Thursday, July 29, 2010

Hash Trash 1529

Your Scribe is trying to remember what happened, as he sits in rainy chilly Bonn in a German bierstube. Not an easy task after the jetlag, but maybe one more beer will help. Cheers!

The Hash was hosted by Hot Nuts and Nutcracker, and assisted by Titty Galore, at their home on Bank Street in Vaoala. The run had been set on flour, a decision which the weather gods frowned upon by raining throughout the day. The pack set off down Bank Street towards the cow pastures, and generally followed trails taken before. An obvious false trail had been specifically provided for the annoyance of Cockblocker, who ran halfway down to SPREP before realizing his error. Meanwhile Poumuli and Vai Vai led the trail back up the gully towards Bank Street again. It was highly treacherous going, with many a slip along the way. But the weather was gloriously cool and the trail well marked. We came off the gully straight onto Bank Street for a gentle amble back down the road to the house. Unfortunately Godfather is overseas, so we couldn’t enjoy his sweet nuts. But the pool was inviting and many had a dip to cool off.

Princess of Darkness led the circle as GM, calling forth the newcomers to Apia Hash. There was Lisa from NZ who claimed she had just found the flour (she is here with Charlie), and there was Paul and Marina (who had just met this morning). The Rethreads were Charlie (working), Sheep Fart (over from Fiji, and accompanying someone called Henk, and Crash Bandicoot (taking care of pregnant woman). There were no new shoes, and no shoe inspector was forced to take the award (slight oversight there, methinks).

Celebrity Awards were given to Mana (closest living relative to AC/DC who had his photo in the paper 4 times), Art (closest living relative to Spanky, fellow Yank), Sassygirl BJ (radio) and Poumuli (letter to the editor). Godfather is in Tonga for the King’s big celebration, so closest relative Swinger took the Royal Celebrity Award. Spotting Godfather’s other relation Alan hiding, the GM was not amused, and gave him a large one for this serious offence. The GM had been informed of a set of beached whales at Tafatafa. In fact these were the all-nighters CB, SOTB and Aina, in whose absence Titty Galore was called forward to assume the position. An Academy Award was given to Crash for his piddling performance in trying to act sober after a long night out with Lewinsky.

Vai Vai and Chook are off on yet another epic trip, so a Farewell Award was given to wish them well. Vai Vai tried to insist that Pussysnatcher should be awarded for his growing a 3rd Eyebrow, but this backfired. Sassy nominated Paul and Marina for the Fast Action Award, since they had just met this morning. Sassy also got CB and Crash for the Displaying Feminine Side Award, which CB demonstrated by kissing Crash’s cheek (the face one). The GM had also been informed of another such incident where a certain hasher had been wearing a wig. This was a complicated situation as the information had passed from Pirate Princess to Captain Mortien to the GM, and SOTB was raging about false accusations. Nevertheless he took his award.

Charlie, starting his inevitable cycle of down downs, recounted how he had been in the pool to find that Pussysnatcher had his pants on, that he had also popped the floating crocodile, but was forced to join for having got in the pool before the circle started (not sure on this ruling as there were several other such infractions). He did his award so fast that the GM commented that she wanted to see that again. With eerie precision, Mana nominated Charlie for a Chariot Riding Award, as he had tried to flag down a cab. He was joined by Sassy, whose idea it had been in the first place. Bits and Pieces nominated Sheep Fart for a Loyalty Award, since he had altered his itinerary to allow him to attend Hash. Sassy nominated Pussysnatcher for the Tone Deaf (Strangler) Award for his contributions to the singing. CB wanted him to have one for the moustache as well, but since this had already been covered, CB go the Plain Deaf Award.

Everready, had come late, and when asked why he told an FBI length joke about the funeral procession, a dog that had mauled the mother-in-law to death and the many people who wanted to borrow that dog. It was a good enough delivery to allow the GM to instead hand the Dog Breeder Award to Snake rather than an FBI Award to Everready.
Sassy nominated Goer for the Angelina Jolie Award for her readiness to shoot the burglars who had violated their property. Since she had her sunglasses on there had to be a repeat as a Mrs Smith Award. Vai Vai was spotted standing very much at attention, but the GM had noted that this was the result of his long rest leaning on the pool steps. SOTB nominated Captain Mortein for the Getting Cozy at the Campfire Award (with person other than wife), but SOTB joined in for a Peeping Tom Award when he admitted to have viewed the event through binoculars. Swinger nominated Art and Greenie for talking the whole time, in fact they continued to do so until they had to drink. Sassy nominated Hot Nuts for the Retard Award for having to set the run twice. Hot Nuts claimed he had been trying to be environmentally sensitive, and riposted that the GM was being sexist in her remarks. That one utterly failed!

Sassy tried to get Poumuli for not doing his job in sniffing out the dead dolphin on the beach. Poumuli pointed out that he did not work on protected species, couldn't give a damn about dolphins, and that his sense of smell had been distracted by the above mentioned beached whales. The GM ruled that both Sassy and Poumuli should have the award, and they were joined by Mia for having been bouncy on the beach. Charlie demanded that the two bbq cooks should get an award for snacking, but this backfired on the lack of evidence. Lewinsky was called in for Child Endangerment for having tried to swap the baby’s cup with beer.

The Hosts and the Hare – Hot Nuts, Nutcracker, Titty Galore were saluted, with Hot Nuts taking a double for getting Nutcracker’s name wrong. A sumptuous spread had been put on which was enjoyed by all.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Strangler and Mad Hatter at their house on Bernard Street in Vaoala. It will be a BYO so please bring some food.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Hash Run 1530- Mad Hatter & Strangler @ Vaoala- BYO Food Run

Next week, Mad Hatter and Strangler have offered to Host the run at their home in Vaoala. Please note that this will be a BYO Food Run so please bring something to contribute to the spread on the evening. As per the norm, we will have a keg and the BBQ will be there if you wish to bring some meats to throw on the bbq.
Run starts at 1730Hrs and please bring your $15 Hash Cash

Thanks Again to our hosts from last week for another great night! Check the map for Directions.

On On

Monday, July 26, 2010

Hash Run 1529- Hot Nuts & Nut Cracker- Bank St, Vaoala

Morning All,
Tonight's run will be hosted by Hot Nuts and Nut Cracker at their home in Vaoala, on Bank Street. This is just down the road from where we had hash last week at Shelly's place. Bring a pair of togs if you want to jump in the pool after the run, and also something warm as it gets cool at night.

Head up to Bank Street, and look out for the driveway on the right, you can park at the top of the property where the Outrigger canoes are.

Thanks again to our hosts from last week and hope your all ready for another mountain run...Call SOTB if you get lost on 7500767

On On

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Hash Trash 1528

The Hash was hosted by Shelley and her family at their house in Vaoala. And what a lovely place it was. Coincidentally, an ancient meaning for Shelley is “from the meadow on the ledge” which seemed rather appropriate at those lofty heights overlooking Apia.

It was a lovely sunny afternoon after the morning rains, and the temperatures were just right for the sort of trail punishments that Ring Ring as Hare normally metes out. Sending the pack off on a wild goose chase down the long drive to the Cross Island Road, while your Scribe had prudently hung back, we were directed down the side of the property fence, led for once by Sassygirl BJ, who let Poumuli overtake. Somewhat slow going trying not to step on the taro (apparently the rest of the pack were less respectful of agricultural bounty), we emerged onto the road above, where the trail was reacquired heading right and then straight up into the bush again. While the trail was well marked it was rather murky and the terrain underfoot was treacherous, so not much sprinting was done until Cockblocker in usual hell-bound fashion clopped past. The bush trail continued through some woods until eventually coming out at the foot of Malololelei, where after some searching there was really only the on home down the Cross Island Road. A pleasant natter was kept up by Vai Vai, commenting on the various running styles of the Hash, and generally abusing Swinger and anyone else he caught up with. The taser was only employed twice, to much hilarity and yelping of dogs, but Mad Hatter made a request for taser carriers to escort her next time. All agreed that this was an excellent run set by Ring Ring, a tad hard on the legs, but great scenery and variety. Godfather’s sweet nuts felt better than ever.

Pirate Princess was the guest GM, and with some difficulty called the circle to order (a bit tricky to yell out orders with a sleeping and/or lactating baby attached). The New Boots were warmly welcomed – they were Ralph and Rebecca from NZ who are over studying some bird (nice work if you can find it), Cameron from Oz (also an inmate of the SPREP compound), and Brian from University of Hawaii. The Rethreads, and there were several, were quizzed on their lame excuses for missing hash – Art Whistler (real name, seriously distinguished ornithologist/botanist), Strangler (more conjugality), Sassy (think she was overseas), Greenie (mucking about with projects), Brent (back from the US to stay for a while – he was with us in 2009), Aina (making cocktails, and “been around”!?), Popeye (overseas), Psychadelic (in Oz), Slippery (in Oz) and Pussysnatcher (in Californication).

Pussysnatcher stepped in as Deputy Shoe Inspector and found several new shoes. These were demanded presented to the most sensitive nose we have, namely Snake (not so sure about that, but I guess he can differentiate factory smells from foot mushrooms). Mana, Marc and Cameron were all charged, but Cameron managed to sneak away. Marc did his shoe with Coke! Celebrity Awards went to Sassy (Observer appearance) and Godfather (TV). The GM tried to get Poumuli included, but it was pointed out that the Poumuli mention in the Observer was in relation to pepper plant cultivation and how they best grow on 6 foot Poumuli stumps, so obviously not a reference to your Scribe.

The GM had a few awards of her own – a Vandalism Award to Ring Ring (trail through the taro patch), and Plastic Surgeon Award (Dental Order) to Hot Nuts (new tooth inserted). Opening it up to the floor, Poumuli questioned whether Australians were so thick they needed to be told not to drink from urinals, whether the water was recycled or not, so Vai Vai was given the Water Used Twice Award. Sassy tried to get a child endangerment to someone named Tammy, but in the end Confused By Geography Award went to Titty Galore, Nutcracker and joined by Sassy.

Popeye nominated Greenie for the Meeting Convening and Abruptly Cancelling Award, to no one’s surprise. Eveready, after first overcoming being shook rigid by the GM (she was in lactating phase by now), recounted how Spanky had offered to help Karaoke across a fence on the trail and failing miserably, making Karaoke useless for the rest of the week, so an Honorary Cockblocker Award (Unintentional Order) for Spanky.
Vai Vai had been hankering for some food from one of the local restaurants, only to be told that Lewinsky had just been there and eaten all the beef stew – a Gastronomy Dominance Award was how double-V described it. Sassy then nominated Snake for NOT ogling the GM, at which Snake confusedly looked at the GM, eyes went wide, and an Obvious Peeping Tom Award was handed down. Screamer, in a fit of pique, had most charitably (in her view) agreed to be the Co-Scribe (should be Assistant Trainee if you saw her spelling) last week, and did she get a thank you, noooo, except a tirade from Poumuli (who had to post the blasted thing). Ungrateful Award to Poumuli and Whingeing Award to Screamer.

The Hash was reminded that this would be BlowMe’s last run for a while as he heads back to Wellington and impending fatherhood. We didn’t get a speech as he was quite out of breath after quickly downing the biggest glass. CB wanted all Samoans to take the Tua Let Us Down Award, and Aina and Brian were picked, but CB joined in the Appalling Dutch (Repeat) Award, which he griped about for hours after (you guys messed up my plan, and ganged up on me! Boo hoo). Sassy had retained enough focus to spot that CB had his cap on, so back in he went.

Brazilian Wax was spotted by Swinger trying to sneak in, while BB simply drove up for her Latecummers (Excellent Timing) Award. Vai Vai tried to get a Animal Cruelty Award for Poumuli (saved your arse, won’t happen next time at this rate!), but he somehow got overlooked in the confusion as the GM called for 6 to get their For The Hell Of It Awards – Wahoo, Fang, Swinger, Rebecca, Crime and Chook. The Hosts (Shelley and Tiff) and Hare (Ring Ring) were saluted in the traditional manner, before we descended on the feast laid out for us. We also farewelled the Va’a crew (Marc, Brazilian and Godfather), who mentioned that there was a spare bunk for anyone wishing to go to Tonga.

Next week’s run will be announced on the blog. Also take a look at the fabulous series of photos donated by Slippery from several past hashes, including this one. Malo Slippery!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, July 19, 2010

Hash Trash 1527

Hash trash 1527

Assistant Blogmaster’s notice – this column has been modified to fit your expectations, and to keep it to Family Hash language. It has also been re-titled to 1527, as Screamer was getting ahead of herself, but thanks to Screamer for the Trash. Poumuli, IKA Slit.

Hash Run 1527 was hosted by Snake and Fang at what has been dubbed “Snake Pit 2” – Senese School at Vaitele.

The much-maligned hare, then known as Peter (aka Spanky’s bro), set his inaugural – and possibly final - trail that seems to have confounded most. Since the co-scribe managed to miss the actual run (a first, she would like noted), she has had to piece things together based on the various whingeing’s of the pack: “false trail right at the beginning going uphill”, “climbing a dirt pile” and “it was all wrong” were heard as the pack trailed in slowly.

Today’s interim GM was Wahoo who had to enlist several (un)helpful hands in calling the circle to order. There were no new boots – a bit of a novelty for Apia Hash of late (CB must be slipping) but several rethreads stepped up – Mana, Alan, Sarai, Mele and Sassy.

Swinger was called on for “Falling in the Snake Pit” (he dropped his car in a hole) but since it was actually Snake guiding him, they both took a drink.

Spanky received the Michael Jackson award for whining about being on a faculty choir.

Hussy of the Week went to Slim Shady for flashing her breasts at the leader of this nation…for 15,000 bucks, co-scribe figures it’s not a bad deal. So impressed was the Circle, that Slim was given the special mug to drink from.

Brazilian Wax received a special award for general good humour and affability – something to do with good behaviour on Rock Da Boat.

The Big Loser World Cup award was taken by CB, SOTB (not quite sure why – he’s German) and Sarai (Lewinsky stood in as whipping boy since she had a medical certificate).

Peter received yet another Overstayer award and we are told he is definitely leaving on Sunday.

Screamer was handed a celebrity award for being generally awesome overall and deserving of such things. (Ed note: is this correct? Shurely some mishpelling…)

A number of awards were dished out to several of those who had participated in boat-based revelry to celebrate Screamer’s birthday. CB was cited for vandalism (generally having a good time, getting excited and breaking a light); SOTB for his puking girlfriend, BB for good behaviour (WHAT?) and Wahoo for getting on the wrong boat and trying to rock da dinghy instead.

Several other nominations continued: Peter for generosity as hare and pointing out the trail to all; Snake for poor advice to a new hare; Marc for indecent exposure (cited by Sassy who was promptly had up for perving at Marc in the first place); Sassy again for apparently getting so worked up thinking about it, she needed “another” shower.

A special mention for SOTB who got the “Please Abuse Me” award for his harem of chicks who seemingly did things to him that had both BB and Titty Galore blushing.

Vai Vai and Chook are trying to buy up Apia so a Colonialism/Entrepreneurial Award was dished out.

It started raining around this point and several disgruntled hashers unanimously called Snake up for the “save the children” award as leaks sprung from the poorly-maintained school roof.

Mana leaned and was caught out. Unfortunately, she’d just discovered what a whipping boy was and got Alan to drink for her.

CB was awarded for something that co-scribe can’t recall but figures he probably deserved it.

BB told a story of ZsaZsa stripping to his yellow undies in honour of Spain’s win and tried to get Swinger to take the fall for this (blaming him for getting everyone drunk) but this resulted in a boomerang award when Swinger told of BB leaving the cooking to check out said undies. Swinger and BB took a couple’s award.

Another gas bottle discussion was held leading to SOTB taking the award. Although it seems this one was a congratulatory award. They finally got it right!

Snake was justly awarded for apparently possessing superhero qualities that enable him to control all the traffic lights in the country.

BB thanked Everready for ruining her Sunday by bringing a keg to the breakfast world cup event which ended in her much-loved friends not leaving till 5pm that evening.

Both Everready and Karaoke were awarded for a fabulous feast held in honour of Desirable on the Saturday.

Shelley, Fang and NutCracker drank simply because they hadn’t yet while Lewinsky was awarded for scoffing large quantities of oysters in an attempt to “break the bed”. Seems he failed on that count but he looked pretty pleased with himself, nonetheless. Choohoo!!

Crime, true to his name was hiding in the dark and was dragged out into the light while Snake was had up for inappropriately discussing the various uses of mother’s milk.

Lewinsky and Crash were nominated for being bachelor-wanna-be’s which involved heading out to a ‘jobsite’ at 10 in the morning but not returning till midnight last Sunday.
Peter got an extra one for this being his last run (co-scribe wonders if the GM herself was a tad over the limit at this point as she’s sure there was an earlier nomination on this).

Screamer was awarded for something that wasn’t clear. She took it anyway in the spirit of the quest to empty the keg.

Fang and Peter took the host and hare award and then a surprise for the hashers! Snake had apparently consulted with the Monk and stood in for an impromptu naming. Peter, who has been with Hash for the past 6 weeks was named…Fiapoko (for those who don’t know – this roughly translates to ‘know-all’) (Ed note: I was told “smartarse”). Co-scribe is not too sure about the appropriateness of the name and fears it is a family thing but hey, orders from the Monk cannot be ignored.

Today’s run was a byo and co-scribe is pleased to note there was plenty of beautiful food to feed the masses. Thanks to those who organized the bbq.

Next run at Shelley’s in Vaoala.

On On

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Hash Run 1528- Vaoala, Shelly and Family

Morning to you all, Next weeks run will be hosted by Shelly and her Family up at their home in Vaoala. Head up the Cross Island Road and look out for the turn off after Bank Street where Le Spa is. Its across the road from the Shrine of the 3 Hearts. Head to the end of the driveway.

As usual, there will be a Keg and the Run will start at 1730 Hrs

Ring Ring, would you be available to give Shelly a hand with setting the run? You can call her on 7574751.
Bring a change of clothes as it gets cold in the evenings. Also, a big thanks to the Snake Family for hosting last week. See you all there!
On On

Monday, July 12, 2010

Hash Run 1527- SnakePit 2 @ Vaitele- BYO Food

Morning All,
Tonight's run will be hosted by Snake and the family at Vaitele...Snake Pit 2...This will be a BYO Food run so bring something to throw on the bbq. There will also be a free keg on tonight. Prepare yourself to climb a few steep hills :)

When you head up the Yazaki Road..its on the left hand side, before Maota O Samoa. Look out for the paper and the Senese School sign
See the map below for directions.

On On

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Hash Trash 1526

The Hash was hosted by Poumuli and Wahoo up in Vaoala. As this was a very-last-minute decision because Mismanagement had so royally screwed up, it will be freely admitted that the run that was set was the most abysmal, boring, short and un-entertaining run in the history of the Apia Hash. But – the Blogmaster had issued his continued warning about escaped rapists lurking in the gulley, so safety trumped more fun, at least in the view of your Scribe.

The run basically went down towards Mynahs, but turned in down what has been labelled Mafia Lane, for a false trail. Back up the hill, with Cockblocker leading the way for a false trail down Bernards, then up past Bank Street and the Catholic shrine, before ending up behind a trailer where an arrow and an on-home had been vandalized. Back down to Vaoala and the taste of Godfather’s sweet nuts.

Spanky stepped in as GM, and called forth the first time visitors. There was Syb from Oz, Carolyn and Miriam from Oz via Tonga, and Marc the Ecuadorian Frenchman who steers the Samoan va’a. The rethreads were Venom (back from school), Brynn (sailing the Pacific), Underrated (also back from school?), Vai Vai and Chook (touring the world), Mustang Sally (lost in the bush), and Brazilian Wax (who had been beating the bush). Our American PCers had been in Savaii and had escaped again.
Snake stepped in as Shoe Inspector, and thought he had found a new pair, but nearly fainted upon smelling them and had to be revived with a down-down. He was joined by Marc who had run in jandals! Celebrity Awards went to Marc and Godfather (Observer story) and the rest of our famous sailors Brynn and Brazilian Wax. Birthday girl Stephanie was saluted together with SOTB, since this was also the Feast Day of St. Antony.

Our GM had done her repeat performance again as Wahoo had said she’d rather have a drink, so the GM obliged her with the big cup, which need Poumulian assistance. Ring Ring interrupted then as Peter, Spanky’s brother had burped the hash song, which while an admirable gift is not really the done thing. In return the GM noted how Ring Ring had been working out on the rowing machine after turning up early. She took it down – fast!

The GM rather self-importantly pointed out that these were very important days for certain North Americans (Vai Vai muttered something in Cobber), so she got all the Yanks and Cannucks into the circle. Eveready tried to get out of it because he hasn’t renewed his passport, but it was pointed out he still has the uniform, which doesn’t fit! He managed to stay out. The GM also called in the World Cup Award for any awesome Germans in the Hash, found none, so she gave it to SOTB. Bits and Pieces refused on patriotic grounds, rightfully so, to join the invaders of so many countries.

Showing a prodigious knowledge of history, the GM noted that 5 July 1937 was the day that SPAM was launched on the unsuspecting world and particularly Pacific Islanders, so she called in SOTB (works for IT), Peter (has been to the SPAM Museum), Rachel and some others from the town where SPAM was born (sorry, lost track there), but they were joined by Titty Galore who professed to just love Spam.

The visitors from Tonga had been appalled that the Samoan men tear their shirts off in public, as that is not done in Tonga, but while this state was initially noted, the GM spotted signs of drooling, so a Backfire Award was given but surrounded by some Stripping Samoans. One reason your Scribe took such crap notes this week was the incessant chattering by two Hash Meres, so Karaoke and Titty G got the Nattering Nabobs Award. An innovation to the circle was introduced by the GM – a quiz! Who in the Hash was likely to have said “bugger all lighting, poor workmanship”- after a vote it went to Lewinsky, Snake and Poumuli.

Karaoke told a sad sob story of how she used to run the Hash every week for so long, and that lately she had been missing so many because of Eveready (hospitalization, falling out of trees, chainsawing his own leg, etc.). In his defence Eveready pointed out that he had been injured doing all that work for Karaoke, but Poumuli dredged up his older Hash name of Neveready, sealing the award, and Karaoke joined him for putting up with all this.

SOTB nominated Poumuli and Wahoo for the Hash Heroes of the Week Award for coming forward at the last minute, although Wahoo had only been informed of this joyous news at around 3 PM by Laura. SOTB joined for generally deserving another one. Poumuli nominated our resident grumpy letter writer to the Editor. Vai Vai has been back 4 days and nothing has been sent yet to the Observer – he was joined by the other grumps Snake and Bits and Pieces. SOTB also nominated Marc for steering our sailing hashers safely back. The GM nominated Chook for the Patience Award, one supposes generally for putting up with Vai Vai. Peter had to join in for some reason.
Eveready had offered the returning Mustang Sally the use of a car, but it took her three days to come and get it, so a Drunken Revelry Award (Auto Safety Division) was given. Poumuli nominated Snake for the Demonstrating A Safe Work Environment Award as he had tried to put in a lightbulb precariously perched on two mismatched beer crates. Bits and Pieces finally took his World Cup Award, and was joined by fellow clog-dancing, cheese-eating Cockblocker.

The Host and the Hare, Poumuli and Wahoo were saluted in the traditional manner, before food was served on the balcony, a combination effort of bbq, Norwegian Pea Soup, salads and bread.

Next week’s run will be at Snakepit No. 2 in Vaitele, and will again be a BYO, given Snake’s concern over escalating costs of hosting. And this time Wahoo WILL BE the GM!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

As a post-script it should be noted that Cockblocker lived up to his name later in the evening, when one of the visiting ladies paid a nice compliment to one of the Hashmen. Not being able to tolerate anyone else within 100 yards of him getting a compliment, Cockblocker proceeded to denigrate said Hashman in meanest terms of heads getting too big. One for next week for CB please.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Hash Run 1526

Poumuli and Wahoo have kindly offered to host tonight's run at Poumuli's home in Vaoala. The run will be a BYO Food Run so please bring a little something for the BBQ.
The keg has been ordered and hopefully it doesn't rain tonight.

Map is below, Run starts 1730Hrs.

Many thanks again to Poumuli for offering last minute to have us miss-fits at his place.

On On

Hash Trash 1525

Hash trash 1525
A wet and dreary afternoon made many of us apprehensive as to the run, especially since the Hosts had indicated that the run would be a wet one. In any case, the skies cleared enough and we were all energized by the highly alternative approach to hashing that had been suggested by Psychadelic, who hosted with Nutcracker, Mad Hatter and Gloria. It was basically “’An Amazing Race”’ type of quiz run, with different questions for the short run and the long run. We set off through the gates, but immediately Poumuli, SOTB and Screamer went the wrong way and didn’t hear the cries of “’wrong way”’! So we ended up going almost down to Lewinsky’s before rejoining the actual trail at the water crossing at Vaiala Beach. The questions took us down past the port, into Aggie Greys, past the Coffee Bean and the UN building before turning back down the track to the house. For those who had taken the longer version the relief was deliciously quenched by Godfather’s sweet nuts.
Spanky made her first appearance as GM, and welcomed the newcomers to Apia Hash. These were Laura (visiting Stephanie, from Sydney) and Jenny (a teacher at Lufilufi, Yankee). The rethreads were called forward and asked for their lame excuses. Stephanie had been under a rock and on the rocks, Chris had been on the Gold Coast (hashed with us in the mid-80’s), Strangler had been on conjugal duties (he’s used that one before!) and Casey had been playing soccer. Celebrity Awards went to Screamer (MDG march), Swinger and Godfather (Observer vaka story), Pro Boner (twice in Observer, looking lawyerly) and Shelly (Chef de Mission to the Commonwealth Games).
Assistant Shoe Inspector Snake had espied some brilliantly shining new shoes, but Chris had stealthily replaced them with jandals. Snake gave him the option of drinking from the Snakeboots, but Chris demurred and drank through the jandals, which was gross enough. Psychadelic then took us through the answers to the quiz, with Spanky supervising in true School Marm style, which saw Lewinsky getting the Pen Stealing Award and Screamer an Argumentative Loudmouth Award. SOTB, Poumuli and Screamer all took DumbAss Awards for heading out the wrong way on the run.
The GM had been observing some extraordinary athletic activity over the weekend, so BlowMe got a combined Endurance Award and SgtMajor Expansion Award. The GM had also been told that Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein had gone to Savaii for their anniversary, and had found an ad for the Experience of a Lifetime, featuring Lewinsky and POD, which resulted in a large one for our humidorian. Crash Bandicoot had been very helpful to the GM with arrangements, yet she was a much more successful GM than he had been last week, as at least she had turned up!
An amusing story of Opportunity Lost was told, involving SOTB and a Poly air hostess, who had enquired if SOTB was really rich (thats a good one), which makes this a Mile Low Club Award. The GM had spent a nice day at the beach with a certain Hash Mere, who in trying to dispel the myth that she never has fun decided to take some pictures. What was the object Screamer proceeded to immortalize – her own icecream. Poumuli asked if this should be the IceScreamer Award, and had to join in for lameness.
SOTB, reverting to the tales from Savaii, noted that this was very poor form for a hasher when the resort wouldn’t give them a second night for romanticism, but then Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein had brought their daughter along anyway – all three got the down down by vote. Snake then noted how Pro Boner’s first day in court had ended with a guilty verdict for her client – not exactly how it goes on TV, eh? Snake also wanted all the Oz women to step forward in honour of their new Prime Minister, so that we could all see what a backstabber looks like.
Blackadder nominated all the English, for losing so badly, and all the Germans for winning so grandly for a Poetic World Cup Award – BlowMe, Swinger, SOTB, Snake and Blackadder all joined in. The GM had more to tell of the romantic couple. She had been informed by Captain Mortein that Pirate Princess had been sick the whole time over on the boat, but rather than request a stay in the down-downs, he asked her to award as many as possible! Unchivalrous Award to the Captain.
On that note Screamer was incensed that two Hash Meres had to man the barbeque, and asked why SOTB had not offered to cook. He airily replied that it wasn’t his job, and he only stepped up in the past as all the women were too lazy. Pro Boner clarified that SOTB, Crash and Lewinsky had been asked nicely and had all refused to help. The GM did the Solomonic thing and gave all five the award.
Poumuli nominated Eveready for a combined Getting Lost/Chariot Riding Enticement Award. Eveready’s defence rested on being continually (or continuously?) being distracted by Karaoke, but for some reason both he and Poumuli were the recipients. Screamer nominated Hot Nuts and Nutcracker for the Dedication to Sports Award for being timekeepers at the swimming tourney (not judges for the synchronized swimming, as she first thought). SOTB wanted to nominate Poumuli for his new, unasked for, job as Assistant Blogmaster, while Poumuli requested that SOTB join in for his impending Putting At Risk a Whole (Sub-)Continent Award as he travels to India and seeks to insert himself into the community.
Pirate Princess must be getting senile as she tried to get SOTB nominated for his False Advertising t-shirt, but since this has been done many, many times now she was forced to accept it herself. The GM nominated her brother Peter for the Overstayer (Dawn Raid Memorial) Award. Eveready had missed hash last week to go to Pro Boner’s celebration, but had ended up carrying a somewhat inebriated Karaoke home, taken advantage and been treated like a King for a week. As we couldn’t understand what the complaint was about, Karaoke took the award, muttering something about advantages. SOTB nominated Godfather for the Endurance (Paddling) Award for leading his paddling team from start to finish. It was pointed out that this was his job, so Lewinsky and SOTB joined for a Beating the Screamer Team Award. Pirate Princess spotted some hashers sitting in a separate circle, so the two offenders were brought in on a Splitters Award.
The hosts and the hare were saluted in the traditional fashion. BB couldn’t tell us where the next hash is going to be so she was finally given a Lame Hareraiser Award. A sumptuous feast had been laid on for us that was enjoyed by all.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit