Thursday, July 30, 2015

Hash Trash 1787

And from the east the sun will rise, verily the weekend shall come to pass, and yeay there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as it was realized that it was Monday. The hang that is over needed tending, as the prophet Jehosephat said unto the Philistines, and thus they gathered in their multitudes, even unto the number four, and set a path for the settlement of the Lewinskyites. Guarded by ungodly hounds, this was the setting for the past execution of hashes. The high steward greeted the gathered with bewilderment, saying unto them, this has nothing to do with me, thou seekest mayhap my sister’s wisdom as to whence thou shallt pounce towards. And the voices of the soon to be sodden rose up in a groan of on-on, and they were led from the settlement by its high priestess POD. Like the mighty sand dunes of the Sinai they inched forward at her command, and the holy trail was soon apparent to all. Since the Blocker of Cock was not present the pace, nay the rhythm of the pack, settled to as steady a one as the trickle of the Jordan. Nevertheless, at the appointed time, it was as if a burning bush had appeared in the chest of Lewinsky, who with sturdy companions continued the quest to return to the settlement. And like a Red Sea their path was blocked – not having the presence of mind to invite Moses along, they turned as one and called upon the Godfather to show them the way. He resolutely strutted towards the water where sight unseen a bridge appeared – it’s a miracle they cried, Jehovah! And from behind the tamaligis the bearded dogs were stoned away as penance. Having crossed this mighty rivulet the wanderers girded up their loins and continued on, only to have their loins tempted by the harlot of the neighbouring tribe. Lewinsky offered to “see off” the harlot with his mighty stick, but Godfather chastened him – as the meek shall inherit the lamb, I shall go in thy place, and further re-girdled his loins for action. But swift as a willow the harlot departed, leaving instead a tale for the campfire to stir the hashers. And as they passed the mighty hounds, fearlessly guarding the settlement with the drool of a thousand spittoons, the wanderers rejoiced and sang praises that they had been delivered.

POD called the circle to order and asked for any newbies to step forward. These were Irish Cullum, only here for the beer, Seamus from Melbourne and Mike the Pom. The retreads were Poumuli (gallivanting around the north Pacific), Witch Doctor (working) and Titty Galore (tonsils removed or removing tonsils?).

Murray was appointed Shoe Inspector, and while nearly failing, he was helped out by Lewinsky’s admission that his were indeed new. Celebrity Awards went to Godfather (double for being in several edition of the Observer), Murray as closest living relative to Transporter (story about Chinese firm in Vaitele dumping car parts) and Slim Shady (on the radio).

This Day In History Awards went to Witch Doctor for Pirate Princess (864 – The Edict of Pistres of Charles the Bald orders defensive measures against the Vikings), Poumuli (1030 – Ladejarl-Fairhair succession wars: Battle of Stiklestad – King Olaf II fights and dies trying to regain his Norwegian throne from the Danes), Cullum (1487 – Citizens of Leeuwarden, Netherlands strike against a ban on foreign beer), ProBoner (1908 – United States Attorney General Charles Joseph Bonaparte issues an order to immediately staff the Office of the Chief Examiner (later renamed the Federal Bureau of Investigation) and Sunny Side Up (National Hot Dog Day).

The GM had some awards of her own, namely that in honour of the US Presidential visit to Kenya, our visiting white Kenyan Dave should take a down down. This was quickly followed by the Ashes Award which went to Seamus and Mike.

The GM had also been made aware of a recent scandal involving the Deputy Leader of the House of Lords, sniffing and cavorting and getting a soft landing – Godfather and Titty G. Witch Doctor got the Truck Abuse Award for denting Poumuli’s Ranger.

Opening up for nominations, Slim Shady nominated the entire medical team for the Slackness Award, as none of them had offered to examine her as yet. Cullum retorted that she must be desperate for a physical, and a big one was handed over.

Andy noted that Seamus would like to be known as Captain Skits, but also recounted how Seamus had gone “full retard” on the weekend and accidentally pooped his pants. The technical term for this is a shart – mass with gas, more than you bargained for, to gamble and lose, when the fart bubble becomes the mud bubble, basically a portmanteau of shit particles and gas. The Hash re-nicknamed him Shameless Shitter. He was joined by the Irishman on the phone, quickly repeated as a Headbanger Award.

Seamus then nominated Andy for acquiring a disease that is only seen in cattle, the Hand-Foot-and-Mouth Disease, and being a misogynist communist. Andy also nominated Mike for completing the age-old Pom tradition of proposing while drunk.

Poumuli nominated the Hare for Confused Trail Setting, and forgetting that she was hosting, and POD nominated the chef – Crime. Not content, Slim Shady nominated Poumuli for wearing a bright gay pink floral shirt. The defense that it was for a family function bore no fruit, but as Godfather was wearing pink Slim Shady joined for a Defamation Award.

The final nomination from Cullum went to Dave for pulling a girl but not having a relationship with her. This prompted Poumuli to ask whether there was another Hasher who “had not had relations with that woman”, which brought forth Lewinsky.

The Hosts and the Hares and the Beer Wench were saluted – ProBoner, Slim Shady and Titty G. A feast of too many bangers and mash and some other stuff went down well.

Watch the blog for next week’s run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, July 27, 2015

Hash Run 1787

Talofa Hashers
The Hash will be hosted tonight by Slim Shady and ProBoner (and her little boners). Wear something bright and happy, because, its Monday. Run starts at 5.30 PM.

It will be a bangers and mash dinner, so bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala.

Venue is Taumeasina, go past Apia Park and turn left down where there is a sign for the Taumeasina Reserve. You'll pass a rugby pitch, take the right fork then a left turn into the Lewinsky ghetto.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, July 24, 2015

Saturday, July 18, 2015

RUN 1786 - Naval Base and Ali Bin Shaggin' at Alafua

Hi All

Naval Base and Ali Bin Shaggin' will be hosting this Monday's run from Alafua. Refer to the map below for directions and if you are slightly challenged in map reading then call 757 4250 :)

Apparently this is a "Divorce Themed Run"  Dont know what the heck that looks like so bring on your interpretation outfits :)

Bring hash cash and be on time as it gets dark early



Monday, July 13, 2015

Run 1785 - from MINI-GOLF Samoa

Hi Meres and Hashmen

This evening's trot will be from the Samoa Mini-golf Course inside the Turf Club at the Sports Complex, Faleata.

Captain Mortein & Pirate Princess will provide the venue and you can all bring some bangers to burn on the BBQ :)

Bring your hash cash as well and see you there pronto for the trot at 1730hrs.



Thursday, July 09, 2015

Hash Trash 1784

The Hash was hosted by Nutcracker, Hot Nuts and Swinger at the Nuthouse in Vailima. A lovely day with just a bit of cloud, and off we went to the Cross Island Road, following minute dots of flour. In right past the Stevenson Museum, and on into the botanic gardens. There was a false trail laid up to the Tomb, but luckily Cockblocker was running fast ahead so many of us didn’t have to do the whole thing. Back into the gardens the trail led into the Forestry station and then into the bush again, all the way up to the steep trail, eventually ending up above Mynahs. After that it was on-home, where Godfather’s succulent nuts were awaiting.

POD returned to GM duties after a great performance the week before by Slim Shady. First she called the newbies forward – these were Red Light District, Bag Shag and Skidz from Christchurch Hash, and all took a down down.

Retreads were Flapper and Worker Shirker from ChCh (freezing tits off in NZ), Godfather (organ replacements), Ali bin Shaggin (taking care of mum) and Iapi (busy).

Shoe Inspector ProBoner failed miserably, having tried to pin Poumuli and one of our visitors. This Day in History Awards went to: Poumuli for Captain Mortein (1848 – Slaves are freed in the Danish West Indies (now U.S. Virgin Islands) by Peter von Scholten in the culmination of a year-long plot by enslaved Africans), Swinger (1892 – Western Samoa changes the International Date Line. Monday, July 4 occurs twice, resulting in a year with 367 days), Daz and Iapi (1933 – The first rugby union test match between the Wallabies of Australia and the Springboks of South Africa is played at Newlands Stadium in Cape Town) and Pussysnatcher and Worker Shirker (US Independence Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Gayboy for Elle McJr (in paper), Sunnyside Up (Cyclone Rachel named a freak) Murray for IRA (husband in the paper),  Pussysnatcher for Snatched (in the paper) and Hot Nuts (old photo reprinted in paper, with him looking like a frightened vole).

The GM had some special awards, starting with Most Expressive Italian on the Run Award to Claudia. This followed with a Non-Communicative Award to Ali bin Shaggin for wearing earplugs. After the run the GM has asked Godfather how his new organs were doing which elicited a response about susceptibility to moisture. During his down down Red Light District “played” the ukulele to vast amusement.

Opening up for nominations, Murray wanted Swinger to get a disrespecting the Manu by wearing a Samoa hat during his down down. This instead became a Not Listening to the GM Award to Murray, as the GM had already given special dispensation.

Sassygirl BJ nominated Sam for a Gratitude Award for renting his truck to the ChCh Ladies, who then serenaded Sam with a special song that ended with a “pile of cum”. Poumuli, noting that Mismanagement should be held to the highest standards of ethical behaviours, nominated POD for Corrupting A Public Official – she had tried to “give” a bottle of wine to a customs official.
Sassy nominated the ChCh Ladies for being late and making her miss the run, but she was also made to join them. The Ladies sang another one of their “songs”. Poumuli, noting that Godfather was renowned for his attention to medical and physical details, as well as his need to strengthen up his grip, presented him with a medical squeeze ball in the shape of a tit. Lewinsky joined in for to fondly fondling the medical equipment while Godfather drank.

Crime was nominated for not being able to break into a car, and Swinger nominated Gianluca for sneaking in and for Being Italian. On that note Sassy nominated Aaron, who had been going around saying he was French, but actually is from ChCh – Confusing Sassy Award.

Sassy then nominated Wahoo for the Mother of the Year Award for the screaming child before the circle. Slim Shady nominated ProBoner for the Slacker Mother of the Year for postponing her birthday party – Lewinsky joined for Nieceal Neglect.

Poumuli nominated Slim Shady for the Chicken Award for not being willing to GM, and was joined by CB for losing the chicken hat. Swinger nominated Red Light District and Skidz for the All-NZ Super XV final.

Godfather asked to address the circle, telling of how his newly acquired hearing aid shouldn’t get wet, but he got all sweaty on the run and had taken it out when POD asked him the question. So for taking advantage of the deaf, he nominated the GM. Actually that is a summary of a ten-minute speech.

Hot Nuts nominated Diane for the Extraordinary Award, as it was her keys that they were trying to retrieve from the locked car, only to find the keys inside the kitchen. This down down was so fast, but requests for a repeat were denied.

ChCh Ladies sang a farewell song that went “may the Hash go in peace, may the Hash get a piece”, before we saluted the hosts and the hares, Hot Nuts, Nutcracker and Swinger. A lovely meal was prepared for us which we all enjoyed.

Watch the blog for next weeks run.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, July 03, 2015

Hash Run 1784

Happy weekend Hashers
Next Monday 6 July the Hash will be hosted by Hot Nuts, Nutcracker and Swinger at the Nuthouse in Vailima. See map below. Apparently there is now some construction going on between the houses on the map. The hosts will kindly cater the event. Run starts at 5.30 PM, so bring your 20 tala Hash Cash.

It is an important week, so all Hashers (and their guests) are requested to wear blue.

Go The Manu!!!!