Thursday, December 15, 2016

Hash Trash 1858 – Christmas Hash

The Christmas Hash was hosted by Snake and Fang at the Snakepit in town. There was a good turnout and we went jogging and carolling after StrapOn’s converted Santa’s Truck, with Cougar acting as Santa. We first stopped at the alleyway by the old Sydneyside, then on to Amanaki, then On the Rocks, followed by Paddles. On home to the Snakepit.

POD was GM as usual, and called the newbies into the circle. These were Kendall and Michael from Oz and Maria from Germany (hospital volunteer). The retreads were too numerous to recount their excuses, but were Twin Peaks (dog sitting), Snakebite and Venom (in NZ), BB (trying to be Moana), Poumuli (in Marrakech), Slim Shady (getting a Brazilian), Wahoo (in San Francisco), Transporter (making mommy happy), Fang, Anita, Da Head, Pussysnatcher and Cupless.
Shoe Inspector Pusiapa was appointed and failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1918 – The Kingdom of Iceland becomes a sovereign state, yet remains a part of the Danish kingdom – blatant theft from Norway), BB (Feast Day of St Bibiana), Crash Bandicoot (Feast Day of St Francis), and AC/DC (World Soil Day).
Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (for NOT being in the paper), Transporter and Prince (for being in the Pound 4 Pound)  and Sunny Side Up.

The GM started her awards with congratulating Ms Fiji for the Ms South Pacific title, so this went to Crash, and the visiting Ms Fiji BB. A late retread went to Suzanne who had been suffering the heat at the start of the circle.

Nominations from the run included Godfather for causing accidents (too much interest in girl in short skirt), Nom Nom and Captain Mortein for racing. Lewinsky added in Cupless for tripping up Little Crash Pinto, but also included Cougar and Lewinsky for uncharacteristically spotting poor parenting.
Slim Shady nominated Poumuli for booking his female boss into a brothel in Marrakech. Meg nominated Il Capo for eating a candy cake that she took from a small child, with Lewinsky added in for not stealing from the child also.

Twin Peaks had been away for 12 months and had expected at least some upgrades to Cocktails on the Rocks, but there had been none. Lewinsky countered that he was a prick for saying that, which swayed the crowd. Fang then nominated BB for something that also ended up including Swinger.
Poumuli nominated Slim Shady for drinking all his beer and eating all the food at a picnic, while Nom Nom had tried to get Happy Face a vai kipolo, to find that she thought it was a beer. Noms felt that this was all down to bad parenting, but had to join the parents.

Pusiapa had gone on a trip to the waterfall and apparently Black Swan and StrapOn had dived in – in the buff. Both got the Streakers Award. Then the Mad Monk of Apia Hash arrived, in order to name two people of the Hash. Kieran assumed the position and will henceforth be known as Silent But Deadly.

Then Meg assumed the position, and will henceforth be known as Gagging Diva.

StrapOn had received a puzzling text message last week, stating the sender’s love for him, and that she would miss his sweet ass, but then Ms StrapOn saw the message – Pusiapa for Reckless Endangerment Award.

Black Swan nominated a whole bunch of people for the International Day of Volunteers. Lewinsky nominated Kiwi for advertising Stihl, even though he no longer works for Gold Star. There was then another confusing moment involving Lewinsky, Prince, Transporter that led to numerous down downs.

StrapOn nominated Swinger for not picking up BB from arrivals from Fiji, but this backfired as the flight had been an hour early. Then there was a convoluted story of how Il Capo had been fanning herself in a certain manner, basically also getting a blow job from StrapOn, but Il Capo got it.
We then turned to the Prick and Tit of the Year Awards, and the GM having scrolled through the Hash Trash nominated the following Pricks – Bad Investment – closest living relative Swinger; Cockblocker for bad parenting; Lewinsky – no explanation needed; StrapOn for secret WikiLeaks; Snake for never doing enough; Lewinsky for no beer. Prick of the Year went to Swinger!

For Tit of the Year there was Loose Lips for bad bad texting; Pusiapa for mimicking bad texter; and Il Capo for drunk and disorderly bride who cant keep tits to herself. Tit of the Year went to Il Capo!
Finally, for the best run of the year, the most unique, went to Slim Shady for the garbage patrol up Mt Vaea. She also added in Mismanagement – Nom Nom, Poumuli, Pusiapa, StrapOn, Titty Galore, Cougar, Godfather and Prince.

We then celebrated what may be our last run from the Snakepit with a boat race for the hosts – which Venom won. We also farewelled Black Swan and Cupless with the Hash Anthem.
We then had a fantastic Christmas feast thanks to Naval Base.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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