Thursday, December 22, 2016

Hash Trash 1860

The Hash was hosted by AC/DC and Slim Shady at the Tokelau outpost in Moamoa. A hot and extremely muggy day for a run, so when the Hashers had assembled, AC/DC announced what he called a maze run (loose translation: I was too lazy to set a run), into his bush. This involved following AC/DC around the neighbourhood while he carried his son, pursued by his nephew. As we were all bedecked in the Moana theme of the run, this was perhaps a blessing given the mugginess. Your Scribe was basically wearing a massive coconut frond skirt. The run went out of the compound and into the bush, not AC/DCs, then navigated around the fence, past the little bacons that were squealing in fear, down to the road, and up the neighbour’s track, much to their bemusement. Some Hashers went for an extra trot but others had enough, looking forward to the keg. But horror of horrors – it was Taula! This was going to be hard in the circle.

POD was GM as usual, and called the newbies into the circle. This was AC/DC’s nephew Delino. The retreads were Sassygirl BJ (looking for a husband), Prue (holiday), Eveready (mechanical tune-up), AC/DCs future brother in law, plus AC/DC for lack of instructions on the names. Shoe Inspector Nom Nom failed.

Celebrity Awards went to Sunny Side Up (author of story about Clark), Godfather (for feeling up Ms South Pacific), and Cockblocker for Snatched (in paper).

This Day In History Awards went to Nom Nom (1892 – Premiere performance of The Nutcracker by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in Saint Petersburg, Russia), Godfather (1970 – Soviet spacecraft Venera 7 successfully lands on Venus. It is the first successful soft landing on another planet), Lewinsky (1998 – President Bill Clinton is impeached by the United States House of Representatives over the Lewinsky scandal, becoming the second President of the United States to be impeached), Eveready (International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers) and Poumuli (International Migrants Day).

The GM had a Facebook Award for the World’s Proudest Grandma (Sassy), joined by proud Grandpa Eveready, as well as Slim Shady who was dressed as a mad Grandma.

During the Christmas Run, AC/DC had been so tired from the running that he could not utter the “Heigh Ho”, only Ho, so he got a Ho Award. Godfather had missed Hash so he could go to the Parker fight, but all who had watched had been unable to spot him. Dismissing claims that he had been elsewhere, the GM declared this an Avoiding Celebrity Awards Award, as there had been another Tuatagaloa on the TV.

Finally the GM nominated Slim Shady, proprietor of her own biosphere, for having an amulet from Moana, and for trying to nominate Snake after she saw a snake in the grass. He joined her.
Slim Shady started the nominations with one for Poumuli. She had been chatting about the visitors from Norway who had brought him fish balls and sauerkraut – much to Wahoo’s distinct lack of enthusiasm. For Poor Choice in Requests Award, she joined Poumuli for her pervasive and intense interest in all things testicular.

Sassy then nominated the good looking youths from Tokelau, followed by a complaint from Eveready about the supply of gas for the BBQ on Christmas Hash. This was followed by a long explanation from Lewinsky, supposedly in his defence, that turned into an FBI Award. For the revelation that there is apparently a gas powered vibrator in their compound, Karaoke joined him.

StrapOn had been at Black Swan’s farewell, and had been shook rigid by a Hash Mere displaying her wares right in front of him and Mrs Strap. Godfather was immediately proud of him. The displayer, Gagging Diva, sought to extract herself from this, but when Lewinsky corroborated the sequence of events, the GM decided that both should take the Boobgazing Award, joined by Lewinsky for being a prick.

Poumuli had noted that one of the Happies had been getting progressively pinker due to the cheap colouring on her Moana feathers, and nominated POD for Child Abuse, joined by the Ginger Chicken who more aptly demonstrated colour fastness.

Godfather launched himself into a long, and in all likelihood made-up story about his sojourn in Nadi, and his encounter with the ladies of the night there. He claimed that he had asked if there was a discount if he had been recommended by his friends, and named Cockblocker (50% discount) and Poumuli (only 30% discount).

Godfather also challenged the Hash to attend the 2018 Interhash in Nadi, Fiji and called for Mismanagement to look into hosting Interhash in 2020.

Eveready thanked the Hash for the best wishes, messages and prayers for his trip down South to have his mechanics looked at. The upholstery may be worn, but the engine is working well – Eveready is back!

We then saluted the Hosts and the Hares, and accepted AC/DCs apologies for cancelling hosting twice with his offer of an immense amount of food.

Next week is Boxing Day, so run is likely to be set on a beach somewhere. Watch emails or the blog for any news.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, December 19, 2016

Hash Run 1860

Tonight's run will be hosted by Slim Shady and AC/DC at the Tokelau compound in Moamoa. From the airport road, turn left at the electrical supply company. Head down the road until you see the Talanoa Fales sign then turn right. The compound is just past the small bridge.
Run starts at 1800 or 6 PM, so bring your 20 tala Hash Cash.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Hash Trash 1859

The Hash was hosted by Do Me Twice, Babyblocker, Greg and Chez at Moamoa. There were several difficulties in finding the place, and the run being set on paper was a wet slog after the massive rain. We went down the trail from the house and on to the road, leading down to the Tokelau compound. It was obviously a false trail, but we thought maybe something had been found – alas with a huge grin AC/DC stood by the huge paper cross, the bastard. We went back on to the Moamoa road, and followed it around, chased by snarling dogs. We couldn’t find the trail after a bit, so we used the old AC/DC trail.

POD was our GM as usual, and there were none new to the Hash. The retreads were DMT (bad virus), Clark, Tall Story (or Erectus Maximus), and Chez. Nom Nom had to take one for being called Numb Nuts by Clark.

Shoe Inspector Silent But Deadly failed. We also greeted latecumming retreads Cockblocker and Curly. CB had another one for making us start the run late.

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (closest living relative Prince), Lewinsky (his godfather was in the paper at the Parker fight) and Nom Nom (photo with Oz Minister and the PM). Clark was added in for again calling him Numb Nuts.

This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker (1642 – Abel Tasman reaches New Zealand), Snake (1907 – The worst night of the Brown Dog riots in London, when 1,000 medical students clash with 400 police officers over the existence of a memorial for animals that have been vivisected), Witch Doctor (1911 – Roald Amundsen's team, comprising himself, Olav Bjaaland, Helmer Hanssen, Sverre Hassel, and Oscar Wisting, becomes the first to reach the South Pole), Silent But Deadly (2008 – Muntadhar al-Zaidi throws his shoes at then-U.S. President George W. Bush during a press conference in Baghdad, Iraq – presumably to get him to drink from it – shoe  inspector fail), Lewinsky (Human Rights Day and International Monkey Day).

The GM’s awards started with Pusiapa for flashing her students as a farewell, followed by a Fail Award to Curly for the trail and CB for not helping out.  Pusiapa had also been yawning and hiccupping, and admitted having taken shots with a priest. Lewinsky was added for inaudible reasons.
StrapOn was nominated for not wearing a strap on, as well as Sunny Side Up for calling him an impossonator. On the run, we had gone through a vicious dog area, and StrapOn had kindly waited to ensure that all got through. Poumuli was the last, yet he managed to silence the dogs. He got a Dog Whisperer Award, joined by StrapOn for Smelling Like A Bitch’s Ass.

Also on the run, Lewinsky had displayed undue athleticism by suggesting the pack run over the river to reacquire the trail. The GM then turned to Tall Story, who is an avid landscape gardener, but not a decorator, hence the GM’s dismay at the display of a rat trap, saw and a Rabitohs sign.
The big news of course was the Parker-Ruiz fight, so Clark repped Parker, Venom repped Ruiz, and Prince the dismal head of NZ Boxing. In relation to the fight, StrapOn had been invited to Lewinsky’s, but the moment he sat down the TV broke – some sort of PMP reaction. Poumuli had to join him for being a Sony shareholder!

Pusiapa had gone to SBD’s matai title ceremony, and had been asked repeatedly if she was his wife, sister, wife etc. Anyway Mailo SBD got the award, but his faletua was added in.

Do Me Twice, on setting the run with Curly and Babyblocker, reported that Curly had said they should do this every week. But it turned out they had set the run with Babyblocker on the bonnet! It was agreed that DMT should take this, as well as CB for not preventing it.

The next one involved StrapOn and Pusiapa discussing tattoos and spanking, the result being StrapOn for the spanking and Pusiapa for calling him daddy. DMT then nominated Tall Story for forgetting the gas for the bbq, and making mum go get it, and he was joined by Poumuli for wasting time on a silent but deadly joke.

StrapOn nominated Snake for the after-Hash drinks – he had been pouring from a bottle and nothing was coming out, but the cap was on. Not Coming Award.

Nom Nom our Hareraiser, noted that he relies on good clear directions from the hosts, and in this case it was an abject failure by DMT. However since a correction had been forwarded by the GM, Nom Nom joined her.

We then farewelled Pusiapa with the Hash Anthem, and saluted the Hosts and Hares.

No host yet for next week so watch the blog or FB posts.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1858 – Christmas Hash

The Christmas Hash was hosted by Snake and Fang at the Snakepit in town. There was a good turnout and we went jogging and carolling after StrapOn’s converted Santa’s Truck, with Cougar acting as Santa. We first stopped at the alleyway by the old Sydneyside, then on to Amanaki, then On the Rocks, followed by Paddles. On home to the Snakepit.

POD was GM as usual, and called the newbies into the circle. These were Kendall and Michael from Oz and Maria from Germany (hospital volunteer). The retreads were too numerous to recount their excuses, but were Twin Peaks (dog sitting), Snakebite and Venom (in NZ), BB (trying to be Moana), Poumuli (in Marrakech), Slim Shady (getting a Brazilian), Wahoo (in San Francisco), Transporter (making mommy happy), Fang, Anita, Da Head, Pussysnatcher and Cupless.
Shoe Inspector Pusiapa was appointed and failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1918 – The Kingdom of Iceland becomes a sovereign state, yet remains a part of the Danish kingdom – blatant theft from Norway), BB (Feast Day of St Bibiana), Crash Bandicoot (Feast Day of St Francis), and AC/DC (World Soil Day).
Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (for NOT being in the paper), Transporter and Prince (for being in the Pound 4 Pound)  and Sunny Side Up.

The GM started her awards with congratulating Ms Fiji for the Ms South Pacific title, so this went to Crash, and the visiting Ms Fiji BB. A late retread went to Suzanne who had been suffering the heat at the start of the circle.

Nominations from the run included Godfather for causing accidents (too much interest in girl in short skirt), Nom Nom and Captain Mortein for racing. Lewinsky added in Cupless for tripping up Little Crash Pinto, but also included Cougar and Lewinsky for uncharacteristically spotting poor parenting.
Slim Shady nominated Poumuli for booking his female boss into a brothel in Marrakech. Meg nominated Il Capo for eating a candy cake that she took from a small child, with Lewinsky added in for not stealing from the child also.

Twin Peaks had been away for 12 months and had expected at least some upgrades to Cocktails on the Rocks, but there had been none. Lewinsky countered that he was a prick for saying that, which swayed the crowd. Fang then nominated BB for something that also ended up including Swinger.
Poumuli nominated Slim Shady for drinking all his beer and eating all the food at a picnic, while Nom Nom had tried to get Happy Face a vai kipolo, to find that she thought it was a beer. Noms felt that this was all down to bad parenting, but had to join the parents.

Pusiapa had gone on a trip to the waterfall and apparently Black Swan and StrapOn had dived in – in the buff. Both got the Streakers Award. Then the Mad Monk of Apia Hash arrived, in order to name two people of the Hash. Kieran assumed the position and will henceforth be known as Silent But Deadly.

Then Meg assumed the position, and will henceforth be known as Gagging Diva.

StrapOn had received a puzzling text message last week, stating the sender’s love for him, and that she would miss his sweet ass, but then Ms StrapOn saw the message – Pusiapa for Reckless Endangerment Award.

Black Swan nominated a whole bunch of people for the International Day of Volunteers. Lewinsky nominated Kiwi for advertising Stihl, even though he no longer works for Gold Star. There was then another confusing moment involving Lewinsky, Prince, Transporter that led to numerous down downs.

StrapOn nominated Swinger for not picking up BB from arrivals from Fiji, but this backfired as the flight had been an hour early. Then there was a convoluted story of how Il Capo had been fanning herself in a certain manner, basically also getting a blow job from StrapOn, but Il Capo got it.
We then turned to the Prick and Tit of the Year Awards, and the GM having scrolled through the Hash Trash nominated the following Pricks – Bad Investment – closest living relative Swinger; Cockblocker for bad parenting; Lewinsky – no explanation needed; StrapOn for secret WikiLeaks; Snake for never doing enough; Lewinsky for no beer. Prick of the Year went to Swinger!

For Tit of the Year there was Loose Lips for bad bad texting; Pusiapa for mimicking bad texter; and Il Capo for drunk and disorderly bride who cant keep tits to herself. Tit of the Year went to Il Capo!
Finally, for the best run of the year, the most unique, went to Slim Shady for the garbage patrol up Mt Vaea. She also added in Mismanagement – Nom Nom, Poumuli, Pusiapa, StrapOn, Titty Galore, Cougar, Godfather and Prince.

We then celebrated what may be our last run from the Snakepit with a boat race for the hosts – which Venom won. We also farewelled Black Swan and Cupless with the Hash Anthem.
We then had a fantastic Christmas feast thanks to Naval Base.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit