Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Hash Trash 1744

The Hash was hosted by Rufie and Blowfish at their place in Vaivase. Crap directions having been provided to the Scribe, it took some time for the pack to assemble. But eventually off they went out the gate – to where a truck was waiting around the corner. This drove them a little while until the run started – straight up Cross Island Road to the Museum, where the truck again awaited. Stragglers and short cutters were picked up on the way down and it was dark when the truck rolled in to the house. Godfather’s sweet succulent nuts were greedily sucked down by the runners.

Princess of Darkness our GM called the circle to order. There was one newbie – Marina from Spain, who is here looking for a place to stay and a job. While she got the rules right on naming Do Me Twice by her Hash Name, she hadn’t followed the advertising rule, so DMT got the first one of the evening.
The Retreads were DMT, Swinger, Cougar, Transporter (double for using Lewinsky’s daily name) and Divine. IRA and Charlie were given an extra for not declaring retread status. Latecummers Gayboy and Tina were also put in the circle.

Schumacher was appointed Shoe Inspector, but he couldn’t make any (bad pun). Celebrity Awards went to Prince, Godfather, Titty Galore, Rufie, Gayboy and Transporter for sundry photos in the Observer related to the paddling competition, with Wahoo taking one for 9’er and Cockblocker for Fireman Sam.

This Day in History went to Witch Doctor (1692 – The last people hanged for witchcraft in England's North American colonies takes place), Gayboy (1999 – Chi-Chi earthquake occurs in central Taiwan, leaving about 2,400 people dead), POD (International Talk Like A Pirate Day – she was tricked earlier in the day to do so) and Poumuli (International Day of Peace).

Latecummer Murray joined the circle and undeclared celebrity Justine who had been posting photos of herself with Helen Clark. Transporter took one for Elle Mc Jr, who at the opening of the Avenue Bar was wearing a $4 shirt from Mamas, thus a Mamas Boy Award.

The GM noted that we don’t have a lot of blondes in the Hash, but today one Hash Mere turned into one. Titty G had been with the truck as it was commencing to follow the pack, and in starting the truck one has to build up some air and go forward. Why not save time and go backwards, she asked? This was further exacerbated by the fact that Godfather had been met by Sassygirl BJ upon his return in the falling darkness.

Speaking of the run, it was an arduous one, and Godfather was almost at the top when Swinger told him to go back. But he pushed on together with IRA. Thinking that Swinger was ahead, he was shocked to find they were all alone – and Swinger had told the pack that Godfather had turned back. Swinger received the Dangerously Erroneous Information Award.

Swinger had been at the beach on Sunday and claimed that in helping Poumuli empty the coals into a too small hole Poumuli had burned his foot. Your Scribe pointed out that the burn happened earlier in the day and that the coals would have fitted nicely if Swinger hadn’t had such pisspoor aim. Unfortunately the vote democratically awarded them both the Firewalker Award.

We then received a rare appearance from the Mad Monk of Apia Hash, who proceeded to name budding All Black Jack, who shall henceforth be know as Jack Sprat. She also called on his sister, who shall henceforth be known as Catfish. Of course the proud parents Rufie and Blowfish received the anointing on their behalf.

Opening up for further nominations, Rufie gave CB the Good Mate Award for giving him the flu by dumping him on the porch while in his cups. This was really an Average Wife Award. In a similar vein, Cougar nominated her darling husband, after a big week, had spent a night out with Gayboy at Sunrise and had left the doors open. Or something. Crash Trash Award.

POD on behalf of the Hash perimeter relay team then presented Godfather with 4100 tala that they had collected for the charity, followed by a down down for POD, Blowfish and Overstayer. Poumuli nominated Sassy for the Facebook (Frequent User) Award, and she was joined by Rufie. This is what your Scribe thinks of constant requests for like this or that...

Godfather and Rufie were given a Hash Birthday song, later joined by CB who had completely ignored and not mentioned DMT’s birthday at the Samoana Hash, or told her that it was being held at Samoana!

Next week’s run will be hosted by Gayboy at the house in Vaitele, Crime will Hare. The week after will be Prince also in Vaitele. Watch the blog for details.

The Hare and the Hosts were saluted together with Latecummer Rory.

Next three weeks we will have Assistant Trainee Scribes starting with Swinger.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Hash Run 1744

Talofa Hashers
for the first time in history an early announcement of the run. Monday's Hash will be hosted by Rufie and Blowfish at their place in Vaivase. Drive up Cross Island Road, turn left at Malifa towards NUS, but turn left off that road when you get past Pat Brighouse's Garage. At the top go straight, towards Fagalii airport. There will be a shop on the side of the road, go another 200 metres and house is on the right. Hopefully Rufie will make it obvious enough! The hosts will do the catering so bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala. Run starts at 17.30. Will try and get a map sorted.

Upcumming Runs:
29 September - Gayboy @ The Slip Right Inn
6 October - Ronna and Prince @ (I guess Seyleck?)

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Hash Trash 1743

The Hash was hosted at On the Rocks – HQ1 – as Gayboy had to “pull out” again. POD the GM acted as host as Lewinsky was “fishing”. We had Rufie as a live hare and set off down Beach Road towards Aggies, then around to the wharf. It became obvious that Cockblocker and Godfather were trying to be “seen exercising” by the sundry paddlers.  Rounding past the wharf and down Vaiala beach, up to the UNDP office where the slower runners took the shortcut on home. The rest went off down the river and around the back roads before we all rejoined for the circle at HQ1. Perfectly chilled nuts from Godfather were in evidence. 

The GM called the circle to order rather early as Godfather had to depart for a paddling meeting. First up we had the celebrities – Godfather (sister in the paper, Swinger’s mum, so a double), CB and Poumuli (photos in Earth Negotiations Bulletin from SIDS), Crime (“well-known criminal in Samoa” robs the visiting canoes) and Rufie (Man accused of drugging backpackers).

The retreads were Crash Bandicoot (looking after kids, doubled for cellphonus), Rachel (no excuse) and Schumacher. The Shoe Inspector Snake enthusiastically went after Crime’s new ones, thereby missing Rufie’s. Thus all three of them got a shoe to drink from.
This Day in History went to Snake as married to closest living relative of Transporter (1906 – The Newport Transporter Bridge is opened in Newport, South Wales by Viscount Tredegar), POD for Lewinsky the Ninja Bomber (2007 – Russia tests the largest conventional weapon ever, the Father of All Bombs), Crash for Eveready (International Chocolate Day) and POD (Feast Day of St Ariane of Phrygia).

The GM then launched her awards, first of all for a Hasher who has been away for some 7 years, then came last week, only to perform an oesophageal acid wash after too many down downs. Schumacher got the Call of the Moose Award.

Then at the food and wine fair, while Godfather had been sitting down to eat, one Hasher had changed his daughter’s diapers right then and there at the table. Poumuli tried all sorts of appeals, even the false claim that it had been number 2 instead of just 1, so a double was administered. How many other Hash Fathers have done the same?

Opening up the floor, Snake nominated POD for cutting him off at high speed outside the Snakepit. As this was a Schumacher Award there was a lapse in the GM’s poise here. The GM then nominated Wahoo for her Supermodel Award for the show on Saturday. At that point we welcomed her Dad Norman into the circle.

Crash was trying to recount what sounded like a horrifying experience for Lewinsky’s kids involving the back of a truck and some fishing hooks, but it went on too long so a Verbal Diarrhoea Award went to Crash. Snake then nominated Wahoo for not teaching her Dad the Hash Rules – smoking, leaning and talking in the circle. Snake also wanted to nominate those who had not had an award yet, but this was too early in the game for the GM so she gave one to Snake.
The GM and Blowfish then set up the raffle for the prizes in support of their Perimeter Relay charity, and this was drawn by Norman. Tammy won the asi asi and the wahoo, Swinger and BB won the masi masi, Mr Whippy got the 100 tala bar tab at OTR, and Snake got the fia fia night at Sinalei. Snake then suggested that the drawer should get a down down, and he was joined by Wahoo for yelling at him about chatting up little girls.

Now the GM gave awards to those not yet benefitting – Overstayer, Witch Doctor, Blowfish, Imelda da Welda, and Crime for leaning. Wahoo then gave Poumuli the Husband of the Year Award for buying the dress she was wearing at the fashion show. He was joined by Witch Doctor for dancing in the circle.

Rufie caught Crime smoking in the circle, while Snake joined him as he was “sick of holding his nuts” the whole time. Lewinsky got the Latecummer Award.

As we were closing, POD told the circle to watch the blog as we have three potential hosts for next week. As the Host and the Hare were saluted we were treated to some rather over exuberant singing from Lewinsky, which we all can guess how was rewarded!
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, September 15, 2014

Today's Run from Headquarters - On The Rocks

Hi all

sorry for the late posting as mismanagement was trying to secure a host after Gayboy had to pull out due to heavy commitment to the Alo Paopao Festival which commenced today.

Run will be from OTR to start at 5.30pm.


Friday, September 12, 2014

Hash Trash 1742

The Hash was hosted by Possum and Bogun Barbie at Samoana. Your Scribe could not attend as he only found out about the change at 2 PM Monday. I am sure a good time was had by all. Watch the blog for next week's run and any last minute changes.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Hash Run 1742 ammended

Talofa all

Due to last minute announcement of a public holiday tomorrow, #1742 will now be hosted at Samoana Resort starting at 2pm. Anyone interested in staying the night should contact Bogun Barbie (Kirstin) for details on their locals special.


Friday, September 05, 2014

Hash Run 1742

Dear all Hashers
Well the SIDS Conference is finally over and we have our town back to normal soon - wild rampaging dogs, filth, rubbish and truculence all around. And that is just at On The Rocks. So the Hash will be hosted at Crime's place together with Possum.

The house is located at the back of Apia Park. Take the road to the Pacific Jewel and the Apia Park tennis courts and the house is on the right before you get to the back entrance of the rugby pitch.

Remember to bring your Hash Cash $20 for the keg and softies, and I am assuming that Possum will cater, unless he tells us otherwise.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1741

The Hash was hosted by Snake at Snakepit 2 in Vaitele. Your Scribe was SIDSing so missed the run but it was obviously eventful. The GM, Princess of Darkness, called the circle to order and as there were no newbies proceeded to invite the retreads to step forward. These were Tramp and Woman in Black visiting from Rome, Einstein (lost in Vaoala), Overstayer and Transporter. Witch Doctor was appointed Shoe Inspector, and while she initially failed, she did spot Transporter’s new pink shoes as he was skulking in the back, and he took his award.

A Farewell Award was given to SOTB and Damien who had to depart for the airport and they were joined by Sassygirl BJ, to a rendition of Goodbye My Feleni. RIP Christian.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli and Tramp for being involved in the SIDS Conference. This was followed by This Day In History Awards which went to Twin Peaks (1835 Melbourne founded), Witch Doctor (1314 King Haakon V moves capital from Bergen to Oslo), Lewinsky (International Day for the Disappeared – for his Ninja bomb moves when its time to shout a round), and Gayboy (Random Act of Kindness Day).

Poumuli was then given a Elei Biker Shirt Award for the horrendous piece of crap shirt that was the SPREP uniform for the conference. Picture red vinyl paint thickly coating a black linen fabric. He was joined by Twin Peaks for not listening in the circle as he tried to do the same nomination 1 second after the GM.

The GM then nominated Transporter for making her daughter cry with his review of her dance performance, which was doubled when he got her hash name wrong. The GM also enquired who had actually done the run whether or not Snake had been putting down paper after the run had started. There was much recrimination also about whether there had been a falsie, but Snake took the Incompetence Award.

At Christian’s funeral Godfather continued his tradition of embarrassing Hashers in front of non-members by referring to Sassy’s hash name addition of BJ, without explaining the context or history – remember the bin Shaggin wedding! Blowfish go the Hero of the Week Award for running the beast of all relays when one of their team had to pull out she did double legs. She was joined by POD and Overstayer for not doing those legs themselves.
While Godfather was proud of the team, he was also of the view that the husbands should have been there at the start as well as the finish. Lewinsky and Rufie were brought forward for that one. Lewinsky was now fired up and gave Rufie an award for picking a fight at Ace of Clubs with a group of big guys then turning to Lewinsky for help.

Godfather wanted to know if anyone had noticed the big busted water pipe at the entrance to the Snakepit and whether this was something the environmentalists amongst us should be dealing with. While Poumuli’s answer was F### No, this did not count so he took the SWA Award. 

Lewinsky gave a Non-Profit Award to Transporter since they had to turn off the parking meter system at the airport.
Gayboy wanted to nominate some kiwis for the generosity of the NZ cops donating 10 vehicles to our locals. This backfired. The GM nominated Mr Whippy for the Whipped Award, as he had volunteered to help with the relay, but backed out as he had “no pass from his wife”. He was joined by Overstayer who had not signed her form but had Lewinsky do it for her.

Transporter had been to the regatta hosted by Gayboy where some paddlers had had a run in between two clubs. Crime was nominated for not keeping these teams disciplined. Gayboy tried to protest that this issue had been brought up last week. Your Scribe insouciantly corrected him that last week’s award had been for cleaning up all the prizes.

Rufie tried to nominate Crime for something having been stolen from his boat again, but since this was the third time he got the Dumbarse Award instead. Gayboy made a lengthy repartee about customer service and its apex at the best business practices, and it had something to do with Seyleck Autos and ASCO. All and sundry lost interest and awarded an FBI Award to Gayboy and a Selective Service Award to Transporter.

Transporter wanted to give and Unsafe Vehicle Award to Witch Doctor, as she had made an appointment to have it fixed and then didn’t show up. Wait, so he hangs around waiting for Witch Doctor but not Gayboy?

Poumuli had been at the SIDS Conference and had been asked by an adviser from the Clinton Foundation for a recommended bar. Of course On The Rocks was suggested, but when the owner’s hash name was divulged the poor man nearly choked to death. Witch Doctor, Twin Peaks and Titty Galore were rewarded for eating before the circle closed, doubled for Twin Peaks hat.
The Hare and the Host were saluted.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Crime at Apia Park together with Possum.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit