Monday, December 22, 2014

Run #1757

Hash tonight (22nd December) will be run from Y-Not.  They have a local musicians jam session on tonight as well so there should be some good entertainment for the evening! Godfather and Crime are setting the run which will start at 6, and food is available from the Y-Not kitchen.
Hope to see for you our last run before Christmas. Onon!

Monday, December 15, 2014

Run 1756 with Screamer @ Siusega

Talofa lava Meres and Hashmen

Today is a hosted run by Screamer from her palace at Siusega.

Run will start sharp 6pm so bring your hash cash and join us for a good sweatout...bring some change so you can jump in the pool later to cool down.

Call us on 7574250 if you are not sure of the location as i try to find an old map lol



Wednesday, December 03, 2014


Talofa lava Meres and Hares

This coming Monday is our annual Xmas run through town... We will start the run with Santa from the Snakepit in town at 5.30pm as we have a number of bars to visit :)

Dress up in your Xmas best and join us for another epic run - We will provide the food and drinks and you the usual Hash Cash please...($20/adult. Children under 13 free) and no we are not a charity organisation :(

To ensure that you get your food, make sure you drop us a line to confirm your participation no later than Sunday evening.

4 more details -  contact Mismanagement on 7574250 or 7528605



can you guess these young faces??

Monday, December 01, 2014

Hash run #1754 1st Dec at Y-Not

Hash tonight is at Y-Not. There is no host so food will be available for purchase at the venue for those wanting to eat. There will be $10 specials available including pasta with garlic bread

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Hash Run 1753

Greetings Hashers
Monday's run will be hosted by Princess of Darkness, GM and Lewinsky at their house in Taumeasina. Map is attached below. Run will start at 6 PM. Bring your Hash Cash for the keg and enjoy the food that will be put on.

If you want to swim after the run bring some change and disinfectant - just joking the new development has not polluted that much!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1752

The Hash was hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Amalia at Bank Street in Vaoala. It was a cool evening after the rain, with verdant green hues all about, and the run had been set as a A-to-B run. Meaning that you start the run at A, and end up at B. You would know that you were at B when you saw Kiwi in his blue flat bed truck. The trail was set on paper, but obviously some locals had messed with it. The pack set out up Bank Street to Cross Island Road, and in the drive to Le Spa. This was the first false trail. Regrouping they set off down the hill, as some paper had been blown down there. Wrong. Poumuli had to dispatch Offspring to explain that the real trail led back down Bank Street. Sending Offspring was perhaps not an inspired idea, as she has the attention span of a small rodent, thus many of the walkers decided to call it a day. A side track had been laid on the embankment which sent several scurrying through the bushes. At the bottom of the hill, pack was lured to head up towards the cow pastures, where there was another false trail. This took the pack down the familiar route to the river, but some ran up towards the back road to Mynas – another false trail. Back on track the pack was again misled up towards the Animal Protection Service (yes a blue truck! had gone up there, a few days before! Not a flat bed), and then it was on home through the Forestry station to the Mt Vaea parking lot where Kiwi dutifully awaited. No one seemed to have been tricked by the false trail to the back of the museum. Many were slumbering as they came down Bank Street, with Godfather showing off the real nuts.

POD called the circle to order, and there were several newbies: Flip (I think), Paul, Fuss, Vanessa the 2nd, Nathan, Debbie and Wet Pussy’s mum. Retreads were Ozzy Osbourne (in Oz), Strangler, Ditch (doing better things), Possum, Bogun Barbie, Da Head, Matt and Matt. All took their reward.
New Shoes were immediately obvious and needed no investigation – Stiletto, Witch Doctor, Paul and Imelda da Welda.

Celebrity Awards went to Wet Pussy for ACDC (in paper on climate protest), Sassy (Samoa for Real photo), Pussysnatcher (in Tonga newspaper), Snatched (conservation society formed, photo) and Imelda (mum in paper).

This Day in History Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (636 – The Rashidun Caliphate defeated the Sassanian Empire at the Battle of Qadisiya in Iraq), Witch Doctor (1905 – Prince Carl of Denmark becomes King Haakon VII of Norway), Lewinsky (1911 – The Doom Bar in Cornwall claimed two ships, Island Maid and Angele, the latter killing the entire crew except the captain. – the Hash agreed that there was only one Bar of Doom in Samoa), Gayboy (1942 – World War II: Battle of Stalingrad – Soviet Union forces under General Georgy Zhukov launch the Operation Uranus counterattacks at Stalingrad, turning the tide of the battle in the USSR's favor. – who else would get excited about turning tides with Uranus), Lewinsky again (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: The United States House of Representatives Judiciary Committee begins impeachment hearings against U.S. President Bill Clinton) and for numerous bastard comments Poumuli (International Day for Tolerance).

The GM turned to her awards, starting with those who did run and who witnessed Godfather’s collapse on to the truck and the subsequent kama sutra moves before passing out. While accepting the Making the GM Blush Award, he stated that he had hoped for some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Many will recall that at a Hash some time ago Gayboy had refused a down down on medical grounds and had got his girlfriend to attest to this. It had now been ascertained to have been a lie, thus a Telling Porkies Award. Finally, Da Head had had his son baptized, and Lewinsky (really?) had been the Godfather. The priest turned to ask “and the Godmother”, to which Da Head, erred, oh its her, pointing to POD. We hope he is better at organizing a pissup in a brewery.

Kiwi was called in to the circle for not admitting being a retread, which is a double, and went down at double speed, or more than 15 times Lewinsky speed. A special nomination was given to the Hare for setting the run with the most falsies of the year. 

At this point the Mad Monk of the Apia Hash appeared. She had flown in on a broomstick especially for one special little girl, Amalia. In homage to the mangling of her Mother’s hashname, she shall henceforth be known as Yahoo! Her Father Poumuli did the duties on the naming, which thus included excessive flour, beer, chilli sauce and sundry dog poo.

Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Lewinsky for not bringing his voice to Hash. He countered that this was such a gay nomination that Gayboy should take it. The Hash agreed that all three should take the Voiceless Award.

Sassy wanted to nominate Pussysnatcher for doing such an awesome athletic job of not only catching up to the pack but running back up the hill instead of riding the truck. Since Sassy didn’t even get to B to ride the truck she got the award instead. Pussysnatcher was then successful in getting Strangler an award for Ozone Depleting Substances in the air.

Gayboy nominated Crime for Chariot Riding with Offspring. Sassy had been doing her usual limbering up before the run, but newbie Fuss had simply gone to the keg. Poumuli pointed out that he actually hadn’t but at this point Sassy had mangled Beyonce’s name so got the award. Beyonce joined for avoiding the retreads. Finally Sassy managed to get a hit by nominating Ozzy for the Environmental Award for revving his bike for  Nathan.

The hosts and the hares, Wahoo, Yahoo!, Poumuli and Witch Doctor were saluted, joined by Gayboy for cellphonus interruptus. We then farewelled Offspring who is off to lower the IQ level in Australia.

Next week at Taumeasina.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Hash Run 1752

Talofa one and all
Next week's run will be hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Amalia at their house off Bank Street in Vaoala - see map for directions. We will cater the event, most likely two versions of Hungarian Goulash Norwegian style - medium spicy or F@$king Hot.
Run will start at 6 PM, bring your Hash Cash for the keg. With this advance notice maybe we will have a good turnout!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1751

Welcome to On the Rocks for this edition of the Apia Hash House Harriers. As you can see on your screens there is a smaller turnout than expected. Hash News have been told that this was due to Mismanagement mismanaging yet another cockup and only informed the AH3 of the venue at lunchtime. But never mind folks, this small but deluded pack will no doubt put on a stout performance for you. And they are off! Setting the pace out past the first obstacle of grumpy old men is the godfather of Hashing in Samoa, er Godfather. He is being closely tagged by Crime no doubt hoping that any largesse from the jazz festival will fall out of his pockets. Trailing them your Scribe is struggling, and as we pass the Fire Station looks to be in trouble. Lewinsky and Princess of Darkness are the dark horses in this non-competitive race for which there are no prizes, yet the excitement in the crowd of two pickaninnies is absolutely palpable. They have never seen anything like it! No doubt they had heard of Lewinsky’s running in Fiji and were gleefully expecting a pulpable repeat. And we are approaching the Vasigano Bridge, and Sassygirl BJ is halting. She is refusing the bit, and wait, she is taking photos of the flood waters! What insouciance, what style, what addiction to Facebook? And your Scribe limps of the trail, looks like a pulled muscle, so why is Wahoo suggesting that he needs to be put down already? The pack continues on to the Vaiala Beach and hurtles back towards On The Rocks. What a performance. This is what its all about – buggering up instructions, opting for a quick run and then the circle. But first – lets all enjoy cracking open Godfather’s succulent, glistening nuts. 

POD the GM called the circle to order, and ascertained quickly that there were none new to Hash, but that Murray was a retread. He is finally picking up on the rules. There were no new shoes, so the GM picked on Lewinsky and Poumuli as she knows they both have new shoes that they are hiding for now. 

Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (for Crash and Cougar being in the paper), Godfather (for Swinger also in the paper) and Sassy (for being in the paper). This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli for Captain Mortein (1520 – Stockholm Bloodbath begins: A successful invasion of Sweden by Danish forces results in the execution of around 100 people. Well done Captain – more of this please!), Godfather for either Gayboy or Swinger take your pick (1634 – Following pressure from Anglican bishop John Atherton, the Irish House of Commons passes An Act for the Punishment for the Vice of Buggery. Godfather wanted an explanation for what buggery was, which Sassy demonstrated), Jeannie (1918 – The 1918 influenza epidemic spreads to Western Samoa, killing 7,542 (about 20% of the population) by the end of the year) and Crime (Armistice Day – don’t ask).

The GM then gave Lewinsky the Flicking That Last Award to Crime Award. Before the circle had started we had been regaled with veterinary tales from Canada, thus Murray received the $300 Rodent Repair Bill Award. Also prior to the circle, we had been struggling to understand Sassy’s pronunciation (Skoopies for Scoops and Yahoo for Wahoo), so she got a FOB Award.

Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Wahoo for the Wife of the Week Award, as she had first said she wasn’t running but then had set off anyway with a premonition of impending injury to check on him – ESP Award!

Sassy had been talking to Wahoo about running but she had claimed she was too tired as Poumuli had just got back from Vanuatu, which resulted in a Foaming at the Bit Award for Poumuli. He was quickly joined by Sassy for Cellphonus Interruptus (she told the caller she was in a meeting, bye).

Not deterred, Sassy quickly nominated Lewinsky for a Damage to Environment Award, for threatening to introduce Crown of Thorns in Manase. POD interjected to save further pain, that last week had been Guy Fawkes Day, the biggest foiled crime in British history and Poumuli had failed to pick this up. This Explosives (Alternative Usage) Award went to Crime, Poumuli and Murray.

Unstoppable now, Sassy nominated her roomie for not looking after her too well, and inducing her to make an illegal turn on a red light right in front of the cops. Finally, Godfather nominated all those who had failed to come to any of the Jazz Festival shows – Lewinsky, Jeannie, POD and Poumuli.

Next week’s run will be at Poumuli and Wahoo’s house on Bank Street, Vaoala.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, November 10, 2014

Hash Run Tonight

Dear all
apologies for late post - Hash will be hosted at On The Rocks. Run starts at 6 PM because of daylight savings. Bring Hash Cash and something for the food later - we'll decide whether it be sweet and sour cat from Gayboy's or pizza.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Sunday, November 02, 2014

3rd Nov Run from Sassies - Sorry Children xxx

Talofa lava Meres and Hashmen

Tomorrow's Child Free run will be hosted by Sassy & Jeannie from the Sassyville home at Letogo.

Kaikai will be provided. Please be on time in case you are sent on a wild chase into the mountains :)

Run will start at 5.30pm on the German!!!



Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Hash Trash 1749

Once upon a time on an island far far away lived a man who sailed the seas. Of treacherous reefs and dastardly scoundrels, Hot Nuts navigated his ways through the shoals of red tape that are spread by the nefarious United Nations. When all was said and done he was going a bit dotty, so local Hashers (one Scribe) named his abode the Nuthouse. One day he decided to tell his tale, not through a story book, or pictures, but through the magical medium of a Hash Run. He sought the wise counsel of his wife, Nutcracker, who after serious thought and contemplation told him to get lost. In the bush. Which he did. And that is when the magical Hash Troll Dodraugen appeared to him in a mist of effluent vapours, and showed him the way through the forest to emerge at the little encampment of fales on the road to the haunted waterworks installed by mad Germans seeking to appease their salubrious totems. Having pleaded with the local villagers to let him pass – you simply do not pass – using his gift of mangled syntax and additional testiculation – and all at the fales agreed, yes indeed this man has heated testicular fortitude – he was allowed to set the magical trail that the Hashers would “enjoy” in a few days. Being a man of environmental sensibilities, Hot Nuts prudently strew the trail with paper shreds specially masticated by gnomes that live in the shadowy compound at Vailima known as Treehugger Central. Or Carbon Footprint Size 12, depending on which grump you talk to. To add to this highly environmentally surly behaviour he included lengths of the red tape sourced from the UN-shoals. These are also very friendly to the ecosystem and will disappear in approximately ten thousand years. The Hashers assembled for the wondrous story telling event at the appointed time, and all were about as excited as a Parisian crowd watching a mime performance. The Hash Troll had illuminated the mind of Hot Nuts well, as the trail went around the fence of the Nut House and up and down, up and down an old track that had been created thousands of seconds ago by a bovine dozer. Treacherous vines grappled at our ankles, but we were kept in grievous good spirits by Vai Vai blowing on Monica. The hills took their toll, so after much huffing and puffing it soon appeared that Monica was blowing Vai Vai. Entering the fales we respectfully made our obeisance to the dwellers, including Tallyho who softly said the magical words On On at the top of his voice – and by top we mean it could be heard on Mount Silisili. Out on the road some confusion reigned, perhaps it was the Hash Troll luring the pack down to the dreaded waterworks where Dick Cheney awaits with planks for some waterboarding. In the end we found our way, and while the dreaded Hound of the Raystaxis attempted to de-leg Vai Vai and your Scribe, all made it safely On Home. Appropriately as usual Godfather had provided that luxuriously refreshing drink that emanates from cracking open his succulent nuts.

As mentioned the Hash was hosted by Hot Nuts and Nutcracker, and a herd of Australian Hashers and Newbies had also assembled to join us. POD the GM called the  circle to order and asked these visitors to step forward. They were Pete, Blake, Tom, Jewel, Nigel and Dan, and Hashers Grumpy, Tippy, Sticky and Cockfighter. They were over for Dan’s birthday which we will come back to.
The Retreads were Murray (slow learner), Captain Mortein (procreating), Ring Ring (injured), Snake (infesting NZ) and Eveready (he hadn’t owned up at run 1747). Ring Ring forgot her hat on, and had to be helped with her double by Murray.

Moa was asked to be Shoe Inspector and she hit a triple whammy – Nigel, Tom and Screamer all had new shoes. A double was given for hat wearing, with Nigel commenting on the superlative means of drinking beer and that this would now be his vessel of choice.

This Day in History Awards went to Hot Nuts for Gayboy (1851 – William Lassell, discovers the moons Umbriel, and Ariel, orbiting Uranus – while this would excite Gayboy, Hot Nuts was more excited by your Scribe’s enunciation), Poumuli (1905 – Sweden accepted the independence of Norway) and this included United Nations Day. Godfather took Swinger’s (Feast Day of St James the Just).

Celebrity Awards went to Hot Nuts for not being in the United Nations system photo of Pinktober, while POD took one for Lewinsky, at the announcement of the Lewinsky Twitter feed. Snake added that he had seen Godfather on NZ TV.

Turning to the run, the GM was grateful for the return of Monica, and awarded Vai Vai the Blowjob Award for a job well blown. Also, reports had come in that Grumpy had taken a tumble on the run and looked like a whale on land. Claiming that he had been pushed, he appealed to the deaf ears of the GM.

When Tallyho was here last he faithfully brought his coconut mug along. Well now he has a new mug, which he claims is superior and the next best thing to the Holy Grail. In his explanation of this to the GM he went way further, and claimed that it had a sticky bottom, attributable to the liberal application of haemorrhoid cream which explained why the GM reacted to his hands like he had Ebola. I believe this was a Too Much Information Award.

The GM had noted the inability of the Oz visitors to pour their beers properly, and that they needed Titty Galore’s assistance, so a Beer Abuse Award went to Sticky. Latecummers Crash Bandicoot and Cougar were greeted, before Tallyho launched into a tirade about the missing Hash Shrine. He claimed that when he left he had handed this to the most responsible Hasher of all – Eveready – only to find that he had handed it to the least responsible Hasher of all – Gayboy. He also presented the rock from last week's run by which Pussysnatcher smote the evil mutt, but now enveloped in the red tape that Hot Nuts had made him wear on the run. Eveready took this in his stride until Vai Vai handed him a diet Coke instead of beer!

Hot Nuts had been at a dinner, where Swinger had proclaimed that he would shout only to find that he didn’t have enough cash and had to borrow from his Mum! Eveready chimed in that it must run in the family, as Godfather was reported to have done something similar at a past Hash. Godfather offered the explanation that every morning he has to beg Titty G for money, obviously for services rendered, and thus the Chinese Wallet Award went to Titty G.

The birthday boy Dan was saluted with the English and Samoan birthday songs, followed by the Hash Anthem performed for Blowfish who is leaving us, but promised to come back next year for the wedding of SOTB and Alcatraz.

Watch the blog for next week’s run and Swinger will be asked to be Assistant Trainee Scribe again as your Scribe is off to Vanuatu for a week.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Hash Run 1749

Monday's run will be held from the Nut House, the new abode of Hot Nuts and Nutcracker. See map below and togs instruction. Run will start at 6 PM because of the bloody daylight savings time. Bring your Hash Cash of $20 and prepare for an epic run - we hope!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1748

The Hash was hosted by Iron Lady at YNot, with Vai Vai setting the trail. We were still not sure on the ruling on the start time for the run so several of us where there early. Your Scribe now having studied the Book of After Liff, will continue to use it as a source for the Trash. Vai Vai, obviously a bit of a bankhead[1], had set off early to find the trail, and we were all rather halamanning[2] as we saw the extent of sweat he had conjured up, and the fact that he was looking quite tootgarrook[3]. The pack set off on left out on Beach Road with an initial falsie leading to Apia Park. Then it was alongside Vaisingano with its associated sundry smells. Out through the village and down the long lanes there was a Hash Halt where the walkers could take a short cut On Home looking nothing more than a bunch of Ypsilanti[4]. Joining the runners for the longer trail Poumuli felt a bit like a duckend green[5] as the trail then took the long stretches down towards the old Blue Marlin on the coastal road. Heading on back towards town the trail went off to the right at the UN building and along Vaiala Beach for the On Home. All and sundry agreed that this was a drongan[6] of a run set by Vai Vai, as we appreciatively downed the juices from Godfather’s perspiring nuts. 

POD the GM called the circle to order, and called in those new to Apia Hash. These were Marty and Cass on vacation, brought by Vai Vai and Moa, and Melanie and Stuart brought by Pussysnatcher and Snatched.

The Retreads were Poumuli (paying for Wahoo’s vacation), Wahoo (vacation), Pussysnatcher (overseas), Screamer (lazy), Horny Ho (doing her thang), Da Head (working on his “project”), Iron Lady (overseas), Possum and Bogun Barbie (running a resort).

Celebrity Awards went to Da Head for AC/DC (in paper and on BBC/ABC for climate change protest in Newcastle) and Crime for One Infection (all the Ebola stories). This Day in History Awards went to Transporter for Gayboy (1384 – Jadwiga is crowned King of Poland, although she is a woman), Lewinsky (not sure why, and GM was a bit miffed - 1844 – The Great Anticipation: Millerites, followers of William Miller, anticipate the end of the world in conjunction with the Second Advent of Christ. The following day became known as the Great Disappointment), Wahoo (her favourite food - International Day of the Nacho), Tallyho (World Statistics Day) and Possum (World Wombat Day – closest living relative I suppose).

Turning to the GM’s awards there had been a crash reported in the paper, which of course went to Crash Bandicoot, who was joined by Poumuli for missing it. She obviously felt he was being a bit brouchy[7]. She then declared that a Shoe Inspector was not needed as she had spotted Godfather, Iron Lady and Stuart. Iron Lady actually drank from Godfather’s other shoe and Stuart also was game for a laugh. Right away the GM called forth Pussysnatcher for not explaining all the Hash Rules to Stuart.

Opening up to the floor, Tallyho was back in his usual demeanour and claimed to have something important for the Hash Shrine – but lo – where was it? Claiming that Gayboy might have cooked and served it at Sunrise he was not inconsiderably upset that the stone by which Pussysnatcher had smote an angry mutt could not be included. Overstayer claimed to have seen Tallyho pick this blunt instrument up somewhere completely removed from the mutt-smoting site, which in the end became a False Accusation Award for Overstayer.

Many had also noted that on the run there had been a diversion on the trail, with Godfather dashing off into the bushes. Convinced that he had broken the draft rule about not pissing on the Hare’s Trail, Godfather took his Rulebreaker Award. Also on the run, many had commented on the polite considerate runner at the front who had constantly turned around to shout the On On. And while he also showed undue sportsmanship it was agreed that this would be a Not Tallyho Behaviour Award (he does shout On On, but in an annagry fashion[8]). 

Latecummer Blowfish was saluted and rewarded, as the GM recounted how a Hasher had been sightseeing behind bars in Pago, ie locked up in gaol, for a crime he didn’t commit. Possum was of course joined by Crime. Vai Vai presented the Scribe with a new dictionary – which has been sought used in this Trash.

Possum took the floor to clarify that he had been wrongly locked up by the bloody Yanks, and demanded justice from a closest living relative – Lewinsky. He had also met the Pago Godfather who was a bit of an oulton[9] and obviously an impostor. Godfather was seriously confused as to why he had to take this one.

Transporter nominated Bogun Barbie for being a pool shark and starting a ruckus, then buggering off. Overstayer is leaving again and it was Transporter’s last Hash as a free man, thus we gave them the Hash Anthem, ably led by a testiculating[10] Tallyho.

The Hare and the Host – Vai Vai and Iron Lady with Horny Ho stepping in for Tasi – were saluted in the traditional manner before we descended on a very nice feast laid on for us.

Next week’s run is at the Nut House, abode of Hot Nuts and Nutcracker.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

[1] Someone who gives up a good job in the city to do something meaningless, like set a Hash Trail
[2] Trembling violently , in the manned of a washing machine at the end of its cycle
[3] Someone very pleased with himself, re-tweeting praise given about self
[4] A group of recently discharged mental patients at a bus stop
[5] Lone vegetarian at a table of carnivores
[6] An encrustation on the wall of a cheap hotel that looks suspiciously like dried snot
[7] Looking at the world through dung-coloured spectacles
[8] Infuriated by the last crossword puzzle
[9] A person you get on with but wouldn’t want to socialize with
[10] This one is mine – gesturing wildly while talking absolute bollocks