Friday, July 25, 2014

Hash Trash 1734

The Hash was hosted by Lewinsky and POD at Taumeasina. A lovely cool afternoon for a run, and the trail had been set by Crime. Out of the reserve we followed the road and turned up right after the church. Into the Fagalii area there were a few missed trails, but this held the pack together nicely. As Crime had alternated sides of the road it was a bit complex to find the trail at times. Past the small airport we arrived at the golf course, where the hardier runners started to go down the long way. This turned out to be a false trail, so they had to come back and follow the slower down to the coastal road. We arrived back at the house thirsty for Godfather’s rejuvenating nuts. 

Julia Gillard the GM was present although not running, and called the circle to order. But first there was the question of the run number, with your Scribe steadfastly insisting that it was run 1734 and not 1735 as the GM had been told by IRA. So the first award – Misleading the GM – went to IRA.
Those new to Hash were: Helene (Westpac) who had been invited by Bwyan, Ben (Funtravel TV) invited by Meeegun and staying at Stevenson’s, and John who had been brought by Da Head but advertised for Ford. As a result we had the GM, Lewinsky, Overstayer and POD do a Rules Award.
The retreads were Possum, the GM, Swinger, Anya, Peter, Hot Nuts, Screamer and Da Head. The GM then turned on our hosts and upbraided him for the lack of Hash Mugs and the small size of the plastic ones on hand. Lewinsky got to enjoy one.
On the run, the GM had been informed that Godfather had stopped for some “relief”, forgetting the rule about no pissing on the Hare’s Trail (draft Rules #30), but had also caused a young Hash Mere to have to zig and zag. Godfather was joined in the Flags Aloft Award by Gayboy for stitching him up.
The GM had invited Sassygirl BJ to a party and she had responded that she was “going to get drunk and swing on a pole”. Well she didn’t turn up to the party, as she had responded to the wrong invite, so the GM wanted to know whence she had been swinging on a pole!

Then Gayboy had to be called into the circle as it would appear that after a golf game he had tried to manhandle a fellow into his van. A Pedobear Award to GB.

Turning to the Celebrity Awards, there was Crime (headline “Survivor of crime”), the GM (husband-in-law’s photo), Sassy (large group photo), Swinger (his mum in two photos), IRA (photo in Observer), Wahoo (stepmum in photo), and a further double to Sassy (she had placed an ad for Samoa Mini Golf and had used the Captains Hash Name not his real name!).

This Day in History Awards went to the GM and John (1903 – The Ford Motor Company ships its first car), Gayboy (1938 – Douglas Corrigan takes off from Brooklyn to fly the "wrong way" to Ireland and becomes known as "Wrong Way" Corrigan), IRA (1997 – The Troubles: The Provisional Irish Republican Army resumes a ceasefire to end their 25-year campaign to end British rule in Northern Ireland), Lewinsky (1998 – A diplomatic conference adopts the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court, establishing a permanent international court to prosecute individuals for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression – his Godfather was a ICC judge), Witch Doctor (2011 – Norway is the victim of twin terror attacks, the first being a bomb blast which targeted government buildings in central Oslo, the second being a massacre at a youth camp on the island of Ut√łya) and ProBoner (World Day for International Justice (International)).

Opening up for nominations, Da Head had been so looking forward to getting his engraved mug from Overstayer, but Anya had picked it up and was using it. Sassy then rather surprisingly nominate Gayboy for “hitting on her”.

As they returned from the run and partook of Godfather’s nuts, IRA had complained to POD that they were “too meaty”. This of course meant that Hot Nuts took the Hard to Access Award. Gayboy had been to Samoana with family on the weekend, and no staff there had told them that the Slushy machine had alcohol in it. Once served to the kids and mothers a rather raucous family outing ensued. When asking staff for someone to come and fix it, he was told that only the boss knew how, and he was sleeping. Dereliction of Duty Award to Possum.

POD nominated Bogan Barbie for an Encouragement Award, as normally a wine drinker she had tried a beer, but had turned back to the wine. She obviously needs more lessons!

Possum had been having some car trouble and had called up John at Ford. Apparently when you take your foot off the gas the car automatically brakes and slows down (duh!). John explained that this was a newly installed safety feature! This failed on so many levels that both were dubbed in, but joined by Da Head who had tried to intervene to also bring in the GM, but used the wrong name.

Sassy wanted to nominate the bringers of certain guests for not knowing the Hash Rules, but medical condition trumped her, so Sassy took the award instead. Further on the golf theme, Gayboy had been invited to a day out with the boys, and had been constantly hassled by the organiser to be there on time. Who was late? Possum. Gayboy joined as he had brought his Mum to a boys day out.

Hot Nuts got a Commiseration Award from Sassy, as he complained that after being named no one hits on him anymore. Birthdays were commemorated for Witch Doctor, Possum and Screamer.

Some announcements: there will be a farewell party at Ford Motors on Saturday for the GM, with kegs. POD and IRA requested contributions for the ½ Marathon fund raiser for SVSG. Swinger called for three more runners for the Hash Team for the Perimeter Relay in September.
The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, joined by latecummer One Infection.

Next week’s run will be hosted by the GM at Ford Motors in Vaitele.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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