Thursday, November 24, 2016

Hash Trash 1856

Twas a warm and balmy night as the hashers made their way up to El Capo and Angry Birds mansion near the top of the hill.  It was a clear night, so the view from the deck was clear and many had fun pointing out (arguing) about different sites in Apia….  Panic almost struck --- it was 6pm and THERE WAS NO BEER….. thankfully – due to Lewinsky and Nom Nom showing the way, the Vailima made  home safe….
There were quite a number of re-treads this week…. Including a return from the short short wearing kiwi himself – HOT NUTS! (who wears short shorts ---- Hotnuts wears short shorts!). Others included Slim Shady who had been bula’ing it up in Fiji, Pavarotti who was a Hasher between 04-07 and was very excited to be back.  DMT and her Mum came along as well as Nelson who had apparently been ‘off massaging’ – who we would like to know.  Prince scored himself a down down for someone not using his correct name.
Newbies for the evening included Meg’s best best best friend in the whole world (The guy at Karaoke couldn’t say Dian’s name), Cunning’s friend and also a new playmate, err.. sorry! Housemate for Nom Nom’s   big yellow house – Mark.
Shoe inspector Malu, did a tremendous job, and quickly found Witch Doctor to be in ownership of some brand new (lovely) shoes.
Only two celebs this week – Slim Shady for being in the paper – Don’t forget the ‘Orange fun run’ on Friday at 6.30 outside the STA Fale.  Rachel was on the front page of the observer this week, but as she was not there, her bumchum Prue, took the down down.
There was a ‘sneaky snake’ award given to Godfather this evening,  fas he tried to dodge a down down.
This Day in History had some unreadable explanations and also some unfamiliar words, however:
in 1636 – something something something….unreadable – Cunning Linguist
1863 – German/Danish war – As Captain Mortein was not there, CB took the down down for his surname…
1965 – Prince something of Norway – Witch doctor
1977 – NZ was to include ‘God Defend New Zealand’ as well as something else – Hot Nuts.
1998 – Lewinsky scandal hit the courts – Lewinsky
Feast Day of St Gregs – Snake
International Student day – Mark
World Toilet Day – Nelson
Transgender day – Kiran for looking the best in his ie faitaga (Too flash for hash)
Exemption for punishment – Crime

GM awards were fast and furious tonight, and began with the GM expressing her shock and concern that Ring Ring had accidently struck fear into her families hearts because she did not tell anyone she was going to Pago. It wasn’t until a few days later when Ring Ring had been MIA for two days and her son had posted a status of Facebook asking if anyone had seen his Mum, that one of her sons friend said ‘Don’t worry bro, I saw her at the airport going to Pago!’.  The next award was to Meg, who’s friend Dian had given her a tour guide rating of 4 out of 5. Dian too was given a down down for being ungreatful as who doesn’t want to spend their afternoon whilst on holiday making garlic bread for hungry hungry hashers?.  Hotnuts was in the firing line next – and although initially was given a down down for purchasing a new home gym which takes up a lot of space – that he never uses because he’d rather go to the gym and watch all the ‘hot girls’. It was at this point that Hot nuts and Snake were caught ‘discussing hot girls’ mid circle – and both earned a down down for being dirty old me – (typical hash men?).  Meg was nominated again for admitting that she has bad thoughts 27/7 or bad ideas, but when she’s asked about them for down down purposes  fails to remember.  Speaking of failing to rememeber, Kiran too got lumped with a down down for not being able to remember the reasons or amount of down downs the previous week.
The floor was then opened for group nominations.
Pusiapa tried to nail Snake for failure to give good directions, and sending the walkers through dense grassy bushland,  even though he promised her, Malu and Black Swan that the route they’d take was safe.  Pusiapa scored the down down for failure to navigate through bush and Snake too took one for mis-direction. 
Black Pussy was heard to be complaining quite loudly about her name – instant down down.
Pusiapa having missed the previous run, decided to pull out the big guns on her perimeter team, especially El Capo and Kiran for drinking all the ‘team beer’ and an extra one for Kiran for ‘hair pulling’.
CB was nominated for complete mismanagement, where he was found out to have taken women to the beach but neglected to pack any food or drink and was close to running out of fuel –  He was forced to call Swinger for  SOS HELP!
Prue was up next, being nominated for her squeaky ‘OnOn!’ when she saw the paper and was trying to relay the ‘on on’ message to those behind her.  Pavarotti and El Capo had quite the conversation before the run had started, but it took both of them at least 10 minutes to wonder why they were both speaking in English, when both CLEARLY Italian.  Screamer got the hero award , because she has been spotted walking from her house near Scalinis all they way up to Mt Vaea and back down again. Pavarotti gave himself a down down, and said it was for pure gratitude of being back with the Apia Hash aiga. At Godfathers request, he also gave us a demonstration of why he was called Pavarotti and sang part of a beautiful aria – Magnifio, Pavarotti! As previously mentioned, Hotnuts had returnth..with his short shorts in toe… which means – INSTANT DOWN DOWN!

The final nomination was for our beloved GM – POD! For her outstanding organisational skills and speech at the Goshen Trust cheque hand over. Malo to all the Hashers who collected, donated, walked, ran, supported during the Perimeter Relay!
Before the circle closed, it was a final down down for our hosts and hares -  El Capo, Kiran, Meg and Dian.


Hash Trash 1851

This weeks hash was hosted at the prime location of Gayboy’s  parents restaurant near the wharf. Although it was a smaller hash, lots of fun and laughter was still had.

Newbies – Matt (son of Blackswan) , Anne and Rachel (all friends of Blackswan). Black Swan was given a down down for not telling her son about Hash etiquette and allowing him to wear his hat AND glasses whilst in the circle.

Retreads – Kiran claims he’s been working hard – or hardly working, Allesandro had been at home, and Wrongway Roger had been gone for 18 years.

Shoe inspector was a happy hashman this week as he found TWO people with new kicks. Both Wrongway Roger (18 years away wasn’t an excuse) and Trish both drank out of their new shoes.
Celebrities – The entire Hash group who were at Slim Shady’s run the week prior, and a special one for the ‘old decrepit snake’  who had taken the photo.

This day in history:
1931 – All capone was sent to jail – El Capo
There was a civil war at some point in America  - Sunnyside Up
A German shoemaker lead a robber in oil – Crime and Prince (for being a sheik/greasy)

The tightass whinger award – Was given to Gayboy for whinging about how much the cashpower for beer dispenser was going to cost him. For the record it was $1.80. Snake flipped Gayboy a $5 to shut him up.
Swinger was nominated for having a goat? Petting a goat?  Marco Polo got a down down for turning two which was taken by his Dad, Captain Mortein. To celebrate his birthday, Pirate Princess also took a down down for teaching her son to boogie.

Latecummers this week were Crash and Delicious – apparently had been tied up elsewhere before coming to hash. Pusiapa was presented with a down down for not teaching her boys  to come on time to job interviews with Snake and Lewinsky.

Over zealous award was given to Prince for hiking to Lake Lano’to with his stand up paddle board.  We were all disappointed there was no video footage to record this.

A fight had broken out at Cocks on the Rocks which resulted Lewinsky being in a fight with women, Crime ending up with Lewinky’s shirt.  Lewinsky was nominated for lack of security, Witch Doctor was dragged in for cooking the steak that caused the fight and Gayboy too because it was his sister that was the main woman in the fight.
The GM was given a down down for overtaking the hare – and complaining loudly that he wasn’t fast enough. Prue was also given one for ‘being ride behind her’.

Matt had forgotten to take off his hat in the circle -s o he and Black Swan did a double down down together.
Cunning Linguist was given a down down for  groping Trump or was it Trump groping – either way, keep your hands to yourself CL!

Kiran was punished for not replying to messages about upcoming events, Gayboy was brought in for fungus growing in his restaurant and Captain Mortein joined the hash men for making up stories about fluff.

It was time to thank the host and hare – Gayboy and Prince. Rachel was asked to join them as she’d done a marvellous job as bar wench as too was Slim Shady even though she was accused of ‘too much head’. Just before the down downs were taken, Lewinsky piped up with ‘ You gotta make sure you pull it all the way otherwise it doesn’t cum’ .


HASH 1850 – White Sunday (36 Year Milestone)

A very special hash 36 Year milestone! This was hosted by Godfather and Titty G down at Coconuts beach. A sunny, beautiful and glorious day – Until the run began and it started to rain a little… as pointed out by a certain Hashman ‘nothing better than watching the Hash Meres get wet…’.
New Hashers for the week included:  A (not so wee) leprechaun called Martin (Meg’s lover boy). Kat (Nom Nom), Andrew, Olivia and Uta all brought by Godfather.

Retreads were plentiful this week -  Stella, who was in the Hash back in the 90s, Granny Smith who had been MIA for 2.5 years,  Mona  had been taking night classes for University, Matt was lost in Europe  but has been dragged back to Samoa to marry the wife. Cupless – had no excuses, Robert had been in Switzerland and Frederick had been running amok on the south side of the island.
Celebs – Sassygirl for being in the paper, Swinger and El Capo took one for Angry Bird.
Cunning Linguist was spotted taking his down down with a hat on, which had been passed over by El Capo. Tut tut tut!

The shoe inspector did well this week, both Mona and Swinger took turns at drinking their Vailima out of their brand new shoes… mmmmm tasty sweat!

There were a lot of whingers out on the run today, and the GM decided punishment must be imminent. It must be noted that it wasn’t just Hash Meres that were whinging, in fact – it was mostly Hashmen --  El Capo, Snake, Captain Mortein,  Snake, Lewinsky.

Running and walking on the hash run is sometimes considered to be an achievement in itself, but this week our new friend Andrew took this achievement to new heights – he wore Thongs (I’m Australian – therefore, I get creative licence to not call them Jandals) for the entire run – however I must concede that the award he was given was the ‘Palagi Jandal’ award.

Godfather is known for being a kind and generous man, however this week he was nominated for ‘severely over preparing’ in preparation for the special run.
Due to some unfriendly creatures in the sea, medical assistance was required following the run. Dr Sneaky Snake and his able assistants Strapon and Cupless were able to assist with the help of a trust knife or two.

There was an impersonator in Apia during the week – it was ROBERT! Actual accusation of what he was doing is unknown.

Nominations were soon to begin – hold onto your running shoes peeps, there are quite a few!
1) Lewinsky  - was given the show pony award for holding – and I quote ‘Onto Pod’s ponytail when he goes for a ride’.
2) Titty G scored one for working too hard, but was quickly joined by Godfather for not being happy with her performance and wearing her out too often.
3) Meg and her ‘Irish Prick’ for letting Sassy down in the gym, and creating their own workouts in the bedroom without her.  – Sassy was told to join them for being ‘A green eyed monster’.
4) Cupless gave Karaoke a compliment telling her that she’d lost weight, and Karaoke replied with ‘Oh, you’ve gained weight’. – Both scored a down down.
5) Pusiapa was nominated for sitting down
6) El Capo was given a down down for tripping over a mouse cord and pulling a muscle in her quad, thus impacting on her perimeter training.8
7) Parents award – Captain Mortein, Pirate Princess, Pod, Lewinsky,  and Cupless were all punished with a down down from Sassy due to damages caused to her Fijian lavalava whilst babysitting their children in the water.
8) Vailima Breweries award was giving to Godfather for being a good friend of the board
9) Nom Nom was givien one for breaking his drinking ban – but he claimed ‘It’s a public holiday – it needs a beer!’
10) Sassy got one for perving on Nom Nom and was joined by Prue for helping NomNom look so good with some good ol’ sexercise.
11) Meg was nominated for blowing her own horn on her birthday

To celebrate the 36 Hashing Milestone – Anyone under 36 was required to take a down down – Stand up: Gayboy, Nom Nom, Snakebite, Meg, Prue, Mona, Pirate Princess, Martin, Pusiapa, Kat and Granny Smith.

To celebrate the mismanagement Hash team – Godfather, Titty G, Pod, Nom Nom, Sassy, Lewinsky, Crime and Eveready took a down down together.
Finally, last but not least, a special down down for our amazing GM – POD who to date is the longest standing Hash GM and Godfather noted ‘How proud of her’ he was.

With a  quick rendition of ‘Can’t help falling in love’ it was time to eat and party!


Hash Trash 1849

Hosts tonight were Slim Shady and Strap On – Hare – Slim Shady.  This was a Hash with a difference – the goal was to clean up the areas between Slim Shady’s house on Cross island Road and up and around Mt Vaea.  85.26kg

Newbies for the evening included – Elizabeth and Chris who had been brought by Snake as a ‘legal couple from Australia’, Snake was given the down down however as he did not clearly explain the rules.

Retreads this week included: Swinger for trying to organise his liver transplant, Iron Lady for looking for love in all the wrong places , Titty G for chasing Godfather around, Godfather because Titty G finally caught him, Speedhumper has been cumming and going a lot.

Shoe inspector cunning linguist failed – so was forced to take the down down himself.
Nomations were fast and heavy this week:
- The ‘Climaxing together award’ was presented to El Capo and Speedhumper for climaxing together, and Strap On got one too for ‘Climaxing twice!’.  It was also noted that all the newbies climaxed too.
- Cougar received a down down for talking in the circle and Godfather was also nominated for finding a pair of kids undies…

Went to Lewinsky because he told someone they were going to host Hash, they were all ready but then poor Gayboy told some convoluted story about Pod, a pub and hair pulling.
- CL was nominated for hiding in the bushes after he drank too much niu and was nominated for pulling his pants down and ‘advertising’. This was reported by two shocked Hash Meres.
- Slim Shady was nominated for her ‘22nd Birthday’ and setting us a ‘run to remember’.  Her down down was presented in a giant cock class, which Iron Lady helped her swallow…err drink? She was also given a present from Snake and Fang – vibrating jewels  for he rmini. It was noted it was also Malu’s birthday too.
- Godfather was nominated for emulating Snake – and slinking away to NZ for his 70th birthday! Not a chance Godfather – both he and Mele were presented with three glorious cakes include a giant red bra’s susu cake.

The whole premise of Slim Shady’s run was to collect rubbish – With 33 adults and two children a whopping grand total of 85.26kg was collected!!! MALO LAVA HASH!