The Hash was hosted by Wahoo, Witch Doctor and yours truly at Le Manumea Resort, with much appreciation to Luna and Norman for allowing such a rowdy raucous bunch on the premises. The trail was set by Poumuli on paper and it was on out the gate and up the hill. Tallyho was in the lead at the start and acquired a few false trails before setting off down the road to the Stevenson Museum and into the botanical gardens. A false trail sent a large section of the pack heading up the track to the Tomb, as they had not listened well to instructions! The real trail meandered through the gardens and out of the Forestry station next to SPREP. Then down the hill to the creek again, following a familiar path through the overgrowth, as the Hare could not acquire a more interesting run. Well except for Tallyho who hadn’t been on that particular path before, or rather he hadn’t been heard on that path before. The trail led down the back roads to the Cross Island Road just below Myna’s Market and then on home. Godfather had thankfully supplied us with his sweet nuts, and the keg had finally arrived – it wasn’t installed when we set off. A modest run, with a lot of nature to step on and just a little bit of road to start and finish off with.
The GM SOTB was late in turning up, but nevertheless managed to get the circle organized. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, and these were Bruce (retired to Samoa), Neil (volunteer from NZ at SPREP) and Hazel (friend of Hornithologist). They were all given a down-down to test their mettle. There were a heap of rethreads, one of which – Luke had his doubled for leaning. Luke has returned to Apia after many years, but only for a brief visit. Home & Away has returned for some work with Samoa Air, while Offspring has been looking at fishes and trying to drown Your Scribe.
The GM quickly rounded on Hot Nuts who had been jabbering away and doing some standing yoga moves, whereupon HN got down on his hands and knees, pointed his arse at Home & Away (not Homo Away), and did some pushups for some inexplicable reason. Poumuli was soon called in for NOT finding any celebrities this week.
This Day in History Awards went to SOTB (1815 end of the Napoleonic wars; if only his Napoleonic tendencies could be equally defeated), Tallyho (1939 last public guillotining in France; good way to achieve some silence in the Hash circle), and Captain Mortein (1944 Iceland takes opportunity of WWII to secede from Denmark).
Opening up for nominations, Sassygirl BJ nominated Tallyho for nearly giving her a heart attack with his screaming on the trail. Tallyho rightly countered that he was only doing his duty in encouraging the Hash Meres to actually run. But the additional evidence of Tallyho stripping to his underwear in the carpark, and in front of hotel employees, made it a done deal, and Tallyho rose to the occasion.
Poumuli nominated Hot Nuts for not yet having discovered the Internet, as he had turned up at the wrong location for the Hash. After some explanation the GM ruled that HN was indeed computer illiterate.
Strangler was quick off the mark with a nomination for Poumuli for trying to sing a particular song at a social event and completely buggering it up by forgetting the words. Given the choice of trying to sing it again and taking the Bob Marley Turning in His Grave Award, the choice was simple – down-down.
Getting back to the Celebrity Awards, Hot Flush claimed that there had been a story in the paper about the son of a famous singer being in hospital, and that Poumuli had not picked that one up either. He was thus joined by Ozzie Ozbourne for this belated Celebrity Award.
A Latecummer Award went to Underrated, while Strangler tried to get the Hare for not leaving any crosses on the trail. As this had been clearly pointed out at the start, a Backfire Award was Strangled. Also being confused by the rules, Karaoke wanted to nominate Home & Away for talking on his cellphone during the run, so she too had a Boomerang.
Bruce then bravely stepped in and wanted to propose a toast to Chief Big Boo – this was a long story about how Big Boo had overdosed on ava, was asleep for ages, and when he woke up was the originator to the phrase Big Boo’s Up. This was quashed by the GM, who doubled the award for wearing a hat, and also dobbed in Poumuli for not explaining the rules to Bruce!
Another set of Latecummers, Kiwi and Lewinsky were welcomed in the circle, and the latter was pounced on by Sassy for having tried to scam Hash Cash with a 10 instead of a 50 (were her glasses missing?). Staying on the theme of irrational but amusing awards, Eveready nominated Tooth Fairy for a Dumass Award for not finding the trail, but since he has already left the award had to go to his partner-in-crime. Crime of course.
Talllyho had spotted another worthy cause for an award dash out the door also, in that Swinger had left early, and Godfather was closest living relative. Poumuli supported Tallyho by describing the decibel shattering that his eardrums had received care of Swinger, so the award stuck.
Ozzie noted that the GM had been derelict in his duties for not siccing a shoe inspector on the Hash, and hence nominated the GM for the Non Shoe Inspection Award. In what is becoming a ping-pong ritual, Strangler nominated a Hasher for the Bad Parenting Award, and Lewinsky drew a sigh of relief that this was aimed at Captain Mortein for not being around as a head injury was received by his daughter.
At this stage, Tallyho felt that there were many who might feel left out and nominated all non-nominees for a down-down, not realizing that this meant all of Prince, Mad Hatter, Sassy, Hot Flush, Ring Ring and Witch Doctor had to be quickly served by the acting Brewmaster. Home & Away tried to get Strangler a Dishonesty Award for drinking most of Mad Hatters’, but this appears in the rules as the Whipping Boy clause.
Lewinsky was then nominated for arranging a great stag party but failing in getting a stripper that he was not related to! For trying to get his cousin to strip Lewinsky thus got the Mississippi Award. Finally, Offspring nominated Poumuli for making them drag his sorry butt across a beach strewn with Crown-of-Thorns, but Your Scribe cannot remember whether this one backfired or not!
The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, with an insistence that Poumuli do a double for Wahoo and Hareing.
Next weeks run will be hosted by Captain Mortein and Slippery up in Vaoala. Watch the blog for a map. And Tallyho will be scribing next week, and possible the week after, as Poumuli jets off to Marshall Islands and Hawaii to further his impact on greenhouse gas emissions.
Poumuli, IKA Slit