit. Karaoke got a Balldropper Award, and Smashlee for asking why run with the kids.

Opening up for nominations, Coinsave quickly got Crime for leaning. Poumuli tried to add in another for Crime, but failed.

Cunning Linguist, piqued that Swinger had been posting all these photos from his world tour, updating the minutiae of his progress, gave him the Rubbing It In Award. He was joined by Coinsave who had also been on part of the tour.

Skull’s son Peter nominated his sister for running in a strapless bra, and running faster than her mascara. Both of them took the down down, while Godfather’s interest was perked. Cunning nominated Snake for hiding in the bushes, joined by Pervert.

Princess Fantapants nonimaned Nom Nom for the Libra Award, as the running colours of his get up suggested immediate ovulation. Noms was joined by Coinsave for leaning.
The GM then recognized Junior and Richard Wetzell who had snuck in to the Hash. Karaoke gave the Master Chef Award to Crash Bandicoot. Lewinsky was supposed to get a pig, and got a cow instead. Both Crash and Lewinsky had a down down, with Soopuka for leaning.

Coinsave then asked for a Subterfuge Award for Cockblocker – he has been walking around with a black eye and giving different reasons each time asked. Transporter and Lowrider got the Missed Retreads Award. Swinger nominated Coinsave for giving influenza to an entire cruise ship.

Smashlee tried to nominate Captain Bolitas, but named Paul instead, but in the midst of this failure Godfather asked for Happy Bunny to join because of her smile when Captain is on shore. Prince was asked the rhetorical question, why the facial hair? Burt Reynolds Award.
Gayboy nominated Captain Mortein for the down down he hadn’t had yet, but this was false, so both took it. They were soon joined by chattering nabobs Gabby and Soopuka.

Godfather made an impassioned speech about not missing 30 odd years of Christmas Hashes. This was followed by the Pricks of the Year Award – Poumuli for missing the birth of his son, and Nom Nom, Godfather and Snake for the dead cat and pig run. Tit of the Year Award went to POD for her excessive running.

The Hare and Host were saluted. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, December 11, 2017

Hash Run 1911 - Christmas Hash

Talofa all
Tonight's Christmas Hash will be hosted by Gayboy at Sunrise Restaurant in Matautu. Come on down to the home of sweet and sour cat for some carolling and fun. Its locate by the Samoa Ports Authority building.
Run starts at 6 PM rain or shine.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1910

The Hash was hosted by the King and Karaoke in Lotopa. It was an incredibly rainy day, so it was surprising that so many actually made it out. The rain had precluded any sort of trail to be set, so StrapOn volunteered as live hare. Out the gate we went on a perambular run around Lotopa, with the faster runners going all the way over to the Mormon temple and back.

StrapOn came in as GM, and called the circle to order. New to Hash was Gabby who is a UN volunteer, and came with someone called Pru and Mark. Down downs for Peeping Clam, Princess Fantapants and Gabby.

The retreads were Poumuli (away in Fiji and Germany), Overstayer (in Savaii but based in Upolu now), Witch Doctor, Tom, Crime, Peeping Clam and Princess Fantapants.
Shoe inspector Snip and Tuck failed, as she falsely accused POD.
This Day in History Awards went to StrapOn for Gayboy (977 – Emperor Otto II lifts the siege at Paris and withdraws. His rearguard is defeated while crossing the Aisne River by Frankish forces under King Lothair III), Crash Bandicoot (2006 – Commodore Frank Bainimarama overthrows the government in Fiji), King (1726 – King Adolph of Sweden dies), and Lewinsky (International Day for People with Disabilities).

Celebrity Awards went to Princess Fantapants (for FBI who was in the paper), Godfather and Cockblocker (SVS in the paper), Peeping Clam (not happy about Prince Harry), Lewinsky (30 year anniversary of RLS, of which his dad was a founder), the King (did not enter world’s best guacamole competition), and Cockblocker for World Aids Day.

Turning to the GM’s awards, we saw some improvements in the 7s, with vocal support from Karaoke. Then there had been the Queen’s Baton Relay, with numerous indiscretions including Sassygirl BJ driving too slow, Godfather taking a short-cut, POD running in front of the Baton-bearer and Poumuli trying to us the baton as a bat.

Opening up for nominations, Princess Fantapants nominated Peeping Clam for the Not Samoan Award, as she was peeling more than a chimpanzee from her sunburn. Then Lewinsky nominated the GM for his speedy side step of a charging dog on the run. Lewinsky joined him as he had been laughing about the incident.

POD nominated Titty Galore for her nesting skills in fashioning a sling for Godfather out of a bikini top. Lewinsky nominated Crash for the bad son in law award for not wearing pink to the run. POD had been listening to the radio when the bodybuilding contest was on, and apparently the commentary from the ladies watching would have been illegal if men had uttered them during Ms Samoa. To top it off, the King had been abused by Karaoke upon her return from the contest.

Godfather noted that the Hash has been around for 30 odd years, and that a long time ago at a Togitogia run Snake had found a snake in the bush, for which he is named. This week they found a snake at Sinalei, and after that was disposed of, he began to look for the parent snakes. Then he remembered that Snake had been his electrician.
Princess Fantapants joined him for sitting during this story. Finally, Karaoke nominated Snake for getting upset that someone called him old at last week’s Hash.

The Hosts and Hare were saluted. Next week’s Hash is at Sunrise Restaurant, Christmas Hash 6PM, rain or shine.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, August 11, 2017

Hash Trash 1893

The Hash was hosted by AC/DC at the Tokelau compound in Moamoa. A cool day it was with blustery winds. The perfect day to set a run on flour. Yes, for a change he had actually set a run. We went off the usual way though, to the left towards the big ford. But here there was a circle and we went deeper into Moamoa heartland. Apart from some lazy dogs and curious locals it was all good. We crossed the ford, and realised what the laughter was about – we went into a small loop and returned to the ford. So on back we went to where we had come. We explored the ford for flour, but in the end several just ran back and up to Chanel College. All good.

POD called the circle to order, and new to Hash was Johnny who had been brought by FBI. The retreads were FBI (small operation), Overstayer (work), Tom (on Savaii) and Lucy (back for a week). Screamer as Shoe Inspector failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Il Capo (1173 – Construction of the campanile of the Cathedral of Pisa (now known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa) begins; it will take two centuries to complete – Italian efficiency and skill!), Crash Bandicoot (1947 – Thor Heyerdahl's balsa wood raft the Kon-Tiki, crashes into the reef at Raroia in the Tuamotu Islands after a 101-day, 7,000 kilometres (4,300 mi) journey across the Pacific Ocean in an attempt to prove that pre-historic peoples could have traveled from South America), AC/DC (1971 – The first Pacific Islands Forum (then known as the "South Pacific Forum") is held in Wellington, New Zealand, with the aim of enhancing cooperation between the independent countries of the Pacific Ocean), Tom (Feast Day of St Sithney, patron saint of mad dogs) and POD for Happy Feet (Happiness Happens Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Nom Nom for Peeping Clam (peeping out of an Observer photo), Eveready for Slim Shady’s dad, and FBI for the crime headline accompanying it.

Cunning Linguist then did a special celebrity award for the Norwegians, as the new tram seats in Oslo, in twilight, looked as if the tram was full of burka wearers, freaking the people out. Witch Doctor and Poumuli went up.

Turning to the theme for the run, babies, the GM had to ponder the meaning of Snip & Tuck’s carnevalesque outfit – was she ready for babies? Nom Nom and Lewinsky were given the Worst Nappy Ever Awards, Mark the Best Nappy Award, and Screamer, whose definition of babies as a collection of orifices that produce biohazards was acclaimed.

It had been an active weekend in sports so Lucy and Cunning were given awards for the Lions and Crusaders respectively. We also had Neymar sign the highest transfer fee in history, so for the Best Brazilian she brought up Johnny, Snake and second best FBI.

Returning to the crappy nappies theme, Il Capo obviously approaches that as an Italian architect approaches building towers, as her son had crapped all over the deck at a weekend Perimeter training set.

She also pointed out that this was a nice venue for the Hash, but that AC/DC must enjoy Christmas too much as the decorations were still up. For some reason this went to Snake and Poumuli.
FBI nominated the failing barmen Lewinsky and AC/DC, and when all said aye for AC/DC he failed to notice that he was dobbing himself in.

Latecummers Godfather and Peeping Clam were greeted. Cunning nominated Snip & Tuck, as she had arranged for them to go for a walk on Saturday, but when ready there was no sign, no sight or sound. Obviously practicing her costume. Lewinsky nominated the GM for winning the 21 K, and Poumuli for rescuing Godfather from a second by taking his hat.

Il Capo nominated Crash as someone had crashed into her car. Slim Shady was latecummer, and AC/DC gave her a second one for pulling out of hosting.

Turning to announcements, we need drivers and supporters for the Perimeter Relay. Godfather mentioned the 2018 Inter Hash in Nadi and urged a group of us to go.

The Hare and Hosts were saluted before a magnificent island style feast was served up.

Next week will be Father’s Day run at Godfather’s and Titty G’s in Poutasi. Your Scribe will be in Honiara with the Hash there.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1892

The Hash was hosted at On The Rocks by Lewinsky and POD in the absence of a suitable host. Cockblocker was live hare and took us on a jaunt on the seawall to Mulinuu, back into town and on home through the back roads of Apia. Not the most interesting run, but whatever. There were sweet nuts awaiting.

POD called the circle to order, trying to be heard over the infernal catervauling of the OTR band. There were no newbies or retreads. While Richie was fined for leaning, Shoe Inspector Snakebite struck gold with Prince.

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (1030 – Ladejarl-Fairhair succession wars: Battle of Stiklestad: King Olaf II fights and dies trying to regain his Norwegian throne from the Danes), a British
Medic (1900 – Kaiser Wilhelm II makes a speech comparing Germans to Huns; for years afterwards, "Hun" would be a disparaging name for Germans), Snake (1970 – Black Tot Day: The last day of the officially sanctioned rum ration in the Royal Navy), StrapOn (1976 – In New York City, David Berkowitz (a.k.a. the "Son of Sam") kills one person and seriously wounds another in the first of a series of attacks), Crash Bandicoot (World Hepatitis Day) and Lewinsky (International Beer Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Coinsave (for pro and anti Sinalei stories), Nom Nom (for Snatched story), POD (for being the “darling of Samoan running”) and Poumuli (for giving his real name to the WHO Expanded Special Project on the Elimination of Neglected tropical diseases).
On the run Mark and Coinsave ran past his building and he didn’t pay homage, while Mark was chasing Danielle. POD joined for being vindictive. Screamer was nominated for partying wildly on the south side.

Snake nominated Lewinsky, as he had asked for an extension cord at OTR, and it was so filthy he had to unlock it somehow, and somehow broke something. Anyway both of them took the award as it was incomprehensible.  Prince gave the hero award to Lewinsky for his role in the paddling regatta and the provision of an after race keg. He then tried to blame Titty Galore and went from hero to zero, but she joined in.

Nom Nom nominated POD and Lewinsky who as last week’s hosts had not provided us with a safe space for Hash. Because THERE WERE PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN THEIR TOILET. In the end it was agreed that this must have been Nom Nom and Peeping Clam.

StrapOn nominated Poumuli for Wahoo’s FB posts about pregnant women needing to have sex every day. He then nominated Godfather for showing off his tattoo to someone from the Suva Hash that StrapOn had met in the Port Vila Hash.

For the 50th Anniversary of the Peace Corps, Eveready and Louisa were nominated. Peeping Clam made Mark join them for having made out with one during the celebration party. Crash was made to join for looking Mexican.

The Hare and Hosts were saluted and then PIZZA!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, July 31, 2017

Hash Trash 1891

The Hash was hosted by Godfather, Titty Galore, Speedhumper and Aaron at the Lewinsky compound in Taumeasina. It was a warm day for a run, but we got off to a late start so the heat was bearable. The run went out the front and left, with a false trail almost immediately. We backtracked and the trail led along the river bank – because of high tide the water was now up to our knees. Really rather disgusting. We re-joined the trail on the road, which led to another false trail, before the trail was reacquired. A significant run, and we were well met back with Godfather’s cool glistening nuts.

POD as GM announced that this would be a special Hash, as we were going to have a Hash Wedding. At that, the Celebrant – Elvis – actually Eveready, stepped forward and assumed his position at the altar helpfully provided by the Lewinskies. The Bride’s entrance was presaged by Speedhumper, joyfully flinging plastic forks in front of her. Titty G was escorted by Snake, with his “daughter” Chanel acting as the veil carrier.

Elvisready began the proceedings by welcoming the dearly beloved, that we had gathered together to join this Hasher and Hash Mere. And although there had been some milking of the cow through the fence, the King would forgive such trivial sins. Snake was invited to speak, and he talked of the best way to strengthen the family was to keep it in the Hash family. He mentioned that there had been a secret wedding in New Zealand, but that the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret. Elvisready then asked Godfather if he would take Titty G for his awful wedded wife, and more along the same lines. He then asked Titty G if she would take Godfather as her husband, promise to love him when he is cranky, has had too many down-downs, or lost his hearing aid. He added that Godfather would in return promise to put the seat down when he was finished. A ring was produced for Titty G, and a ball and chain for Godfather. By the power vested in him by the City of Las Vegas, Elvisready then pronounced them husband and wife, to loud cheers. He then asked them to chastely kiss, no toungue, and to much cheers he said, you may now have your way with her. The ceremony was finished off with singing and dancing to Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours).

The circle was called to a semblance of order, and those new to Hash were called forward. These were Chanel (Snakebite in drag), Charlie (from Auckland on holiday), Louisa, Lara, Will, Tara (medicos), David from Nigeria (where do I send my money, asked Snake), and Connor (UK).

The retreads were Curly, Pro Boner, Transporter, Cougar, Snip & Tuck, Lexi, Crash Bandicoot, Lowrider and Rottweiler. The GM then called in Pool Boy for not declaring. Shoe Inspector Pool Boy then failed in his inspection.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (story in the paper about the deliberate release of farmed minks by activists, which all died. Sassy had referred to herself in an email as the Hash Mink). Gayboy accused Lewinsky of investing secretly in Rarotonga as he had found himself in a bar there called On The Rocks.

This Day in History Awards went to Snake (1645 – Qing dynasty regent Dorgon issues an edict ordering all Han Chinese men to shave their forehead and braid the rest of their hair into a queue identical to those of the Manchus), Poumuli (1814 – The Swedish–Norwegian War begins), Il Capo (1866 – Austro-Prussian War: Battle of Lissa: The Austrian Navy, led by Admiral Wilhelm von Tegetthoff, defeats the Italian Navy near the island of Vis in the Adriatic Sea), Cunning Linguist (National Day, celebrates the inauguration of Léopold I, the first king of the Belgians, after its independence from the Netherlands on October 4, 1830), Snakebite (Feast Day of St Margaret the Virgin), Gayboy (International Ratcatcher Day) and Lewinsky (Monica Lewinsky’s birthday).

Warning Snip & Tuck of the leaning rule, the GM reminded her of the story of yellow dress at the yellow house, where Cunning Linguist ripped it off her. Pervert was then caught leaning.
The medicos Charlie and Connor had arrived saying they were friends with Tom, but they must surely be impostors for not running. She went on to remark how in Samoa its usually the youngest who becomes a fa’fa, and this was clearly not the case with Chanel/Snakebite.

Lewinsky then nominated Snake for coming to the rescue and fixing the wiring of the lights, but Poumuli pointed out that Snake had done the original wiring. Snake then nominated Lewinsky for something he would not reveal.

The Hash Monk arrived and started naming. First there was Jessica, who will now be called Happy Bunny. Then there was fighting smackdown Lexi, who will now be known as GBH. Then the excitable under-age Hash Mere Marcella was named Princess Snip, while her smart sister was named Einstein. Aaron for being loud at work but silent at home was called Mute Button, while super flexible Rachel will be known as Bendy.

The Hare and the Hosts were saluted before we sang and ate.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, July 24, 2017

Hash Trash 1890

The Hash was hosted at the Yellow House up from Giordano’s on Cross Island Road by Ginger Mark. Brutally hot day it was and we were threatened with a long run, but with a river crossing. The run was ostensibly set on flour, but as we soon found out you needed a microscope to see it. The run went down Cross Island Road, and there the front running bastards made a big mistake, dodging cars, and missing the turn to the river. They instead went to the seawall, along and back up via the hospital. The slower ones led by Godfather, actually found the trail and did do a river crossing but took a shortcut back. There were plenty of Godfather’s cool succulent nuts to savour as we awaited the Hash Circle.

POD was GM again, having been in training for her marathon Marathon. She called those new to Hash forward, and they were legion. First there was Simon and Richie  who had been brought by Godfather. Then there was apparently the entire Swinburne Uni from Melbourne.

The retreads were Poumuli (in Bula Land), Snakebite (working), Speedhumper (busy) and Crime (likely at Tafaigata). Shoe Inspector Screamer tried but failed, and was joined by Snake who interfered in her duties (imposting?).

Celebrity Awards went to Mark for Prince (in the paper) and POD and Lewinsky for Marathon story.
This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker (1938 – Douglas Corrigan takes off from Brooklyn to fly the "wrong way" to Ireland and becomes known as "Wrong Way" Corrigan), the Swinburne All Black (1976 – The opening of the Summer Olympics in Montreal is marred by 25 African teams boycotting the games because of New Zealand's participation. Contrary to rulings by other international sports organizations, the IOC had declined to exclude New Zealand because of their participation in South African sporting events during apartheid), Lewinsky (1998 – A diplomatic conference adopts the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court, establishing a permanent international court to prosecute individuals for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression) and Eveready (Feast Day of St Francis Solanus).

Turning to the run, a Hash Mere had stumbled on the run, and had stopped to wash her hands at the dive shop, and even scored some antiseptic. Screamer was joined by Richie who had a scooter accident on the weekend. He hadn’t hit a dog, he hadn’t hit a pig – he had hit the accelerator! A Road Toast Award to the two of them.

The Host who was also the Hare, had used such a tiny amount of flour that it must have been the most valuable ever. Gold Dust Award to Mark. Latecummer Gayboy was welcomed with a down down.

Snake had been sharing his sob story before the run about ex-rays and pain, when all seriousness aside, the grand conclusion is that he is getting old. Grumpy Old Man Award to Snake. He was joined by Il Capo, who as always was whingeing, but this time was actually sick, yet came to Hash. Dedication to Hash Award.

Opening up for nominations, Snake wanted to thank Lewinsky for not wasting our beer by drinking vodka. Il Capo nominated Jessica for always missing the theme, and she was joined by the Hareraiser Nom Nom for not posting it.

Poumuli nominated CB for forgetting his son’s food, and then poisoning the rest of the kids with his konzentrationslager fumes from his truck. Gayboy nominated Snake for Worst Boss of the Year for sending an employee to fix a gate. Snake said the employee was more skilled so both took the award.
Mark nominated Lewinsky for his support to the ginger people, while Snake nominated Godfather to atone for the deploring state of rugby in Samoa. Lewinsky then nominated POD for breaking the Lalomanu record. She clarified that she had only done so because of Godfather’s pestering, and he was of course proud of her.

Non Nom had been out with Peeping Clam’s gay uncles, when one of them had ordered a vodka tonic, to which the other exclaimed that this is the gayest drink ever. As it is also Lewinsky’s current choice, he joined Peeping Clam.

Il Capo was nominated for leaning and Genora as a latecummer.
Next week will be hosted by Godfather, Titty Galore and Speedhumper at the Lewinsky compound.
On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit