Friday, April 24, 2015

Hash Trash 1773

The Hash was hosted by Transporter and Lowrider at the Seyleck Motors compound in Vaitele. Traffic is getting bad on the main Vaitele Road so many hashers were late in arriving. Nevertheless we set out on a Crime Spree, that is a runabout set by Crime. It was basically a rectangle of road, with opportunities for the walkers to cut short. We set out left up the road and just kept going. The road curves around slightly until we crossed the famous Poumuli Road, eventually turning around to hit the top of the road that leads to Snakepit 2. The front runners POD, Lewinsky and Poumuli were at a bit of a loss here, and POD and Lewinsky continued down to Vaitele Road and a long slog back up while Poumuli short-cutted with the walkers. Apparently we should have taken a right and then through the grass behind Farmer Joe’s. We are all economically conscious, and any good baker will use the minimum of flour for purpose, but this was even less than that. You needed a Hubble telescope to spot the stuff. Anyway, good road run and succulent tasty nuts on display when we got back to the Ambulance cemetery.

POD called the circle to order, and new to Hash was Carlos, brought by Elle McJr. He was given a down down as he had been prepped on the rules. Retreads were Phil (back to show us how its done), Karaoke and Eveready (he wont let me come to Hash!).
ProBoner did the shoe inspection and found Prince and Carlos, who baptized their shoes, joined by Latecummer Sunny Side Up.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (photo in the paper), Lewinsky for SOTB (wedding photo in the paper), Crash for FBI (in paper), Slippery for Ozzy Osbourne (APTC in paper), Murray (in paper) and Transporter for the paddling team – doubled for glasses.

This day in history went to Crime (1770 – Captain James Cook, still holding the rank of lieutenant, sights the eastern coast of what is now Australia – for wearing an Oz shirt without having himself sighted Australia), Murray (1984 – Advance Australia Fair is proclaimed as Australia's national anthem, and green and gold as the national colours – picking up his role as disgruntled elderly Ozzie), Transporter (UN Chinese Language Day), Prince (FAO Day – in Iraq!) and POD (Feast Fay of St Isabella – ah a true mother of saints).

There had been a birthday celebration at the weekend and IRA had thrown a great party to the extent that she was pissed the whole weekend, thus an Irish Award was given. She added that Poumuli had ungracefully fallen out of a tree at the Sunday edition of the party, so he was given the Only Part Monkey Award. IRA stepped up for a Lifesaver Award for giving whiskey to Sassy.

Lewinsky and Titty Galore nominated Godfather for the Life Endangerment Award for taking the family to Nuusafe, and struggling with the waves, all hanging on for dear life, while Godfather looses his lavalava and does some advertising in the, eh, big swell.

Sassy nominated Poumuli for dragging Murdoch into the big swell, floundering and then had Murdoch swim back faster. The retort that he has twice as many legs and can thus swim twice as fast made no difference to the Attempted Dog De-Fleaing Award.

Elle McJr nominated Transporter for poor form in his down downs, but then again Lowrider is pregnant! Poumuli nominated Crime for the Economist Award for his microscopic use of flour on the trail. Sassy gave IRA a Bloody Fabulous Lifesaver Award for some other heroics on the weekend.
Lewinsky and Crash took the Amicable Divorce Award for splitting their company. Karaoke also nominated Crash for inviting them over for drinks and then had the cash power run out. There was then some repartee about naming Ronna, but this reverted to Sassy as the monk outfit was absent. Elle piped up that Carlos had come all the way from UK to help Samoa get rid of potholes, and when Sassy said he could fill the Monk’s pothole the house came down.

Lewinsky wanted to give the 100th ANZAC Award to er, ex-veterinarians, and while he should have gotten one for his articulation, this went to Murray and Poumuli. Latecummer Gayboy finally received his award for the story in the paper about how he insisted on being called Ms Chi, thus reaffirming his enthusiastic catamite leanings, and of course there was the side bar story entitled “Wrong Hole”.

Lewinsky wanted an Unprepared Award for Transporter for bringing thimbles to be used, but this reverted when it was revealed that Lewinsky had himself brought the large vessels he was unscrupulously inflicting on the Hash. In the end both got the award.

Eveready noted that IRA had been wanting to make a Dirty Old Man contribution to the Hash Shrine, but where  was it? Gayboy!

Poumuli tried the true and tested “I nominate Lewinsky” and failed, which the GM added to as on the run they had been confronted by some aggressive dogs, and Poumuli had thrown a rock that one of the dogs promptly picked up and chomped on.

Latecummer Simon and friend were greeted before the Hare and Hosts were saluted. A great feed awaited, and Transporter thanked the Hash for a beautiful day and the Lord for his beautiful wife. Eveready explained the text on the birthday cake which read “Love Your Wife” when it should have read “Love, Your Wife”.

No venue or Scribe for next week as yet.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Hash Run 1773

Talofa lava hashmen and meres

Next week's run, 20th April will be hosted by Transporter and Lowrider at Middleman complex at Vaitele.  It is rumored that Transporter  will be another year younger and none the wiser lol..

Drive to Vaitele, go past the Holy Shrine of Vailima, turn left after the Vaitele Market, go up a bit and look for the sign to Seyleck Motors, or the abundance of dismantled ambulances and parking ticket machines.

So bring your hash cash and be there for a trot at 5.30pm to be followed by a session around the barrel of liquid goodness and some delicious cooking, most likely by Chef Elle McJunior


Hash Trash 1772

Dear Hashers
Your Scribe has suffered a knock to the head, and has temporarily contracted Australopatheticus Syndrome, causing an inability to write in proper English. I recommend bed rest, plenty of fluids and a total ban on Neighbours.
Dr Sid Phelis

Riting in Aussie English is difficult so I will do what I can but struth mate you coulda given it to sum1 else but don’t nobody call me no whinger, that’s for those poms.
Crime set an ace trail, a true humdinger although a bit of hard yacka when it’s hotter than a shearer's armpit and the grog is in the esky ‘til the first Sheila finishes. But it’s always good to get out in the woop woop and a beaut of a location although well beyond the black stump. Sorta place you see a bunyip. We went straight down to Spellcheck’s piss up joint, around the Vaiala beach road, and over the drink and back to Lewinsky’s.

I stuck near Swinger the whole bush bash coz it stood out like a shag on a rock that where he went wernt the way. A bit shonky but Lewinsky was spewin from following POD.
B4 the walkabout the pack was all over the place like a mad woman's breakfast with Cockblocker flicking on bodgy shirts, a complete lurk.

Corker to see Crime set the trail. He must have some dosh coz when he hasn't got a brass razoo you wont see him for months. Drug running in Myanmar must be going gang busters.

Another cobber is that Swinger whose as busy as a cat burying shit but still joined.
Felt like a real dill coz with Cockblocker leading the pack in green thought that we were in for a real blue but fair dinkum it woz just he been away a while and dressed like a lair.
Fair suck of the sav! I couldn’t help but bogin to the tucker from POD.

The Circle consisted of the usual furphy wiv us all grinning like a shot fox, it was clear that everyone had had their Pommy shower and drove off like a hoon.

POD as GM called the circle to order, after assessing the number of chairs and impossibility of a seated circle. There were no newbies, but the rethreads were Slippery, Spellcheck, Crash Bandicoot and Cougar.
Shoe inspection was carried out by Hot Nuts who made a false accusation against Sassygirl BJ, and he was joined by ProBoner for her mismatched socks.
Celebrity Awards went to Spellcheck for Gayboy (picture of muumuu wearing rugby players), Cockblocker for AC/DC (photo in paper) and Lewinsky. Now the latter had a front page photo and a page 2 photo, but news of this had also reached as far as Australia. Thus Lewinsky was given a rare triple down-down.

This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (240 – Shapur I is crowned as king of the Sasanian Empire), Crime for Tiger Woody/Kiwi (1997 – Tiger Woods becomes the youngest golfer to win the Masters Tournament), Lewinsky (1999 – US President Bill Clinton is cited for contempt of court for giving "intentionally false statements" in a sexual harassment civil lawsuit), Swinger (Feast Day of St James) and for uncouthness Murray (Universal Day of Culture).

Before the run the GM had been conversing with the pack when the subject of the LAPD came up including their predilection for shooting black people. Poumuli made the comment that it was probably illegal to be in possession of curly black hair and thick lips, to which Sassy remarked “upstairs or downstairs”. For Unsavoury Imagery Award – Sassy joined by Poumuli, who had only been loitering with the intent to cross the road.

On the run, ProBoner had been walking with Titty Galore when they walked in on the sa’ in the village. As a good citizen she promptly hid behind Titty G! Overcome with excitement Godfather had to sit down due to his sciatica.

Slim Shady now has a marvellous tattoo on her back, making her a cultural heritage site, while others opined that this was directions for access. Sassy accused Titty G of forgetting to bring Godfather’s pants, as she had stumbled upon him in flagrante delecto quite buck bare arsed. When asked by Poumuli how she came to recognize his arse, she said that it was attached to his face. For some reason the GM deemed that this be a joint award for all four. Lewinsky ran his revenge here by overfilling Poumuli’s cup.

Prince gave a Neglect of the Sick and Elderly Award to Sassy for forgetting to bring the promised pill box to hash, but he ended up having to provide assistance to her in a nice little irony. Swinger nominated a representative of UN Women for assisting Hillary in running for President. The GM denied Poumuli’s sensible suggestion that Lewinsky should also take this one.

Instead she gave Lewinsky a Gold Medal for their anniversary, and joined him for smooching in the circle. Slim Shady nominated the owner of the dumb gay dog for getting sand all over her stuff at the beach on the weekend, a charge Poumuli denied to no avail. Also on the same beach trip there were some lazy sods who had asked Slim Shady to carry a tray of ribs down to them in the water. Swinger took that one.

We then saluted the chefs – Crime and Crash, and wished happy birthday to Hot Nuts and Cougar. The hosts and hare were given an ovation before we settled down for the delicious bangers and mash.
Next week’s run will be hosted by Transporter and Lowrider at the Middleman complex in Vaitele also known as Seyleck Motors and Ambulance Dismantling.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, April 13, 2015

Hash Run 1772

Dear all
the Hash will be hosted by POD and Lewinsky at their house in Taumeasina. It will be a "bangers and mash" run again. Run will start at 5.30 PM now that we are off daylight savings. Bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala.
For those not familiar, take the coastal road out of Apia, go past Apia Park, then there is a sign on the left that says Taumeasina. Go past the playing fields, hang right and then turn left into the Lewinsky Banlieu.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, April 03, 2015

EASTER RUN 1771 - Hosted by Prince & Ronna Hadfield

Hello there Hashers

Hope you are having a restful and relaxing Easter break.

Next week's Easter run will be hosted by Prince & Ronna Hadfield and will commence from Screamers place at Siusega - get to big church at corner of sports center then go towards the dump, pass one tar sealed road, go down 2nd. Get there for 2 pm for festivities. Run will get under way at 3 pm.

It has been told that it is Prince's birthday so he and Ronna will be hosting the kaikai. Theme is royal colours - ROYAL  BLUE is in order plus all other princely accessories lol.. Godfather is excited that he has his blue speedos so look out for the bay watch guy.

Its gonna be hot so bring swim wear for after. We hope and pray for a keg

Poumuli, IKA Slit & Sassygirl