Saturday, December 31, 2011

Hash Run 1603 - 2nd Jan 2012 - ACP Compound - Vaitele

Afternoon All,

Apologies for not having a run last week. Hope you have all recovered from the change of days/dates and you didn't miss out on too much when we skipped Friday.

This weeks run will be a BYO Run at ACP (Apia Concrete Products) in Vaitele. Run will start at 1730Hrs and we have managed to get a Keg for Monday. We will be at the back next to the big Shed so please park around the back.

Dont forget your $15 hash cash and see you all then.

On On

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Samoa loses a day and switches sides of the Dateline

After switching sides of the road to drive on in 2008, Samoa is making waves again in the global media as we countdown to losing a day come midnite tonite, 29th December. It has been approved that Samoa will switch from the eastern side of the dateline to the western side thereby effectively making Samoa the first country to see the sunrise each day. We kinda liked being the last country to see each day, and don't see the need to rush into another one!!! O yeah, we are taking our brothers and sisters on Tokelau Is., with us on this journey given that their main administrative headquarter is located in the city of Apia.

Trade-wise, it makes a lot of sense given our biggest trading partners are Australia and New Zealand, well if and when they sporadically allow exports citing phytosanitary restrictions etc., Let's not forget Asia as well and more specifically big brother China. China exports are flooding the local markets with their cheap goods. Samoa's accession to WTO means more imports which will greatly increase the trade deficit whilst we continue to be studied, surveyed and reviewed to kingdom come, as to how to increase agriculture production for the export market. The manufacturing sector will continue to have its woes where others get on with building their businesses and others continue to talk grandiose ideas of what can be done and how to do it, if only someone will give us the money to make it happen!!!!

Another plus to the change is the removal of confusion in the tourism industry!!! As one who has been in this industry, i can't recall the number of times, people messed up their bookings because they didn't realise they were arriving yesterday after they left Aussie or NZ today!!! How the heck does that happen??

Our country is so generous that all the employees will also be paid for a day that doesnt exist and they did not work!!! Whilst all employees don't have any qualm with this arrangement, the poor private sector is again hit with another non productive cost that they did not budget for.

There has been a lot of expressions of disappointment and others have reached new heights of "pissedoffedness" that they will miss out their birthdays and anniversaries.

It is but a day, but it still means something to everyone! So happy Birthday/anniversary to those that will miss theirs for 2011 and let us hope that 2012 will be a bit kinder to our country and our people!!

And a thought to end the year, let's shift side of the equator!! Some may ask, why the hell would we want to do that for?? Well it really is simple..."because we can do it!!!"

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hash Trash 1602

The Hash was hosted at Swinger’s house in Siusega by Swinger and BB. The run we were forewarned was a long one, and so it came to pass. Two long false trails were needed before we began to ascertain the deviousness of the Hare in using flour to set the trail. We ran up the hill towards the Orator, then through some back roads and familiar bush until we finally emerged on Aleisa road. At this point we came down to the sports facilities, and the unshaded road was blisteringly brutally hot. Were you born on the sun, was a question oft asked of Swinger, who to his credit was tagging along. So through the facilities we went, past the golf clubhouse, and that is where the Short Cutting Basterds started peeling off. For your Scribe the camel got broken by the final straw of seeing Tallyho in the distance move to the botanical gardens. Dehydrated and steaming, and with the assent of SOTB, we simply turned in an up by the horse race track.

Well done Swinger, torturer in chief, you can get a job in Syria! Good preparations for the pending Christmas feasts.

SOTB was too tired and emotional to be GM, so by popular demand we asked our irrepressible yet highly combustible Pom Tallyho to step in. This can be a mistake sometimes! He berated the stolid crowd for their perseverance in doing the run, meaning those basterds who did the whole thing! There were none new to Hash, but the Rethreads were BB, Mana, Swinger’s dog and Cockblocker. Mana forgot her hat, so had to re-do.

Celebrity Awards went to FBI (in the paper), Vai Vai (mentioned in letter to Editor), and Pat (modelling). These were taken by closest living relatives, Sam, Sexpot and CB, the latter for his penchant for dressing up. Mana joined in for having been on TV as a former Miss Samoa.

This Day in History went to Offspring (armed wing of ANC founded in 1961), Horny Ho (its Feast Day of Our Lady of Expectation), SOTB (in recognition as the only non-human in Hash for Human Solidarity Day), Seismic (1642 Tasman lands in NZ) and Lewinsky (2007 - to get a Lewinsky is given an entry in the US Concise Dictionary of Slang).

A wedding anniversary had been held this week, and Sassy was saluted, although when she said she wanted a small one, the GM retorted tartly that he hoped that hadn’t been the situation on her wedding night!
Turning to his practice of asking for a run report, he asked (actually lectured) the two front running basterds where the run actually went. This caused great consternation from CB and Sexpot who had been berated about it for quite a while. After much ado, with DMT trying to implicate Swinger, the two FRBs took their award at the insistence of the GM. However, they deliberately spilled their beer on him, and for this sacrilegious act of GM abuse they were made to re-do. All behind the GM moved aside until they were done!

Tallyho recounted how Christmas was such a festive season but during the 1600 run we had tried to cheer up the most miserable bastards, etc. sitting outside that place of ill repute On the Rocks. Lewinsky tried to defend himself by bringing in SOTB on the issue of the miserable git status of his old man, but this got nowhere.
Opening up for nominations, DMT wanted to give SOTB the Fun Nazi Award for shushing them away during the Friday Bluesky Fireworks. Turned out that SOTB was only the Skipper, and it was the Fire Chief himself who had been yelling. Since that is Sam’s boss, he got the Adhering To Fire Safety Award, but was joined by SOTB.

Witch Doctor was chided for letting the small child Pirate play with her cigarette pack, and she shared the Child Endangerment Award with Seismic. A Terrible Parenting Award went to Captain Mortein, thanks to SOTB, for making same child slave away with the food and nearly getting run over in the driveway (by Sassy by the way!). Sassy saw that one coming and quickly nominated the Scribe for being too drunk and leaving his notes behind at the 1600th (she stole them!).

Sexpot recalled that we had had this wedding anniversary noted already, but wanted a Good Son Award to SOTB for his extreme filial affection in arranging that fireworks to coincide with the celebration of his parents nuptial bliss. Sassy nominated the two hashers who had refused to be named, Hideo and Yoko.

Offspring in her own timid way, asked the whole Hash to do a down-down for Springbok. Recognizing that the keg was sagging the GM and Godfather took that one, while we all cheered to Springbok and for her hasty return to hashing with us.
The GM, suitably revived and lubricated now, suddenly remembered that our theme had been red and green for Christmas, and called for the two matching couples Captain and Pirate, Swinger and BB. DMT had been running with Offspring, and she had asked what the On On shouts were all about. She thus also wanted to nominate Godfather for not explaining the rules properly. Poumuli helpfully disagreed, that Godfather should not be held culpable, as Offspring has the attention span of a small rodent. For some inexplicable reason this caused an outcry, resulting in a down down for all three.

Sexpot had been having some trouble getting advertising space in the paper, since Bluesky had dominated all the pages recently. While this was deemed too close to commercial business, which is outside of Hash, the GM relented when Horny Ho told the heart rendering story of her visitors being blocked by a Bluesky car. As the sole representative of that telephonic outfit, SOTB reluctantly stepped forth.
Poumuli nominated BB for only going to the Suva Hash twice in all the time she has been there. In her defence she called the Suva Hash a bunch of old farts, which was an ill-advised tone to take with Tallyho, stalwart that he is of the Suva Hash! Compounding it was the fact that when several Apia Hashers went to Suva, we could only meet up with BB in a bar!

Swinger informed the Hash of the sad news of a fellow hasher being seriously injured on Friday. Ben is in the hospital with a badly broken leg, but is recovering. But the one Hasher who heard first and went to check up on him didn’t tell anyone. Incommunicado Award for Captain Mortein.

CB had been listening to former President Clinton at a Summit in Abu Dhabi – nice speech, but he demurred on a question because “he didn’t have his aide with him”. Missing in Action Award to Lewinsky.

The GM picked up on the jet setting earth saving work of CB, and asked Poumuli to join him in a Carbon Footprint Award. Sexpot then spotted Swinger’s cleaning our rivers t-shirt, which all agreed was misadvertisement. This was followed by a Dumbass Award to Sam for parking outside the Hash Gate and calling to ask for directions. Witch Doctor tried to get a rebuttal in regarding the ciggie butts, since Swinger had refused to put out any ashtrays, and SOTB spotted the GM leaning. The GM therefore hastily closed off proceedings and we saluted the hosts and the hare.

We have no idea where we will run next week, although a suggestion was made that we could have it before the Horse Races. Stay tuned to the Blog

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1600

The Hash was hosted out at the Snake Pit, and we had a jolly good turnout. Tallyho was dressed up as Santa (Bad/Skinny/Mean – take your pick!) and proceeded to climb up on the Fire Truck with assorted kids and parents too lazy to run. We set off first to Amanaki, where we sang for what appeared to be the entire Japanese contingent in Samoa. On we went to Cappuccino Vineyard where the pack serenaded all and sundry in the streets, and we were joined by Pirate Princess skipping off from work. On on we went to On The Rocks, where the guests were not too happy for the interruption. We stopped off at Aggie Greys, where Godfather led the Hash in a moment of silence and a prayer for good health and continued blessings for the Grey family in this time of distress for them. It was then down to Paddles and the Marina, followed by a stop at Y-Not. Since most of the Hashers had not heeded the call to take it easy on the down-downs, the run back was a sorry affair, with many struggling to keep up with the rabbit feet of Vai Vai, Crime and Mike who were leading going back in a very athletic display.

SOTB our GM had made it back from Pago just in time, and while somewhat frazzled called the hash circle to order. This was not going to be easy with sheer numbers that we had present, including screaming kids high off all the lollies that Tallyho had scattered about. First off SOTB thanked all the sponsors – Aqua Samoa, Westpac, Pure Blonde, Sinalei, Vailima, Y-Not for their generous support, especially for the cool new Hash shirts. He also thanked the Fire Department for bringing the truck.
The GM then called forth those new to Hash – there was Pati, Sam, a friend of Steve’s, a friend of Tiger Woody – too many, will need to look at the Hash Cash sheet to clear this up! The same thing with the Rethreads – I counted in Do Me Twice, Ali, Soprano, Seismic, Tooth Fairy, Swinger, but lost track after Auntie Bev. Could not hear what the excuses were – choice between light to write by, or screaming kids!

New Shoes were found on Karaoke, who under protest drank them clean with much aplomb.
This Day in History we had Michael being crowned Eastern Roman Emperor in 1041, and in 2006 Monica got her MA in psychology. There was also the 1941 declaration of war by Hungary on the US – that worked out real well for them! Closest living relative to Zsa Zsa was deemed to be Captain Mortein, surprise. But Lewinsky had his own retaliatory list of historic dates, and dobbed in Pirate Princess (for the Captain), Tallyho, Tiger Woody, Ninja, Poumuli, and I can’t recall who got the Oldsmobile going off the market to be non-discriminatory against old people – check the photos from Slippery!

Celebrity Awards went to Vai Vai (letter to the Editor) and Ring Ring (on TV). Some firemen who arrived late were given a taste of hash. The GM then sought to honour one of the Hash Teams that had participated in the Perimeter Relay, and those present were joined by closest living relatives to receive Das Boot! Cocktails on the Rocks team – Mike, Captain Mortein, Josh, Alan, Swinger, DMT and Horny Ho. It was a struggle to complete the task but they did it.

Turning to the GM’s Awards, he had noticed that there was a star missing from the Southern Cross in the new Hash Logo, so the Prime Minister Award went to Slim Shady. A Showing Off Award went to Vai Vai and Crime for running so fast at the end. The GM had also been watching TV in Pago, and had seen a dance crew from On The Rocks that were frankly poofters, and thus awarded Lewinsky the Gay Sponsor of the Year Award. Poumuli felt strongly that the GM should join in for watching a gay TV channel while overseas, but this was sadly reversed, and he was joined by loud chattering nabobs Rottweiler, Kiwi and Soprano.

On the run back the GM had noticed that Santa had joined in the running, and Tallyho defended this by saying he was bothered by all the chariot riding and the lack of suitably aged Hash Meres to sit on his lap. In another GM award, a Hasher had left the keg tap open – dumbass award to Mike. The GM then called on the Band of Angels team to try their luck at Das Boot, which they did in 45 seconds, much speedier than that other lot. Crime apparently had been doing his bit for internationalism – that is partying with the Christchurch Hash Meres, so they all got a special Hash gift thanks to Ring Ring, who joined them in the down-down. But before that the Christchurchers in turn had a gift for Crime, even though two of them had dropped out, and for some reason the girls got the glass prick.

Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Tallyho for the Bad Santa Award for encouraging dysentery by dropping the lollies in puddles. Tallyho defended this practice vigorously, that he was only trying to toughen up their immune systems. After a vote, Tallyho succumbed.

Slim Shady nominated the GM for dedication to duty for coming back on time for the Hash, and for some reason Witch Doctor joined in. Princess of Darkness nominated Snake for hosting this 25th Anniversary of Hash in Samoa, and got the GM to join in for not mentioning this earlier. POD had also been updating the run lists, and had found that Captain Mortein had come to the most runs in 2011.

Tallyho nominated Seismic for not chiming in on the carol singing. Then for the Annual Awards, we had Celebrity of the Week of the Year Award was then given to Godfather, Sassy and Poumuli (need to check up on that one next year!). Front Running Hash Meres of the Year went to Ring Ring, Moa, Beck and Nicole. Front Running Hasher of the Year went to Cockblocker (through DMT), Captain Mortein, Vai Vai, with the add-ons of Lewinsky and SOTB for their Perimeter Relay performance. Most Down-Downs for the Year Award went to Captain Mortein, while Hashers with most Unexcused Absence Award went to Poumuli, Slippery and Titty Galore. The Best Run of the Year Award went to Snake. Hussy of the Year Award went to Horny Ho, and Prick of the Year went to CB, and this was taken by Sam.

At that point the Apia Hash Mad Monk appeared, and called forward Beck, who henceforth shall be known as Desperate Housewife. Mike was also made to kneel, and he shall henceforth be known as Sexpot.

Unfortunately Hideo and Yoko declined the honour of being named, probably something lost in translation.

Mismanagement was called forth and saluted, followed by the Hosts.
All in all this was a great celebration for Apia Hash – 25 years and 1600 runs. While having that amount of additional people and that many kegs was a recipe for disaster, we managed to pull it off and get through. Hopefully we haven’t offended too many people, but hey that’s Hash.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1599B

The Hash was hosted out at Tafatafa Beach. Your Scribe had arrived at 6 AM that morning so was a bit worse for wear. Consequently the notes do not make any sense. The run apparently was quite a tough one according to Godfather and Tallyho, so big thanks to Crime. Your Scribe was asleep in the fale for all of that.
Tallyho stepped in as GM for the afternoon, and called forth those new to Hash – none. Then there were the rethreads, namely Poumuli. New shoes were found on Moa and one of the Christchurch visitors.

No celebrity awards were recorded, but on this day in history we had International Mountain Day, which went to Captain Mortein (Denmark is devoid of mountains), and in 1995 Monica was transferred out of the White House.

There then followed an incomprehensible gibberish in my notes, but Sassy nominated Vai Vai for something, as well as the Christchurch girls. Poumuli and Lewinsky were dobbed in twice, which kind of explains the unreadable pages. Tallyho was also rather upset with the lack of an appropriate run report, and the final entry says that Crime #$%$.

Sorry, should have asked for a replacement Scribe, but that is what you get for coming straight to Hash from the airport!
On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, December 16, 2011

Hash Run 1602

Talofa All...
Yes, the next run will technically be the 1602nd run!

The run is being hosted by Swinger and BB in Siusega at Swinger's pad. The hosts have requested that this be a BYO BBQ, so please bring something to share. The theme for the run will be to wear something green or red.

There will be a keg on Monday too as well as softies and Godfathers "sweet nuts"...

Run starts 1730HRS and please bring your hash cash ($15 SAT)

See the map for directions
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Hash Trash 1599

Dear all
a belated post from Spanky for the the run 1599.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hosted by Mike and Becks at Yacht Club
Live hare – Godfather
GM was Tallyho, which is always an adventure!
New to Apia Hash was the Christchurch Hashers: Worker Shirker, Labrat, MILF and Flapper, Spanky’s friend Alice visiting for 2 weeks and Greeny’s friend Ella visiting for 1 night!
Retreads FBI and River were welcomed back.
Shoe Inspector found 2 new boots! Happy Feet and Ella – Lewinsky took Happy Feet’s out of his own shoes and Ella was a trooper and dranks hers out of her new shoes!
Celebrities included Mike for publishing helpful information on saving money – so you can buy more beer! And of course Sassy, who is in contention for most times mentioned in Samoan Observer. Ever.
GM Tallyho proceeded with This Day in History by assuming something must have happened in Denmark and with Monica. Also, it’s actually International Volunteer Day so Spanky represented the amazingly hard working volunteers in Samoa and Captain Mortein and Lewinsky represented Denmark and Monica, respectively.
No GM awards opened the floor right up to Sassy Girl, who welcomed the well dressed, matching CHCH Christchurch Hasher ladies! They all wore pink shirts that said they like to “shake it all night long” and matching skirts. Looking forward to 1600 because we’ve been told they have a new outfit for 1600 as well! They came all the way from Garden City to be here for the week of the 1600 and enjoy a short Samoa vacation as well. When they went for the downdown, they started singing B-I-M-B-O and the circle joined enthusiastically to welcome Labrat, WorkerShirker, MILF and Flapper!
Fast hands award to GM for spilling some beersky. Sassy nominated Mike for dropping a sausage on the ground but then putting it back on the grill. Right of Reply – 3 second rule. GM agrees and Sassy drinks. Remind me not to eat at GM nor Mike’s house any time soon!
FBI nominated Dev who has been around for a few years and came to Hash on his last night to say goodbye! He took his downdown right before heading to the airport. You will be missed, Devster!!
Mike noticed history repeating itself when more articles have been published about huge fish being caught – but none of our hash fisherpeople caught them! Shame. Hooker Lua and Lewinsky take the blame.
GM is in LOVE with the necklace mugs that Ringring made. He says they are great! Everyone should have one! They are great! Everyone should have 2! They are great! Tallyho and Ringring get a downdown to demonstrate and Ringring pours hers into Tallyho’s necklace mug putting it to good use!
They are nice cocout drinking vessels, by the way. 1600 comemorative coconut drinking vessels – it’s what all the cool kids are drinking from these days!
Tiger Woody arrived! Downdown. Snake adds that it should be a double because he thought the 1600 run was today. Silly Tiger.
Hooker Lua has it on good authority that Godfather forgot his girlfriend’s birthday, took her to someone else’s birthday party, gave her takeaway and said it was her present. Poor form! Godfather had no response.
Downdowns for the enthusiastic first time hosts Becks and Mike!
Malo lava and see you at the 1600 next week!

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Hash Run 1599A - Tafatafa Beach - Sunday 11th Dec 2011

Good Evening All,

Sunday's hash run will be at Tafatafa Beach on the South Coast. The Run will start at 11am followed by a traditional Umu for lunch around 12:30pm. We have 4 Fales booked for Monday so don't worry about booking yourself a fale unless you plan to go early and spend the weekend there.

We will collect hash cash of $10 per person on the day and we will have some drinks down there at the beach on the day (Beers, Coconuts, Softies) but feel free to bring some more of your own if you plan on getting completely plastered.

It is advisable to car pool and then head down so as to limit the number of "drunk" hashers driving back to town after the run. For those who are driving down, there will be a $10-$15 charge for your vehicles.

If you have any more questions about the day, please call Lewinsky on 7528604, POD on 7528605 or Sassy on 7574250

On On

Monday, December 05, 2011

Hash Run 1599 - Mike and Becks- Apia Yacht Club, Mulinu'u

Morning All,
Tonight's run will be hosted by Mike and Becks from the Apia Yacht Club. There is no theme for today, but bring a change of clothes if you are keen for a swim after the run...I am sure you will want to jump into the ocean after tonight's run.

The hosts have kindly offered to provide the food for tonight and we will also have our Keg, Softies and sweet nuts.

Run starts at 1730Hrs...
See you all there

On On