Thursday, November 20, 2014

Hash Run 1753

Greetings Hashers
Monday's run will be hosted by Princess of Darkness, GM and Lewinsky at their house in Taumeasina. Map is attached below. Run will start at 6 PM. Bring your Hash Cash for the keg and enjoy the food that will be put on.

If you want to swim after the run bring some change and disinfectant - just joking the new development has not polluted that much!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1752

The Hash was hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Amalia at Bank Street in Vaoala. It was a cool evening after the rain, with verdant green hues all about, and the run had been set as a A-to-B run. Meaning that you start the run at A, and end up at B. You would know that you were at B when you saw Kiwi in his blue flat bed truck. The trail was set on paper, but obviously some locals had messed with it. The pack set out up Bank Street to Cross Island Road, and in the drive to Le Spa. This was the first false trail. Regrouping they set off down the hill, as some paper had been blown down there. Wrong. Poumuli had to dispatch Offspring to explain that the real trail led back down Bank Street. Sending Offspring was perhaps not an inspired idea, as she has the attention span of a small rodent, thus many of the walkers decided to call it a day. A side track had been laid on the embankment which sent several scurrying through the bushes. At the bottom of the hill, pack was lured to head up towards the cow pastures, where there was another false trail. This took the pack down the familiar route to the river, but some ran up towards the back road to Mynas – another false trail. Back on track the pack was again misled up towards the Animal Protection Service (yes a blue truck! had gone up there, a few days before! Not a flat bed), and then it was on home through the Forestry station to the Mt Vaea parking lot where Kiwi dutifully awaited. No one seemed to have been tricked by the false trail to the back of the museum. Many were slumbering as they came down Bank Street, with Godfather showing off the real nuts.

POD called the circle to order, and there were several newbies: Flip (I think), Paul, Fuss, Vanessa the 2nd, Nathan, Debbie and Wet Pussy’s mum. Retreads were Ozzy Osbourne (in Oz), Strangler, Ditch (doing better things), Possum, Bogun Barbie, Da Head, Matt and Matt. All took their reward.
New Shoes were immediately obvious and needed no investigation – Stiletto, Witch Doctor, Paul and Imelda da Welda.

Celebrity Awards went to Wet Pussy for ACDC (in paper on climate protest), Sassy (Samoa for Real photo), Pussysnatcher (in Tonga newspaper), Snatched (conservation society formed, photo) and Imelda (mum in paper).

This Day in History Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (636 – The Rashidun Caliphate defeated the Sassanian Empire at the Battle of Qadisiya in Iraq), Witch Doctor (1905 – Prince Carl of Denmark becomes King Haakon VII of Norway), Lewinsky (1911 – The Doom Bar in Cornwall claimed two ships, Island Maid and Angele, the latter killing the entire crew except the captain. – the Hash agreed that there was only one Bar of Doom in Samoa), Gayboy (1942 – World War II: Battle of Stalingrad – Soviet Union forces under General Georgy Zhukov launch the Operation Uranus counterattacks at Stalingrad, turning the tide of the battle in the USSR's favor. – who else would get excited about turning tides with Uranus), Lewinsky again (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: The United States House of Representatives Judiciary Committee begins impeachment hearings against U.S. President Bill Clinton) and for numerous bastard comments Poumuli (International Day for Tolerance).

The GM turned to her awards, starting with those who did run and who witnessed Godfather’s collapse on to the truck and the subsequent kama sutra moves before passing out. While accepting the Making the GM Blush Award, he stated that he had hoped for some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Many will recall that at a Hash some time ago Gayboy had refused a down down on medical grounds and had got his girlfriend to attest to this. It had now been ascertained to have been a lie, thus a Telling Porkies Award. Finally, Da Head had had his son baptized, and Lewinsky (really?) had been the Godfather. The priest turned to ask “and the Godmother”, to which Da Head, erred, oh its her, pointing to POD. We hope he is better at organizing a pissup in a brewery.

Kiwi was called in to the circle for not admitting being a retread, which is a double, and went down at double speed, or more than 15 times Lewinsky speed. A special nomination was given to the Hare for setting the run with the most falsies of the year. 

At this point the Mad Monk of the Apia Hash appeared. She had flown in on a broomstick especially for one special little girl, Amalia. In homage to the mangling of her Mother’s hashname, she shall henceforth be known as Yahoo! Her Father Poumuli did the duties on the naming, which thus included excessive flour, beer, chilli sauce and sundry dog poo.

Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Lewinsky for not bringing his voice to Hash. He countered that this was such a gay nomination that Gayboy should take it. The Hash agreed that all three should take the Voiceless Award.

Sassy wanted to nominate Pussysnatcher for doing such an awesome athletic job of not only catching up to the pack but running back up the hill instead of riding the truck. Since Sassy didn’t even get to B to ride the truck she got the award instead. Pussysnatcher was then successful in getting Strangler an award for Ozone Depleting Substances in the air.

Gayboy nominated Crime for Chariot Riding with Offspring. Sassy had been doing her usual limbering up before the run, but newbie Fuss had simply gone to the keg. Poumuli pointed out that he actually hadn’t but at this point Sassy had mangled Beyonce’s name so got the award. Beyonce joined for avoiding the retreads. Finally Sassy managed to get a hit by nominating Ozzy for the Environmental Award for revving his bike for  Nathan.

The hosts and the hares, Wahoo, Yahoo!, Poumuli and Witch Doctor were saluted, joined by Gayboy for cellphonus interruptus. We then farewelled Offspring who is off to lower the IQ level in Australia.

Next week at Taumeasina.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Hash Run 1752

Talofa one and all
Next week's run will be hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Amalia at their house off Bank Street in Vaoala - see map for directions. We will cater the event, most likely two versions of Hungarian Goulash Norwegian style - medium spicy or F@$king Hot.
Run will start at 6 PM, bring your Hash Cash for the keg. With this advance notice maybe we will have a good turnout!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1751

Welcome to On the Rocks for this edition of the Apia Hash House Harriers. As you can see on your screens there is a smaller turnout than expected. Hash News have been told that this was due to Mismanagement mismanaging yet another cockup and only informed the AH3 of the venue at lunchtime. But never mind folks, this small but deluded pack will no doubt put on a stout performance for you. And they are off! Setting the pace out past the first obstacle of grumpy old men is the godfather of Hashing in Samoa, er Godfather. He is being closely tagged by Crime no doubt hoping that any largesse from the jazz festival will fall out of his pockets. Trailing them your Scribe is struggling, and as we pass the Fire Station looks to be in trouble. Lewinsky and Princess of Darkness are the dark horses in this non-competitive race for which there are no prizes, yet the excitement in the crowd of two pickaninnies is absolutely palpable. They have never seen anything like it! No doubt they had heard of Lewinsky’s running in Fiji and were gleefully expecting a pulpable repeat. And we are approaching the Vasigano Bridge, and Sassygirl BJ is halting. She is refusing the bit, and wait, she is taking photos of the flood waters! What insouciance, what style, what addiction to Facebook? And your Scribe limps of the trail, looks like a pulled muscle, so why is Wahoo suggesting that he needs to be put down already? The pack continues on to the Vaiala Beach and hurtles back towards On The Rocks. What a performance. This is what its all about – buggering up instructions, opting for a quick run and then the circle. But first – lets all enjoy cracking open Godfather’s succulent, glistening nuts. 

POD the GM called the circle to order, and ascertained quickly that there were none new to Hash, but that Murray was a retread. He is finally picking up on the rules. There were no new shoes, so the GM picked on Lewinsky and Poumuli as she knows they both have new shoes that they are hiding for now. 

Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (for Crash and Cougar being in the paper), Godfather (for Swinger also in the paper) and Sassy (for being in the paper). This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli for Captain Mortein (1520 – Stockholm Bloodbath begins: A successful invasion of Sweden by Danish forces results in the execution of around 100 people. Well done Captain – more of this please!), Godfather for either Gayboy or Swinger take your pick (1634 – Following pressure from Anglican bishop John Atherton, the Irish House of Commons passes An Act for the Punishment for the Vice of Buggery. Godfather wanted an explanation for what buggery was, which Sassy demonstrated), Jeannie (1918 – The 1918 influenza epidemic spreads to Western Samoa, killing 7,542 (about 20% of the population) by the end of the year) and Crime (Armistice Day – don’t ask).

The GM then gave Lewinsky the Flicking That Last Award to Crime Award. Before the circle had started we had been regaled with veterinary tales from Canada, thus Murray received the $300 Rodent Repair Bill Award. Also prior to the circle, we had been struggling to understand Sassy’s pronunciation (Skoopies for Scoops and Yahoo for Wahoo), so she got a FOB Award.

Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Wahoo for the Wife of the Week Award, as she had first said she wasn’t running but then had set off anyway with a premonition of impending injury to check on him – ESP Award!

Sassy had been talking to Wahoo about running but she had claimed she was too tired as Poumuli had just got back from Vanuatu, which resulted in a Foaming at the Bit Award for Poumuli. He was quickly joined by Sassy for Cellphonus Interruptus (she told the caller she was in a meeting, bye).

Not deterred, Sassy quickly nominated Lewinsky for a Damage to Environment Award, for threatening to introduce Crown of Thorns in Manase. POD interjected to save further pain, that last week had been Guy Fawkes Day, the biggest foiled crime in British history and Poumuli had failed to pick this up. This Explosives (Alternative Usage) Award went to Crime, Poumuli and Murray.

Unstoppable now, Sassy nominated her roomie for not looking after her too well, and inducing her to make an illegal turn on a red light right in front of the cops. Finally, Godfather nominated all those who had failed to come to any of the Jazz Festival shows – Lewinsky, Jeannie, POD and Poumuli.

Next week’s run will be at Poumuli and Wahoo’s house on Bank Street, Vaoala.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, November 10, 2014

Hash Run Tonight

Dear all
apologies for late post - Hash will be hosted at On The Rocks. Run starts at 6 PM because of daylight savings. Bring Hash Cash and something for the food later - we'll decide whether it be sweet and sour cat from Gayboy's or pizza.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Sunday, November 02, 2014

3rd Nov Run from Sassies - Sorry Children xxx

Talofa lava Meres and Hashmen

Tomorrow's Child Free run will be hosted by Sassy & Jeannie from the Sassyville home at Letogo.

Kaikai will be provided. Please be on time in case you are sent on a wild chase into the mountains :)

Run will start at 5.30pm on the German!!!