Hash Trash 1712
The Hash was hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their place in Taumeasina. A lovely day for a run set by Crime and the Hashers dashed off, leaving your Scribe for a solitary stroll. Back at the house POD stepped in as GM and welcomed Aiken to the Hash, who had been invited by Wahoo and Poumuli. He still got a down down. The retreads were Cougar, Crash Bandicoot and Proboner.
Wahoo was appointed Shoe Inspector and failed to find any. Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (double, one for Lewinsky story, other for large fish), Manwhore (closest living relative to Hooker Lua), Blowfish (triathlon), Witch Doctor (Superbowl celebrated at other establishment) and Rufie (Westpac story).
This Day in History went to Full Moon (1990 – Carmen Lawrence becomes the first female Premier in Australian history when she becomes Premier of Western Australia), Poumuli (1994 – Four men break into the National Gallery of Norway and steal Edvard Munch's iconic painting The Scream), Lewinsky (1999 – United States President Bill Clinton is acquitted by the United States Senate in his impeachment trial) and Slippery (Feast Day of St Richard the Pilgrim).
There had been another newcomer to Hash but he had to dash home early, Wife’s orders, so Aiken had to step in and take his Tail behind the Legs Award – he cocky lad had been chased down by Blowfish. Titty Galore turned up late and had to be helped by Crash. The GM had noted that the Australian High Commissioner had left his post, and surely this made Ozzie Ozbourne the Acting HC, so a congratulatory down down was called for.
Most had been watching the 7’s on the weekend, although the token All Black Rufie could not remember who they beat in the finals, which earned him a double. Crime was the obvious choice for a Fijian. Opening up for nominations, Overstayer wanted a Lax Award for Dan who had come to a party Friday and got a flat tire. He then called up Samoana for someone to come over with a jack. Hold on, sayeth the GM, no one at the party had a jack? Well there were apparently no Samoans at this party! This resulted in a Discrimination Award to Overstayer and Dan, as well as the hosts Manwhore and Full Moon.
The GM then suddenly realised that a Host of the Year Award was warranted, as Lewinsky had announced that they would host and then promptly gone fishing and leaving no money for groceries. Rufie and Blowfish were then nominated for the Extreme Hashers Award for sleeping on the tiles rather than their bedroom 6 weeks in a row after Hash.
Overstayer had come to help POD arrange things, but POD had been so busy and there was something about a pharmacy trip – all too long winded and obvious FBI Award. Cougar wanted a down down for those hashers whose heads were closest to the ceiling, which instead became a Close to Gravity Award for her. Witch Doctor nominated Ozzie for being ins such a hurry that when Ditch came to borrow some sugar he locked her in the house.
Dan had been at a farewell for K-Rudd at which the sausages exploded, which apparently is a sin Down Under, but the GM decreed that Overstayer, Manwhore and Dan share this award, because the juices should stay inside the sausages. Full Moon had of course been the host of this party and had sent out an SOS to the Hash since she had ordered a keg. Lewinsky and Proboner said they would come and didn’t, and thus a new set of awards went to them, together with Manwhore, Full Moon and Overstayer.
A Gentleman’s Award went to Overstayer for dropping an intoxicated lass at a taxi stand rather than at her home, but she was joined by nominator Dan for not stepping in. A Parent Award went to Poumuli for getting drunk with some Ukrainian mafia types and driving home. The hosts and the hare were saluted.
Poumuli, IKA Slit