Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween Hash @ Screamers in Siusega

Morning All,

Tonight's Halloween Hash Run is going to be up at Screamers House in Siusega. Spanky, Hornithologist and Colm are hosting along with Screamer. The hosts have offered to provide the spread for this evenings run.

Theme: As you can tell, its Halloween, so wear a costume! those without a Costume will end up in the pool...

There will also be a Keg as well as softies and sweet nuts from Godfather.

Run starts 1730Hrs so be on time and please bring your $15 hash cash. Parking is at the Front gate only so Carpool if you can (not sure which gate is the front one) you can find that out when you get there.

On On

Friday, October 28, 2011

Hash Trash 1593

The Hash was hosted by the Ninja Family out in Vaigaga. A heavy rain the last few days and dark clouds made it a cool and pleasant evening for a run. A rather oblique instruction to head right was the first of many false trails. Finding the right trail we set off into the industrial zone past Yazaki, but we were soon tramping down little used paths and through a variety of household gardens. While Ninja had used an excessive amount of paper, when there were check points we were (un)helpfully guided by a bunch of local kids. Basically a good run with mostly road but some bush, and on home we went for a taste of Godfather’s ever-sweet nuts.

SOTB had hung back for most of the run, and was thirsty but coherent, and called the circle to order, bringing out the newbies to Hash. These were Takrea (UNESCO), Samuel (claimed to be Dusatrois), Philip, Rowan (brought by someone called Nobu?), Nao and Kano who both got Ninja’s name right. Rowan landed Ninja with a down down though.

There were no new shoes found, so Shoe Inspector Snake got his just rewards. The rethreads were Ladyfinger, Dried Nuts, Screamer, Strangler, Snake and Ben. Celebrity Awards went to FBI (closest living relative was deemed to be Captain Mortein), Pirate Princess (headline Angry Woman Shoots Man), and Lewinsky for being in the biography of Steve Jobs. Ladyfinger had been listening to the radio at 3 AM and heard a whingeing environmentalist woman blather on and on, and this had to be Screamer.

This Day in History saw a multitude of Hungarian events , the 1593 start of the Long War (only lasted ten years), the 1956 Hungarian revolt (no argument that they are), and the 1989 declaration of the Hungarian Republic – all for Zsa Zsa. In 42 BC the Roman general Marc Antony defeated Brutus, causing him to commit suicide, which was all too reminiscent of our feelings towards the GM – SOTB. Lewinsky had helpfully dug up the gem that in 1917 Denmark sold the Virgin Islands to the US for a pittance – Captain Mortein.

Before the GM could get warmed up, Ali was called forward for leaving his car lights on and for leaning. Not losing his thread, the GM had heard disturbing news of a hasher having lost his pussy. While a renaming was not immediately condoned, a Pussyloser Award went to Pussysnatcher. The GM had also been impressed with a hasher sporting a new Samoan tattoo, or as they are also known, hideously disfiguring coral gashes, and our Hungarian surfer Zsa Zsa was joined in the award by Slim Shady who had been chattering about someone called April.

In further news, the GM had been informed that a hash mere had been walking by the road, been offered a ride by a fellow hasher, declined and continued past a rugby practice filed. Intrigued by the muscular gents, she had girded her loins and watched intently. So much so that she was invited to dinner by Lolo Lui. But she DECLINED! Cockblocker Award to Spanky.

We have all seen the increasing spammage activity on the Hash Blog, and through investigative data specialist Lewinsky, the GM had determined that it had to be Slim Shady. She defended herself vigorously by pointing out that Lewinsky can’t even operate a calculator, so by popular vote Lewinsky joined in the Hacker Award. The GM then gave Fang the Wearing Husbands Clothes Award, as she had on Snake’s shirt, but we didn’t ask what else.

After continuous (or is it continual) chattering from Slim Shady, the Dome of Silence was awarded. Picking up again after a mutinous refusal, the GM wondered if after the RWC defeat if there were any Frenchies in the circle, or barring that anyone who’s had any French in them – Screamer and our local Dusatrois were given the Défaite Glorieuse Award. Not to be outdone, two Kiwi volunteers were needed for the Not Choked Award, and this went to Lewinsky and Ladyfinger. In fact a special request for this had been called in by Brazilian Wax!

Opening up for nominations, Spanky offered the Grandfather Award for Crime, while POD nominated Wahoo and Poumuli for the Wedding Anniversary Award. Sondra was trying to say something, but spilled her beer and was joined by Godfather for being overdressed at Hash. Poumuli gave an Environmental Award to Ninja for setting the trail with as much paper as we normally go through in a year. It didn’t end for Ninja there, as his mate Takrea was leaning and Ninja obviously hadn’t told him all the rules.

Hornithologist nominated Spanky for personally getting through 3 beer towers in 3 nights. This is commendable, but no one saw fit to point this out for a backfire. Happily SOTB was forced to join in as a shareholder in all 3 establishments.
Lewinsky had been waiting patiently for Snake to install a new generator, but for some reason the technological terms had puzzled him and it was actually an inverter. Poumuli had to join in for pointing out that this was pedantry, or in plain English pure fuckery. (yes Strangler they are both real words)

Snake wanted to know why we were gulping from pretty tea mugs, and where were the Hash Mugs? Crash Bandicoot was absent, and while we thought Captain Mortein was his closest living relative this instead was bestowed on SOTB. Ninja brought forth the Angry Bird Hat, and asked one of the newcomers who had declined to join the circle as the hashers appeared to her as weird and scary – so a true Chicken Award to Kyoko. Slim Shady joined in for her repeated escapes from the Dome of Silence.
Pirate Princess announced that Jasmine had turned 5 yesterday, and that Captain Mortein had made the perfect cake, so a Boulanger Award was required. Screamer tried to get Pirate for teaching daughters about down downs, but she went into FBI-mode, and since the girls have been to Hash since inception, it was decided that this one should backfire. Hornithologist joined because she is leaving Samoa.

Ali had been driving over the hill when he spotted two hashers beating some people who had crashed into their garbage – Sondra and Ben got a Waste Management (Reservoir Dogs style) Award. But Ben pointed out that Ali had presented himself as a Doctor to alleviate the suffering, so a Non-Doogie Howser Award was required. Further on medical issues, Witch Doctor was called forth to explain her grievous coral cut wounds, but was cut short and was joined by Kat for the Coral Mining Award.

The Hosts and the Hare were saluted as we were salivating over what was a sumptuous Japanese meal.

And finally, we should all ask the question: Did Philip fart?

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, October 24, 2011

Hash Run 1593 - Vaigaga with Ninja and Family (aka Team Japan)

Morning All, Today's run will be hosted by Ninja and Family at their home in Vaigaga. The hosts have kindly offered to provide the spread for this evening, so I am sure there will be some scrumptious special treats tonight!

Directions: Head down towards Vaitele, and just before you get to Lotto Samoa and the Chinese Supermarket on the right hand side (just after One Stop Rentals) take the turn off on the right and head down the road. The house is the 3rd house on the right hand side with a green roof.

There will be a keg and softies as usual. There is no theme for the day, so come in your regular hash gear. Run starts at 1730HRS so try be on time and don't forget to bring your hash cash!

On On

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Hash Trash 1592

The Hash was hosted by Tasha and Jade at YNot Bar, and Dumass was the Hare. He announced that he had set the trail on flour, an entirely unnecessary statement given the state of his shorts, cap, hair and shades. He looked like a disgruntled baker basically. His vague instructions turned out to have been based on some evil deviousness, as he had introduced heaps of false trails to a familiar neighbourhood. The first was well hidden behind a parked car, and Hot Nuts and Poumuli were already well on their way down the correct trail, but obediently backtracked towards YNot where the trail – false – went into some shitty overgrown garbage dump. Back out onto the Vaiala Beach Road, the trail was scantily marked for the most, but with a flurry of marks elsewhere – very erratic. Anyway, out past the UN offices and down Vaiala Vini Road, with a false trail down to the Apia Park tennis courts, back down into someone’s yard and along the creek. Such an intense stench of garbage and pig-poo, but we re-joined the road and went on-home along Beach Road. So inventive use of this part of town by Dumass, except that daylight savings time is making our low altitude runs bloody hot. Maybe we should start at 6PM?

The circle was called to order by SOTB the GM, who called forth any newbies to Apia Hash, these were Kat and Colum. The rethreads were Poumuli, Do Me Twice, Mike the Banker, Hooker Lua, Hornithologist and Anita. Titty Galore had been spotted running in new shoes, and had hidden them from sight. However the alternative of drinking from the GM’s shoes had the magical effect of their retrieval. She was later joined by Anita who did hers with amazing alacrity.

Celebrity Awards went to Godfather, SOTB, Sassygirl BJ, Poumuli, POD (Lewinsky) and Wahoo for being in the Observer. This Day in History Awards went to Hot Nuts and Ninja for being UN types on World Food Day, Captain Mortein for the 1016 defeat by the Danes of the Saxons and battle of Ashington, and Dumass and Lewinsky our two publicans for the 1814 London Beer Flood, in which 323,000 gallons of beer were released killing 9, mostly resisting rescuing. They were joined by Crime and Kirsten for leaning, shortly followed by Colum.

On the run one hasher had been observed playing soccer with some kids, and nearly getting run over in the process, so the Rooney Roadkill Award went to Ali. The GM had been watching something called Rugby League on the weekend, and called for two token Kiwis and Kangaroos – Mike and DMT. DMT had been nattering along the whole time, so the GM awarded her the new Dome of Silence, which is actually more of a Skeletor mouth guard, but seems to work.

Lewinsky was called forth for an explanation as to why his establishment would be the last bar standing on Beach Road, but no credible explanation came other than a reference to a vague shadowy character called Jay, so the Mafia Award was doubled. The GM had a further award for a Kiwi hasher who plays with an Ozzie – Cockblocker for the Quade Cooper Lookalike Award. There was much mumbling from the Dome of Silence and repeated knocks to the head were required.

Then there was the Hash Mere whose face is on the Rock the Boat billboard – Huge Celebrity Award to Tasha. Another Hasher had managed to get two tickets to the RWC Finals, and had not offered one to the GM, so a Sensible Move Award went to Mike.
Opening up for nominations, Poumuli stepped forward having received numerous reports of the GM’s growing despotism and that he was acting like a two-headed demon, so he produced for him a 2-Headed Satan Cup for his future down downs.

Sassygirl nominated Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein for fighting in public, but after some explanation this was amended to the Foreplay Award. Lewinsky nominated Horny Ho for advertising, as she was wearing a Playboy Bunny hat, and with no reply forthcoming she got the Are You Ready For A Good Time Big Boy Award. Kat got one for false accusation – something about the GM and phones.

Poumuli recalled how the Perimeter Relay prize t-shirts were white, but that Lewinsky’s was pink. Seeing what he was wearing the explanation was obvious, as POD denied washing them together – Washing While Home Alone Award to Lewinsky. At this point Titty G was spotted trying to re-arrange Godfather’s garments but instead made it look like an exposition, so she was given the Wait Til You Get Home Award.
Dumass complained that at the last Hash the food had run out, yet he had seen Lewinsky tucking away at a whole meaty leg. Apparently this was a set-up by the GM, so both of them got it. Pirate Princess nominated Deirdry for breaking a glass. Horny Ho picked up her indignant tone to accuse Godfather of indecent exposure at Matareva for wearing his tight yellow budgie smugglers. This backfired as Horny Ho had obviously gotten excited about it. Godfather was then awarded an Angry Bird hat to go with his budgie smugglers.

The Apia Hash Mad Monk then made an appearance, and called forth Kirsten, who has voodoo magic tricks and sorcery skills of a medicinal nature. She shall henceforth be known as Witch Doctor.

Calling forth Tasha and Jade, the Mad Monk noted that there had been a lot of diving recently in Samoa, lots of it. Henceforth Tasha shall be known as 60 and Jade as 9’er.

CB then nominated our Japanese friends for pumping money into SPREP. Poumuli tried to get the GM for not being sufficiently skilled at SPAM blocking on the blog, but this backfired. Titty G nominated the cooks for doing a good job – indeed! And then Slim Shady turned up late.

Mike had a distressing story to tell of a young lady, left pregnant and barefoot while her husband took off to New Zealand. Yes, the Husband of the Year Award to Lewinsky, who was muttering incoherently by now.
Slim Shady nominated Ninja for losing the Chicken Hat. No he said, it was in his bedroom. While we all agreed that he should have a down-down, that particular chicken hat can be his forever now. Sassygirl was leaning and DMT was mumbling so we gave her a beer.

The Hare and the Hosts, 60, 9’er, Dumass and Tasi were saluted, and a fine feast of BBQ and assorted salads was consumed.
Next week will be with Team Japan out in Vaigaga somewhere, check the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, October 17, 2011

Hash Run 1592 - Ynot Bar - Rugby World Cup Run

Please note that I had to go in and edit the GM's post for spelling!
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Morning All,
Sorry for the late post. Today's run will be at the Y-Not Bar at Matautu. Tasha and Jade are kindly hosting the run tonight. The Theme for the run is Rugby World Cup Final so don your All Blacks or French Rugby gear for tonight's run. Or any other World Cup related gear.

Run starts at 1730Hrs and there will be a keg and food there....See you all then!

On On

Friday, October 07, 2011

White Sunday Hash Run - Matareva Beach

Next weeks run will be a BYO Run at Matareva Beach on the south coast...We aren't 100% sure if the beach is open, but we will head there for the run and if it is, then we will have it there, if not, then we will move to Tafatafa beach (backup)

Run starts at 2pm, so try and be there around lunch time to 1pm to give you sufficient time to head to Tafatafa if we have to. There will be beers there (no keg but crates) but if you want to party hard, then bring your extra beers/drinks. We will have the hash BBQ there so bring something to throw on the BBQ unless you have something else pre-prepared that you wish to bring.

Also, if anyone wants to set the run, please let me know as we're looking for a hare.

Map is below for directions

On On

If there are changes or you are lost, call SOTB on 7500767

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Hash Trash Run 1590

When HASH is hosted at Y Not Bar in Matautu, there are some pros and cons. The Pros are that it is a great venue and always a great feed but the cons are that your scribe ran into some friends visiting from Australia and got distracted for the first few rounds of downdowns!

Starting from this day in history – On October 3 a long long time ago, a Danish slave ship sank, killing everyone onboard. The resident Dane Captain Mortein took his first of many downdowns for the night due to his Danish ancestry and poor captaining skills.

GM Awards started with stories from the weekend. One Hashman was sleeping after attending a hash birthday party and heard dogs barking outside his house. Assuming they were howling at the moon, he thought nothing of it. In reality there was a new moon and the dogs were barking at the ninjas who broke in to his house! Downdowns for Ben for sleeping and Ninja for passing his ninja skills to the locals!

Latecomers Broboner, Pirate Princess and newbie Deidre took their turn in the middle and GM awards continued. Hotnutz caught his first marlin-80kgs! Dev was in the bar but didn’t come us as a retread! Titty G told the GM she bought new shoes and was going to try to run in them but then didn’t even walk AND didn’t bring the shoes! Not sure what happened but GM took off his shoes and I think Titty G begged forgiveness and promised to bring her own next week.

Before the run when Ninja Mom was rocking Ninja Baby in the pram as Sassy Girl was looking on adoringly, Captain remarked to SOTB that Sassy probably wants grandchildren. The truth though, is that POD heard Captain say he’d help her make them! We’re not sure Captain understands that just because he’s old, doesn’t mean his babies count as grandchildren, but we’ll give him a downdown and leave it at that.

Birthdays: Dumass, SOTB, Snake, Tasha, and Shafter 

Goodbye to ACDC who left later that night on his American Dance tour ( Hello to Deidre who was a latecomer so didn’t get to introduce herself the first time – she works at CV and was brought by people named Desh and Court? Downdowns for them whole lot of em!

On to awards from the floor: Sassy Girl dobbed in Ali for leaning and Godfather for not explaining the rules, but Godfather nominated Swinger as his whipping boy. Hotnutz nominated shortcutters Hideo and wife whose only excuse was, “we followed Sassy!”

Chili’s bag got stolen at ACDC’s semiengagement party last week so the two of them were nominated. Yours truly took her turn in the middle because I invited my friend on a walk today but didn’t exactly tell him we were walking to hash… oops! Ever since Captain said he wanted to make grandbabies with Sassy, Pirate Princess was latched on to her Captain. This did not escape Sassy’s attention. Wonder if it was Captain or Sassy who wanted those babies more?

With so few nominations from the floor, I nominated Wahoo for singing her little but off! Our side of the circle, which had more than 10 people, was barely singing except for Wahoo. This was painfully obvious when she was the one getting a downdown!

In honor of the epic game where Tonga kicked some Frog butt, everyone wearing Tonga Red represented them (Ben and Hot Nutz). More in sports, the Sea Eagles beat the Warriors in the Rugby League Championship and anyone with Australian blood stepped up to represent. That was Jade even though she claimed she’s from Melbourne, where people don’t watch that stuff.

Roadkill award to Kirsten for almost getting run over 4 times on the run. Shortcutter award from Sassy, the self proclaimed Queen of Shortcuts, who came back to find Wahoo and her friend already sitting down!

Loser award to GM who made the Nafanua team loose in their Regatta because he refused to paddle in the finals! Dumass followed that up with another award for GM – Dumass claimed GM offered to set the run but by 4:45 he still hadn’t set it. Dumass dragged his sad, flu ridden body out of bed and called him to see what was what. Right of reply, GM DID set the run! It was on flour with 4 false trails and a great run according to the front running bastards. Downdown awarded to Dumass for ungratefulness!

Finally, host and hare: ACDC had left already to catch his plane, but Tasi, Dumass and SOTB took their downdowns with grace. Dinner was a great spread prepared mostly by Tasi, including crab- seafood – curry -palusami! Delish!
Next week is White Sunday, so Monday is a Public Holiday. Run will be at 2 at a beach/swimming pool. Still looking for hosts so anyone who is interested please contact Spanky at 7262122!