Friday, June 29, 2012

Hash Run 1629 - Weathercock @ Siusega

Talofa All,

Next weeks run is being hosted by "Weathercock" at his home in Siusega (next door to Tallyho). The Host has offered to put on a spread for us so no need to bring anything for the bbq.

There will be a Keg, softies and cold nuts as usual. See you all there!

On On

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Hash Trash 1628

Yokwe from the Marshall Islands, and many thanks to DH for doing the Trash for us. See you in two weeks, so we need a scribe for next week also. Sorry no funny photos due to bandwidth. And Mr Whippy is trying to clear some space for us on the blog so we can post more of Slippery's (and Strangler's) Hash Flashes.
On on
Poumuli, IKA Slit

This week’s Hash Trash was hosted at Seascape in Vaoala by Slippery and Captain Mortein.  The run set on paper by none other than Pussysnatcher.  Finding out it was Pussysnatcher who set the run, we all knew that it was probably going to involve trekking somewhere in the bush.
We headed left outside Seascape up Cross Island Road to Bernard Street.  Not a good start for those Hashmen and Meres that have not been running for a while and were lacking in fitness.  Once in Bernard Street, that is when we went offroad and started bush bashing.  It was evident that Pussysnatcher did not use a machete to clear the track as people were covered in prickles and trying to avoid being slingshot by plants held back by those Hashmen in front of them as they were making their way along the “path”. 

Then we all descended down the treacherous slope, clinging on to whatever branches we could find, uprooting some on the way.  Many Hashmen and Meres were impersonating Skidmark due to sliding down the dirty slope on their derrieres.
When we finally got on to the flat and sighed a huge sigh of relief, we then had to venture back up.  Once at the top, the group divided.  The Front Running Bastards then again descended the hill and went across water and ended up at SPREP, whilst another group of Hashers, who defined themselves as trailblazers, went back towards the road mainly because it was getting quite dark and they did not want to venture back into the foreboding woods.  They ended up coming out near the NZ High Comm.
The final leg of the run was up Cross Island Road – a longer run for those heading up from SPREP, whilst not so bad for those who came out near the NZ High Comm.

The Hash Circle was then called to order.  Newcomers included Zan (Sexpot’s dad, invited by Desperate Housewife), Netty invited by Mia (unfortunately Netty did not follow the Hash rules of introduction but fortunately DMT did not have a down down due to her condition), Celia (Transporter), Nina (Hot Nuts), Warren invited by Bruce or should we say Hot Flush – Strangler as closest living relative had to have the down down for Warren not referring to Hot Flush by his Hash Name.

Retreads were then called up – five in all.  One fellow who referred to himself as Green Top and politely said “No thanks” to his down down, much to the raucous laughter of the Hash circle (until they realised that he doesn’t drink), Desperate Housewife – who had too many excuses for missing about 5 Hash Runs, Sexpot – who blamed DH for not letting him come (yeah right!), Ladyfinger whose job was under review and therefore he couldn’t come. However it resulted in Ladyfinger staying in Samoa longer (plenty of time to catch up on down downs!).  Emily who basically had no excuse, and someone who said they have been “elsewhere” – (the scribe couldn’t remember who this fellow hashman was as she was still fuming over Sexpot’s response.

Shoe Inspector was Lewinsky who did the inspection and had found no one until Neil volunteered himself (sadist) to drink out of his new shoes.  Lewinsky had to join him for the dreadful oversight.
This Day in History was then reviewed.  1949 – The Long Haired Hare was released (the First Bugs Bunny Movie) so those Hashmen with long hair – Strangler, Tallyho and Ozzy Osbourne had a down down.

1978 – Gilbert Baker of San Francisco designed and made a flag with six stripes representing the six colors of the rainbow as a symbol of gay and lesbian community pride – Gayboy.  Sadly Gayboy couldn’t be with us that day and so Toothfairy as CLR had to drink.

It was also UN Public Service Day, so all those who work in the UN were called up including Slim Shady, Hot Nuts and Ninja. [ed note – that one had been selected for those in VERTS!!!!]
Plus in honour of the Scottish win over Samoa in the Rugby, Lewinsky and Witch Doctor (both of Scottish ancestry) had a Vailima. 

The GM then opened the floor to nominations.  Sassy started the noms with referring to a Hashmere who was checking out one Hashman in particular saying she wanted to take him out (especially since his Missus was not around).  The accused being Hornithologist and her affections were directed at Ladyfinger.

Slim Shady nominated Swinger for talking with a bad Scottish accent the whole day of the Scotland-Samoa match – making her “ears bleed”.
Strangler then nominated two Hashmen for being “short cutting bastards” on a weekend bushwalk they were all partaking in, Swinger and Hot Nuts being the culprits.  Stangler then again nominated Swinger for giving a false lead in the car on the way home from this bushwalk.  Then Ladyfinger piped up referring to Double Jeopardy (not being allowed to be tried for the same crime twice) – so Strangler was called up to take the down down instead.

Tallyho then proceeded to talk about the Observer story about the prostitution case, whose names at first appeared in one article but have since been suppressed.  The name being Michael so anyone called Michael had to come up.  In the end Sexpot represented all the Michaels and had a drink.
Sassy called up GM and Lewinsky for leading the bridesmaids astray at Crash Gordon and Stiletto’s wedding.

Crime’s phone was ringing during the circle – we’re not sure if he actually set this up so he could have a down down.
Weathercock then called all the poms to come up due to the English failing during a penalty shoot out in the soccer – Tallyho and Swinger.

Hornithologist then nominated a Hashman who, on a kayaking trip decided to drown himself – Goodbye cruel world!  Captain Mortein had to save Ladyfinger.  After paddling in towards Ladyfinger, instead of rescuing him, he started taking photos of the spectacle.

Lewinsky nominated Transporter about complaining about his new employee – Prince and how he can’t fire him because it is his brother-in-law.  After 2 days on the job he was importing lots of Viagara.

Home ‘N’ Away was nominated by Ring Ring for saying he was going to meet her a Myna’s in 10 mins but was more like 30 minutes and was the result of them being late.
Then it was time for toast to the Hare and Host.  Captain came up with his sore foot – Tallyho mentioned it was lucky he wasn’t a horse or else would be in a can of Chum right now.  Slippery also had a down down whilst still trying to take photos of everyone.

Finally before the circle was called to a finish, Transporter and Celia got done for leaning on one of the many cars that were parked around the joint.
A final drink was had by all for DMT for leaving this weekend and not coming back until she’s had her bundle of joy.

A leaving party is being held for Ninja at Matareva on June 30.

Also GM called out to anyone interested in joining a team for the Perimeter Run to see Swinger or himself and put their names down.

The next Hash run will be hosted by the infamous Weathercock at Siusega.  Keep a look out on the web for further details. [ed note - its in the same neighbourhood as Tallyho and Swinger]
On On.
Desperate Housewife

Monday, June 25, 2012

Hash Run 1628 - Capt Mortein and Slippery

Good Afternoon All,

Apologies for the late posting. Tonight's hash run will be hosted by Slippery and Capt Mortein at Capt Mortein's house in Vaoala (Seascape).  The hosts will be providing a spread for us. Run will start at 1730 Hrs so please try make it there in time.

Dont forget your $15 hash cash. See you all there..

On On

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Hash Trash 1627

The Hash was hosted by Wahoo, Witch Doctor and yours truly at Le Manumea Resort, with much appreciation to Luna and Norman for allowing such a rowdy raucous bunch on the premises. The trail was set by Poumuli on paper and it was on out the gate and up the hill. Tallyho was in the lead at the start and acquired a few false trails before setting off down the road to the Stevenson Museum and into the botanical gardens. A false trail sent a large section of the pack heading up the track to the Tomb, as they had not listened well to instructions! The real trail meandered through the gardens and out of the Forestry station next to SPREP. Then down the hill to the creek again, following a familiar path through the overgrowth, as the Hare could not acquire a more interesting run. Well except  for Tallyho who hadn’t been on that particular path before, or rather he hadn’t been heard on that path before. The trail led down the back roads to the Cross Island Road just below Myna’s Market and then on home. Godfather had thankfully supplied us with his sweet nuts, and the keg had finally arrived – it wasn’t installed when we set off. A modest run, with a lot of nature to step on and just a little bit of road to start and finish off with.

The GM SOTB was late in turning up, but nevertheless managed to get the circle organized. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, and these were Bruce (retired to Samoa), Neil (volunteer from NZ at SPREP) and Hazel (friend of Hornithologist). They were all given a down-down to test their mettle.  There were a heap of rethreads, one of which – Luke had his doubled for leaning. Luke has returned to Apia after many years, but only for a brief visit. Home & Away has returned for some work with Samoa Air, while Offspring has been looking at fishes and trying to drown Your Scribe.

The GM quickly rounded on Hot Nuts who had been jabbering away and doing some standing yoga moves, whereupon HN got down on his hands and knees, pointed his arse at Home & Away (not Homo Away), and did some pushups for some inexplicable reason. Poumuli was soon called in for NOT finding any celebrities this week.

This Day in History Awards went to SOTB (1815 end of the Napoleonic wars; if only his Napoleonic tendencies could be equally defeated), Tallyho (1939 last public guillotining in France; good way to achieve some silence in the Hash circle), and Captain Mortein (1944 Iceland takes opportunity of WWII to secede from Denmark).

Opening up for nominations, Sassygirl BJ nominated Tallyho for nearly giving her a heart attack with his screaming on the trail. Tallyho rightly countered that he was only doing his duty in encouraging the Hash Meres to actually run. But the additional evidence of Tallyho stripping to his underwear in the carpark, and in front of hotel employees, made it a done deal, and Tallyho rose to the occasion.
Poumuli nominated Hot Nuts for not yet having discovered the Internet, as he had turned up at the wrong location for the Hash. After some explanation the GM ruled that HN was indeed computer illiterate.

Strangler was quick off the mark with a nomination for Poumuli for trying to sing a particular song at a social event and completely buggering it up by forgetting the words. Given the choice of trying to sing it again and taking the Bob Marley Turning in His Grave Award, the choice was simple – down-down.

Getting back to the Celebrity Awards, Hot Flush claimed that there had been a story in the paper about the son of a famous singer being in hospital, and that Poumuli had not picked that one up either. He was thus joined by Ozzie Ozbourne for this belated Celebrity Award.
A Latecummer Award went to Underrated, while Strangler tried to get the Hare for not leaving any crosses on the trail. As this had been clearly pointed out at the start, a Backfire Award was Strangled. Also being confused by the rules, Karaoke wanted to nominate Home & Away for talking on his cellphone during the run, so she too had a Boomerang.

Bruce then bravely stepped in and wanted to propose a toast to Chief Big Boo – this was a long story about how Big Boo had overdosed on ava, was asleep for ages, and when he woke up was the originator to the phrase Big Boo’s Up. This was quashed by the GM, who doubled the award for wearing a hat, and also dobbed in Poumuli for not explaining the rules to Bruce!

Another set of Latecummers, Kiwi and Lewinsky were welcomed in the circle, and the latter was pounced on by Sassy for having tried to scam Hash Cash with a 10 instead of a 50 (were her glasses missing?). Staying on the theme of irrational but amusing awards, Eveready nominated Tooth Fairy for a Dumass Award for not finding the trail, but since he has already left the award had to go to his partner-in-crime. Crime of course.

Talllyho had spotted another worthy cause for an award dash out the door also, in that Swinger had left early, and Godfather was closest living relative. Poumuli supported Tallyho by describing the decibel shattering that his eardrums had received care of Swinger, so the award stuck.
Ozzie noted that the GM had been derelict in his duties for not siccing a shoe inspector on the Hash, and hence nominated the GM for the Non Shoe Inspection Award. In what is becoming a ping-pong ritual, Strangler nominated a Hasher for the Bad Parenting Award, and Lewinsky drew a sigh of relief that this was aimed at Captain Mortein for not being around as a head injury was received by his daughter.

At this stage, Tallyho felt that there were many who might feel left out and nominated all non-nominees for a down-down, not realizing that this meant all of Prince, Mad Hatter, Sassy, Hot Flush, Ring Ring and Witch Doctor had to be quickly served by the acting Brewmaster. Home & Away tried to get Strangler a Dishonesty Award for drinking most of Mad Hatters’, but this appears in the rules as the Whipping Boy clause.

Lewinsky was then nominated for arranging a great stag party but failing in getting a stripper that he was not related to! For trying to get his cousin to strip Lewinsky thus got the Mississippi Award. Finally, Offspring nominated Poumuli for making them drag his sorry butt across a beach strewn with Crown-of-Thorns, but Your Scribe cannot remember whether this one backfired or not!
The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, with an insistence that Poumuli do a double for Wahoo and Hareing.

Next weeks run will be hosted by Captain Mortein and Slippery up in Vaoala. Watch the blog for a map. And Tallyho will be scribing next week, and possible the week after, as Poumuli jets off to Marshall Islands and Hawaii to further his impact on greenhouse gas emissions.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Hash Run 1627

Talofa Hashers Monday 18 June 2012 the run will be hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Witch Doctor at Le Manumea Resort, on the cross island road in Vailima. Try and park across the road or on the side street. For those who haven't been there yet, take the cross island road up the hill and its on the right. If you see the Stevenson Museum you have gone too far. We will provide catering, so please turn up for a good run, keg and food. Bring your $15 Hash Cash. No theme as yet but we may still think of one! On On Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1626

The Hash was hosted by Kevin and Sam at Seyluck Motors in Vaitele. A bit of a challenge to find the place, given the piss-poor map provided by the GM using 4 year old Google maps, but we all got there in the end. Kevin had set the trail on flour and he was a virgin Hare so this could be interesting. Off out left we went up the road that connects to Vaitele Market. It had been a warm day, but these open tarmacced spaces added to the heat factor and many were sweating right from the start. As with most of our virgin Hares, no circles had been set for a multiple check, but that was all right. Tallyho and Poumuli gamely trotted off to find two false trails at the first cross roads, meaning we could only go one way. Even further up this road (must remember to mark the street names! Basically straight up from Airport road we went) another false trail, this one totally overlooked by Gayboy. Eventually the trail was found off to the left and we thankfully left the tarmac for a narrow plantation trail, the only off-road we would get. Eventually we made our way back to the road leading to Yazaki and then it was on home. An overall interesting run, with only the heat diminishing the enjoyment. Back at Seyluck Titty Galore had delivered sweet coconuts and all was well. SOTB the GM was in fine form and called the circle to order. There were no newcomers to Hash, but a whole bunch of Rethreads were present. These were Horny Ho and her brood of kids, Flash Gordon, Emmy, Top Shelf, Defender and Buzzer. Tallyho was appointed to do the shoe inspection, and while he found no new shoes, he declared that the brave lass who had run in jandals should be awarded. Top Shelf got the Blisters Award while Poumuli joined in for Wahoo’s Leaning Award (which was quite deliberate!). Celebrity Awards went to Swinger (Malvern was in the paper), Slippery (wife in the paper), Captain Mortein and Top Shelf (for the Independence Day ½ marathon), Poumuli (letter to the Editor) and SOTB (quote in Newsline: My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch). This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (1940 Norway surrenders to the Nazis), SOTB (1770 Captain Cook runs aground on Great Barrier Reef), Crime (1962 only three men to escape Alcatraz, well what about Crime?), Lewinsky (international Day Against Child Labour) and Tallyho (1983 Pioneer 10 rocket is first manmade object to leave solar system, but was also projecting earthly sounds into space, and who else in Hash is capable of projecting earthly sounds into deep space?). The GM lunged into his own special awards, the first going to Poumuli for forgetting it was 20 years since his army days, and flinging himself off the Rock da Boat banister to bash the prick who was flirting with Wahoo was not sensible. The GM also gave a Stupid Loser Award to those who were at the dock and failed to get on the boat – Swinger and BB. On the run we had noticed that there were no check circles, so the Hare was brought forward for his poor marksmanship and Gayboy for missing an obvious false trail marker. Recalling last week’s Hash, the GM had noticed the brave steadfastness of one Hasher in continuing the party, but apparently as a result of this he was discovered later at home naked and plastered to/on the kitchen floor. An Image to Toss Your Biscuits To Award to Lewinsky. The blow is merely illustrative... Back to the run, the GM had spotted one Hash Mere believing she owned the road, as she was running in the middle of it on the way back. Road Safety Award to Witch Doctor. Then Defender was brought forward for a Hash Disrespect Award, since he had been fishing with Lewinsky and had refused to bring the catch to Hash. Final GM Award went to Tooth Fairy for being a Dishonest Hasher and not stepping forward for the Rethreads Awards, earning him a double for his sins of omission. Opening up for nominations, Poumuli had spotted a sign in San Francisco for the Atherton Car Centre, whose logo, well look for yourselves. Swinger of course. Gayboy nominated Sassygirl BJ for the Rescue Fail Award, for refusing to pick up a floundering paddler when she was captaining the rescue boat. Strangler had observed that the NZ helicopters that were going to do a fly-by on independence had to be grounded as they ran out of fuel due to the long speeches. This one went to Kiwi pilot Flash Gordon. Poumuli nominated Screamer for the Product Placement Award for her new brand of coffee. Flash Gordon had observed the strange but obviously advertising note on Lewinsky’s truck, for a Hindudai for Sale, so Crash Bandicoot and Lewinsky shared in the Accuracy in Advertising Award. Strangler bade him stay in the circle as he wanted a Bad Parenting Award for whoever had dressed the poor child in Ugg boots and stockings in this weather – Crash and Cougar shared that one, and were joined by Lewinsky for letting a screaming child remain in a closed up vehicle. Poumuli had sought some botanical advice from a Hasher whose job title Task Manager for Biodiversity Conservation. The response back had been, sorry mate ask Godfather or Swinger. A Dereliction of Duty Award to Hot Nuts, who was joined by Swinger since he didn’t know the answer. Swinger then nominated Screamer for poledancing drunk on an ava stick belonging to Godfather, and breaking it. Screamer needed the assistance of the GM for this Drunken Stripper Award. In a similar vein, POD had observed Cougar during a to’onai performing foreplay on Crash’s feet in front of kids and guests. This resulted in a Get A Room Already Award, though Tallyho declared that all Hash Meres should learn and do this. BB nominated the GM for getting pissed yet still being able to rescue the flailing fautasi rowers, and this was double for the Heroic Nature of the inebriation. At that point the Apia Hash Mad Monk appeared, and called forth Kyoko. Given the translation of her name, she will henceforth be known as Today. Hideo was also called forward, and he shall henceforth be known as Tomorrow. The Mad Monk had been in Manukau and had spotted a Hash Mere playing with some sharp instruments, so Emmy shall henceforth be known as Stiletto. As a woman with balls, she then turned her attention to Kevin, who fancies himself as a bit of a taupo, singing Purple Rain etc. He shall henceforth be known as Prince. Then one of our metal dudes was brought to his knees, and being hairy as, David shall henceforth be known as Ozzie Ozbourne. The hasher who plays so much with piping, Bruce, shall henceforth be known as Hot Flush. Finally, Sam was brought in, a guy who plays with cars and cuts ‘em up, and shall henceforth be known as Transporter. After the Mad Monk left, Poumuli nominated Stiletto for not confiscating his contraband at Auckland Airport (this was a bluff but no one caught it – we all know that Poumuli never smuggles anything!). She was joined by HH for not bringing the Hash BBQ. Transporter, desperately trying to get the Monk’s crap out of his eyes, nominated the GM for his piss-poor map. Finally, the hosts and the hare, Transporter, Prince, To’oai and Ronna were saluted, whilst Prince had to do a repeat for his hat. We descended on a great feast of BBQ, taro, palusami and sundries. Next week will be hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Witch Doctor at Le Manumea Resort in Vailima. The week after will be hosted by Captain Mortein and Slippery in Vaoala. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, June 11, 2012

Hash Run 1626 - Sam & Kevin @ Vaitele

Good Morning All,

Tonight's run is being hosted by Sam and Kevin at Vaitele, just behind the new Vaitele Market (Look out for Saeleck Motors - Mechanics Shop) The hosts have kindly offered to put on a spread for us so please make sure you bring your Hash Cash $15.

We will have our Keg, softies and sweet nuts so see you all there. If you get lost, please contact Lewinsky on 7528604 and he can give you more detailed directions although being hasher's, you shouldn't have any problems finding the place.

See you all there!
On On

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Rock the Boat- 8th June

Hi All,

We're looking at going on Rock the boat tomorrow and are keen to see who else is interested. If you need tickets, please contact Mustang Sally on 7778609 as she has some tickets reserved for hash. Tickets are $20 each. We want to have a good sized hash group on the night so if you are free, lets Rock The Boat!

On On

Monday, June 04, 2012

Hash Trash 1624

The Hash was hosted at HQ1. Crime had been co-opted as Hare, and set off along the seawall with a bag of flour. The pack was rallied by SOTB and off we went, the trail going out along the entire sea wall it seemed. At the back of the RSA there was some confusion but eventually we found the tral leading down Convent Street past McDonalds. Tallyho, Poumuli, Bruce and a few others were taking turns in leading, as the trail was lost a few times. This was especially the case when we reached the Vaitele road, as several local mutts had apparently been eating the flour! Past Ififi College we were all expecting to be sent back down to Beach Road, but no, Crime wanted us to run. Passing the track down to the creek twice, but no trail. So we ended up going all the way out to the UN complex and back down to HQ1 the long way. Unfortunately there were no sweet nuts to quench us – at the least the 6 or so who were dumb enough to do the whole trail. The vast majority had already returned to HQ1 on this warm afternoon. SOTB was able to muster enough energy to GM, and saw that there were no newcomers to Hash. But there were numerous rethreads – Crash Bandicoot, Poumuli, Lewinsky, AC/DC, Pro Bona and Bruce. No new shoes were found so Snake had to take one. Celebrity Awards went to Godfather (Crash took it), Lezzie (Sam took it) and Lewinsky (for Bill Clintons appearance at Cannes Film Festival with 3 porn stars). This Day in History went to Sassygirl BJ (451 battle between Armenians and the Sassanid Empire), Witch Doctor (1647 first execution of a witch in the US), Lewinsky (1997 Paula Jones trial proceeds with Lewinsky evidence), Poumuli (1940 UK, French, Polish and Norwegian troops defeat Germans at Narvik, 1st allied victory in WWII), and Pro Bona (its St. Bona’s Day). The Hash also welcomed a first time hash mere – Summer, duly taken by Lewinsky. The GM then initiated a convoluted fight over who had been the FRB, which eventually went to Tallyho. Then there was the hash mere who had turned up late and used Facebook to contact the GM for directions – Social Media Award to Toa’ai. AC/DC and Crash were done for leaning and it was doubled for wearing sunnies. Sassy then nominated the two hashers who had declined to be named and were now clamouring for it – Hideo and Yoko. She also managed to get a down-down for AC/DC for his marriage postponement and the lack of information to the Hash. Poumuli tried to get Crime for switching sides on the road the whole time, which backfired. The GM tried to get Kevin as an additional FRB, but it then emerged that Snake had passed him, only to run into his house for a quick beer. This was of course hashmanlike behaviour but resulted in an Early Start Award. Latecummer Cockblocker was welcomed back into the fold, while Tallyho wanted an award for the Super 6 who had completed the full trail. Bruce and Dave were given that one instead, the latter for going to cricket attendance. Sassy wanted to nominate Tallyho and Weathercock for being tonedeaf bastards, but they managed to get this backfired by stating that the Hash songs were songs of praise that require no harmony. Lewinsky wanted an award for Sam for being a cheap bastard in not providing a hash discount to Lewinsky. Sam countered that he had asked Lewinsky for one two years ago, didn’t get one and was merely repaying. But Sam wasn’t in the Hash 2 years ago, so down down. Snake managed to get Fang a farewell award as this is her last run til Christmas. Lewinsky had spotted Poumuli in Auckland transit and gave him a congratulatory award, which he joined for terrorizing Poumuli for what lay ahead. Bruce got Sassy for leaning, or the Decline of the Sassanid Empire Award. The Hare and the Host, Crime and Lewinsky were saluted. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit