Hash Trash 1528

The Hash was hosted by Shelley and her family at their house in Vaoala. And what a lovely place it was. Coincidentally, an ancient meaning for Shelley is “from the meadow on the ledge” which seemed rather appropriate at those lofty heights overlooking Apia.

It was a lovely sunny afternoon after the morning rains, and the temperatures were just right for the sort of trail punishments that Ring Ring as Hare normally metes out. Sending the pack off on a wild goose chase down the long drive to the Cross Island Road, while your Scribe had prudently hung back, we were directed down the side of the property fence, led for once by Sassygirl BJ, who let Poumuli overtake. Somewhat slow going trying not to step on the taro (apparently the rest of the pack were less respectful of agricultural bounty), we emerged onto the road above, where the trail was reacquired heading right and then straight up into the bush again. While the trail was well marked it was rather murky and the terrain underfoot was treacherous, so not much sprinting was done until Cockblocker in usual hell-bound fashion clopped past. The bush trail continued through some woods until eventually coming out at the foot of Malololelei, where after some searching there was really only the on home down the Cross Island Road. A pleasant natter was kept up by Vai Vai, commenting on the various running styles of the Hash, and generally abusing Swinger and anyone else he caught up with. The taser was only employed twice, to much hilarity and yelping of dogs, but Mad Hatter made a request for taser carriers to escort her next time. All agreed that this was an excellent run set by Ring Ring, a tad hard on the legs, but great scenery and variety. Godfather’s sweet nuts felt better than ever.

Pirate Princess was the guest GM, and with some difficulty called the circle to order (a bit tricky to yell out orders with a sleeping and/or lactating baby attached). The New Boots were warmly welcomed – they were Ralph and Rebecca from NZ who are over studying some bird (nice work if you can find it), Cameron from Oz (also an inmate of the SPREP compound), and Brian from University of Hawaii. The Rethreads, and there were several, were quizzed on their lame excuses for missing hash – Art Whistler (real name, seriously distinguished ornithologist/botanist), Strangler (more conjugality), Sassy (think she was overseas), Greenie (mucking about with projects), Brent (back from the US to stay for a while – he was with us in 2009), Aina (making cocktails, and “been around”!?), Popeye (overseas), Psychadelic (in Oz), Slippery (in Oz) and Pussysnatcher (in Californication).

Pussysnatcher stepped in as Deputy Shoe Inspector and found several new shoes. These were demanded presented to the most sensitive nose we have, namely Snake (not so sure about that, but I guess he can differentiate factory smells from foot mushrooms). Mana, Marc and Cameron were all charged, but Cameron managed to sneak away. Marc did his shoe with Coke! Celebrity Awards went to Sassy (Observer appearance) and Godfather (TV). The GM tried to get Poumuli included, but it was pointed out that the Poumuli mention in the Observer was in relation to pepper plant cultivation and how they best grow on 6 foot Poumuli stumps, so obviously not a reference to your Scribe.

The GM had a few awards of her own – a Vandalism Award to Ring Ring (trail through the taro patch), and Plastic Surgeon Award (Dental Order) to Hot Nuts (new tooth inserted). Opening it up to the floor, Poumuli questioned whether Australians were so thick they needed to be told not to drink from urinals, whether the water was recycled or not, so Vai Vai was given the Water Used Twice Award. Sassy tried to get a child endangerment to someone named Tammy, but in the end Confused By Geography Award went to Titty Galore, Nutcracker and joined by Sassy.

Popeye nominated Greenie for the Meeting Convening and Abruptly Cancelling Award, to no one’s surprise. Eveready, after first overcoming being shook rigid by the GM (she was in lactating phase by now), recounted how Spanky had offered to help Karaoke across a fence on the trail and failing miserably, making Karaoke useless for the rest of the week, so an Honorary Cockblocker Award (Unintentional Order) for Spanky.
Vai Vai had been hankering for some food from one of the local restaurants, only to be told that Lewinsky had just been there and eaten all the beef stew – a Gastronomy Dominance Award was how double-V described it. Sassy then nominated Snake for NOT ogling the GM, at which Snake confusedly looked at the GM, eyes went wide, and an Obvious Peeping Tom Award was handed down. Screamer, in a fit of pique, had most charitably (in her view) agreed to be the Co-Scribe (should be Assistant Trainee if you saw her spelling) last week, and did she get a thank you, noooo, except a tirade from Poumuli (who had to post the blasted thing). Ungrateful Award to Poumuli and Whingeing Award to Screamer.

The Hash was reminded that this would be BlowMe’s last run for a while as he heads back to Wellington and impending fatherhood. We didn’t get a speech as he was quite out of breath after quickly downing the biggest glass. CB wanted all Samoans to take the Tua Let Us Down Award, and Aina and Brian were picked, but CB joined in the Appalling Dutch (Repeat) Award, which he griped about for hours after (you guys messed up my plan, and ganged up on me! Boo hoo). Sassy had retained enough focus to spot that CB had his cap on, so back in he went.

Brazilian Wax was spotted by Swinger trying to sneak in, while BB simply drove up for her Latecummers (Excellent Timing) Award. Vai Vai tried to get a Animal Cruelty Award for Poumuli (saved your arse, won’t happen next time at this rate!), but he somehow got overlooked in the confusion as the GM called for 6 to get their For The Hell Of It Awards – Wahoo, Fang, Swinger, Rebecca, Crime and Chook. The Hosts (Shelley and Tiff) and Hare (Ring Ring) were saluted in the traditional manner, before we descended on the feast laid out for us. We also farewelled the Va’a crew (Marc, Brazilian and Godfather), who mentioned that there was a spare bunk for anyone wishing to go to Tonga.

Next week’s run will be announced on the blog. Also take a look at the fabulous series of photos donated by Slippery from several past hashes, including this one. Malo Slippery!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit