Friday, February 21, 2014

Hash Run 1714

Greetings all Hashers
please note that Monday's run is @ Every Ready and Karaoke's place in Lotopa commencing @1800hrs.
As is the usual please wear PINK tonight - there is a map below for you to not look at, and then turn up 1/2 hour late because you can't find it - sorry that was Julia Gillard's joke from last year. Bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala and enjoy what I am sure will be a great run. Overstayer will be the Scribe

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Hash Trash 1713

The Hash was hosted by IRA in Palisi. A lovely day for a run, just a pity that IRA despite her best efforts had been unable to find a complete trail. Never mind, Rufie was asked to live hare, so off we went around the prayer house, and straight up to the radio mast, then down again. There are most pleasant views and good air, if one can breathe and see through the streaming sweat! Back at the house Godfather’s glistening sweet nuts were awaiting a quick crack opening and a dousing of thirstbuds to come.

The GM is still AWOL, so POD again took up the challenge of being GM. The circle was relatively small so we were forewarned of impending doom for the slightest of infractions. Or as Lewinsky calls it, happily ever after. Those new to Hash were the parents of Blowfish, Darren and Christine, which resulted in an down down that Blowfish joined for getting hitched with someone sharing her dad’s name. The retreads were Twin Peaks and Rory, who claimed illness and work has kept them away.

This Day in History Awards went to Manwhore (1965 – A new red-and-white maple leaf design is adopted as the flag of Canada, replacing the old Canadian Red Ensign banner – representing a country that still clings to the Union Jack), IRA and Rory (1978 – The Troubles: The Provisional IRA detonates an incendiary bomb at the La Mon restaurant) and Poumuli (for not finding enough history).
Celebrity Awards went to Crime (for Zsa Zsa being absent in UN planning meeting photo), Rufie (for Slim Shady ditto) and Lewinsky (breaking story of Miley Cyrus doing a Lewinsky on stage). Twin Peaks was spotted leaning and was joined by Leanne as a hiding retread.

The GM had been called by a frantic IRA regarding a rat in her house, to which POD had advised to buy a rat trap, set it and go to sleep. Well the trap that had been purchased was then displayed, and it was obviously intended for a much smaller sized rodent than a rat. Even a baby rat would break it. So an Equipment not fit for purpose Award went to IRA.
Titty Galore had been heard approaching Godfather exclaiming look at my titties, which rationale was based on the new mugs, but this was too much for the GM who gave her and Advertising Award. Said cups had been decorated and donated by Overstayer, who was thanked warmly with a cold down down.

In other news, Rufie had asked his daughter to massage his back, which apparently didn’t work to well as the little dear used Ajax instead of oil. At least Rufie got squeaky clean. Twin Peaks was upset that his expensive search programme for finding all tidbits Lewinsky had not been used this week, but Poumuli pointed out that the supplied info had already been levelled at Lewinsky last week. Twin Peaks got the Misspent Resources Award, followed by a cellphonus interruptus for IRA.
The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, and we had the most scrumptious chilli con carne!
Next week’s run is hosted by Eveready and Karaoke in Lotopa. Remember to wear PINK!
Overstayer will be Scribe next week.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, February 17, 2014

Hash Trash 1712

Hash Trash 1712
The Hash was hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their place in Taumeasina. A lovely day for a run set by Crime and the Hashers dashed off, leaving your Scribe for a solitary stroll. Back at the house POD stepped in as GM and welcomed Aiken to the Hash, who had been invited by Wahoo and Poumuli. He still got a down down. The retreads were Cougar, Crash Bandicoot and Proboner.
Wahoo was appointed Shoe Inspector and failed to find any. Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (double, one for Lewinsky story, other for large fish), Manwhore (closest living relative to Hooker Lua), Blowfish (triathlon), Witch Doctor (Superbowl celebrated at other establishment) and Rufie (Westpac story).

This Day in History went to Full Moon (1990 – Carmen Lawrence becomes the first female Premier in Australian history when she becomes Premier of Western Australia), Poumuli (1994 – Four men break into the National Gallery of Norway and steal Edvard Munch's iconic painting The Scream), Lewinsky (1999 – United States President Bill Clinton is acquitted by the United States Senate in his impeachment trial) and Slippery (Feast Day of St Richard the Pilgrim).

There had been another newcomer to Hash but he had to dash home early, Wife’s orders, so Aiken had to step in and take his Tail behind the Legs Award – he cocky lad had been chased down by Blowfish. Titty Galore turned up late and had to be helped by Crash. The GM had noted that the Australian High Commissioner had left his post, and surely this made Ozzie Ozbourne the Acting HC, so a congratulatory down down was called for.

Most had been watching the 7’s on the weekend, although the token All Black Rufie could not remember who they beat in the finals, which earned him a double. Crime was the obvious choice for a Fijian. Opening up for nominations, Overstayer wanted a Lax Award for Dan who had come to a party Friday and got a flat tire. He then called up Samoana for someone to come over with a jack. Hold on, sayeth the GM, no one at the party had a jack? Well there were apparently no Samoans at this party! This resulted in a Discrimination Award to Overstayer and Dan, as well as the hosts Manwhore and Full Moon.

The GM then suddenly realised that a Host of the Year Award was warranted, as Lewinsky had announced that they would host and then promptly gone fishing and leaving no money for groceries. Rufie and Blowfish were then nominated for the Extreme Hashers Award for sleeping on the tiles rather than their bedroom 6 weeks in a row after Hash.

Overstayer had come to help POD arrange things, but POD had been so busy and there was something about a pharmacy trip – all too long winded and obvious FBI Award. Cougar wanted a down down for those hashers whose heads were closest to the ceiling, which instead became a Close to Gravity Award for her. Witch Doctor nominated Ozzie for being ins such a hurry that when Ditch came to borrow some sugar he locked her in the house.

Dan had been at a farewell for K-Rudd at which the sausages exploded, which apparently is a sin Down Under, but the GM decreed that Overstayer, Manwhore and Dan share this award, because the juices should stay inside the sausages. Full Moon had of course been the host of this party and had sent out an SOS to the Hash since she had ordered a keg. Lewinsky and Proboner said they would come and didn’t, and thus a new set of awards went to them, together with Manwhore, Full Moon and Overstayer.

A Gentleman’s Award went to Overstayer for dropping an intoxicated lass at a taxi stand rather than at her home, but she was joined by nominator Dan for not stepping in. A Parent Award went to Poumuli for getting drunk with some Ukrainian mafia types and driving home. The hosts and the hare were saluted.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1713

Today's Hash will be hosted by IRA at her house in Palisi. If heading towards the airport, turn left at Chickalicious. Turn left again towards the Prayer House, and her house is the first on the left after the Catholic Church.
IRA will be catering the event, so bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, February 10, 2014

Hash Run 1712

Talofa All, hope you are all having a good and wet weekend.. :)

This weeks run (10/02/2014) will be hosted by POD and Lewinsky at their place in Taumeasina.
The host have requested that all bring something for the spread, so whatever you can share.Bring your running gear, a change of clothes if you fancy a swim after and your hash cash of $20.

We will have our softies, sweet nuts and ice cold nectar of life on Monday. Looking forward to seeing you all there!
Run starts at 6:00pm

On On

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Hash Trash 1711

The Hash was hosted by Lewinsky at On the Rocks, but only because he was already throwing a Super Bowl Party. Cockblocker was designated live Hare and set off towards Palisi and around the back of town, over the ruined bridge and on back. Only three actually went the distance, with the rest and sundry taking their sweet time to come back in through a variety of ingenious shortcuts.
As the GM had been partying since noon this was a Hash prone to a huge number of misunderstandings and repartee, punctuated by the incessant rain that came in bouts.  But we persevere, keep calm and carry on. First up we had the visitors, apparently Lowrider’s professor from USP named Eberhard and his brother. Lewinsky as shoe inspector failed spectacularly. Retreads were Overstayer and Slippery.

The GM made the point that Transporter is virtually an Assistant Manager of Ford Samoa, yet had turned up late and out of uniform for the pre Hash function, even advertising his own company. In the view of the GM it was even funnier that a certain Hasher had been purporting to be working his ass off, yet had not gone on the run, so Lewinsky was targeted for a long evening.

Gayboy was back at the restaurant busy cooking our food, heavens forbid, but the GM had been given a text that stated that said GB was at OTR, wanted company to go to the RSA so that he could find a wife, preference being that she be half girl. This needs explanation, and closest living relative Transporter could offer none, although he muttered about profiling.

Another text message to the GM alleged that the Lewinsky POD kids had seen their father tied to a log. We definitely wanted more on this one, but POD said shtum and took the award, to the relief of Logboy.

Celebrity Awards went to Tickled, the GM and Granny Smith for being on the front page on Sunday, with Dan stepping in as closest living relative.

This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (should have been One Infection - 1747 – The first venereal diseases clinic opens at London Lock Hospital), Eberhard (1915 – World War I: Germany is the first to make large-scale use of poison gas in warfare in the Battle of Bolimów against Russia) and Godfather (2004 – Janet Jackson's breast is exposed during the half-time show of Super Bowl XXXVIII, resulting in US broadcasters adopting a stronger adherence to Federal Communications Commission censorship guidelines – he does enjoy those soft landings).

After having waited a while to get out of the rain and so on the GM enquired if anyone was hungry, and called out Wahoo for eating buffalo wings in the circle. Sassy saw an edge for revenge for past slights and nominated the GM for having Ugandan discussions with Tickled under the umbrella. The GM countered that Lewinsky had forced the issue by being too cheap to get more umbrellas, and it was revealed that event this one had to be rescued by Crime from the trees. In the end all four took the award.

Cellphonus interruptus for Overstayer, but then the GM asked for leniency in sentencing and asked who had called. Well it was the Stevenson Hotel, so a representative was required – POD. Having got off easy Lewinsky thought he would get one at Rufie, since Blowfish had complained to him that when they were short staffed and Rufie was supposed to do the heavy lifting, he had been fast asleep. Thus Blowfish had had to carry five albacore out. While inspirational behaviour on Rufies part, it was remarked that Lewinsky would have been asleep at that time too.

Dan wanted the GM for starting the pissup early, as he had been charged with that last week. But a check on the times showed that indeed Dan had been at it earlier. Sassy then nominated a visitor for a Terrorist Award for wearing a PLO scarf, which she referred to as a teabag (must look that up), which convinced the GM she must join. We were the treated to a rare display of how a boa constrictor might drink beer. Witch Doctor drew our attention to the fact that none of these newcomers had been introduced, and as they had been all brought by Overstayer – Maxi, Michel and Meeeegan drank.
Manwhore had been at Lalomanu with the tribe and Full Moon’s brother had gone on a walk on the beach with his girlfriend and come back an engaged man. First the whole family took the award, followed quickly by Manwhore and Full Moon for their accoutrements.

We all know that Slippery likes diving, but apparently he had been on a dive trip with 6 women – and nothing happened! Slippery protesting his innocent ways worked little in swaying the baying Hash. Transporter had been informed by our special guest from Fiji that Rufie when doing his down downs had slipped most of it down his shirt, and was wondering if we could see an example of how Rufie might do it properly. Well CB was of the view that if the professor was such an expert then he should also show us how it is done. Rufie won.

CB was nominated for not getting a down down, but he dragged in Poumuli as he had not had one either. CB’s was doubled for glasses, while Poumuli got another one for not putting up the Hash Trash. Satan i perkele!

The Host was saluted and we settled down to eat some cat food from Gayboy. Nah, it was good, just a few too many bones in the chop suey that I could not identify and which may have been feline.

We have no idea where next week’s run is going to be so watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1710

The Hash was hosted by the GM Julia Gillard at the Ford Company in Vaitele. Your Scribe was told that the run went around the back roads of Vaitele, basically a square around. It was suitably long and sweaty judging by the state of the returning runners.
Calling the circle to order, the GM welcomed those new to Hash, namely Tixus from Hong Kong brought by the “lady” from Aqua Samoa, Mark from NZ who lived in Samoa as a 10 yr old – he had been brought by Godfather. The GM decided to test their mettle with a down down. The retreads were ACDC, Ozzie Osbourne, Ditch, Seismic, Offspring. Tallyho was requested to do the shoe inspection, and failed. 

The GM was rather perturbed that he had no bad stories to tell, but had been informed that One Infection had been trying to reach Lewinsky, and after 15-30 rings he had finally answered, and had been asleep at 3 PM apparently. When it was revealed that he had take the call in the car, Tallyho ventured in for a dangerous driving offense. But Lewinsky has something called Bluetooth, and thus the bewildered Tallyho joined in a rather tumultuous down down, which included Rufie for use of real names and Cockblocker for being a dick. Mind you, we were inside the Ford showroom and the acoustics were not the best.

Turning back to Lewinsky, the GM had received confirmation from 5 independent sources that Lewinsky had invited them to OTR for  a free shout at 4 PM, but as none were free to leave work, yet turned up, he pocketed the change for their additional spending. Apparently he bought one round and buggered off. POD noted that he needed his sleep!

Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (Mr Toilet comes to Samoa), CB (pay peanuts get monkeys), Sassy (mediator story) and Gayboy (desexing of puppies).

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (41 – Roman Emperor Caligula, known for his eccentricity and cruel despotism, is assassinated by his disgruntled Praetorian Guards. The Guard then proclaims Caligula's uncle Claudius as Emperor – none of the Hashers understood this one, aimed at GM), Poumuli (1393 – King Charles VI of France is nearly killed when several dancers' costumes catch fire during a masquerade ball – he recently had a dance related mishap), Ozzie (1788 – The British First Fleet, led by Arthur Phillip, sails into Port Jackson (Sydney Harbour) to establish Sydney, the first permanent European settlement on the continent. Commemorated as Australia Day), GM (1920 – Former Ford Motor Company executive Henry Leland launches the Lincoln Motor Company which he later sold to his former employer), Gayboy (1986 – Voyager 2 passes within 81,500 kilometres (50,600 mi) of Uranus, taking pictures of its rings – much to Gayboy’s delight) and Lewinsky (1998 – On American television, U.S. President Bill Clinton denies having had "sexual relations" with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky).

Tallyho then brought forth the Hash Shrine, and he had discovered a clothes peg on the run, and since the run had passed so many rubbish tips and dumps it was a most suited commemoration for the run. He had to explain how one would use a clothes peg to calm one’s nose as this was a new concept for the great unwashed. After adding this to the Shrine, Witch Doctor presented us with the new Shrine that she had made, albeit interrupted by Godfather’s rampant excitement for one more look at Soft Landing’s balcon supreme. Tallyho nominated Eveready as the new Shrine Master, and he accepted after a vote but declared that certain items would not be placed under his pillow.

Poumuli offered an advertising award for Offspring for finding the CD of The Offspring, while Rufie noted that he had been offered a Ford brochure upon entering the premises. After the GM and the boer took theirs, Sassy pointed out that sunglasses had been worn, so back in the circle for Offspring.
Sassy wanted to complain about the AC in the showroom, calling the GM a tightass for only allowing one to be running. The GM’s attempt at levity asking whether hot flushes were a sign of menopause went down like a pork chop in a synagogue so in he went.

POD congratulated ACDC on his engagement, but after some discussion on how many times this was, had it doubled just to be on the safe side. Eveready claims to still have a previous engagement cake in the fridge! Lewinsky gave a congratulatory award to Tallyho for shouting the extra 30 keg, as if we needed it!

Witch Doctor had been reading the blog and thought that no one else had, as the GM’s invitation to wear auto related gear had failed, but a few could be found in the circle, namely One Infection, Wahoo, ACDC, Prince and the GM

A rather complicated award was offered by Sassy relating first to congratulating two Hash meres for their fabulous run, but somehow involved them complaining about pains in their ovaries. POD and Blowfish were somehow at the centre of this, while IRA was also falsely accused. She tried the menopause excuse again but it failed.

CB had been late for the run as per usual, and had been taking a wrong turn up a hill when he spotted Tallyho with a bunch of girls following. When Godfather pointed out that he too had been following Tallyho, this quickly petered out into a Do Not Cross Godfather Award.

Since this is a family Hash the next award has been censored. Transporter had been out on the town with mates, and had been waiting for One Infection to have his Jeckyl and Hyde moment on the dance floor. Suffice it to say that a double was awarded for his display of large, er, muscles.

Sassy then gave Dan a Hashmanlike Behaviour Award for turning up pissed to the Hash. Witch Doctor had a further presentation to make in the form of a mini-Shrine that she had welded for Tallyho, and which included in it the pebble that felled Poumuli, the tail of the pussy, a Vailima cap, Gayboy’s Observer clipping, a jandal and 20 tala hash cash from the GM. This was followed by a rousing Hash Anthem rendition.

CB had finally located the Rooter Award, which went to One Infection or One Direction as CB put it
It was intimated that the next run would be in conjunction with the Super Bowl Party at OTR, but that is a moot point right now.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit