Monday, January 31, 2011

Hash Run 1553

Dear all hashers
Slight change of plan as the mud is a bit too much at the top. We will now host the Hash at the Paul compound, entrance is opposite Bernard Street on the Cross Island Road. Pass Bernard Street then take the first left off Cross Island Road, down a track. There is an old sign there saying Manumea t-shirt printing. Follow the track past one house, then veer up to the right at the fork. We'll put out some hash marks to guide you.
Keg will be there and some bbq as promised.
Apologies again for late posting, and hope to see you all there.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, January 28, 2011

Hash Trash 1552

The Hash had to relocate from Malololelei due to the weather, as it was raining sideways and there was no way that the trail could be secured. Lewinsky stepped up again and offered On The Rocks as an alternative. The aftermath of Cyclone Wilma was very much in effect, and it was decided to do a live hare with Cockblocker, but to also try and keep the pack together for safety given the waves. The run progressed along the seawall, past the RSA and the fish market and out to Sogi where we turned back, several pounds heavier due to the incessant rain. Back at HQ1, Godfather had provided his sweet nuts and a grand selection of roast pork and umu for our pupus. Bless him for his generosity, this provided good sustenance to those of us who braved the weather and ran.

Princess of Darkness was present as GM, and called the circle to order. There was only one new to Apia Hash – John from Hawaii who was visiting Swinger. The rethreads were Crown of Thorns (overseas based now), Vulture (back for a few weeks, came prepared with a snorkel), Dawn Raid (hiding), and Do Me Twice (back from Christmas break). Swinger protested that there were more rethreads, and closely avoided a Not Listening To The GM Award. The GM noted that because of the sewage in the rainwater we should probably dispense with that item for now. Getting to her list of awards, a Parking Misdemeanour Award was given to Titty Galore, CB and Pro Bona for some terrible reverse parking and exclaiming “if you sit on my thing you won’t see the angle”. Wane joined them for driving into something. DMT was given the Stripper Award for wearing a very white t-shirt in the rain.

Further news had reached the GM of an unannounced bbq on Saturday, but sans bbq, so the guests had to entertain and feed the other guests. COT and CB had to cook, so Zsa Zsa and Chilindrina took the Poor Hosts Award. Poumuli tried and failed to get CB to join, as he had happened on the event and was ordered to change his shirt by Wahoo due to the stink of CB’s cooking. At this point there was too much chattering, so the GM called a vote for awarding the Dome of Silence to Vulture or Ophelie, which ended up being decided in chug. Vulture won, thus giving Ophelie the Dome of Silence for the rest of the circle, but was given an UnHashmanlike Behaviour Award for ungallantly racing the lady Ophelie. (this one is ethically challenging)

Celebrity Awards went to Snatch (Mum in the paper) and a double to Poumuli (TV3 and Observer). The GM then turned her attention to our new Super-Heroes, the two rescuers in the new VERTS, who both turned up wearing their silly yellow jackets. She made them look more like superheroes by having them wear underwear (ladies’) on the outside of their shorts and gave both SOTB and CB a down down. Opening up for nominations from the floor, SOTB said he had witnessed a near death experience, with a man nearly killed by the falling down of the HQ1 sign. Lewinsky began to quibble about witnesses, and since one could be produced, it became a double Lethal Weapon (Unloaded) Award. We then welcomed latecummer Kiss My Butt.

Dawn Raid sought to get Poumuli an award for losing his new hubcaps, but since Dawn Raid had been outside HQ1 during the theft and not seen it, the GM agreed to reverse the award. A leavers award was suggested by Godfather for Claire and Eileen. Before that, Eileen ventured deep into FBI territory with an award for Brazilian and Godfather. Apparently they both believe that Louis Armstrong sang “and dogs say goodnight” in “What a wonderful world”. In the end all four took the award. Zsa Zsa recounted how it was so wet during the run, and that Swinger had disappeared from the run with two ladies, in order to take, erm, pictures. Wannabe Pornographer Award to Swinger. This prompted SOTB to nominate Poumuli for a Wannabe Award (All Blacks) for wearing a NZ rugby-shirt (its almost an antique, and SOTB wears a Ireland shirt at times – deeply unfair). SOTB also insisted that DMT do the New Shoes Award, as she hadn’t run.

Ophelie piped up that she had an award for KMB, but was stopped short as she was supposed to be wearing the Dome of Silence. She was joined in the award by Carin, because Poumuli suddenly remembered that January 24th 41 AD was when the Romans killed Caligula, and called for a Caligula Removal Appreciation Award. Snatch, in a pique of annoyance, got an award for Vulture for asking if Greenie was her Father. COT had a story of getting drinks in a “fine” establishment, and a certain Hasher bought an ula for his wife and “leid” her from behind. While COT by rights should have joined Lewinsky for calling HQ1 “fine”, the gentleman took it well.

The GM closed the circle with a Culinary Appreciation Award to Godfather, and the traditional salute to the host and hare, Lewinsky and CB.

Next week’s hash, weather permitting, will be at Malololelei, and the week after at Taumeasina. Watch the blog for late changes in case the weather turns crappy.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Talofa Hashers - OK, now that Cyclone Wilma has left us, lets try this again! Monday the 31st of January 2011 run number 1553 will be hosted by yours truly and Wahoo, with Dawn Raid as the Hare, up at Malololelei. This area is up the Cross island road past the Bahai Temple but before Taito's famous tiled house. Look out for the turn off on Kelsey Lane. Continue on Kelsey lane when it becomes an unsealed road, past the Catholic compound on the right, then take the second left turn. A hash mark will be placed at the correct turnoff at that point. The "house" is about 100 metres up that track on the left.

We will cater this run, providing some BBQ chicken (other special sauce), so if you are chick-pea eating inclined you may want to bring something veggie (allright, maybe some salads). So bring your S15 for the keg and enjoy a new trail up at the top. We are hoping and praying for clement weather but be on the look out for rain, in which case we suggest bringing towels and wet weather gear.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, January 24, 2011

Hash 1552

Dear all
further to the cancellation some have indicated willingness to run no matter what, and Lewinsky has offered us the use of On The Rocks again - because Godfather, always looking after us, has prepared some umu and a roast pig! So lets meet at On The Rocks - those who wish to run can do so, while the rest enjoy themselves!
On On

CANCELLED - run 1552

Dear all Hashers
The weather is not cooperating with us. Up at the top its impossible to set a trail as the paper gets blown away or rained away, and the wind is pretty bad. So apoplogies but we will have to cancel for today unless someone has a safer and less wet venue!
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1552

Talofa Hashers - Monday the 24th of January 2011 run number 1552 will be hosted by yours truly and Wahoo, with Dawn Raid as the Hare, up at Malololelei. This area is up the Cross island road past the Bahai Temple but before Taito's famous tiled house. Look out for the turn off on Kelsey Lane. Continue on Kelsey lane when it becomes an unsealed road, past the Catholic compound on the right, then take the second left turn. A hash mark will be placed at the correct turnoff at that point. The "house" is about 100 metres up that track on the left.

We will cater this run, providing some BBQ chicken (other special sauce), so if you are chick-pea eating inclined you may want to bring something veggie (allright, maybe some salads). So bring your S15 for the keg and enjoy a wet run in celebration of Wilma. Suggest bringing towels and wet weather gear.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, January 21, 2011

Rakino Apia Sister Hash House Harriers (RASH3)

The RASH held its inaugural runs on Rakino Island outside of Auckland on the 13th and 14th of January, 2011. It is intended to be an occasional Hash to coincide with any Hashers visiting from Samoa wishing to brave the waves and go over to Charlie’s place on Rakino. As such it will remain a sister hash of Apia Hash and a home away from home.

The first run was a live hare run. While rule 69b had explicitly been put in abeyance, the Hare – Charlie – was quickly run down and thoroughly debagged by a lady called Barbarella (for true!). The run continued around the grassy knolls and unpaved roads until returning to the house, named Vailima, overlooking the bay.
Slit was the GM, and since this was a new hash, dispensed with that element, preferring instead a round of general introductions. For showing excessive sporting prowess, a Bringing Hash Into Disrepute was given to Barbarella. A few more awards were given but the Scribe was plastered. A brief naming ceremony was held for Charlie, who in light of his complete inability to keep his trap shut during AHHH circles, was named Verbal Diarrhoea (or VD for short). This was crowned off by Wahoo with eggs, soy sauce, chilli, beer and flour.

The second run was equally eventful, but happened as darkness set, so Scribe couldn’t complete report. In any event, Lisa, in light of her work as a copper, and being married to VD, was named ArtyArse (RTRS – right to remain silent), with similar excessive use of shampoo-requiring substances.

Photos will be posted of the debagging of the Hare once Wahoo gives Slit permission to play with the camera. Further runs will be organized once we get VD over for a visit to Samoa and can discuss with him.

On On

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Hash Trash 1551

The hash was hosted by Lewinsky at On The Rocks, with gratitude from the whole of Apia Hash for getting us out of a bind of a sick Hare-raiser. It was decided to do a live hare run, which Swinger dutifully took on. He requested that rule 69b be held in abeyance (if a live hare is caught by the pack during the run he may be de-bagged, stripped, abused and violated) which was sort of agreed to. Off he went down Beach Road and the pack gave him the yardage advantage to the corner of the Police HQ on Ififi Street. Poumuli and Dan the Bonebreaker followed closely to try and keep him in sight. Down some side streets, behind some delightfully dirty sheds and back onto Vaea, then past Cappuccino Vineyard and onto the sea wall. Swinger was caught just outside Cappuccino by Dan, and almost got caught by Poumuli. But in an undignified show of athletic prowess Swinger turned on the after burner to avoid being unceremoniously stripped in front of On The Rocks. The pack slowly made their convergence on home, where the keg and Godfather’s sweet nuts awaited.

Poumuli volunteered to be GM, knowing that there were several awards pending that needed avoidance. Also scribing the event provided unprecedented power that was undeniable. There were a few new to Apia Hash – there was Tudorsniffer here in Apia for the first time, and Stacey from Arizona who had been brought by Pirate Princess. The rethreads were Lewinsky, Wahoo, Poumuli and Captain Mortein. Celebrity Awards went to Greenie, SOTB and Titty Galore (closest relative to YNot). The Shoe Inspector Snake did an interesting snarfle to check if Stacey’s shoes were new – they were not, but Godfather reminded that Ninja had avoided his award last Hash due to the cholera risk, so he took it this time – with Coke! In celebration of this year in history, the GM pointed out that today was the feast day of St Anthony the Great and tomorrow is for St Margaret, and called forth any who go by similar names in other circles of life. Not caring for SOTB’s protests at the spelling, SOTB and Fang took their awards.

The GM then enquired of Cockblocker what his idea for a down-down had been viz Swinger, and since this related to chatting attentively with females, the GM decreed that CB needed a Dereliction of Duty/Not Living Up To Hash Name Award, as there had been no signs of blocking. Turning to the run, the GM informed that he had been passed by a Hasher who looked like he would catch the Hare. Said Hasher asked what to do if he did, but didn’t comply with the order to “sod rule 69b”, so Swinger continued the run in dressed comfort. Another Dereliction of Duty Award to Don.

The GM also called out Swinger for speeding up when nearly caught the 2nd time – this time it was for Bringing Hash Into Disrepute – we are not an athletic sporting club, as Tallyho has reminded in the past. The GM then recounted how he had been brought to a wedding celebration only to be made to work to the point of collapse – which resulted in a Wrongful Husband Exhaustion Award to Wahoo. The chattering in the circle was becoming too much at this stage, so the GM awarded CB the Dome of Silence for the duration – didn’t stop the nattering nabob from continuing though, so perhaps we need to get some sort of wheel clamp attached to it. Snake asked where the GM had been able to secure so many interesting and colourful hats, surely it was some Adult Emporium, to which the GM riposted that they had been found during a break-in to Snake’s house while he was in New Zealand. Snake doubled his award by making reference to one of the saints listed above and his surprise that the burglars had found her special drawer.

Opening up for nominations, Pirate Princess nominated Stacey for the Leaving Hash Award as she departs these shores soon. SOTB nominated Lewinsky for his new record breaking landing of a marlin in just 5 minutes, but the GM ordered him to join in for an Open Adulation Award, as he was clearly jealously in awe. Swinger complained that this year the SamoaTel phone directory is half the size, and that it has left out many numbers including his place of work. As SOTB claimed he had quit his job, Swinger had to take the down down. But the GM pointed out that a smaller phone book was a good conservation measure, which is Swinger’s field, so he should have been happy. SOTB joined him through a slip of the tongue when he explained that “we use” rather than SamoaTel uses, hinting that his employment was not entirely at an end. Claire nominated Bruce for an award for whining about his wife’s shopping spree. This backfired as the GM, having gone through the same with his wife could only but sympathize. Wahoo joined the award after slapping the GM! Dogfood was spotted leaning. Lewinsky called for an award for our two newest lifesavers, CB and SOTB.

Godfather then noted that he had requested some Hashers to join him in a commemoration of our dear departed Shafter, but said Hashers SOTB and Lewinsky didn’t show up. Godfather joined them for some reason. Brazilian nominated Wane for putting work before the Hash, and he was joined by Dogfood for leaning yet again. Swinger nominated supposed chief navigator Captain Mortein for getting lost, which resulted in a Pirate Princess GPS Award – clearly some glitch in the software. Claire wanted to nominate a Hash Mere for a Scaredy Cat Award, but this was turned into a non-observance of Martin Luther King Day by the targeted Yank, and when one Yank drinks, all Yanks drink – Lewinsky, Wane, Fang, Lili and Stacey. Trying hard to get a last few out before the closing Claire nominated the French girls for looking so pretty. But Carin is Italian, so Claire joined Ophelie in the award. The host and the hare, Lewinsky and Swinger were saluted in the obligatory manner, with SOTB giving the GM an Achievement Award to close off the circle.

Pizzas had been ordered and served and Lili had brought some nice pastries. Next week the Hash will be at Malololelei, hosted by Poumuli and Wahoo, who will ensure that there is lots of jungle to cross.

At the request of Vai Vai we have included a video clip again, entitled Never Ever Drink So Much That This Happens. Parental guidance is advised.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Hash Trash 1550

(Ed note - many thanks to Assistant Trainee Co-Scribe Screamer for the report. She has seriously benefited from her remedial English classes and may soon graduate to Adjutant Co-Scribe. Photos from Slippery will be posted soon. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit)

Hash 1550 looked like it was going to be yet another aborted event, what with a massive rainstorm sweeping across Apia town. However the two-keg promise combined with Hash being hosted at a bar seemed to do the trick - a small, but hardy group of Hashers turned up complete with wet-weather gear.

Cockblocker, newly returned from a sojourn in New Zealand, was live hare. Everyone took off along the waterfront, through Vaiala, around Apia Park, out by the UN road, through the village with all the dogs and back out along the river to the main road. A nice rapid run.

GM was Sassy Girl Blow Job.

She called the circle to order and invited up New Boots. There was one – Yasu from Japan who said she had not run but had come to drink. This was received well by the circle and Yasu showed that she is fit to stay.

Rethreads were numerous, few with any really good excuses – Jenny, Screamer, Snake (sheep shagging), Venom, Snake Bite, Dogfood (first time back in 8 years), Ninja (having a baby), Slippery, Dev (tired of everyone), Josh and CB (newly made Uncle).

There were two new shoes but Godfather reminded everyone of the infections that had resulted from the last run in Apia’s puddles and the circle grudgingly allowed Kiwi and Ninja leave from imbibing from their not-so-shiny shoes.

Dogfood was awarded for living up to his name and being attacked by a dog not too far into the run.

Snake and Dogfood were both awarded for some story long past whence Snake had run over a dog that Dogfood alleged had attacked him…turned out it was the wrong dog.

Chiliandrina (who had had to leave due to parental issues) and Zsa Zsa were given the foster parents award for taking on a host of children – Kiss My Butt, Carin, Ophelie and Josh also shared their drinks with their parents.

Clare was leading the GM astray by offering her cigarettes and Dev who wanted to borrow the cigarettes, both got awards.

Two more awards to Josh who had backed into someone’s car and to Wane who insists there in no “y” in his name (someone did suggest adding a “hi” in there somewhere though).

Titty Galore was given the special Prick award (we are still pondering this one) for going home late one night.

Floor was opened for nominations.

Snake’s award backfired when he nominated Godfather for not being on the news when he was back home with his mother. Snake took this on behalf of his mum.

Screamer and Kiss My Butt received awards for pranging Screamer’s car while KMB was on duty watching for strange objects in the back.

Greenie received one for something.

KMB started to put forward an award which was foiled by a slip of her tongue in naming someone called James. Then she took another because she was wearing sunglasses on her head.

Dev had Telephonus interruptus.

Wane was wearing kneebraces and Clare apparently did not like this. They both got an award.

Assistant Trainee Co-Scribe wonders if GM might not have been a tad under the weather herself when she gave out the Tit Award to Greenie for…failing to read the weather signs and bringing the impacts of Climate Change to Apia. Greenie took it like a man. More or less.

After this, things pretty much got out of hand as GM was caught smoking red-handed DURING the circle and nominations flew without apology.

The Hosts and the Hare were thanked – Jay, Patrick, SOTB and CB…they drank then all fell down in a huge dramatic wrap up of the circle.

On On


Monday, January 17, 2011

Hash Run 1551 at On The Rocks

Happy New Year's to all Hashers and apologies for the late posting. Tonight's hash will be hosted by Lewinsky at HQ1, also known as On The Rocks, on Beach Road in town. It will be a live-hare run. Given the weather we will not be able to break out the BBQ, but hopefully all who are able to can bring some ready dishes to share for this BYO run. The keg has already been delivered!
So bring your wet-weather running gear and head down to On The Rocks for the usual 5.30 PM start, and let's make it a good one, despite the conditions.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

VERTS Volunteers

Hi All, Is there anyone interested in joining up with the Volunteer Emergency Response Team (Maritime) section? If so, please get in touch with CB or SOTB. We need more people to help out in times of disaster with search and rescue, Life saving, community awareness programs, etc.

If you have some boating background and love being outdoors and in the water, let us know ASAP..There is a lot of fun training ahead of us and lots of time outdoors.

Get in touch with us if you are keen and we can fill you in.

On On

Monday, January 10, 2011

Hash Run 1550 - Y-Not Matautu

Morning All,
Hash Run 1550 will be at Ynot Bar at Matautu next to paddles. Seeing as it will be a big one and that there are 2 kegs...we'll have it in town. If you can, please car pool otherwise bring a sober

The run will be a BYO Food for the BBQ Run, so please bring something to contribute to the spread. Run wil start normal time at 1730 HRS and also bring a change of clothes in case it rains..

No Map needed. Just head down to Ynot at Matauau next door to Paddles Restaurant


Monday, January 03, 2011

Hash Run 1550 Run- Cancelled

Morning All, Hash run 1550 has been canceled/postponed till further notice due to the weather. Unfortunately we dont have a proper tent, only shade cloths, so we'll be soaked and sick. We will post more info on when we will hold the run, possibly sometime this week when the weather clears up. On On