Friday, September 05, 2014

Hash Trash 1741

The Hash was hosted by Snake at Snakepit 2 in Vaitele. Your Scribe was SIDSing so missed the run but it was obviously eventful. The GM, Princess of Darkness, called the circle to order and as there were no newbies proceeded to invite the retreads to step forward. These were Tramp and Woman in Black visiting from Rome, Einstein (lost in Vaoala), Overstayer and Transporter. Witch Doctor was appointed Shoe Inspector, and while she initially failed, she did spot Transporter’s new pink shoes as he was skulking in the back, and he took his award.

A Farewell Award was given to SOTB and Damien who had to depart for the airport and they were joined by Sassygirl BJ, to a rendition of Goodbye My Feleni. RIP Christian.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli and Tramp for being involved in the SIDS Conference. This was followed by This Day In History Awards which went to Twin Peaks (1835 Melbourne founded), Witch Doctor (1314 King Haakon V moves capital from Bergen to Oslo), Lewinsky (International Day for the Disappeared – for his Ninja bomb moves when its time to shout a round), and Gayboy (Random Act of Kindness Day).

Poumuli was then given a Elei Biker Shirt Award for the horrendous piece of crap shirt that was the SPREP uniform for the conference. Picture red vinyl paint thickly coating a black linen fabric. He was joined by Twin Peaks for not listening in the circle as he tried to do the same nomination 1 second after the GM.

The GM then nominated Transporter for making her daughter cry with his review of her dance performance, which was doubled when he got her hash name wrong. The GM also enquired who had actually done the run whether or not Snake had been putting down paper after the run had started. There was much recrimination also about whether there had been a falsie, but Snake took the Incompetence Award.

At Christian’s funeral Godfather continued his tradition of embarrassing Hashers in front of non-members by referring to Sassy’s hash name addition of BJ, without explaining the context or history – remember the bin Shaggin wedding! Blowfish go the Hero of the Week Award for running the beast of all relays when one of their team had to pull out she did double legs. She was joined by POD and Overstayer for not doing those legs themselves.
While Godfather was proud of the team, he was also of the view that the husbands should have been there at the start as well as the finish. Lewinsky and Rufie were brought forward for that one. Lewinsky was now fired up and gave Rufie an award for picking a fight at Ace of Clubs with a group of big guys then turning to Lewinsky for help.

Godfather wanted to know if anyone had noticed the big busted water pipe at the entrance to the Snakepit and whether this was something the environmentalists amongst us should be dealing with. While Poumuli’s answer was F### No, this did not count so he took the SWA Award. 

Lewinsky gave a Non-Profit Award to Transporter since they had to turn off the parking meter system at the airport.
Gayboy wanted to nominate some kiwis for the generosity of the NZ cops donating 10 vehicles to our locals. This backfired. The GM nominated Mr Whippy for the Whipped Award, as he had volunteered to help with the relay, but backed out as he had “no pass from his wife”. He was joined by Overstayer who had not signed her form but had Lewinsky do it for her.

Transporter had been to the regatta hosted by Gayboy where some paddlers had had a run in between two clubs. Crime was nominated for not keeping these teams disciplined. Gayboy tried to protest that this issue had been brought up last week. Your Scribe insouciantly corrected him that last week’s award had been for cleaning up all the prizes.

Rufie tried to nominate Crime for something having been stolen from his boat again, but since this was the third time he got the Dumbarse Award instead. Gayboy made a lengthy repartee about customer service and its apex at the best business practices, and it had something to do with Seyleck Autos and ASCO. All and sundry lost interest and awarded an FBI Award to Gayboy and a Selective Service Award to Transporter.

Transporter wanted to give and Unsafe Vehicle Award to Witch Doctor, as she had made an appointment to have it fixed and then didn’t show up. Wait, so he hangs around waiting for Witch Doctor but not Gayboy?

Poumuli had been at the SIDS Conference and had been asked by an adviser from the Clinton Foundation for a recommended bar. Of course On The Rocks was suggested, but when the owner’s hash name was divulged the poor man nearly choked to death. Witch Doctor, Twin Peaks and Titty Galore were rewarded for eating before the circle closed, doubled for Twin Peaks hat.
The Hare and the Host were saluted.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Crime at Apia Park together with Possum.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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