Thursday, June 14, 2012

Hash Trash 1626

The Hash was hosted by Kevin and Sam at Seyluck Motors in Vaitele. A bit of a challenge to find the place, given the piss-poor map provided by the GM using 4 year old Google maps, but we all got there in the end. Kevin had set the trail on flour and he was a virgin Hare so this could be interesting. Off out left we went up the road that connects to Vaitele Market. It had been a warm day, but these open tarmacced spaces added to the heat factor and many were sweating right from the start. As with most of our virgin Hares, no circles had been set for a multiple check, but that was all right. Tallyho and Poumuli gamely trotted off to find two false trails at the first cross roads, meaning we could only go one way. Even further up this road (must remember to mark the street names! Basically straight up from Airport road we went) another false trail, this one totally overlooked by Gayboy. Eventually the trail was found off to the left and we thankfully left the tarmac for a narrow plantation trail, the only off-road we would get. Eventually we made our way back to the road leading to Yazaki and then it was on home. An overall interesting run, with only the heat diminishing the enjoyment. Back at Seyluck Titty Galore had delivered sweet coconuts and all was well. SOTB the GM was in fine form and called the circle to order. There were no newcomers to Hash, but a whole bunch of Rethreads were present. These were Horny Ho and her brood of kids, Flash Gordon, Emmy, Top Shelf, Defender and Buzzer. Tallyho was appointed to do the shoe inspection, and while he found no new shoes, he declared that the brave lass who had run in jandals should be awarded. Top Shelf got the Blisters Award while Poumuli joined in for Wahoo’s Leaning Award (which was quite deliberate!). Celebrity Awards went to Swinger (Malvern was in the paper), Slippery (wife in the paper), Captain Mortein and Top Shelf (for the Independence Day ½ marathon), Poumuli (letter to the Editor) and SOTB (quote in Newsline: My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch). This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (1940 Norway surrenders to the Nazis), SOTB (1770 Captain Cook runs aground on Great Barrier Reef), Crime (1962 only three men to escape Alcatraz, well what about Crime?), Lewinsky (international Day Against Child Labour) and Tallyho (1983 Pioneer 10 rocket is first manmade object to leave solar system, but was also projecting earthly sounds into space, and who else in Hash is capable of projecting earthly sounds into deep space?). The GM lunged into his own special awards, the first going to Poumuli for forgetting it was 20 years since his army days, and flinging himself off the Rock da Boat banister to bash the prick who was flirting with Wahoo was not sensible. The GM also gave a Stupid Loser Award to those who were at the dock and failed to get on the boat – Swinger and BB. On the run we had noticed that there were no check circles, so the Hare was brought forward for his poor marksmanship and Gayboy for missing an obvious false trail marker. Recalling last week’s Hash, the GM had noticed the brave steadfastness of one Hasher in continuing the party, but apparently as a result of this he was discovered later at home naked and plastered to/on the kitchen floor. An Image to Toss Your Biscuits To Award to Lewinsky. The blow is merely illustrative... Back to the run, the GM had spotted one Hash Mere believing she owned the road, as she was running in the middle of it on the way back. Road Safety Award to Witch Doctor. Then Defender was brought forward for a Hash Disrespect Award, since he had been fishing with Lewinsky and had refused to bring the catch to Hash. Final GM Award went to Tooth Fairy for being a Dishonest Hasher and not stepping forward for the Rethreads Awards, earning him a double for his sins of omission. Opening up for nominations, Poumuli had spotted a sign in San Francisco for the Atherton Car Centre, whose logo, well look for yourselves. Swinger of course. Gayboy nominated Sassygirl BJ for the Rescue Fail Award, for refusing to pick up a floundering paddler when she was captaining the rescue boat. Strangler had observed that the NZ helicopters that were going to do a fly-by on independence had to be grounded as they ran out of fuel due to the long speeches. This one went to Kiwi pilot Flash Gordon. Poumuli nominated Screamer for the Product Placement Award for her new brand of coffee. Flash Gordon had observed the strange but obviously advertising note on Lewinsky’s truck, for a Hindudai for Sale, so Crash Bandicoot and Lewinsky shared in the Accuracy in Advertising Award. Strangler bade him stay in the circle as he wanted a Bad Parenting Award for whoever had dressed the poor child in Ugg boots and stockings in this weather – Crash and Cougar shared that one, and were joined by Lewinsky for letting a screaming child remain in a closed up vehicle. Poumuli had sought some botanical advice from a Hasher whose job title Task Manager for Biodiversity Conservation. The response back had been, sorry mate ask Godfather or Swinger. A Dereliction of Duty Award to Hot Nuts, who was joined by Swinger since he didn’t know the answer. Swinger then nominated Screamer for poledancing drunk on an ava stick belonging to Godfather, and breaking it. Screamer needed the assistance of the GM for this Drunken Stripper Award. In a similar vein, POD had observed Cougar during a to’onai performing foreplay on Crash’s feet in front of kids and guests. This resulted in a Get A Room Already Award, though Tallyho declared that all Hash Meres should learn and do this. BB nominated the GM for getting pissed yet still being able to rescue the flailing fautasi rowers, and this was double for the Heroic Nature of the inebriation. At that point the Apia Hash Mad Monk appeared, and called forth Kyoko. Given the translation of her name, she will henceforth be known as Today. Hideo was also called forward, and he shall henceforth be known as Tomorrow. The Mad Monk had been in Manukau and had spotted a Hash Mere playing with some sharp instruments, so Emmy shall henceforth be known as Stiletto. As a woman with balls, she then turned her attention to Kevin, who fancies himself as a bit of a taupo, singing Purple Rain etc. He shall henceforth be known as Prince. Then one of our metal dudes was brought to his knees, and being hairy as, David shall henceforth be known as Ozzie Ozbourne. The hasher who plays so much with piping, Bruce, shall henceforth be known as Hot Flush. Finally, Sam was brought in, a guy who plays with cars and cuts ‘em up, and shall henceforth be known as Transporter. After the Mad Monk left, Poumuli nominated Stiletto for not confiscating his contraband at Auckland Airport (this was a bluff but no one caught it – we all know that Poumuli never smuggles anything!). She was joined by HH for not bringing the Hash BBQ. Transporter, desperately trying to get the Monk’s crap out of his eyes, nominated the GM for his piss-poor map. Finally, the hosts and the hare, Transporter, Prince, To’oai and Ronna were saluted, whilst Prince had to do a repeat for his hat. We descended on a great feast of BBQ, taro, palusami and sundries. Next week will be hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Witch Doctor at Le Manumea Resort in Vailima. The week after will be hosted by Captain Mortein and Slippery in Vaoala. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit

1 comment:

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