Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Hash Run 1611

Afternoon All,
Next weeks run is being kindly hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Crash, Delicious and the theme for next weeks run is PINK! so slap on your best pink outfits and come down for what is bound to be a great hash run...

There will be a keg/s as well as a spread provided by the hosts. The run will be at Karaoke and Eveready's place behind Adria's Cakes.

Run starts 1730HRS so be on time. See map below for directions

On On

Monday, August 29, 2011

Hash Run 1584 - HQ # 1 - Cocktails on the Rocks

Afternoon All,
Since no one has offered to host today, the run will be set from HQ #1 - Cocktails on the Rocks. There will still be a keg there and the BBQ will be there, so bring something to throw on the BBQ...and don't all bring Sausages and apples :)

Run starts at 1730 HRS...will see if we can get a hare in time to set the run, if not, then it will be a live run...if you catch the hare, you can do with them what you wish!

Location: Beach Road, next to Italiano's Pizza Bar and V-Bar/Crabbers...

See you all there and bring a change of clothes in case the heavens decide to open up this afternoon

On On

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hash Trash 1583

The Hash was hosted by Screamer and Marc out in Siusega. Captain Mortein and Hot Nuts set out to be live hares, and this announcement was reminiscent of passengers on the Titanic thinking what could possibly go wrong… Lots!

We set out well enough, after the Hares had been given a decent lead, out the back gate, down to the Tafaigata, then we started a series of turns. The Hares were being chased by Cockblocker, Aaron, Road Humper and Poumuli, and a few others, but their vorsprung and speed were such that they were quickly leaving the next lot way behind. Captain Mortein negotiated passage through a garden, but only for the first group. The rest were apparently turned away by an angry lady awakened from her pre-sa’a slumber, and was having none of this. That’s when the trouble started. Your Scribe decided to hang back a bit as we emerged from the garden, and saw someone running through, waved and followed the Hares. This apparently was not a Hasher, but a young local sent to bash the trespassers. Luckily the training was paying off and by the time the next turn was spotted, your Scribe again halted, this time for an incredulous 5 minutes. Where the blazes was the pack? Your Scribe then realized that he too was hopelessly lost, but having run the area before set off on a long trot to train a bit for the perimeter relay. Catching up with Ladyfinger and others on the back road leading to Screamers was a relief, but what a completely buggering Alsatians screw-up of gigantic proportions this was. Thankfully the chilled sweet nuts of Godfather were on display.

Hot Nuts also stepped in as GM as SOTB, albeit present, had some unfortunate social disease. He called on anyone new to Apia Hash and these were Speed Humper from the Honiara Hash, who was joined by her husband Aaron who works at SPREP for Poumuli. They were given a down-down which they started early – poor starting form. The rethreads were Slippery (tired), Curly (working), Greenie (working, hardly), Nutcracker (busy), Horny Ho (seawalling) and Poumuli (hashing in Majuro and Suva). Greenie managed to outlast the singing!

Celebrity Awards went to SOTB, Slim Shady, CB, Horny Ho and FBI for their joint photo in the Observer post the Manu game, with Captain Mortein deemed to be FBI’s closest living relative, and Poumuli for being in the Marshall Islands Journal.
On this day in history there were many: 1770 Captain Cook claims NSW for Britain (Speed Humper), 1888 1st adding machine patented in the US (obviously not working is it – Slim Shady), 1914 in WWI Japan declares war on Germany and promptly bomb Tsingtao and wipe out the brewery for years (Ninja and friend), and finally 1998 Clinton finally admits an “improper physical relationship” with that woman (Lewinsky).

Having finished these awards, Lewinsky shuffled his feet and cleared his throat, and delivered a barrage of incendiary accusations about Norwegian perfidy – 1768 slave ship Fredensborg sinks off Norway (it was Danish!), 1940 Norway surrenders to Nazis (yes, but we held them off since 9 April, longer than most) and 1994 Norway votes against joining EU (I voted in favour, dammit!). A triple down-down was gleefully handed over by Cheshire cat SOTB.

The Shoe Inspector, Snake, was called forth but found no new shoes. Then someone remembered that SOTB’s friend had worn new shoes, hence he should take the award. He quickly turned to the Manu Samoa game, and related how a Hasher had asked him for the Gold Tickets, which he then arranged, only to see said Hasher, your Scribe, sitting on the grass instead. The rebuttal that the seats were god-awful, that you couldn’t get to the bar, and that SOTB should take it instead for touting faulty merchandise fell on deaf ears, so Poumuli again had a Dumbarse Award.

Screamer had gone to assist some Hashers who could not get through the back gate and couldn’t unlock it herself, then found that Snake and Crime had taken the gate off the hinges, as a remedial measure. This should have been a Living Up To Hash Name Award, but our GM was still confused as to where the pack was.

POD nominated Ben for the Human Rickshaw Award for having done the entire run with his offspring on his shoulders. Hornithologist noted that one of the newbies seemed in particular need of down-down training and nominated Aaron. And he still needs training. Slippery had received an email about someone receiving a bravery award, namely AC/DC, which was promptly handed to closest living relative Ladyfinger. Yes, we were all baffled by that one.

SOTB, in his usual ungrateful corner, called out Poumuli for getting some sample Apia Hash caps made – more on this below.
Lewinsky nominated Horny Ho for saying she would bring the BBQ and didn’t, and Hooker Lua for bringing the BBQ without being asked – a Dyslexia Award perhaps? The GM then noted that this would be Steakmans last run for a while and thanked him for setting an entirely new standard for misbehaviour at Hash. The largest glass was found. Captain Mortein was spotted on the cellphone, while Slim Shady brought Swinger up for Correct Samoan Pronunciation Award.

SOTB stepped in as Monk and called for Marc, famous explorer of regions far and nether, who always puts a smile on a certain Hash Mere’s face, who shall henceforth be known as Captain Stabbin’.

Swinger called for a down-down to the other Captain who had forced the Hash to run through sa’a. A new chicken hat had been procured, and as this is an angry chicken Poumuli decided to award it to the loudest squawker in the Hash namely Slim Shady – she had to interrupt her chat to take the award!

The Hosts Screamer, Captain Stabbin’ and chef Darren were thanked in the usual manner.

The GM called for sponsors for the 1st perimeter team, and this will be On The Rocks. Screamer will be Assistant Trainee Scribe for next week’s run. Watch the blog for venue.

In terms of the Apia Hash caps, they come in 4 colours (black, green, brown/grey and camouflage) and 3 sizes (small to medium, medium to large and large to xl). If we get enough orders they will be around 25 tala, with your name on the back. Orders to the GM who will pass to Poumuli. So far we have 23 and should try and reach 60 to get the discounts.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, August 22, 2011

Hash Trash 1582

Hash Father’s Day Run

It was a glorious sunny Monday for Father’s day Hash, hosted by Steakman (aka Dirty Old Fart). There were rounds of scrabble, drinks a plenty, and good vibes all round.
The run was set by Steakman (D.O.F.) with toilet paper which he generously recycled after the run. This made some Hasher’s uneasy about using the loo but it was recommended to not use the loo paper that already has shit on it. Minds were eased…
The Hash circle was about to begin when drama on the high seas occurred. Uki, frind of Ninja, was using a paopao for the first time and capsized. CB was encouraged by the entire audience (Hasher know when a good show is about to happen) to grab his paopao and save Uki’s butt. Begrudgingly he did so and hence the title “CB to the Rescue” was chosen for this part of the evening’s entertainment. Needless to say both Uki and CB made it back to shore where no one was given moth-to-mouth much to Steakman’s disappointment!
Newbies: Uki was initiated into the group with a downdown and reminded that he should stick to fa’apapa rather than fa’apaopao. Sondra, Ben’s wife was also introduced to the group and happily chugged her downdown.
Retreads: Ladyfinger and his lady, and Nija and Co all returned to the fold.
Hero Award: Godfather was given the hero award for bringing ice to Tafatafa to guarantee cold beverages! Bravo!
CB to the Rescue Award: CB was given a downdown for saving Uki when we all agreed it would have been more entertaining to watch him float off to Tonga.
Beer Queen Award: was given to Titty G. for bringing extra beers to keep the Hash crew hydrated.
Beach Bum Award: was given to Hookalua and Lorry for saving the fale in order for Hash to have some where to rest its feet.
Beefcake Award: was given to Slimshady for MC-ing Mr. Samoa Bodybuilding Contest.
Springbok Beating Award: Damon and Mark downdowned for Aussie’s triumph over SA deer.
Foul Hooker Award: was given to Lorry for a) ditching the GM’s butt and then going fishing without him only to catch a scrappy ass little fish.

Flex-a-Pec Award: Slim shady awarded Captain Mortein this award for flexing his pecs at her in hopes of being compared to the Mr. Samoa contestants. Good effort but no gold.
Beer Biyatch Award: CB awarded the GM this award for drinking a case of HASH beer “on purpose”.
Leaning Tower of Dirty Old Fart Award: was given to steakman for leaning on the Hash tent.
WTF??? AWARD: Godfather gave this award to Steakman for rambling on in an incoherent fashion.
Too Smart for His Own Good Award: was given to Ladyfingers for wining the Cancer Society Trivia Night (Slim was given a downdown for self-promotion).
Shut the F Up! Award: Was given to Steakman in hopes that he would be too drunk to ramble incessantly any more.
It wasn’t Me Award: false accusation given by GM for latent retread. GM drank begrudgingly (very unusual).
Show ME The Beans Award: was given to Slimshady from Eveready for not bringing her bean salad, scribe pen, and ass to Hash last week.
Hard Ass Award: Given to Susan for what else? Having a hard ass upon which she fell while running.
Pain in the Butt Award: Was given to GM for being a pain from entire Hash Circle.
Prick Award: Oddly, not given to GM this week but handed over to Steakman who is officially Hash’s biggest prick to date.
Are We there yet? Award: Given to Spanky from Slimshady because after noticing they were an hour late wondered “if they would get to Hash late”. Physics still works the same at Tafatafa.
Sleeping Beauty Award: Given to Ninja, Uki, and Koabayahis for falling asleep at Hash Circle.
Runners offered their names for the Perimeter run and Do Me Twice said to contact her for those who wish to offer support.
And a good Hash was had by all.
Slim Shady

Friday, August 19, 2011

Hash Run 1583 - Screamer and Mark @ Screamer's house, Siusega

Morning All,
Next weeks run will be hosted by Screamer and Mark..Mark kindly offered after a few too many beers at hash last week :) much like the GM saying he will run the

The hosts have kindly offered to provide the food for the run and there will be a keg, softies and God Fathers sweet nuts on Monday. Seeing as there is also a pool there, if you fancy a dip, bring a change of clothes too.

Screamers house is up in Siusega, and i believe its Mark's last run before he heads off again??? Map is below for directions.
Run starts 1730Hrs
On On

Friday, August 12, 2011

Fathers Day Hash Run- Tafatafa Beach with Steakman

Morning All,
Fathers day run next week is being hosted by Steakman down at Tafatafa Beach. As monday is a public holiday, the run will start at 2pm and not the normal 5:30pm. If you could be down there around lunch time...we can all settle in as steak man tells me he has a few extra fun things planned.

For those that want to go earlier...or spend the weekend down there..we will be at the beach fales on the right hand side where we had our last run at Tafatafa.

Steakman is putting on a small pig as well as an Umu and some other goodies...please feel free to also bring something else to contribute to this. There will also be beers on Monday..As its a lot of work to cart a Keg down, and it has to go a few days earlier, hash will supply 4 cases of Vailima instead...and everyone else can bring a little something extra if you feel the urge to party hard on Monday.

Map below for Directions. (Head down to the south coast, take a left when you get to the bottom of the cross island road, Look out for the turn off to Tafatafa, its next to a Mormon Church and the sign on the road reads "Brenda's Beach Fale's"

On On

Monday, August 08, 2011

Hash Run 1581 - CB & DMT

Morning All,
Tonight's run will be a BYO Run at CB's place in Vaoala, opposite the Chinese Embassy. CB is providing the venue but we will all need to bring something for the BBQ. There will be a keg and softies...

There is no theme for tonight, so just bring your running/drinking shoes with you.

Directions: Head up the cross island road and go past Manumea Hotel...take the turn off on the left hand side after the hotel that heads up to Vaiala Beach School...the house is opposite the Chinese Embassy

See map for more details...


Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Hash Trash 1580

The hash was hosted by Hooker Lure and Lenora at the heights of Vaoala, opposite the Shrine. The run had been set by Ring Ring and Buzzer, so we were apprehensively eying her sweatiness when she returned. Didn’t seem too out of breath, so we calmly set off out the gate and around the familiar path by the fence. Except this time we didn’t go straight to the road, so Dave and Poumuli had to make an urgent retreat as the rest of the pack caught up, and Ring Ring berated the idiots who weren’t following her trail. Through the plantation we finally hit the road, followed by some road running, until we again cut through the jungle, across a volley ball game, replete with treacherous holes and toe-stubbing rocks. Upon hitting the next road (Lamosa?) there was a devious false trail, which several Hashers got taken in by. Instead we headed to the Cross-Island Road for a leisurely slog down the hill. There was a moment of surprise as Lewinsky exhibited some competitive spirit by sprinting – well, the Lewinsky version of sprinting, and passing your Scribe at the gate. This was kept in abeyance, as you will see that he got plenty of awards this Hash. A good run, lots of jungle and a nice finish, with innovative use of people’s plantations and properties to keep us on our toes.

SOTB didn’t run, but he was able to stand upright against the mild breeze that was buffeting him. Calling the circle to order, the GM didn’t see any new to Apia Hash, and went straight for the rethreads – Slim Shady (chasing cattle in Oz), Slippery (in Oz for treatments, diving in Vanuatu), and Josh (got sick). All got a down down.
The Shoe Inspector Lewinsky had caught Slim Shady wearing shiny new apparel, which she tried to hide. Complaining that she might have stepped in cow shit with them, she reluctantly took a small cup, yet finished it rather slowly. Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli and Hooker Lure for being in the paper. Others were identified but the GM was too slow in calling forth closest living relatives.

On this day in history, slavery was abolished in the British Empire in 1834, but it took them exactly 6 years to actually fully implement it. For this Blatant Inefficiency Award we needed a token Pom, which fell on Swinger. It is also International Friendship Day, and the GM reckoned that Steakman had the fewest friends, so doubled his award. Roman General Mark Antony died this day in 30 BC, so SOTB took one for his namesake. Lastly, in 1998 Monica was granted immunity in return for Grand Jury testimony, so Lewinsky got the Gift That Keeps On Giving Award.
The GM had a special double award for Captain Mortein, first for child abandonment, secondly for being ridiculously attractive to a male cat that drooled on him. Male Pussy Award. As it was the last run for a while for Lenora and Josh, these were called back for a celebratory award – will miss you and please come back.

Opening up for nominations, Lewinsky was quick off the mark with an award for Snake, whom he had spotted by the side of the road in his van with the kids. When asked what he was waiting for, his response was that they were going swimming but he had forgot Fang! Wife Abandonment Award.

Swinger tried to get Hornithologist for fracturing her foot on the beach, but after some debate this was boomeranged on Swinger as an Un-chivalrous Award. POD nominated Spanky for her stellar performance in a dance troupe, and we were treated to a demo of the slap dance prior to the award.
Steakman nominated Stargasm for hushing him on the trail when he was shouting On On, but the GM decreed that Steakman join for the manner in which he shouts On On. Lewinsky then picked up again on his Snake tale, adding the Insult to Injury Award, since Fang had to join her family via taxi.

Poumuli nominated Slim Shady for the Genius Award for winning the quiz night at the Yacht Club. Lewinsky tried to get Poumuli for abandoning Wahoo to watch the rugby at HQ1, but upon clarification that this was not true, she then demanded that the award be given to both Lewinsky and her husband. This was noted for my Christmas List.
The GM noticed that Captain Mortein was shuffling a bit and asked him if he had something on his mind, to which he enquired whether he could nominate the GM for being a prick. The GM accepted graciously, as we don’t call him SOTB for nothing.

Steakman fulminated that the run had been set at short notice, and that this was unfair to Ring Ring. She defended herself by saying the GM had called her late, and she was busy doing something, to which Snake opined that this something was probably Charlie, so in the circle both of them took their award.

Screamer nominated Captain Marc for a Birthday Award (on the 4th). Poumuli nominated Wahoo for being jealous of their dog Murdoch’s success at being a chick magnet. Swinger nominated all the Yanks for not paying their debts – Orgy Georgie, Eveready, Dave, Josh and Spanky took the Debt Ceiling Award.

Eveready then nominated Poumuli for the flags hanging outside Manumea. In his right of reply, Poumuli noted that Eveready had not got the nationalities of the flags right and that they were not a new addition, having been there since the wedding and the scene of the infamous flaming nipple incident. Poumuli got the Norwegian Invasives Award while Eveready joined for the Flaming Nipples Award, amid threats that this might become his new Hash Name.

Curly had been to HQ1 after Hash 1579, had gotten plastered and had to be driven away by Tooth Fairy. He was in such bad shape that he was left in the car, only the next day Tooth Fairy found his car with the doors open, stereo and AC on and no Curly. While this is clearly Hashman like behaviour, it was also eligible for a Cruelty to Tooth Fairies Award for Curly.

Lewinsky has been abused for some time by Eveready for having a girly truck, but when Eveready got a flat tire on his monster vehicle it took him 3 hours to fix and required the help of Crash Bandicoot. Poumuli had brought some Hashshit that had been left behind by Spanky, who quickly retrieved the bag before anyone could see what was in it. Hornithologist informed that part of the bag was from Digicel as Spanky had admitted to washing her cellphone. While not disputing that he should also partake, Poumuli argued that anyone working for a phone company should join for not offering washing machine proof phones. After much ado, Spanky, Poumuli, SOTB and Lewinsky took the award.

Eveready, appreciating that Slim Shady had offered Karaoke her jacket to keep off the chills, but concerned at her statement that the jacket made her boobs bigger, demanded a demonstration, to which Steakman hungrily agreed to be the adjudicator. While the truth of the statement could not be ascertained in the dark by your Scribe, Steakman’s triumphant dancing was enough to seal the award for Slim Shady.
Curly was given a Leavers Award, joined by Captain Mortein trying to induce cellphonus interruptus for the GM, and several who had avoided awards that evening. The Hosts and the Hare were then saluted – Hooker Lure, Lawrie, Tiffany, Lenora and Ring Ring.

A couple of late awards went to Dave, for leaving on a court date, and Eveready for loudly maintaining that Lewinsky drove a woman’s truck.

Your Scribe will be absent for two runs, and we entrusted Slim Shady with Assistant Trainee Scribe duties once more.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit