Friday, July 25, 2014

Hash Run 1735

The Hash will be run from Ford Motors this Monday. Please join in, bring a friend, and marvel at the several clocks in the showroom none of which tells the correct or even same time.

Run starts at 17.30, bring your $20 Hash Cash, there will be keg and softies and the Host will cater.

The Scribe will be absent so we will see how Possum does as Assistant Trainee Scribe for the next two weeks.

On On

GM Farewell Party

Dear all
as noted the GM will be hosting a Farewell Party Saturday afternoon at Ford Motors in Vaitele. Just head out of town towards the airport, and you will see Ford right next to the Holy Sepulcher of Vailima.
I think he said 2 PM but might have been 3 PM

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1734

The Hash was hosted by Lewinsky and POD at Taumeasina. A lovely cool afternoon for a run, and the trail had been set by Crime. Out of the reserve we followed the road and turned up right after the church. Into the Fagalii area there were a few missed trails, but this held the pack together nicely. As Crime had alternated sides of the road it was a bit complex to find the trail at times. Past the small airport we arrived at the golf course, where the hardier runners started to go down the long way. This turned out to be a false trail, so they had to come back and follow the slower down to the coastal road. We arrived back at the house thirsty for Godfather’s rejuvenating nuts. 

Julia Gillard the GM was present although not running, and called the circle to order. But first there was the question of the run number, with your Scribe steadfastly insisting that it was run 1734 and not 1735 as the GM had been told by IRA. So the first award – Misleading the GM – went to IRA.
Those new to Hash were: Helene (Westpac) who had been invited by Bwyan, Ben (Funtravel TV) invited by Meeegun and staying at Stevenson’s, and John who had been brought by Da Head but advertised for Ford. As a result we had the GM, Lewinsky, Overstayer and POD do a Rules Award.
The retreads were Possum, the GM, Swinger, Anya, Peter, Hot Nuts, Screamer and Da Head. The GM then turned on our hosts and upbraided him for the lack of Hash Mugs and the small size of the plastic ones on hand. Lewinsky got to enjoy one.
On the run, the GM had been informed that Godfather had stopped for some “relief”, forgetting the rule about no pissing on the Hare’s Trail (draft Rules #30), but had also caused a young Hash Mere to have to zig and zag. Godfather was joined in the Flags Aloft Award by Gayboy for stitching him up.
The GM had invited Sassygirl BJ to a party and she had responded that she was “going to get drunk and swing on a pole”. Well she didn’t turn up to the party, as she had responded to the wrong invite, so the GM wanted to know whence she had been swinging on a pole!

Then Gayboy had to be called into the circle as it would appear that after a golf game he had tried to manhandle a fellow into his van. A Pedobear Award to GB.

Turning to the Celebrity Awards, there was Crime (headline “Survivor of crime”), the GM (husband-in-law’s photo), Sassy (large group photo), Swinger (his mum in two photos), IRA (photo in Observer), Wahoo (stepmum in photo), and a further double to Sassy (she had placed an ad for Samoa Mini Golf and had used the Captains Hash Name not his real name!).

This Day in History Awards went to the GM and John (1903 – The Ford Motor Company ships its first car), Gayboy (1938 – Douglas Corrigan takes off from Brooklyn to fly the "wrong way" to Ireland and becomes known as "Wrong Way" Corrigan), IRA (1997 – The Troubles: The Provisional Irish Republican Army resumes a ceasefire to end their 25-year campaign to end British rule in Northern Ireland), Lewinsky (1998 – A diplomatic conference adopts the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court, establishing a permanent international court to prosecute individuals for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression – his Godfather was a ICC judge), Witch Doctor (2011 – Norway is the victim of twin terror attacks, the first being a bomb blast which targeted government buildings in central Oslo, the second being a massacre at a youth camp on the island of Ut√łya) and ProBoner (World Day for International Justice (International)).

Opening up for nominations, Da Head had been so looking forward to getting his engraved mug from Overstayer, but Anya had picked it up and was using it. Sassy then rather surprisingly nominate Gayboy for “hitting on her”.

As they returned from the run and partook of Godfather’s nuts, IRA had complained to POD that they were “too meaty”. This of course meant that Hot Nuts took the Hard to Access Award. Gayboy had been to Samoana with family on the weekend, and no staff there had told them that the Slushy machine had alcohol in it. Once served to the kids and mothers a rather raucous family outing ensued. When asking staff for someone to come and fix it, he was told that only the boss knew how, and he was sleeping. Dereliction of Duty Award to Possum.

POD nominated Bogan Barbie for an Encouragement Award, as normally a wine drinker she had tried a beer, but had turned back to the wine. She obviously needs more lessons!

Possum had been having some car trouble and had called up John at Ford. Apparently when you take your foot off the gas the car automatically brakes and slows down (duh!). John explained that this was a newly installed safety feature! This failed on so many levels that both were dubbed in, but joined by Da Head who had tried to intervene to also bring in the GM, but used the wrong name.

Sassy wanted to nominate the bringers of certain guests for not knowing the Hash Rules, but medical condition trumped her, so Sassy took the award instead. Further on the golf theme, Gayboy had been invited to a day out with the boys, and had been constantly hassled by the organiser to be there on time. Who was late? Possum. Gayboy joined as he had brought his Mum to a boys day out.

Hot Nuts got a Commiseration Award from Sassy, as he complained that after being named no one hits on him anymore. Birthdays were commemorated for Witch Doctor, Possum and Screamer.

Some announcements: there will be a farewell party at Ford Motors on Saturday for the GM, with kegs. POD and IRA requested contributions for the ½ Marathon fund raiser for SVSG. Swinger called for three more runners for the Hash Team for the Perimeter Relay in September.
The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, joined by latecummer One Infection.

Next week’s run will be hosted by the GM at Ford Motors in Vaitele.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Hash Run 1734

Talofa All, hope you are all going to have a good and wet weekend.. :)

This weeks run will be hosted by  POD and Lewinsky at their place in Taumeasina.
The host have offered to provide the spread for the evening so you just need to bring your running gear, a change of clothes if you fancy a swim after and your hash cash of $20.

IRA and POD are attempting to use this event as another fundraising opportunity for the Samoa Victim Support Group shelters for girls- they are trying to purchase much needed items for the shelter such as sheets, towels and basic toiletries to add to the underwear that were collected at their 'Knickers Brunch'.
  IRA and POD are therefore seeking your support by way of sponsorship for running in the upcoming half marathon. Please help them to help these girls who are battling through issues that no child should ever encounter.

We will have our softies, sweet nuts and ice cold nectar of life on Monday. Looking forward to seeing you all there!
Run starts at 5:30pm

On On

Hash Trash 1733

The Hash was hosted at HQ 1 – On The Rocks – by Lewinsky, as per usual when the Hash is too lazy to find a venue. A live run was set with Rufie as the Hare. He took the pack on a tight run down to the clock tower and up through the streets to Palisi. Returning the pack got to tour the back streets of town, entering OTR via the Cop Shop car park. Godfather’s nuts were missing, as he was elsewhere.
POD again stepped in as GM and called the circle to order. There were no newbies, but the retreads were Transporter (keeping out of the Observer), Elle McJr (working) and Crash Bandicoot (too fit). Crime was appointed Shoe Inspector, but failed to find any new shoes.

Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (story on Clinton musical in NYC with “Sexual Relations” as one of the tunes), Sassygirl BJ (Damien was in paper) and Chicken Little (story on Dr Sass and the secret benefits of watermelons originally intended for Sassy).

This Day in History Awards went to Kamikaze (1942 – World War II: An American pilot spots a downed, intact Mitsubishi A6M Zero on Akutan Island (the "Akutan Zero") that the US Navy uses to learn the aircraft's flight characteristics. These were of course used as…), Elle McJr for One Infection (1985 – The Greenpeace vessel Rainbow Warrior is bombed and sunk in Auckland harbour by French DGSE agents, killing Fernando Pereira) and Crash (Feast Day of St Francis).

The GM began her round of nominations for the World Cup by inviting any German related Hashers (Lewinsky Schmidt), Brazilian referees (Kamikaze’s near waxed head), Argentinean colours (Witch Doctor) and Dutch (Cockblocker van Dick).

POD also nominated Blowfish for the Drunken Mama Award, having been in fine form, called Rufie to come pick her up but then asked Crash to drive her home, causing Rufie anguish by searching for her and then finding her in – partly - bed. Rufie joined her for a Superman Award as she was not sporting any black eyes.

At the weekend there were also reports of Hashers causing a disturbance in town, and while it turned out that Crash and Chicken Little had been at the defending end, still a GBH Award was given. However since a crime had been committed they were joined by – Crime.

Chicken Little informed the Hash that he had assisted Lewinsky procure a greenhouse, but that it had taken him a month to put it up. While an All Thumbs Award was warranted for Lewinsky the GM put it to the circle that an agricultural grand poobah like CL should have offered more assistance. Of course the vote went thus.

Sassy is of course always promoting local businesses and nominated Elle McJr as his coconut tarts had a Minister raving, and we can’t have Ministers going around praising tarts. Transporter we also know has a fairly strict Confucian attitude to business opening hours, and for not respecting these he nominated POD and Lewinsky for turning up at 4 PM on a Sunday for a car fix.

Dreading the boomerang, Poumuli nominated CB for not giving him a ride from the airport. CB claimed no ask – boom boomerang. And for some reason Crash and Transporter had to join in this Incompetence Award.

Speaking of cars, Sassy had had an incident whereby her car wouldn’t start and had been blessed by the Samaritan efforts of Elle McJr – who had watered her car. No one could really fathom this one, but Elle is a good sport. So much so that he successfully nominated Sassy for NOT watering her car.

A belated Latecummer Award was given to Chicken Little, but he pulled in Lewinsky who had been calling him Farmer Joe the whole night. A birthday award was given to Imelda da Welda, with Poumuli getting dragged in for the vicious rumour that he has a gay dog.

Further traffic mayhem was reported by Lewinsky in that Transporter had caused a major traffic jam, with the cops trying to move things along etc. Very much etc etc as this became an FBI Award for Lewinsky and a double for Transporter with his sunglasses. Rufie nominated Blowfish for the Mongrel of the Week Award, but sadly we were not able to pry out the details. Wahoo got a double leaning award.

Back to small businesses in Samoa, Transporter nominated Elle McJr for finally becoming a Big Boss by firing two employees – apparently he liked firing the first one so much he couldn’t stop and fired one more. Chicken Little then got revenge on the rest who had been misnaming him – Sassy, Rufie, Transporter and CB, and the chicken himself!

Poumuli knew that there had been another Hash birthday, but since Screamer wasn’t around that perhaps someone who got lost looking for her at SPREP should take it – POD. Transporter offered a Good Husband Award for Crash who has been spotted squiring his good lady around town three weeks in a row.

Kamikaze got the Leavers Award, and we then saluted the Host and the Hare (joined by CB for pushing it on the Palisi hill), before we ate some Sunrise food derived from various feline sources around town.
Next week’s run will be hosted by POD and Lewinsky and their darling brood at Taumeasina

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, July 14, 2014

Hash Run 1733

Tonights Hash will be held at HQ1 On the Rocks on Beach Road. Please bring a friend and your Hash Cash for a good time running and partaking.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Hash Trash 1732

The Hash was hosted by Twin Peaks at his place on Bank Street. It was a lovely day for a run in the hills, but turn out for the run was small unfortunately. Crime had set the run along familiar paths to some of us. Down the road to the cow paddocks and all the way down to the creek. Here he had put a slightly more direct route up the other side – that is STRAIGHT UP! Well we managed, even your limping Scribe. At the top Crime had directed the pack down again to emerge below Mynas, but several backrunning bastards took the opportunity to go above instead and emerging unseen on Cross Island Road to chariot ride the rest of the way. Shameful behaviours – more on that later. For those who did the full run it was the usual uphill struggle past Mynas, laughing children pointing at you and a couple of dogs to dodge. Back on Bank Street Godfathers’ sweet dew-covered nuts were awaiting. 

The GM failed to show, so POD took on the reins. There were no newbies but several retreads – Da Head, Kamikaze (back from Japan for 2 weeks), One Infection, Poumuli and Overstayer. Kamikaze doubled his as he forgot his hat on. Witch Doctor performed the shoe inspection  which she failed.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (Ford Ranger as prize in golf tourney), Crime (a crime had been reported) and Lewinsky (Lewinsky on TV show in USA).

This Day In History Awards went to One Infection (1892 – Western Samoa changes the International Date Line, so that year it had 367 days, with two occurrences of Monday, July 4), IRA, Overstayer and Twin Peaks (1900 – Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom gives Royal Assent to an Act creating Australia thus uniting separate colonies on the continent under one federal government), Da Head for Gayboy (1986 – The Parliament of New Zealand passes the Homosexual Law Reform Act legalising homosexuality in New Zealand) and One Infection (Feast Day of St Anthony).

Opening up for nominations, Sassygirl BJ was quick off the mark with her disappointment of not having someone to sit on at AC/DC’s wedding. Especially since several others there were getting quite frisky with each other. A Get A Room Award for IRA, One Infection, Lewinsky and POD.
IRA nominated Lewinsky for the Party Pooper of the Week Award, for refusing to do anything after the wedding than watch the boxing. Nor did he take the gang to OTR for the boxing either. Sassy had been chatting to Titty Galore, who was not well as she has been trying to slow Godfather down, as apparently he is acting like a 16 year old! Studmuffin Award to Godfather.

Sassy had of course also noticed the similarities between a white haired paedophile dude on TV and a certain Hasher, so Twin Peaks got the Rolf Harris Award, which was doubled due to inappropriate riposte from Twin Peaks. Sassy got her almost last award in to Crime for pimping for Hashers – no more information was given.

Poumuli managed to get in a Chariot Rider Award to One Infection, Wahoo, Sassy and Da Head. Witch Doctor followed with an account of the big rock fight at Vaimea, and that such a big crime needed to be noted. Crime was joined in this award by a resident – One Infection. Witch Doctor also took one for Ditch as a car did go in one at the scene.

Sassy had been recalling Kamikaze’s antics while with us last time and was rewarded with a braying laughter that she called a non-wife-magnet. Poumuli added the bit about tamaitai and was rewarded for remembering!

Godfather expressed his pride in how well turned out the Hash Meres were at AC/DCs wedding and his fascination for miniskirts. But he was disappointed that only Sassy had offered to dance with him – IRA, POD, Wahoo, Witch Doctor and Imelda stepped forward, joined by One Infection on behalf of his saucy number. Poumuli tried to point out that not all of them had been wearing miniskirts, so Godfather got an X-Ray Vision Award. Sassy gave Poumuli the Blind As A Bat Award, as she had definitely been in a mini.

Godfather was renominated by IRA for his beady eye, while One Infection joined for not pimping! Declaring his Multiple Personality Disorder, Poumuli nominated Bob from Trinidad for his awful singing and a No Woman No Cry No More Award.

IRA wanted to nominate POD for pushing her to do something she had never done before namely a fundraiser, but both took this. Godfather applauded Overstayer for her kind donations of Hash Mugs, but had been a bit taken aback by the pointy nipples on the peaks. As Overstayer prepared for her Alternative Art Award a Rolf Harris comment from Twin Peaks led him into the circle as well. POD nominated Godfather for an Ingratitude Award, knowing full well his penchant for things soft, pointy, otherwise titty.

Poumuli was inspired to tell the joke of the 80 year old man who goes to confession, having had sex with a 18 year old girl. When asked when he was last at confession, the Jewish fellow exclaimed that he was telling everyone. This was laughed at, backfired and yet another one for Poumuli.
Da Head nominated One Infection for going to mass every morning even though not Catholic either, but while laudatory Hash is unforgiving and a Meditation Award went to OI. Godfather finally nominated Crime for his Birthday Award. The Hare and the Hosts were saluted and a feast was had.

Watch the blog for next week’s run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit