Hash Trash 1772

Dear Hashers

Your Scribe has suffered a knock to the head, and has temporarily contracted Australopatheticus Syndrome, causing an inability to write in proper English. I recommend bed rest, plenty of fluids and a total ban on Neighbours.

Sincerely

Dr Sid Phelis

Riting in Aussie English is difficult so I will do what I can but struth mate you coulda given it to sum1 else but don’t nobody call me no whinger, that’s for those poms.

Crime set an ace trail, a true humdinger although a bit of hard yacka when it’s hotter than a shearer's armpit and the grog is in the esky ‘til the first Sheila finishes. But it’s always good to get out in the woop woop and a beaut of a location although well beyond the black stump. Sorta place you see a bunyip. We went straight down to Spellcheck’s piss up joint, around the Vaiala beach road, and over the drink and back to Lewinsky’s.

I stuck near Swinger the whole bush bash coz it stood out like a shag on a rock that where he went wernt the way. A bit shonky but Lewinsky was spewin from following POD.

B4 the walkabout the pack was all over the place like a mad woman's breakfast with Cockblocker flicking on bodgy shirts, a complete lurk.

Corker to see Crime set the trail. He must have some dosh coz when he hasn't got a brass razoo you wont see him for months. Drug running in Myanmar must be going gang busters.

Another cobber is that Swinger whose as busy as a cat burying shit but still joined.

Felt like a real dill coz with Cockblocker leading the pack in green thought that we were in for a real blue but fair dinkum it woz just he been away a while and dressed like a lair.

Fair suck of the sav! I couldn’t help but bogin to the tucker from POD.

The Circle consisted of the usual furphy wiv us all grinning like a shot fox, it was clear that everyone had had their Pommy shower and drove off like a hoon.

POD as GM called the circle to order, after assessing the number of chairs and impossibility of a seated circle. There were no newbies, but the rethreads were Slippery, Spellcheck, Crash Bandicoot and Cougar.

Shoe inspection was carried out by Hot Nuts who made a false accusation against Sassygirl BJ, and he was joined by ProBoner for her mismatched socks.

Celebrity Awards went to Spellcheck for Gayboy (picture of muumuu wearing rugby players), Cockblocker for AC/DC (photo in paper) and Lewinsky. Now the latter had a front page photo and a page 2 photo, but news of this had also reached as far as Australia. Thus Lewinsky was given a rare triple down-down.

This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (240 – Shapur I is crowned as king of the Sasanian Empire), Crime for Tiger Woody/Kiwi (1997 – Tiger Woods becomes the youngest golfer to win the Masters Tournament), Lewinsky (1999 – US President Bill Clinton is cited for contempt of court for giving "intentionally false statements" in a sexual harassment civil lawsuit), Swinger (Feast Day of St James) and for uncouthness Murray (Universal Day of Culture).

Before the run the GM had been conversing with the pack when the subject of the LAPD came up including their predilection for shooting black people. Poumuli made the comment that it was probably illegal to be in possession of curly black hair and thick lips, to which Sassy remarked “upstairs or downstairs”. For Unsavoury Imagery Award – Sassy joined by Poumuli, who had only been loitering with the intent to cross the road.

On the run, ProBoner had been walking with Titty Galore when they walked in on the sa’ in the village. As a good citizen she promptly hid behind Titty G! Overcome with excitement Godfather had to sit down due to his sciatica.

Slim Shady now has a marvellous tattoo on her back, making her a cultural heritage site, while others opined that this was directions for access. Sassy accused Titty G of forgetting to bring Godfather’s pants, as she had stumbled upon him in flagrante delecto quite buck bare arsed. When asked by Poumuli how she came to recognize his arse, she said that it was attached to his face. For some reason the GM deemed that this be a joint award for all four. Lewinsky ran his revenge here by overfilling Poumuli’s cup.

Prince gave a Neglect of the Sick and Elderly Award to Sassy for forgetting to bring the promised pill box to hash, but he ended up having to provide assistance to her in a nice little irony. Swinger nominated a representative of UN Women for assisting Hillary in running for President. The GM denied Poumuli’s sensible suggestion that Lewinsky should also take this one.

Instead she gave Lewinsky a Gold Medal for their anniversary, and joined him for smooching in the circle. Slim Shady nominated the owner of the dumb gay dog for getting sand all over her stuff at the beach on the weekend, a charge Poumuli denied to no avail. Also on the same beach trip there were some lazy sods who had asked Slim Shady to carry a tray of ribs down to them in the water. Swinger took that one.

We then saluted the chefs – Crime and Crash, and wished happy birthday to Hot Nuts and Cougar. The hosts and hare were given an ovation before we settled down for the delicious bangers and mash.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Transporter and Lowrider at the Middleman complex in Vaitele also known as Seyleck Motors and Ambulance Dismantling.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit