Friday, August 12, 2016

Hash Trash 1841

And as the prodigal son also returned, so upon us returneth the prodigal snake. As with so many of his recent visits he prodigiously and generously hosted the Hash at Snakepit 1, with Fang, amidst the detritus of moving out. The Hashers were directed to go whence the petrol station fumes at the corner, and this would turn out to be the more delightful of scents encountered on the run. As we moved down the rocky path, we recalled with gutsy woe the many woeful paths that Snake had led us down in the past. The breathtaking miasma of fumes that greeted us around the corner from the burned down warehouse soon put paid to any nostalgia. Around this stinking pile of malodorous sepsis we headed straight up to the Vaitele road, and followed the trail to the left. At the corner of the Hospital road we heard a hissing yell that it was on back. This led us to a small cut in the bushes, into a swampy mosquito filled warren of muck. Up and out of this stygian armpit it was up the Palisi road towards the Prayer House, but thankfully turning down for the on home towards the clock tower. It took many a nut from Godfather’s bountiful supply to rinse away the sheer pong of the run.

POD stood up as GM as usual. Calling the circle to order, and ordered those new to Hash to step forward. There was Prue who works at the UN and had googled us. Then there was Moana from NZ who had been brought by someone called Daz. Nom Nom took a first.

Retreads were Poumuli (Casablanca and Christchurch), Hot Nuts (not yet retired), Il Capo (biorap), Kieran (Savaii), Sunny Side Up (jolly somewhere), Cockblocker (biorap) and Titty Galore (resting). Wahoo missed her retread so was given a large one with balls. Shoe Inspector Pusiapa failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (1030 – Ladejarl-Fairhair succession wars: Battle of Stiklestad: King Olaf II fights and dies trying to regain his Norwegian throne from the Danes. In 1031 – Olaf II of Norway is canonized as Saint Olaf by Grimketel, the English Bishop of Selsey), Godfather for Swinger (1800 – The Acts of Union 1800 are passed which merge the Kingdom of Great Britain and the Kingdom of Ireland into the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland), Moana (1860 – The Second Maori War begins in New Zealand), Lewinsky (1973 – Monica Lewinsky’s birthday), Slim Shady (2014 – Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence entered into force) and Nettie (International Beer Day).

Celebrity awards went to Titty Galore for Spellcheck (in paper), Slim Shady (in the paper), Wahoo (on TV) and Lewinsky for the below:

The GM pointed out that there had been no celebrity award for the Tongan flag bearer, who apparently broke the internet. She selected CB as the greasiest hasher, Mr Whippy for his sheen and for oiling boys, Meg. On the Rio theme, the GM congratulated Snake for bringing Rio to hash, with Zika swamps and polluted waters. She also called up relative of Samoan sprinter Jeremy Dobson, Titty Galore, and for slow swimmer Brandon Schuster – Heather.

We also had the Super Rugby finals, and for traitorous behaviour, Lewinsky had been cheering for the Lions, the ICE was brought out. Lewinsky had to sit there as Godfather slowed down the song to a crawl. Opening up for nominations, Sassy nominated Hot Nuts for being an awesome Hashman, as she had been getting repeated messages from Nutcracker to keep him out of trouble. Hot Nuts tried the defence that he had a reputation to uphold, so Godfather did the song slowly again, much to Lewinsky’s shrinkage. He was eventually allowed off the ice, but a ball was observed rolling away.
Back to the game, Crime was awarded for sticking with his team, and Godfather for having attended Victoria Uni in Wellington. Karaoke had baked a cake for a Hens Night, in the shape of a massive penis, and had such merriment that she had given lots of advice to the ladies present on topics such as ball balancing.

Il Capo nominated Strap On for the brilliant party he had thrown for his daughter, complete with water slide, but he had forbidden the adults from sliding. Sassy then nominated Sunny Side Up for finally getting her boat back. Poumuli wanted to nominate Slim Shady for allowing her puppy to be nearly eaten by Murdoch, but she countered that Poumuli had exposed himself. In fact Il Capo’s daughter had yanked his shorts down. In the end all the beach revellers – including Wahoo, Sean and Nettie took the down down.

Prue got a down down for trying to pick up a married republican Yank, and Sassy nominated Screamer for streaming past Sean and Godfather. Black Swan got a hasherlike behaviour for being at the Melbourne Olympics.

The hosts and hare – Snake, Fang, guests Fred and Yvonne, Mike, Morena and Lee were saluted.

Next week is Father’s Day so Godfather will host at Lupe’s. Run will start at 2 PM.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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