Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hash Trash 1583

The Hash was hosted by Screamer and Marc out in Siusega. Captain Mortein and Hot Nuts set out to be live hares, and this announcement was reminiscent of passengers on the Titanic thinking what could possibly go wrong… Lots!

We set out well enough, after the Hares had been given a decent lead, out the back gate, down to the Tafaigata, then we started a series of turns. The Hares were being chased by Cockblocker, Aaron, Road Humper and Poumuli, and a few others, but their vorsprung and speed were such that they were quickly leaving the next lot way behind. Captain Mortein negotiated passage through a garden, but only for the first group. The rest were apparently turned away by an angry lady awakened from her pre-sa’a slumber, and was having none of this. That’s when the trouble started. Your Scribe decided to hang back a bit as we emerged from the garden, and saw someone running through, waved and followed the Hares. This apparently was not a Hasher, but a young local sent to bash the trespassers. Luckily the training was paying off and by the time the next turn was spotted, your Scribe again halted, this time for an incredulous 5 minutes. Where the blazes was the pack? Your Scribe then realized that he too was hopelessly lost, but having run the area before set off on a long trot to train a bit for the perimeter relay. Catching up with Ladyfinger and others on the back road leading to Screamers was a relief, but what a completely buggering Alsatians screw-up of gigantic proportions this was. Thankfully the chilled sweet nuts of Godfather were on display.

Hot Nuts also stepped in as GM as SOTB, albeit present, had some unfortunate social disease. He called on anyone new to Apia Hash and these were Speed Humper from the Honiara Hash, who was joined by her husband Aaron who works at SPREP for Poumuli. They were given a down-down which they started early – poor starting form. The rethreads were Slippery (tired), Curly (working), Greenie (working, hardly), Nutcracker (busy), Horny Ho (seawalling) and Poumuli (hashing in Majuro and Suva). Greenie managed to outlast the singing!

Celebrity Awards went to SOTB, Slim Shady, CB, Horny Ho and FBI for their joint photo in the Observer post the Manu game, with Captain Mortein deemed to be FBI’s closest living relative, and Poumuli for being in the Marshall Islands Journal.
On this day in history there were many: 1770 Captain Cook claims NSW for Britain (Speed Humper), 1888 1st adding machine patented in the US (obviously not working is it – Slim Shady), 1914 in WWI Japan declares war on Germany and promptly bomb Tsingtao and wipe out the brewery for years (Ninja and friend), and finally 1998 Clinton finally admits an “improper physical relationship” with that woman (Lewinsky).

Having finished these awards, Lewinsky shuffled his feet and cleared his throat, and delivered a barrage of incendiary accusations about Norwegian perfidy – 1768 slave ship Fredensborg sinks off Norway (it was Danish!), 1940 Norway surrenders to Nazis (yes, but we held them off since 9 April, longer than most) and 1994 Norway votes against joining EU (I voted in favour, dammit!). A triple down-down was gleefully handed over by Cheshire cat SOTB.

The Shoe Inspector, Snake, was called forth but found no new shoes. Then someone remembered that SOTB’s friend had worn new shoes, hence he should take the award. He quickly turned to the Manu Samoa game, and related how a Hasher had asked him for the Gold Tickets, which he then arranged, only to see said Hasher, your Scribe, sitting on the grass instead. The rebuttal that the seats were god-awful, that you couldn’t get to the bar, and that SOTB should take it instead for touting faulty merchandise fell on deaf ears, so Poumuli again had a Dumbarse Award.

Screamer had gone to assist some Hashers who could not get through the back gate and couldn’t unlock it herself, then found that Snake and Crime had taken the gate off the hinges, as a remedial measure. This should have been a Living Up To Hash Name Award, but our GM was still confused as to where the pack was.

POD nominated Ben for the Human Rickshaw Award for having done the entire run with his offspring on his shoulders. Hornithologist noted that one of the newbies seemed in particular need of down-down training and nominated Aaron. And he still needs training. Slippery had received an email about someone receiving a bravery award, namely AC/DC, which was promptly handed to closest living relative Ladyfinger. Yes, we were all baffled by that one.

SOTB, in his usual ungrateful corner, called out Poumuli for getting some sample Apia Hash caps made – more on this below.
Lewinsky nominated Horny Ho for saying she would bring the BBQ and didn’t, and Hooker Lua for bringing the BBQ without being asked – a Dyslexia Award perhaps? The GM then noted that this would be Steakmans last run for a while and thanked him for setting an entirely new standard for misbehaviour at Hash. The largest glass was found. Captain Mortein was spotted on the cellphone, while Slim Shady brought Swinger up for Correct Samoan Pronunciation Award.

SOTB stepped in as Monk and called for Marc, famous explorer of regions far and nether, who always puts a smile on a certain Hash Mere’s face, who shall henceforth be known as Captain Stabbin’.

Swinger called for a down-down to the other Captain who had forced the Hash to run through sa’a. A new chicken hat had been procured, and as this is an angry chicken Poumuli decided to award it to the loudest squawker in the Hash namely Slim Shady – she had to interrupt her chat to take the award!

The Hosts Screamer, Captain Stabbin’ and chef Darren were thanked in the usual manner.

The GM called for sponsors for the 1st perimeter team, and this will be On The Rocks. Screamer will be Assistant Trainee Scribe for next week’s run. Watch the blog for venue.

In terms of the Apia Hash caps, they come in 4 colours (black, green, brown/grey and camouflage) and 3 sizes (small to medium, medium to large and large to xl). If we get enough orders they will be around 25 tala, with your name on the back. Orders to the GM who will pass to Poumuli. So far we have 23 and should try and reach 60 to get the discounts.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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