Monday, August 29, 2016

Hash Run 1844

Hash tonight is being hosted by Crash Bandicoot and Cougar at their house in Alafua to celebrate Devine's birthday. Theme is 'pretty in pink' . Run starts at 5:30 

Directions: head out of town towards the airport. Turn left at Lepea to go towards Adrias cakes (AA rentals is on the corner). Go past RLS Primary School approx 250m and take the road on the left immediately after Mauga Folau fast food (it is the small road that joins across to the St Josephs road and comes out at Tommy Scanlans house at the other end). The house is on the right where the Quality Furnishing sign is.

Please bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala and enjoy a good run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Hash Trash 1843

And yet again the Hash was gathered at the Nafanua Steakhouse, hosted by Witch Doctor and Vikki, on a very warm day. Inspiring mixed metaphors abounded, so all seriousness aside, the run will be scribed, not televised. With the awfuluality of the heat, the Hashers were rorting to go and get it over with so that nuts could be sucked down. Crime had set the run, so we turned left away from the Police station. The trail went right at ANZ, then crossed over to continue down towards the airport road. With ingenuity born of literacy, POD led the pack as it meandered lonely as a cloud through the Apia streets down to the Vaitele road. Literally the road to nowhere, it goes around the island entirely, which for some seemed to be whence we were headed. Not I, brown cow, the on on sounded, and the pack continued towards the hospital road. Upon being the recipient of great hospitality with another Hash, one Hasher had welcomed a reciprocal visit, during which we would hospitalise you. The trail now turned to Beach Road, and on home.

POD was our GM, and stepped into the tight circle, framed by the necessity to see from the single light, and fear from combustion from the open spitting BBQ flames being manned by Crime. Those new to Apia Hash were summoned first. These were Jarrod, Simon, Kate, Jack and Mike – medicos, Alex (Italian), Marcel and Wim (brought by Cunning Linguist) and Kavon brought by someone named James. Swinger was joined by Silver Bullet (David medico’s childhood Hash name) for cellphonus.

Retreads were Screamer (in Suva), Cunning Linguist (Tokelau), Skunk (NZ) and Angry Bird (chasing birds). Karaoke was appointed Shoe Inspector and failed but passed it on to Snake for poor torch handling.

Celebrity awards went to Godfather (photo of Slim Shady “launching the torpedoes” in the words of Eveready), Cunning Linguist (expose on Tokelau’s eating habits) and Angry Bird (story about him making local birds miffed).

This Day In History Awards went to Witch Doctor (1612 – The trial of the Pendle witches, one of England's most famous witch trials, begins at Lancaster Assizes), Swinger (1770 – James Cook formally claims eastern Australia for Great Britain, naming it New South Wales), one of the medicos (1942 – World War II: Operation Jubilee: The 2nd Canadian Infantry Division leads an amphibious assault by allied forces on Dieppe, France and fails, many Canadians are killed or captured. The operation was intended to develop and try new amphibious landing tactics for the coming full invasion in Normandy), Poumuli and Screamer (2004 – Versions of The Scream and Madonna, two paintings by Edvard Munch, are stolen at gunpoint from a museum in Oslo, Norway) and Cockblocker (World Humanitarian Day).

A Facebook Award to Alcatraz and Son Of The Bitch for the birth of their daughter Sophia Elizabeth – to the Best Man (?) Lewinsky, Prue and Alex for being good swimmers.

Turning to the Olympics, Skunk got a medal for leaning, then for the youngest Olympian – Wahoo for Yahoo, for oldest Olympian winner (with one lung missing) – our prime smoker Crime. For the host Rio, the best Brazilian Wax went to Snake, with a special mention for Sunny Side Up for the dastardly Yank swimmer.

Godfather was asked to step forward for an explanation as to why, being the High Matai of the Hash he was unable to read in Samoan? Apparently he had gone straight into the ladies room. His explanation that at his age he can only read the first four letters of anything, while amusing, did not save him from the award.

The GM had been fishing for dirt before the circle and had asked Captain Mortein who responded that no, he had been a loving caring husband all week. But apparently his definition of this would allow him to swim up to his wife and pee on her, thus a Golden Shower Award. Finally, Prue had some trouble opening the coconut, and when the GM demonstrated and pointed where she should hit, she pummelled the GM’s finger.

Opening up for nominations, Cunning Linguist congratulated Crime for excellent delegation of service. StrapOn nominated Il Capo for getting stung by so many bees on Sunday, yet making it to the run. Poumuli wanted to include Captain Mortein for being derelict in administering the more traditional ant-bee sting method, seeing that he had been rather full of the necessary means to do so. Didn’t work.

Poumuli then nominated Lewinsky. Why spake the GM? Guilty came the cry from the circle.
Angry Bird recounted how he had been babysitting Marco Polo on Sunday and had asked the father if he was allergic to nuts. No no no, until Pirate Princess came running over to stop it from a real disaster. Swinger defended the Captain by mentioning that Angry Bird had lost Leo on the beach.

Cunning Linguist nominated Wim for having hosted many Hash runs in Indonesia but never getting a name, and Marcel for never going to one of them – they are brothers. StrapOn wanted to nominate Godfather for the amazing spread that he and Titty Galore had put on for the Father’s Day Hash. While grateful for the recognition, Godfather pointed out that all Hashes he has been to have had amazing food. Thus StrapOn got the Picking on Godfather Award.

Next week’s run will be at Cougar and Crash Bandicoot’s in Alofua. Watch the blog.
The hosts and hare – Witch Doctor, Vikki and Crime were saluted before we enjoyed a good spread of what Nafanua has to offer.
On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, August 19, 2016

Hash Run 1843

The Hash will be hosted by Crime at the Nafanua Steakhouse on Beach Road, next to the grumpy old men at On the Rocks. Its a catered BBQ so please just remember your 20 tala for the Hash Cash and keg.

Run starts at 5.30 PM or 17.30.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1842

The Hash was hosted on this glorious Father’s Day by Godfather and Titty Galore at the beach in front of Lupe’s Bar in Siumu. We were all invited out early to enjoy the beach and a swim, and the crowd was significant. Godfather and Swinger had ambled off to set the run, so we started up the driveway to the main road. It was starting to get hot already. We reached the main road, and the trail went up one of the newly cut and covered roads – not. False trail. We then turned left on the main road, for quite a distance. It was by now bloody hot, as we reached the summit by the church in the next village over (sorry the sweat was clouding your Scribe’s vision) – false trail. The trail was reacquired heading through someone’s garden plots and into the forest. Did it get any cooler – no, as there was now no breeze and the humidity had risen. We waded through a river in the mangroves that appeared out of the heat haze, and then we were at the beach. Well, a mile away from our intended beach at Lupe’s anyway. The run along the water’s edge was a bit of a struggle as the tide was coming in. This mean that we had to wade up to our hips to get over the mangrove entrance by Coconuts, and continue along the beach. At Coconuts we took a turn through the woods, before re-entering Lupe’s whence we had come. By now we were so hot we evaporated the ocean when several Hashers jumped in at once. Godfather’s glistening nuts were appreciated by all.

POD as GM called the circle to order, having had to await Lewinsky’s attempts to get the keg flowing. New to Hash were David (med student from London), Mel from Auckland, and Rachel (local yogi). StrapOn and Nom Nom got the first awards because of names. Retreads were Jessica, Swinger, Lowrider, Transporter, Mona, joined by Lewinsky for inefficiency and Cockblocker for names.

Celebrity Awards went to Meg (on TV), Swinger (invasive species story in paper), and Lewinsky for ProBoner (front page photo).

This Day in History Awards went to a German (1248 – The foundation stone of Cologne Cathedral, built to house the relics of the Three Wise Men, is laid. (Construction is eventually completed in 1880.) – German efficiency, eh?), Captain Mortein (1843 – Tivoli Gardens, one of the oldest still intact amusement parks in the world, opens in Copenhagen, Denmark), StrapOn (1858 – U.S. President James Buchanan inaugurates the new transatlantic telegraph cable by exchanging greetings with Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom. However, a weak signal forces a shutdown of the service in a few weeks), Swinger (1916 – The Migratory Bird Treaty between Canada and the United States signed), Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: US President Bill Clinton admits in taped testimony that he had an "improper physical relationship" with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. On the same day he admits before the nation that he "misled people" about the relationship), and Poumuli for Wahoo (International Lefthanders Day).

Prince was appointed Shoe Inspector and failed. The GM then nominated Il Capo for living up to Hash name, as there had never been 7 Italians in the vicinity of Hash before. This was doubled for accoutrements – sunglasses.

Speaking of Italians, she called on the parents of Marco Polo who had been flirting with Sara – Pirate Princess took this one. A Parenting Award also went to Robert’s parents, Transporter and Lowrider, for bringing him to Hash and for his first saltwater swim. Rachel then got the Dome Of Silence for talking too much.

Sunny Side Up nominated Crime for the Heroes Award for his role in stopping the house fire on Beach Road. Godfather was proud of him. The GM wanted to give a Phelps Award for the prolific number of medals. She started off with Lewinsky, who swims, but settled on David for being a look-alike. Transporter joined for looking like young medallist Schooling.

Swinger nominated Crash for the Fiji 7s Award. Nom Nom then wanted to nominate Rachel for removing the Dome, but since David and Mel had not brought running gear, were on antibiotics, this one went to Nom Nom for not explaining the rules.

The GM had been digging for dirt, and had discovered that Black Swan had been out very late, there was something about Meg in rollers, and Jessica locking her out – no further information. Eveready was caught leaning.

StrapOn nominated CB for the fastest runner in the awful heat – or was it awful CB in the running heat? Meg nominated the Father’s Day Award for the Hasher with the most kids – Crime and Godfather.

We saluted the Hosts and Hares – Godfather, Titty Galore and Swinger, before descending on a scrumptious feast.

Next week will be hosted by Crime at Nafanua for BYO BBQ.
The week after will be hosted by Crash, and the week after by AC/DC.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, August 12, 2016

Hash Run 1842 - Father's Day @ Lupe's

Top of the morning Hashers
This is the long Father's Day weekend and Monday's run will be hosted by Godfather and Titty Galore at Lupe's on the South side. Take the Cross Island Road, all the way over. When you get to the four corners, turn right, go past Sinalei and the turn off will be on the left shortly thereafter, and it is the entrance for Coconuts resort. When you get to the fork in the road where the Coconuts resort starts, veer left into Lupe's.
It will be 10 tala per car. Do bring some salads or food to share.

Run will start at 2 PM, or 1400 hours, but do come early to enjoy the beach.

On On and Go Fiji Go!

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1841

And as the prodigal son also returned, so upon us returneth the prodigal snake. As with so many of his recent visits he prodigiously and generously hosted the Hash at Snakepit 1, with Fang, amidst the detritus of moving out. The Hashers were directed to go whence the petrol station fumes at the corner, and this would turn out to be the more delightful of scents encountered on the run. As we moved down the rocky path, we recalled with gutsy woe the many woeful paths that Snake had led us down in the past. The breathtaking miasma of fumes that greeted us around the corner from the burned down warehouse soon put paid to any nostalgia. Around this stinking pile of malodorous sepsis we headed straight up to the Vaitele road, and followed the trail to the left. At the corner of the Hospital road we heard a hissing yell that it was on back. This led us to a small cut in the bushes, into a swampy mosquito filled warren of muck. Up and out of this stygian armpit it was up the Palisi road towards the Prayer House, but thankfully turning down for the on home towards the clock tower. It took many a nut from Godfather’s bountiful supply to rinse away the sheer pong of the run.

POD stood up as GM as usual. Calling the circle to order, and ordered those new to Hash to step forward. There was Prue who works at the UN and had googled us. Then there was Moana from NZ who had been brought by someone called Daz. Nom Nom took a first.

Retreads were Poumuli (Casablanca and Christchurch), Hot Nuts (not yet retired), Il Capo (biorap), Kieran (Savaii), Sunny Side Up (jolly somewhere), Cockblocker (biorap) and Titty Galore (resting). Wahoo missed her retread so was given a large one with balls. Shoe Inspector Pusiapa failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (1030 – Ladejarl-Fairhair succession wars: Battle of Stiklestad: King Olaf II fights and dies trying to regain his Norwegian throne from the Danes. In 1031 – Olaf II of Norway is canonized as Saint Olaf by Grimketel, the English Bishop of Selsey), Godfather for Swinger (1800 – The Acts of Union 1800 are passed which merge the Kingdom of Great Britain and the Kingdom of Ireland into the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland), Moana (1860 – The Second Maori War begins in New Zealand), Lewinsky (1973 – Monica Lewinsky’s birthday), Slim Shady (2014 – Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence entered into force) and Nettie (International Beer Day).

Celebrity awards went to Titty Galore for Spellcheck (in paper), Slim Shady (in the paper), Wahoo (on TV) and Lewinsky for the below:

The GM pointed out that there had been no celebrity award for the Tongan flag bearer, who apparently broke the internet. She selected CB as the greasiest hasher, Mr Whippy for his sheen and for oiling boys, Meg. On the Rio theme, the GM congratulated Snake for bringing Rio to hash, with Zika swamps and polluted waters. She also called up relative of Samoan sprinter Jeremy Dobson, Titty Galore, and for slow swimmer Brandon Schuster – Heather.

We also had the Super Rugby finals, and for traitorous behaviour, Lewinsky had been cheering for the Lions, the ICE was brought out. Lewinsky had to sit there as Godfather slowed down the song to a crawl. Opening up for nominations, Sassy nominated Hot Nuts for being an awesome Hashman, as she had been getting repeated messages from Nutcracker to keep him out of trouble. Hot Nuts tried the defence that he had a reputation to uphold, so Godfather did the song slowly again, much to Lewinsky’s shrinkage. He was eventually allowed off the ice, but a ball was observed rolling away.
Back to the game, Crime was awarded for sticking with his team, and Godfather for having attended Victoria Uni in Wellington. Karaoke had baked a cake for a Hens Night, in the shape of a massive penis, and had such merriment that she had given lots of advice to the ladies present on topics such as ball balancing.

Il Capo nominated Strap On for the brilliant party he had thrown for his daughter, complete with water slide, but he had forbidden the adults from sliding. Sassy then nominated Sunny Side Up for finally getting her boat back. Poumuli wanted to nominate Slim Shady for allowing her puppy to be nearly eaten by Murdoch, but she countered that Poumuli had exposed himself. In fact Il Capo’s daughter had yanked his shorts down. In the end all the beach revellers – including Wahoo, Sean and Nettie took the down down.

Prue got a down down for trying to pick up a married republican Yank, and Sassy nominated Screamer for streaming past Sean and Godfather. Black Swan got a hasherlike behaviour for being at the Melbourne Olympics.

The hosts and hare – Snake, Fang, guests Fred and Yvonne, Mike, Morena and Lee were saluted.

Next week is Father’s Day so Godfather will host at Lupe’s. Run will start at 2 PM.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, August 08, 2016

8th Aug Trot - Snakepit - Hash Run 1841

Hello merry Hashers

Today's run will be from the Snakepit in Apia. Run starts at 5.30pm. Bring your hash cash and let's check out the smell around the snakepit turf :)

For those not familiar, the Snakepit is close to the McDonalds in town. From the clock tower, go past McDonalds and the traffic light, and there is a lane on the left about 100 metres down the road. The Snakepit is at the end of the lane.