Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Special Hash Run 1571 - 10km Run Sat 4th June 2011

Morning All,
As per discussions last night, the Saturday 10km Fun run is still going ahead. This will be counted as a hash run (1571) The details for the Fun Run are as follows:

Start Time: Saturday 4th June 2011 @ 6:30am
Location: Funway Rentals Matautu (Opposite the Marina)
Registration Deadline: Friday 3rd June 2011
Registration Fee: $10.00 WST

If you are keen on joining the run, then head down to Coache's Corner (next to Scoops and Quality Furnishings) and pay your registration of $10 tala. Get your number and then get yourself ready for the fun run on Saturday morning.

We will do a bbq/picnic/On On at Ynot later on...Seeing as the run finished quite early, are there any suggestions on a time to have our On On at Ynot Bar??
There will be no hash cash on Saturday.
This will be a BYO something for the BBQ, and we will buy our drinks from the bar. Dumass (Jay) has kindly offered to give hasher's special prices to buy drinks at the bar.

Please post below if you have some ideas..or put it in the chat window...

If you have any other questions, give me a call on 7555767

On On

Monday, May 30, 2011

Afternoon All,


The theme for today is Samoan Flag (Dress like a flag....or fag if you feel like it)

BYO Sausage HASH - Competition for most creative sausage condiment!

Please bring one of the following:
- Sausages
- Buns/bread
- Creative sausage condiments! Chili sauce, fried onions, hot
peppers, salsa, guacamole, samoas own chili sauce, crackers, ice
cream, tartar sauce, homemade concoction of some sort, etc! There will be a keg there and its best you bring a change of clothes...just in case :)

Run Starts at 1730hrs..Im not posting a Map...its HQ, you should all know where it is by now...if you cant figure it out, call Lewinsky on 7500592 or SOTB on 7555767

On On

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Hash Trash 1569

The Hash was hosted by Horny Ho, Alfred and Slim Shady, with Ring Ring setting the trail. I didn’t run so no clue what it was like, but some came back very quickly!

SOTB was our GM, refreshed from the run. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, there was Ben (Swiss), Josh (brought by Wax) and Oscar from Bolivia who had been brought by Ring Ring. The GM decided to give them all a down down for knowing the rules so well. The Rethreads were Dave (busy) and Karaoke (grandmothering).

We didn’t need the Shoe Inspector to see Godfather’s gleaming new ones, although Dave landed himself one by calling him by some other name. After explaining the thievery that led to this necessity, he adroitly chugged from his shoe.
Celebrity Awards went to Dev and Double D’s closest living relative Josh for the full page Vailima draft ads. Latecummers Proboner and Eveready were also punished. Interestingly Eveready had precipitated a telephonus interruptus as he drove in for Karaoke.

This Day in History we had another event in the Lewinsky saga, when the Secret Service were forced to testify in the case. POD and Proboner took this one in his honour.

Karaoke complained about the lack of soft drinks for her big softie, which went to Horny Ho. Swinger made a completely gratuitous climate change remark and demanded that Poumuli and Chilindrina take a drink for daring to bring together climate change experts from around the regions in Apia. Swinger also nominated Horny Ho for the rackets theme – a bit lame.

Slim Shady recounted how a hasher had been bragging about shooting an eagle, which was in fact a birdie, so for the Golf Misinformation award Dev had to come forth. Then Captain Mortein and Alfred were caught in their usual pre-prandial chowing off the BBQ.

POD raised the issue of non-payment of Hash Cash and called on the Sinners Hornithologist. Dave wanted to give a wet t-shirt award, which immediately backfired into a Perving Award. Cockblocker awarded Poumuli with the Good Husbandry Award for shopping with his wife. As Bunga Bunga and her friend had revealed their bellybuttons to the Hash Flash they got the Flasher Award.

Swinger nominated Wax for the Genius Award for publishing her PhD, and she was joined by Hornithologist. Horney Ho gave Swinger the Snob Award for acting all high and mighty at a restaurant. Apparently he was on a hot date with his Mum.
CB then further added dishonour to injury by insisting that Poumuli doesn’t know how to park. He got it in return for using foul language. The hosts and the hare were then saluted – Ring Ring, Slim Shady, Horny Ho and Alfred.

Watch the blog for next week’s venue, and Slim Shady will be Assistant Trainee Scribe.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, May 23, 2011

Hash Run 1569- Matautu (Behind Samoa Marina Hotel)

Morning All,
Hash today is being hosted by Horny-hoe, Alfred and Slim Shady at the Samoa Squash Courts behind the Samoa Marina Hotel. Head down towards the main wharf/marina, and look out for the hotel on the right hand side and turn down that driveway.

The hosts have said that you have to bring a racquet of some sort for the run (apparently that is the theme?) The Hosts will be providing the food and there will be a keg there too....

If you have any other questions, call horny-hoe on 7721947

On On

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Some Light Reading

Bored at work, then circulate this one to your friends :)

Effective June 2011

Category 1 – Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we’ll assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may have nicer clothes, and therefore… you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore…. you do not need a pay raise.

Category 2 – Sick Days
1. We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor….you are able to come to work.

Category 3 – Holiday Days
1. Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Category 4 – Compassionate Leave
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have employees attend to the arrangements.

2. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Category 5 – Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Category 6 – Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat and more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember that we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be used wisely in the three-minute given in ‘Category 5’.

Thank You.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Hash Trash 1568

The Hash was hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess at their home in Vaoala. A nice day for a run, not too hot, and runners had been forewarned that Pussysnatcher was the hare, so we started out easy. Leading the pack up the wrong way was Cockblocker. He started up towards Bank Street and complained that no one had called him back. Boo hoo. Anyway, Strangler, Poumuli and Alfred, plus some super fit visitors led the way down to Mynahs, in Hollywood Lane, reacquired the trail on the dirt path down to SPREP and then into the creek. We followed a familiar path, with CB again taking the wrong turn at a false trail. No way could PS have set a trail that way without crossing paths! Up and across the creek we got up to the houses below the cow pastures. Strangler and CB had apparently irritated some wasps, which found Poumuli and Alfred. Felt like being hit with a baseball bat! Cursing we set up the side road by the pastures, to find that the trail led into the bush, appropriate for our Hare, but this became a circular bushwhack that really only got us to spend more time with nature than making progress. On up Bank Street, where the damned corner shop was closed, so no thirst quencher. We ran down Cross-Island Road until the Manumea Spa sign, into more bush. Here PS had missed his bearings so we ended up to far down and went the last bit by road. All in all a good length run, inventive use of a trail often used, and Godfathers plentiful sweet nuts and the beer tasted great.

Miraculously, our GM Son Of The Bitch was sober and lucid, had no unmentionable social or otherwise diseases troubling him, and so was able to take up his duties for the evening.

He called forth those new to Apia Hash – they were Martha, Phil, Laurie, Scott, Alex, Kenny, Colleen, Filipo, Defendant and a hasher whose name was something with Hiney. As some had come with PS he took the award for not explaining the rules. Snake intervened that while Lewinsky’s guests had been exemplary in the circle they hadn’t been told the leaning rule, so up came Lewinsky in what would become a pattern this evening.

The Rethreads were Lewinsky (“fishing” in Pago), Snake (looking after little animals), Bunga Bunga (Fiji) and Proboner (working). Shoe Inspector Snake yielded no victims, so he took the New Shoe Detection Failure Award himself. This Day In History went to Swinger (continuation of the Curse of James on Queen Mary) and Poumuli (Norway Day). Somehow the celebration of St. Ubald Day was escaped by Godfather and Snake. The only celebrity was Dev, and the GM decided that CB was the closest living relative. It also emerged that SOTB had been in some eurotrash magazine and had been identified as Captain Sass! God help whatever ship, plane, garbage truck that he would be captaining.

Eveready, being a keen observer of certain celebrities with, er, certain attributes, noted that this was the birthday of Megan Fox and Janet Jackson, and called for Bunga Bunga to take an award replete with a re-enactment of the equipment failure at a past Super Bowl. She demurred on the latter element. Latecomer Hot Nuts went straight to the keg.

The GM continued with his awards, for Hasher of the Month, for leaving kith and kin behind to fend for themselves, run the businesses and all, while he went to Pago to, er, fish – Lewinsky. On a similar master fisherman theme, we were informed that a hasher had gone fishing with kayaks, caught nothing but brought back fish from Mynahs – step forward Captain Mortein.

Turning to the run, the GM decided to berate the Hare for setting part of the run from his car, as it was parked down by the creek, and endangering the Hash with the angry wasps nest. PS huffed that he had run down to fetch his car after, so he had done the whole run on foot and that this was a time saving device to allow him not to skip work so that he could assist the hapless Captain. Moreover, the wasps were endangered by the Hash not the other way around. (Tend to agree here, must have been the pungent sweat off Strangler and CB that first upset the little bastards, just in time for Alfred and me).

Birthday Awards went to Sassygirl BJ and Captain Mortein, celebrating theirs this week. Such an occasion should have meant that we had to have Monica being blown on the run, but Tiger Woody had forgotten to bring her, so this was an obvious additional award. Poumuli tried to get Wahoo an award for forgetting that it was his birthday as well this week. For some inhumane reason this was turned on its head to become a self-promoting whinge to remind all of his birthday, hence a backfire.

Sassy nominated the chef Alfred for forgetting to light the BBQ, or rather a Come On Baby Light My Fire Award. CB nominated the GM for the Finally! Doing His Job Award. The GM’s payback came in the form of the negligent handling of the Hash Mugs by CB and Godfather, which surprised Godfather, but not the informant, Titty Galore.

POD complained that Lewinsky had returned from Pago all conservation minded, and accused the environmentalists for brainwashing him. (Can’t wash what ain’t there, and he’s obviously getting worse at fishing) Poumuli took it for SPREP and Swinger for Conservation International. Eveready added insult to injury, pointing out that Lewinsky had invited all these people to the Hash and then makes them pay.

At this point AC/DC showed up, which allowed us to double his Latecummer Award with this Day in History (it was International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia). Your Scribe also had a lucid moment and found the note about a TV reality show started this week in the US in 2003, in which a certain woman gave advise to young ladies about the attributes of masked male contestants – Lewinsky again! The gift that keeps on giving.

Pirate Princess had been working and one of the visitors hadn’t paid for drinks in the bar, and tried to make a run for it. Apparently his Hash Name is Defendant, but we’ll need to check. He later nominated his whole fishing team for an award, since if one drinks, they all drink!

The hosts and the hare were saluted, before we adjourned to a sumptuous feast prepared by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess.

Next week’s Hash will be at the squash courts in Matautu (I think). Check the blog for details, but we have been asked to bring a racket of some sorts.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, May 13, 2011

Hash Run 1568 - at Vaoala with Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess


Hi everyone, next week's run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein at their Home in Vaoala. Their house is just next door/behind Einstein's house. Take the cross-island road, up past Mynahs, and its on the left over the rise.

This will be a catered event by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess. The Captain has also asked for assistance in getting someone to be Hare and paper can be picked up from me at SPREP.

As per the norm, the Keg will be there, so hopefully there will be enough for all the thirsty Hashers...Run starts normal time- 1730Hrs

It is Norwegian National Day, so please wear something red-white-and blue or bring something fuzzingly pro-Danish to appease the Captain!

Map posted for Directions

On On

Hash Trash 1567

The Hash was hosted by Strangler, Wax and Hornithologist at Tafatafa Beach. Since it was Mother’s Day we had been asked (the males) to dress like fa’afafines, while the Hash Meres were all bedecked with moustaches. Lovely warm day out at the beach, but instead of a run, the hosts had organized a bit of fun and games eventually culminating in the production of four bowls of coleslaw. Good fun was had by all, and your Scribe forgets which team won, but somehow thinks it was his team. The photos will show all the silliness when I get around to posting them!

Tallyho was dobbed in as GM for the day, as our GM SOTB was uncontrollably and sobbingly hung-over. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, and they were Ches (DMT’s mum), Two Story (DMT’s Dad, more on that later) and Lance from Whangerei (brought by Mike and Rene). The rethreads (or failures in Tallyho parlance) were Slim Shady, Sassygirl BJ, SOTB, Dried Nuts, Long Dong and Nao. They were all suitably awarded.

As no one was really wearing shoes, the GM decided to have a painted toenails assessment. He decided that DMT’s matching orange toes and dress warranted an award, Slim Shady for having photographs on her toes (?), Pam who had just completed painting hers, and Long Dong for having such pale feet they blinded the GM.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli and Wahoo (TV3), and Snatch (double appearance in Observer). For this Day in History Award, your Scribe had found a fabulous one for Swinger but the bastard was absent. It wasn’t completely wasted as we found someone with Scottish heritage to take it – Steakman, Ladyfinger and Dried Nuts (Mary Queen of Scots has to marry Earl James, one month later is defeated in battle and one month later has to abdicate for her 1 year old son James – The Curse of Swinger-namesakes!). Sassy, Joanna and Zsa Zsa took the honours for Europe Day.

The GM then falsely accused several Hashers of having enjoyed dressing like fa’afafines too much, and called forth Zsa Zsa, Cockblocker, Nimura, Ninja and Poumuli for the Dame Edna Award. Opening up for nominations, Wahoo nominated Ninja and Mrs Ninja for leaving their baby all alone in the fale. Funny that Mrs Ninja handled the beer rather niftily. Schumacher nominated Captain Mortein for the Crisis Moment Award, as he had been observed washing his foot with beer! This sacrilege resulted in a large one and an even grumpier Captain, and he was joined by Pirate Princess for unknown reasons.

Sassy nominated Princess of Darkness for not washing the hash mugs, as they were covered with moldy stuff. The GM exclaimed that hash mugs are NEVER supposed to be washed, and that at his age he welcomes growth of any kind! Inexplicably POD managed to get out of this one because Steakman was being lippy with the GM.

Snatch nominated Two Story for Pre-empting the Hash Monk, as he hadn’t actually been named yet, and he just made it up. He started the award before the song started, so he was joined by DMT for not knowing the rules and she not telling him, but she was way quicker, which may have something to do with gravity.

Sassy nominated Horny Ho and Alfred for being late with the BBQ, and Alfred’s was doubled as he hadn’t recognized your Scribe in disguise and was quite shall we say attentive at first. Slim Shady recounted how a heckler had disturbed Zsa Zsa’s saxophone performance at Millennia, saying it was crap. This lengthy FBI-style explanation posed a dilemma for the GM, as he was assured that verily Zsa Zsa on the saxophone is indeed crap (remember the awful attempts to accompany Godfather’s ukulele during Hash 1466. Well I do!). In the end both took the Combined Award.
The hosts were saluted and congratulated for the inventiveness.

SOTB, by now suitably lubricated to get his voice back, managed to get the GM an award for chickening out of the Rethreads Awards. Finally we get some use out of the lugubrious one.

Next week’s run is supposed to be hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess, but they were making moves to chicken out, so watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Hash Run 1567 at Tafatafa

Afternoon Hashers
Thought I would get this posted now so you can all prepare. The Hash will be hosted by Strangler, Wax and Hornithologist at Tafatafa Beach on the South Side of the island. Take the Cross-Island Road all the way over until you get to the four corners intersection at the bottom. Turn left and carry on for about 12 to 13 Km, until you come to a sign that says Brenda's Beach Fales. It is a right turn and is just before a Mormon Church. Strangler hasn't told me whether its in the fales on the right or left but keep checking the blog. But he will put a Hash marker on the road and then place another marker at the end of the road to indicate which side. If in doubt look for the cars.

This will be a BYO BBQ, so please bring something (please no more sausage fest!). We will either have a keg or crates.

I have also been informed that the theme for the run will be a Mother's Day Hunt and Gather Relay Run, and that in honour of Mother's Day the Hashers are invited to come dressed as fa'afafines! High heels, fishnet stockings, etc. This could be seriously embarrassing! The Hash Meres can ham it up any way they like.

Keep checking for further updates.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1566

The Hash was hosted by Greeny out in Siusega. It had been raining in the afternoon so it was a relatively cool run, made more so by the late start given the piss-poor directions posted by SOTB, who could not be reached as he was out fishing. Anyway, it was a grand day for a trot, and we set out expectantly from the gate, having been informed that the trail was set on paper. That’s it for the run report. A group of front runners found the initial three false trails out the gate, one towards Tafaigata, one down the road to the left that goes to Screamer’s back yard, and one that led straight up into the bush. We went back and forth for a while, until some of us decided to take a trot up the bush again, hoping to find the trail, didn’t and instead found a nice parallel route to the Tafaigata road, down to the main road and back. No clue where the trail was really set, but a nice sweat out. I had to promise not to whinge too much this week.

Said GM SOTB being fishing, Princess of Darkness stepped in. She called forth those new to Apia Hash and boy there were a lot of them. There was Pussyindah and Susumarah from an Indonesian Hash who are joining us for a few months. There was Dave the neighbour who had taken delivery of the keg thinking his landlord was overly generous, but had joined the run instead. Pam from Samoa, Jo, Filipo, Richard, Howie, Anthony and Kili, all invited by Godfather (although Filipo messed it up, giving Godfather the first of many awards). Finally we had Steakman from Auckland. The Rethreads were Vulture, Jade, Tooth Fairy, and Lady Finger. Vulture doubled his for wearing a Tongan sombrero in the circle.

There were no new shoes found by Volunteer Shoe Inspector Vai Vai, so he took that award. Then the GM called forth the Hare, getting this out of the way immediately amidst calls of Worst Ever, Greeny took a large one.

The GM awarded a Pussysnatcher Lack of Rhythm Award to the Atherton brothers, Swinger and Malvern for their incredible disconnectedness between the music that was playing at the 70’s Party and the associated movements required.
This Day in History went to Swinger for the publication of the King James Bible (2 May 1611) and for the Feast Day of St James the Less (Greeny had complained of not enough paper being provided to him by Swinger). In honour of Lei Day (Hawaii) to Screamer for her intention to get leid in Hawaii soon. Poumuli for Marshall Islands Constitution Day and Nimura for Japan Constitution Memorial Day.

There had been another Day in History award reserved for Bunga Bunga, but in her absence the GM called forth Do Me Twice for looking like a hooker at the 70’s Party and Cockblocker for saying she looked good. Poumuli tried to get Vai Vai for wearing the same shirt he wore in the 70’s to the 70’s Party, but this backfired miserably, as the assembled lot had disconnected their brains sense of humour synapses with Vailima.

Greeny then tried to get an award for the entire Hash for not finding the trail. No need to explain how that one ended. The GM nominated Steakman for the Customs Violation Award for bringing in sausages from NZ.

Screamer received a Blonde (non) Award for being unable to count – she said she had no gossip since its only been 4 days since last Hash. She was so blonde she needed help from Malvern. (She should have had it doubled for her musings on the Hash Chat!)
CB nominated Swinger for the Team Player Award, having tried to organize a paddling team only to send his brother in his place, and unfortunately the brewing gas explosion in the BBQ didn’t happen quickly enough to also set his backside on fire. Steakman was spotted holding up the building, and the rules tirade from the GM reduced him to a Gollum-like state, and this impersonation and the harassing gave him a double.

Godfather announced that the last Hash at Sinalei had raised $1750 for the Christchurch Appeal, and that this would be earmarked for Maori and Pacific Islanders in particular need in that region. He invited further donation and is planning to ask the Prime Minister to hand over the funds.

Eveready observed that today was The Rock’s birthday, and since Godfather had the same hairdo and CB the same body (he needs glasses), he called for their joint Rock Award (which reminds me we forgot to demand the Elvis impersonation!). They were joined by leaving Hasher Malvern, going back to the US.

We then had a request by Steakman for Howie to do Pearly Shells, which he only knew part of, but was helped by Godfather. Then there were two lengthy jokes from Greeny and Filipo, the latter of which was memorable because it had a wet pussy as a punchline.

The Host and Hare, Greeny, was saluted and we descended on what was mostly a sausage fest, except some chicken and a delicious lamb stew from Poumuli.
Next week will be hosted by Wax, Strangler and Hornithologist on the South Side of the island – watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit