The Hash was hosted by Transporter at Seyleck Motors in
Vaitele, although it seems largely to have been taken over by one of Chicken
Shit’s operations. Still a bit of a vehicle morgue, but we couldn’t complain
due to his last minute generosity. The run had been set by Crime, and largely
followed a huge square around the Vaitele area, with a bit of in and out for
obvious false trails. Your Scribe had to duck out due to hip pains, so that is
all that can be reported. Godfather’s sweet nuts were ever-welcomed.
POD as GM called the circle to order. There were no newbies
to Hash, but Poumuli got it wrong and accused Sean – first down. The retreads
were Sean, Sassygirl BJ, Meg, Chicken Shit, with Strap On joining for a false
accusation and David for cellphonus interruptus. Black Swan was appointed Shoe
Inspector but failed.
Celebrity Awards were given to Godfather (in the paper),
David (no Hasher appeared in the coverage of the US 4th July event),
Chicken Shit (in the paper) and Eveready (Karaoke and his brother were in the
This Day in History Awards went to Lewinsky (1910 – In his
book Clinical Psychiatry, Emil Kraepelin gives a name to Alzheimer's disease,
naming it after his best mate and colleague Alois Alzheimer), Gayboy (1938 –
Douglas Corrigan takes off from Brooklyn to fly the "wrong way" to
Ireland and becomes known as "Wrong Way" Corrigan), Eveready for
Crash Bandicoot (Feast Day of St Francis) and Godfather for International
Firgun Day (to make someone feel good about accomplishments).
Turning to the GM’s awards, first up was Wahoo for her
fashion show performance, including the near topless starting lineup. Godfather
said he was proud of her!
The GM turned to Transporter and pithily enquired if he had
forgotten Hash Rules while absent so long, no he hadn’t, so how come you are
leaning? Down down. She then congratulated the Oz Hashers for finally getting a
PM – Black Swan, Meg, Nettie – and added in a respectable measure for the
horrible 60 Minutes coverage of Samoa. Poumuli tried to get Lewinsky included
in this, given the description of Samoa as “hell on earth”, but instead Sean
and Gayboy were dobbed in for chitchatting.
Turning to the ongoing debacle of the Hash BBQ, there were
some interesting theories floated – was it the Poutasi air, or was it just regular
old like Poumuli or was it OTR? A vote gave all the theories support, so Godfather,
Sassy, Transporter and Poumuli took a BBQ Award.
The GM had gone to pick up Crime to also get the paper for
the trail, and had been disrespected by David who had asked who POD was?
Poumuli noted that this had almost been a Full Moon Hash, and since none had
done that tradition, suggested that it be awarded to the Hasher with the most
moonlike visage, namely Lewinsky!
There was a lot more going on, but some of the final ones
related to non-interference with the BBQ process (Sassy, Il Capo, David, Strap
On and Lewinsky), and Gayboy nominating Poumuli for apparently disappearing
during the fashion show (he was in the VIP lounge, not the riff-raff lounge)
and Strap On watching Bill defend Hillary against Trump (Lewinsky).
The Host and Hare, Transporter and Crime were saluted, after
which we ate the lovely BBQ.
Next week’s Hash at Nafanua, and we need a Scribe.
Tonight's Hash will be hosted by Transporter out at Seyleck Motors in Vaitele. Take the Vaitele road out of town, then turn left just past the Vaitele market. Seyleck Motors is a bit down that road. Sorry no map.
It is a BYO BBQ run, so please bring something to share, be it meats, fish or salads. Run starts at 5.30 PM or 17.30, please bring your 20 tala Hash Cash for the keg.
Please also bring a chair if you can, as there is little to sit on there!
The Hash was hosted by David at his rental place near
Moototua, just behind Giordano’s. The hare was Crime, and he had set a
relatively easy run, because the weather was crap. However, Godfather
remarkably made the rain stop as the pack set out of the gate, and it held up
until the majority had returned to the house – Jehovah, it’s a miracle. So the
trail led us past Lynn’s and on to the hospital road. Down and over the Vaitele
road, we turned right at the insurance company, and made our way back to cross
island road. Then it was on home, and sweet tiny nuts.
POD stepped in as GM and welcomed the smallish circle. There
were no newbies, but the retreads were Nettie, Sunny Side Up, Black Swan,
Octopussy and Screamer. Witch Doctor was appointed Shoe Inspector, and she
zeroed in on Octopussy. David claimed to have seen the price tag inside the
shoe, this lead to a Time Traveler Award as the shoe had not been removed as
Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady, Godfather and Titty
Galore for being in the paper, Poumuli for forgetting the clippings and
Lewinsky for Da Head (severed head found on beach in Fiji).
This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (1716 – The
Battle of Dynekilen forces Sweden to abandon its invasion of Norway), Il Capo
and Screamer (1937 – The Marco Polo Bridge Incident provides the Imperial
Japanese Army with a pretext for starting the Second Sino-Japanese War),
Lewinsky (1998 – Abkhazia releases Clinton and Lewinsky stamp) and Sunny Side
Up (no reason).
Turning to the GM’s awards, a Confusion Award went to Wahoo
who was convinced she was on the celeb list (not), that this was not a BYO, and
generally for next week’s fashion show. Then from one extreme to another, from
ill prepared to well prepared, as Witch Doctor pointed to the sheer amount of
paper left over from setting the trail – David got the Boys Scout Award (even
though the paper had been supplied by Poumuli, who remained silent).
StrapOn and Il Capo had been so excited on the run it
sounded like they were making a porno, although Il Capo had said that she was
going to puke. Nettie and Godfather were also called forward for the squeal of
excitement when Godfather spilled his drink on her, yet had a handy towel ready
to do some wiping.
Lewinsky nominated the GM for the Overly Excited Award, as
they had been towing a vehicle from Savaii, and the GM had been a bit flustered
so that when they arrived at Transporter’s she excitedly placed the gear in
park, from whence it jammed. She was joined by Lewinsky for making her do it in
the first place.
Black Swan self-nominated as she had been at Firstcummer’s
wedding and been asked to do a reading, and self-censored herself to call her
Forerunner instead. David tried to nominate Il Capo for the delayed start to
the run due to toilet break, but mucked it up so that both of them took it.
Poumuli tried to nominate Lewinsky for leaving the BBQ behind in Poutasi, but
this was false information as it was Godfather who simply hadn’t brought it
back – this led to a down down for Poumuli. Lewinsky further drew attention
away by nominating chef Crime for a respectful one.
It was pointed out that it was Screamer in Fiji’s birthday
today, thus Screamer took one. Godfather noted that every year POD wins the
Lalomanu half-marathon, except this year it was some overseas bitch. POD
excused the poor show by timing of office work, but also shared this one with
Lewinsky and Sunny Side Up.
David was nominated for a failure to understand Hash, with a
question of where are we going to Il Capo during the run – Octopussy joined for
an absurdist remark. Lewinsky wanted to give one to the host for his
environmentally friendly employer SPREP, and who was described by Wahoo as
really brainy, but David got him to join for his over-excitement.
Godfather then provided an update on what had happened with
the Hamilton Boys at the Edge – a bag snatcher had run off with a tourist’s
bag, only to be stopped by Crime, pissed as a newt, so that when Godfather
congratulated him, he was quite confused as to what he was talking about. Godfather
then nominated anyone who has not heard the Hamilton Boys – POD, Octopussy,
Black Swan and Sachi.
The Hare and the Host, Crime and David were saluted before
the BBQ was consumed
Monday's Hash will be hosted by David with Crime as Hare. The location is as follows:
Take Cross-Island Road out of Apia, go past Scalini's and the road to Giordano's and Lynn's Supermarket. You will pass Marfleet Printing on the right and then take an immediate right turn down that first driveway at the corner of the Marfleet fence. Go to end of drive and turn in to left. There may be a need to have some park out on the road.
This will be a BYO BBQ and other foods run, unless you want to eat vegan like David. Reminder to Lewinsky to bring the BBQ!!!!!
Run starts at 17.30 or 5.30 PM as usual, so bring your 20 tala Hash Cash and have a great day out with the Hash.
The Hash was hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo at their
house in Vaoala, off Bank Street. It was a cool day so far up in the hills, and
even cooler when Poolboy took everyone by truck up to the Baha’i Temple. Slight
miscommunication meant that the first false trail was ignored. Poumuli told the
walkers that they should just head straight home, but Nom Nom took this to be
the full instruction and raced away. The rest proceeded down Cross-Island Road,
with a detour around Lamosa Road. Lots of dogs but Il Capo and Cunning Linguist
beat them off, with sticks. Down the hill no one bought the false trail past
the Mormon church, so it was simply on home down Bank Street. All in all a 4.5
km run, pleasant temperature and Godfather’s lovely miniscule nuts were
POD stepped in as GM, and there were no newbies. Retreads
were Nom Nom (in Melbourne) and Loose Lips (concussion). Jessica was made shoe
inspector and failed.
This Day in History Awards went to David (1776 – American
Revolution: The United States Declaration of Independence is adopted by the
Second Continental Congress), Cunning Linguist (1848 – Slaves are freed in the
Danish West Indies (now U.S. Virgin Islands) by Peter von Scholten in the
culmination of a year-long plot by enslaved Africans), Godfather (1892 –
Western Samoa changes the International Date Line. Monday, July 4 occurs twice,
resulting in a year with 367 days), Lewinsky (2002 – The International Criminal
Court is established to prosecute individuals for genocide, crimes against
humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression) and Il Capo (International
Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (in paper) and Cunning
Linguist (Tokelau article). The GM’s first award was for the exuberant
commentator celebrating Iceland’s win over the poms – Witch Doctor took this
one. Keeping it in the family, the GM called on Poumuli for gatecrashing a
wedding and telling porky pies to Wahoo about his whereabouts. Also at the
wedding Gayboy and Sassy had done some sexy chair dancing, and he was joined by
Karaoke for her magnificent cake.
David had been spotted at the beach with Wahoo’s family as
well as what appeared to be scantily clad medical students. Instead of talking
to them he proceeded to wrestle with dogs to get their attention. Manly Award!
One of the Hash Meres was complaining about her husband
taking all her drinks. Eveready countered that it was because Lewinsky had
drunk all the tonic. However, we know Lewinsky is on a wine diet so that
failed. Godfather then explained why the Hash had not performed the Hash Anthem
for Elle McJr – there were faifeaus, ministers etc present so it had been
called off. Everyone there had wanted to go ahead – except Titty Galore who
took a down down.
Also at the beach Poumuli had been in the water entertaining
all the kids, and was calling his wife to take a picture of Pulitzer prize
characteristics, which she refused to do. Lack of Cooperation Award to Wahoo,
who was joined by Gayboy for vibrator interruptus.
Slim Shady nominated Loose Lips for the Sex Harassment
Award, as she had sat in some sauce and then proceeded to shove her ass in
everyone’s face. Cunning Linguist got the Loopyman Award for his 50 km bike
David wanted to nominate anyone of British descent for the
US Independence Day Award. Slim Shady added that David was geographically
challenged for stating that Connecticut was just outside New York. Snatched had
tried to back away slowly but was spotted, and joined David for his double, as
well as all the other Yanks – Eveready, Jessica and Wahoo.
Gayboy attempted to make a nomination, but the seriously
disturbing view of his leaking nipples got the GM into paroxysms of laughter.
Eventually the discussion landed on that Poumuli had had to sit on his lap for
the wedding photo – but Godfather nipped the discussion in the bud, that this
was why he hadn’t pressed the point about performing at the wedding – Hash is a
bunch of pisstaking idiots some times.
David wanted to honor Nom Nom for doing the Dry July without
drinking, and nominated anyone born in January for a Wet January Award – POD.
Getting back to his wedding stories, Gayboy has been to many, but never has a
mate missed the key part due to having gone off for a dump – Lewinsky.
Il Capo felt that the run had not been well marked and
nominated Poumuli, Nom Nom and David, the latter two for not doing the loop.
Godfather then did a bit of advertising for the jazz and
latin music shows at the Marina Friday and Home Café on Saturday. He also
highlighted the FLO Walk 4 Life walk on Saturday morning.
We then saluted the hosts and hare before eating some
The Hash was hosted by Gayboy at his refined feline eatery
in Matautu by the port. As per usual there was no Hare so we did a live run.
Out the gate down the seawall, turn in at Cross Island Road, across the broken
bridge in Leone, over to UN Four Corners, and then on home via Vaiala Beach.
Simple and wholesome.
Sassygirl BJ called the circle to order. New to Hash was
David (intern at SPREP) but he failed to identify his sponsor, Poumuli, which
led to a down down for Poumuli. There was also Adam and Deon from Oz (over to
visit Swinger) and Albert (friend of Gayboy).
Retreads were Cunning Linguist (recovering), StrapOn (quit
job), Gayboy (gay excuse), Kitty Kitty (grounded, then pregnant), Jessica
(family matters), and Swinger (in Savaii).
Shoe Inspector Il Capo tried but failed. The GM then berated
Gayboy for poor communications, not setting the run and not having the food
ready. This was deemed a crime so Crime took the award.
This Day in History Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (363 – Roman
emperor Julian is killed during the retreat from the Sasanian Empire. General
Jovian is proclaimed Emperor by the troops on the battlefield), Swinger (1374 –
A sudden outbreak of St. John's Dance causes people in the streets of Aachen,
Germany, to experience hallucinations and begin to jump and twitch
uncontrollably until they collapse from exhaustion), Gayboy (1978 – The rainbow
flag representing gay pride is flown for the first time during the San Francisco
Gay Freedom Day Parade) Il Capo (2013 – Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio
Berlusconi is found guilty of abusing his power and having sex with an underage
prostitute, and is sentenced to seven years in prison (Bunga Bunga)) and
Jessica (United Nations Public Service Day).
Celebrity Awards went to Vikki for Slim Shady (in paper), Pirate
Princess for Prince (also in the paper), Cunning Linguist (Tokelau farm story),
Captain Mortein (cannot recall why) and StrapOn (Skyeeye infomercial).
The GM made a comment that the coconuts appeared to be
getting smaller, so Godfather took one for shrinking nuts. She then called on
Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess for their 7 year anniversary.
Ring Ring had of course been in Guam, and what with all the
military guys there had decided to slim down a bit. Eveready insisted that she
be saluted militarily, which landed him a down down. Turning to the Manu Ikale
game, the GM picked on Swinger and StrapOn as representatives for the two
Before the run a hasher had been whingeing to the GM about
not getting to socialise enough – so why didn’t Poumuli bring him to hash
earlier? The GM got Adam into the circle to be fondled by Il Capo, Karaoke,
Pirate Princess and Ring Ring. Latecummer Snatched was saluted.
Turning to the Brexit, Il Capo nominated Cunning Linguist,
Witch Doctor, Poumuli and Swinger in a convoluted Euro dance. David then
nominated the GM which resulted in another for Poumuli. Cunning Linguist felt
the GM had overstepped and nominated her, which resulted in a vote for Cunning
The GM then spotted Eveready fondling Gayboy’s pot plants,
even though he claimed to be cleaning it. Vikki and Crime were awarded for
sneaking out back to smoke. At this stage Poumuli re-enacted the Chicken Action
Dance, this time with the rooster addition suggested by Eveready.
The Host Gayboy and evident Hare Cunning Linguist were
Monday's Hash Run will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo in Vaoala. Take Cross Island Road, then turn right on Bank Street. Take the first road left and go all the way to the top. Green banisters on the balcony.
Run starts at 17.30 or 5.30 PM. Bring your 20 tala Hash Cash. There will be food.