Friday, June 25, 2010

Hash Run 1525

Next weeks run will be hosted by Psychadelic, Mad Hatter, Nut Cracker and Gloria at Psychadelic's House in Taumeasina. The house is at the end of a village track that runs immediately opposite the bowling green at Apia Park, midway between 2 main front entrances to Apia Park.

There will be a run and walk circuits but they will be a little different than normal being based on clues and a quiz, so bring a pen or pencil. A little bit of background swotting of the area may be useful.
This will be different to our normal paper/flour trail, its more like....the amazing race..but with a smarter bunch of people...haha..anyway, bring a pen/pencil and some scrap paper and your sharp minds

Run starts at 1730 Hrs and as per the norm, we will have our Keg present.

On On

Hash Trash 1524

Your Scribe is back from international climate change exile, and raring to go. Having watched the blog from abroad there was a distinctive lack of enthusiasm from the Assistant Trainee Scribes as they realized that there was work involved in this lark. So it’s going to be further downhill from here I am afraid!

The run was hosted by Swinger and BB in Siusega. Swinger had been observed on the road sweating like the well proverbial porcine, and we all knew that he intended for some serious running to be done. It started off easy enough out the gate and then while Poumuli led off to the right, BlowMe found the trail heading off towards Aleisa. We ran up the gentle slope, several catching a breather before the top, when the trail led off through a garden path and into the bush. While this lasted a few minutes it was enjoyed by all, strange barking creatures amused, as we headed onto the road on the other side. A decidedly well-marked trail led away up the hill again, to which Godfather remarked “’thats too easy”’, but BlowMe gamely trotted away followed by Hot Nuts and Poumuli. Yes it was too easy – false trail, and curses at the lack of an established rule for such things. Down the hill instead, and the sun was just cresting the clouds as we hit the sports complex. A moments hesitation but the trail led into the cross roads bisecting the complex, and eventually all made it back home. BlowMe, Poumuli and Zsa Zsa ended up taking a slightly longer cut home, as determined by the fact that FBI was in front of them!

Hot Nuts had been designated GM for the evening and welcomed all to the run. Lots of newcomers – there was PokeHerHiney, Weapon of Ass Destruction, Fat Upper Pussy Area and Will from South Carolina who were visiting on a yacht. There was also Son of Long Dong from Australia. At this point Cockblocker arrived late with a bunch of friends, nothing but lame excuses, and joined the newcomers in a down-down with Matt, Brendon and Louis. CB had drilled them well, as even the baseball cap came off at the last minute – it was not repeated though.

The rethreads were Adric (been doing pilates), Hot Nuts (forgot why), Long Dong (plain forgot), Shelly (socializing) and Poumuli (internationally gallivanting). FBI and Lezzie managed to sneak under the radar for a while, but FBI was eventually brought in, claiming some strange medical defence and getting CB as his whipping boy.

The GM opened for nominations, and Captain Mortein quipped that it was the first time a GM had chipped a tooth while opening a coconut – no contest there. Poumuli nominated the Assistant Trainee Scribe, ostensibly an education adviser, for getting Psychadelic’s name wrong on the blog. The GM agreed and called it the Illiteracy Award. Many celebrities this week, but only one with a closest living relative – CB took one for Cherelle for having her photo in the Observer.

The GM, having pondered the loss of his tooth, all of a sudden remembered that he had asked Swinger for advice as to where he could go fishing legally on the weekend. Where Swinger sent him it was a) illegal, and b) a large matai to make him cease and desist – so for uncivilized behaviour and putting a fellow hasher in danger Swinger took his just awards, while muttering that he gotcha’.

Shelly told a horrific story of having been slapped by a Hasher in front of guests, so CB received a Vicious Brute Award. Pirate Princess, always a bit slow on the nominations, remembered that Godfather had been on TV, to which BlowMe added the Ancient Wisdom Award for his “too obvious”’ comment on the trail. Screamer nominated Pirate Princess for the Bad Parenting Award for first having left the childs bottle behind, then yelling about trying to find it, and eventually not caring less that it had been located. BB got Screamer for another late celebrity award for having spoken at the MDG rally at Government plaza, square, buildings or whatever it is called. Psychadelic arrived late and nonchalantly took her award.

Another latecomer Pele was sought coerced into the awards by Screamer, but for some reason Swinger had to take it. Screamer had also bought a load of Hashshit (stuff left over at last hash by people without a care), most memorably Godfather and his jandals! Psychadelic had apparently left all her clothes, but avoided the GM for some reason (must arrange something next week!). And then Screamers phone went off again!

CB made some blatantly self-serving accusation about hashers who call themselves environmentalists, so Hot Nuts, Poumuli and Zsa Zsa had to take the Making CB Feel Good About Himself Award. Screamer rejoined that Swinger had been the one to complain about Styrofoam, but for some reason (GM was getting loaded) he got out of it. That was because some New Shoes had been discovered, and newbie PokeHerHiney took the award very well. BB then nominated the former Miss Samoa and Miss South Pacific for a down down – I guess only because Mana is pretty and has finally decided to run with us.

For a further inexplicable reason Poumuli was singled out for opprobrium over the International Whaling Commission, and under protest that he hadn’t eaten whale in years, that it tastes like shite anyway, he accepted the Minke Award. Louis accepted the FIFA World Cup Participated Award on behalf of France, while Pirate Princess, Wahoo , Mana and Kiwi Tiger Woody got the Lost Shortcutters Award, which PP sprayed all over Adric.

The GM wanted to acknowledge the visiting hasher with the hash name of worst connotations for the Pacific. While the GM had thought the name was WMD, he didn’t realize the doom it spelt for the 3rd sex, so a Fa’fafine Endangerment Award went Weapon of Ass Destruction. CB nominated all the kiwis present for doing so well in the World Cup – Blackadder, BlowMe, Matt, Brendon and CB. A cap was worn during the award so a double for the offender!

Poumuli noted that we were getting very close to the shortest day of the year, so close in fact that it was today – so he nominated the shortest runner present for the Unusually Sensitive to Gravity Award – Shelly. PP caught Allan and Kiwi leaning, while Screamer nominated our ocean going visitors for an extra down-down (must find out about the name of their ship – William Picket). The longest person doing the run was also honoured – Long Dong got the Viagra Award.

CB wanted another nomination to all the Samoans in honour of the Manu 15 playing like well dogcrap. Bits and Pieces got one for the hell of it, and then we saluted the host and the hare. Psychadelic chimed in that as hosts for next week they would like everyone to bring a pen or pencil, and paper, for writing on. So we are in for a non-traditional twist to the run next week.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, June 18, 2010

Hash Run 1524

Next weeks Run is kindly being hosted by Swinger and BB at their home in Siusega, Faafetai Lave. The house is across the main entrance to the Cricket Grounds at Tuanaimato. Run will start at 1730Hrs and as usual, there will be a keg so bring your drinking boots...

No theme has been mentioned, so come in what ever you want and bring a change of clothes as it tends to get a lot cooler in the evenings now. If you need any more info, you can call BB on 7572222 or Swinger on 7770787

Map is below for directions

Hash Trash 1523

HASH RUN 1523 was hosted by the one and only Screamer and first time hare Allan.

New People: Aro, Pirate Princess’s Sister who was having her 20th birthday, and many guests from the Vaka! The rethreads were also plentiful, with Crash, Crime, Delicious (Whipping boy of Lewinsky), Murray and Cath (who did hash when they lived here in 1984!), Brynne who had the best excuse of being on the Vaka, and Allan and Mana.

DOWN DOWNS:
Apparently last week at the Snake Pit, CB generously volunteered to use his extremely large muscles to climb over the bathroom door to unlock it. After making it over the door, he found out that it wasn’t even locked!

Down down to Sassy and Mana for complaining about how long the run was when they even took a shortcut! Tisk tisk!

Twins award to the two blokes named Murray, the two named Kent, and to Princess and her sister for having the exact same running style.

Celebrity Award to Godfather for being in the paper twice and on TV once.

As the run started a bit late, Murray expressed his worry about his wife because she hadn’t returned by the time he got back, yet Lewinksy returned before POD but wasn’t at all worried about her!

New Boots for Pirate Princess’s sister who wore her new netball shoes that Captain Mortein had bought for her. Down Downs for the whole family! Soon after this, Telephonus Interuptus to Princess’s sister – and a down down to Princess for not explaining the rules!

Since the fence on one side of Screamer’s lawn was locked, everyone had to go around to the other door which was through a muddy driveway. When Crash arrived, he originally asked his beautiful pregnant wife to climb over the fence! Then when she refused he asked her to walk down the driveway on her own so he wouldn’t get his tires dirty! Shame!

Down down for Wahoo who was heard proclaiming she was only at hash this week to get drunk and had no intention of running – “Poumuli’s not here so I’m going crazy tonight!”

In another shockingly honest moment, when Lewinsky asked for Mosquito Repelement (not a typo – he actually said that), Everready replied that when he can’t find repellent he “pulls out his dipstick and rubs it on his head!” Everready claims this had something to do with a car, but none of us agree.

After weeks upon weeks of missing mugs, the mugkeeper finally returned, but a few mugs are still MIA. Down down for Crash!

Swinger went for show and tell, citing a certain Hash Mary for skinny dipping and leaving all her clothes AND her wallet behind at Sinalei AND for not remembering until the next morning! Screamer came forward to collect her belongings and thanked the two Hash Men who drove her home despite her obnoxious behaviour. GM gave SOTB and CB the Chivalry award. All three drank, although Wahoo had to stand in as whipping lass for Screamer.

CB added that this was the second time he had driven Screamer home in a similar situation and GM noted CB was advertising about how often he gets to drive Screamer so he got a second down down.

Down down to Spanky and Peter for telling the cooks to be careful with the bbq because it was marinated in their tears.

GM observed that Ring Ring, who had led the pack during the run, had found and ignored both false leads. Ring Ring got a down down along with Allan and Crime for setting falsies that nobody fell for.

Little Kent got a down down from Sassy Girl BJ for something that co-scribe can’t recall.

Sassy Girl BJ gave Screamer a wanna-be Sinalei Staff Award for wearing a puletasi in similar colours.

Fang was cited for leaning.

Peter nominated Spanky for coming home at 3am and having to wake him up to let her in because she lost her key – AGAIN.

Sassy nominated Psycho and Slippery because they hadn’t had one yet.

Screamer supported her fellow nautical Hash Mary Brynne for her superhuman sailing skills and for spending so much time on the Vaka. Malo Brynne!

SOTB nominated Captain for the Poor Parenting award for “leaving his daughter alone walking by the pool.” It was noted that this was a complete fabrication and SOTB was welcomed front and center to take his punishment.

Tough times for SOTB when he was then nominated by Little Kent – turns out SOTB said he would go surfing then just sat in the boat and rode NO waves! The real kicker is that CB asked SOTB how the surfing went and SOTB lied to say it was nice!

SOTB was maybe a bit perturbed at being caught lying twice now, so he changed the subject by nominating BB for not doing enough work as the Hare Raiser. NOTE – was just confirmed on Friday that run will be at BB’s and Swinger’s in Siusega.

Malos go out to: BBQ boys who didn’t even need to be asked to help out with the cooking, to Screamer who was coerced into hosting, and to POD, as per usual, for being a great GM! Speaking of which, POD is looking for future GMs to take over for a couple of nights every now and then. Interested? Speak up!

At this point as the circle was finishing up, Godfather got his fourth telephone call! As it was finally too much to ignore, Godfather took the last down down of the night.

Next week will be at BB and Swinger’s place in Siusega. Check the blog for directions and see you there!

Hash Trash 1522

Run #1522, dubbed the “Manu Samoa Special”, was hosted by Snake and Fang at the Snake Pit in town. The trail itself was another Ring Ring special.

The long weekend laziness appeared to have set in as Hashers wandered onto the main road and headed for the hills at snail’s pace. They eventually gained momentum as the trail was sniffed out and the pack turned left at the Ah Liki complex whereupon the usual chain of events ensued. Cock Blocker and Pussy Snatcher took off wildly down the road, not stopping to look for markers. A few others followed unsuspectingly. They were eventually called back as some of the more astute picked up the trail, which led down a small side street and back up towards Palisi. At this point, there was some concern about the steep uphill climb but most managed this without too much complaint. The rest of the run was largely uneventful for the followers (your co-scribe being one of these). The lead team followed a few false trails but found their way back fast enough to still stay ahead of the followers. The trail led back onto the main (Airport) road, past the market and Bluebird Hardware and then on home. The excessive stretching that ensued suggests that it was a good run for even the fittest.

The Hash Circle was called to order by GM Ever-ready, who opened proceedings with a toast to the Manu Samoa, followed by a second toast to the SegaVau Fautasi team that had recently emerged victorious over the “Eastern Block”.

Pro Boner, Black Adder, Renee(#1), Lewinsky, Aina and Cherelle drank for not wearing blue in honour of the various Samoa victories of late.

A throng of visitors was introduced: Sanna and Brandon (who had come with Aina), Steve, Ellen and Peter (Spanky’s family), Chris (Spanky) and Renee #1. Renee said she had come with someone called Schanelle and there were riotous calls for a CB down-down but GM ruled that Renee#1 had indeed been well-schooled on the correct name of her host so she ended up with a double.

Rethreads were Blow Me and Dizzy, both apparently on recent reconnaissance visits of Hash meets in other countries. Blow Me however, was unable to sate GM’s curiosity regarding the attire of Rarotonga Hash Marys.

Black Adder was sporting new shoes and he proceeded, with absolutely no prodding, to drink with aplomb out of one of these. Not a drop spilled. “Inspirational!” yelled the rather impressed Hashers.

GM then cited Lilly for overly enthusiastic shaking of something during the Hash song and SOTB for confused messaging on the Hash blog regarding whether or not this was a BYO hash.

Screamer was cited for incompetence for failing to deliver the Hash trash on time and then apparently having the gall to ask SOTB whether he had managed to upload it. She attempted some explanation but this of course, was ignored.

Fang had an anti-environment award via CB, who was indignant on behalf of the whales about the use of foam cups despite several earlier attempts to stop this.

Titty Galore was nominated for failing to take advantage of the hard work of the Hare and for consistently turning up to Hash after the run. It appears she was handed a double.

A lengthy discussion regarding half priced Crown beer resulted in both Lewinsky and CB being awarded for trying to flog expired beer to the community. CB’s alibi that he had been in Savaii when the offending activity took place was dismissed as “details” by GM, who, it seems, was sticking to his earlier promise to run a “tight ship”.

Sassy Girl BJ had been a naughty girl for heading to Sinalei for lunch at 10am, not returning till midnight and not calling home. Godfather was also cited for leading her astray.

Spanky had to take one for the family as her mum (Ellen) was caught not wearing the requisite blue.

All the Hash paddlers for Nafanua were awarded for coming 2nd in some paddling race earlier last week.

Screamer and Black Adder attempted to nominate TG for claiming to be “special” (TG’s explanation for why she gets away with never having to run) but they were yelled down for repetition by (strangely enough) SOTB and CB. In a none-too-surprising turn of events, Screamer and Black Adder joined TG in the circle.

Captain Mortein launched into a description of some rapid hand actions by a young man loitering by SGBJ’s office but failed to clearly explain what this was about. SGBJ came to his rescue providing the correct medical term for this activity. Both drank.

Lewinsky noted that Crash had yet again failed to bring back the missing Hash mugs and, in Crash’s absence, nominated Karaoke as his closest living relative. Karaoke returned this accusation with a “he’s not my relative” but stated that clearly Lewinsky was. Both drank.

GM, who was obviously getting thirsty, called someone “Ros” and had to take a quick slip-up quench.

Psychodelic noted that a bunch of Hashers had turned up at the races last Tuesday to support a fellow Hasher’s horse, only to have to bear witness to the poor animal coming second to last. CB added to this, claiming that it was the only situation where the jockey was bigger than the horse. Although it turned out this was an Annandale family horse, thus implicating both Godfather and Swinger, Swinger, did the respectful thing and took one for the family.

A birthday award was doled out to Aina, who drank poised on one leg. “Inspirational!” yelled a twice-impressed crowd.

Swinger received the chauffeur award for having complained about constantly having to drive his Hash Mary to the airport.

Awards were handed out to Casey, Captain Mortein, Pirate Princess, Rachel and Lilly for participating in the 10km run on Saturday.

Lewinsky received another award for extra effort – having finished the entire run without short-cutting or catching a cab. He attempted to refute this, claiming he had actually, in fact, short-cutted with GF but this didn’t carry.

Dizzy was nominated for continuing to insure and thus support the rebuilding of the disastrous government slipway (better known as ‘spillway’) at Aleipata.

Peter and Sanna took tipping awards – Peter for gullibility and Sanna for cashing in on it.

Renee, Ellen and Steve were all leaving the next day and were appropriately farewelled.

Cherelle nominated CB for the Gigolo award (although less kind phrases were heard being muttered around the circle) for managing to tag team visits from two Renee’s over the course of a 12-day period. Whether CB has learnt anything from this episode remains to be seen.

Savaii-based PCV’s, Lilly and Rachel were awarded for failing to return home on time to start school the next day. Co-scribe observes that by this stage, GM was fast losing control of his ship – and the keg was showing signs of floatation. Pirate Princess managed an additional nomination for the PCVs, citing them as best dressed on the 10km run. Chris, who had made the uniforms, also participated in this almost-final award.

RingRing (the Hare), Fang and friend (Hosts) took their awards and the pack then fell in a frenzy upon the food before gathering again in a slightly smaller circle to join Godfather with some post-Hash crooning and dancing.

The next Hash will be held at Screamer’s in Siusega. This will be a partial BYO – Hashers who can might want to contribute a salad or some bbq fodder. Screamer assures us the pool will be clean and there should be at least a couple of sausages to go around.

Hash Trash 1521

Run number 1521 was hosted by Princess of Darkness and Lewinsky at their home in Taumesina. In honour of the Manu Samoa winning the HK7’s and the Independence Day Fautasi win by the Don Bosco team, the theme was blue. The run was set by co-opted hares, Swinger and CB (more on that later). Hashers wandered out the driveway at a walking pace waiting for someone to spot the trail. As usual, one or two of the more eager dashed off in the opposite direction and had to be called back to regroup. The correct trail was found heading through a small patch of mangroves, through the back of someone’s home and back out onto the main road where the trail was again lost. ZsaZsa and Renee eventually picked up the trail and everyone set off on a well-marked trail along the footpaths. ZsaZsa, who was well ahead of the pack, followed the trail down what appeared to be someone’s overgrown driveway. The others were too savvy to follow his lead which, apparently ended with a floury “ha-ha”. The rest of the run continued along the main road up to the UN complex where the letters OH were laid out in flour to mark the “on home” course, complete with smiley face. (Pirate Princess later confided to the co-scribe that she wasn’t sure why someone would write “oh!” on a hash run. But that’s another story).
All in all, a good, well set trail for most runners but with enough falsies to keep the more fit on their toes.

The home of POD and Lewinsky was buzzing with activity as the rain cleared and the dinner table was piled high with food. Two kegs (one courtesy of the soon-to-be-departing Sid) were also on order.

GM POD called all to the Circle and invited first-timers to introduce themselves. All did with some aplomb and even correctly referred to their hash friends by their correct names. There was Renee (CB), Gloria (Psychodelic), Trent (Spanky) and Jenny (Spanky).

Rethreads were numerous in number: Smokey who was last here in 2001, Dayne, Marion, Sid, Casey, Cathy, Slim Shady (who argued that she wasn’t a rethread), Proboner and Takeda. All drank.

The shoe inspector found no new boots but Screamer happened to recall a new hash Mary sporting shiny shoes earlier in the evening. CB backed this up and Renee was invited to either bring her shoes in for inspection or – for some reason the co-scribe doesn’t quite understand – to drink from CB’s shoe. In an even more extraordinary turn of events, Renee chose CB’s (rather rank) shoe. However, she lost all credibility shortly thereafter by managing to spill almost every drop onto the floor.

GM called on Hand Job for a birthday drink. Apparently she had just turned 16.

Sid received a double – for contributing a keg and as this would possibly be his last hash in Apia. Everready kindly donated his special mug for the event and Sid took great pains to suck every drop as though it were his last.

Screamer, who had arrived early, saw much doggie-do in the area and had re-positioned her car to ensure she’d avoid stepping in any of it at the end of the evening. GM gave her the “foresight award” – apparently not a trait generally typical of hashers.

Proboner, recently returned from a conjugal visit to NZ and sporting a sore neck received a “needs more practice” award (with several Hash Mary’s doling out practical advice) while celebrity awards went to Foxy and Cherelle (who attempted to get out of this by saying this was her job).

Lewinsky had earlier requested CB and Swinger to fill in for him as a hare and they had done an excellent job. However GM had overheard Emily thanking Lewinsky for setting an “excellent bush run” and she was surprised to hear Lewinsky accept the praise without mention of the real hares. Worse, GM was still pondering what Lewinsky had really been up to as she hadn’t been aware there was a “bush” portion on this particular run. Lewinsky drank.

Sid was accused of forgetting to bring the gas bottle for the bbq but he reminded the Circle that his job was merely to ensure the gas was filled – pickup was someone else’s responsibility. SOTB and Sid both drank.

GM then called on “representatives” from the various countries that Manu Samoa had recently beaten. Through some minor manipulation of facts, she cobbled together the following representatives:
Kenya – Marian; Argentina – Chiliandrina (she was absent so Emily, who has lived in Mexico, was called on); France – Hobbs; England – Hand Job; Australia – Ros; South Africa – Cherelle (this particular one was explained using some convoluted geography that involved drawing a line between Ireland and Fiji, which the co-scribe was not able to follow). Godfather, rightly, represented Samoa. All drank.

Ever-ready, who obviously needed another drink, spoke up that the Manu Samoa coach is actually an American so GM gave him a drink.

A string of floor nominations commenced with Snake being nominated for a foresight award (another one in the same night?!) for bringing an additional gas bottle.

BB, who had been the last to arrive, was awarded for best dressed supporter of the All Blacks.

Three newcomers were cited for leaning.

SassyGirl nominated Karaoke for bringing her a beautiful cake for her birthday and for the best cakes in Samoa.

Pussy Snatcher was nominated for the gentlemanly award as Screamer had observed him always being on hand as whipping boy for Cherelle. He took the DD but not before complaining about someone called Seema being jealous.
Godfather was thanked for putting on a brilliant Sunday afternoon of jazz at Sinalei. (Cherelle took up the ukulele for this DD).

CB and SOTB were thanked for being the sausage sizzle boys.

Lewinsky and Everready accused each other of lack of chips, last minute salsa requests and eventually Everready was handed the false accusation award as GM was certain she had provided the chips. Karaoke, apparently concerned at the number of drinks Everready was consuming, reminded everyone of her husband’s religion and, more importantly, the negative influence of alcohol on “performance”.

GM noted there would be another not performing tonight as Lewinsky was handed yet another award – this time for short-cutting the run.

Cherelle received the G-string plucking award for her flat ukulele playing while SassyGirl was nominated for apparently not running.

SOTB, Lewinsky and Proboner took their awards for hosting tonight’s run.

In a last minute nomination allowed by GM, Smokey and Hobbs drank for overly friendly overtures with the dogs.

The Circle then broke up to fall upon the beautifully laid out feast and to work on consuming the rest of the kegs.

The next run will be hosted by Snake and Fang in Vaitele.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Hash Run 1522- Snake Pit- BYO Food

Morning All,
Hash this week will be at the Snake Pit in town. Snake has kindly offered the venue for us to have hash, unfortunately neither Snake or Fang will be there as they are both heading to NZ on Sunday. In any case, Lewinsky, Snakes closest relative will no doubt take the down downs on Snakes behalf as the host :)

It will be a BYO Food Run so bring something to throw on the BBQ and there will be a Keg. If you have any Manu Samoa clothing or anything blue, please wear it as we will most likely run past the big Manu Party in town!

Run starts at 1730 Hrs so make sure your there! Also, does anyone want to voluteer to be the Hare???

On ON