Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hash Trash 1602

The Hash was hosted at Swinger’s house in Siusega by Swinger and BB. The run we were forewarned was a long one, and so it came to pass. Two long false trails were needed before we began to ascertain the deviousness of the Hare in using flour to set the trail. We ran up the hill towards the Orator, then through some back roads and familiar bush until we finally emerged on Aleisa road. At this point we came down to the sports facilities, and the unshaded road was blisteringly brutally hot. Were you born on the sun, was a question oft asked of Swinger, who to his credit was tagging along. So through the facilities we went, past the golf clubhouse, and that is where the Short Cutting Basterds started peeling off. For your Scribe the camel got broken by the final straw of seeing Tallyho in the distance move to the botanical gardens. Dehydrated and steaming, and with the assent of SOTB, we simply turned in an up by the horse race track.

Well done Swinger, torturer in chief, you can get a job in Syria! Good preparations for the pending Christmas feasts.

SOTB was too tired and emotional to be GM, so by popular demand we asked our irrepressible yet highly combustible Pom Tallyho to step in. This can be a mistake sometimes! He berated the stolid crowd for their perseverance in doing the run, meaning those basterds who did the whole thing! There were none new to Hash, but the Rethreads were BB, Mana, Swinger’s dog and Cockblocker. Mana forgot her hat, so had to re-do.

Celebrity Awards went to FBI (in the paper), Vai Vai (mentioned in letter to Editor), and Pat (modelling). These were taken by closest living relatives, Sam, Sexpot and CB, the latter for his penchant for dressing up. Mana joined in for having been on TV as a former Miss Samoa.

This Day in History went to Offspring (armed wing of ANC founded in 1961), Horny Ho (its Feast Day of Our Lady of Expectation), SOTB (in recognition as the only non-human in Hash for Human Solidarity Day), Seismic (1642 Tasman lands in NZ) and Lewinsky (2007 - to get a Lewinsky is given an entry in the US Concise Dictionary of Slang).

A wedding anniversary had been held this week, and Sassy was saluted, although when she said she wanted a small one, the GM retorted tartly that he hoped that hadn’t been the situation on her wedding night!
Turning to his practice of asking for a run report, he asked (actually lectured) the two front running basterds where the run actually went. This caused great consternation from CB and Sexpot who had been berated about it for quite a while. After much ado, with DMT trying to implicate Swinger, the two FRBs took their award at the insistence of the GM. However, they deliberately spilled their beer on him, and for this sacrilegious act of GM abuse they were made to re-do. All behind the GM moved aside until they were done!

Tallyho recounted how Christmas was such a festive season but during the 1600 run we had tried to cheer up the most miserable bastards, etc. sitting outside that place of ill repute On the Rocks. Lewinsky tried to defend himself by bringing in SOTB on the issue of the miserable git status of his old man, but this got nowhere.
Opening up for nominations, DMT wanted to give SOTB the Fun Nazi Award for shushing them away during the Friday Bluesky Fireworks. Turned out that SOTB was only the Skipper, and it was the Fire Chief himself who had been yelling. Since that is Sam’s boss, he got the Adhering To Fire Safety Award, but was joined by SOTB.

Witch Doctor was chided for letting the small child Pirate play with her cigarette pack, and she shared the Child Endangerment Award with Seismic. A Terrible Parenting Award went to Captain Mortein, thanks to SOTB, for making same child slave away with the food and nearly getting run over in the driveway (by Sassy by the way!). Sassy saw that one coming and quickly nominated the Scribe for being too drunk and leaving his notes behind at the 1600th (she stole them!).

Sexpot recalled that we had had this wedding anniversary noted already, but wanted a Good Son Award to SOTB for his extreme filial affection in arranging that fireworks to coincide with the celebration of his parents nuptial bliss. Sassy nominated the two hashers who had refused to be named, Hideo and Yoko.

Offspring in her own timid way, asked the whole Hash to do a down-down for Springbok. Recognizing that the keg was sagging the GM and Godfather took that one, while we all cheered to Springbok and for her hasty return to hashing with us.
The GM, suitably revived and lubricated now, suddenly remembered that our theme had been red and green for Christmas, and called for the two matching couples Captain and Pirate, Swinger and BB. DMT had been running with Offspring, and she had asked what the On On shouts were all about. She thus also wanted to nominate Godfather for not explaining the rules properly. Poumuli helpfully disagreed, that Godfather should not be held culpable, as Offspring has the attention span of a small rodent. For some inexplicable reason this caused an outcry, resulting in a down down for all three.

Sexpot had been having some trouble getting advertising space in the paper, since Bluesky had dominated all the pages recently. While this was deemed too close to commercial business, which is outside of Hash, the GM relented when Horny Ho told the heart rendering story of her visitors being blocked by a Bluesky car. As the sole representative of that telephonic outfit, SOTB reluctantly stepped forth.
Poumuli nominated BB for only going to the Suva Hash twice in all the time she has been there. In her defence she called the Suva Hash a bunch of old farts, which was an ill-advised tone to take with Tallyho, stalwart that he is of the Suva Hash! Compounding it was the fact that when several Apia Hashers went to Suva, we could only meet up with BB in a bar!

Swinger informed the Hash of the sad news of a fellow hasher being seriously injured on Friday. Ben is in the hospital with a badly broken leg, but is recovering. But the one Hasher who heard first and went to check up on him didn’t tell anyone. Incommunicado Award for Captain Mortein.

CB had been listening to former President Clinton at a Summit in Abu Dhabi – nice speech, but he demurred on a question because “he didn’t have his aide with him”. Missing in Action Award to Lewinsky.

The GM picked up on the jet setting earth saving work of CB, and asked Poumuli to join him in a Carbon Footprint Award. Sexpot then spotted Swinger’s cleaning our rivers t-shirt, which all agreed was misadvertisement. This was followed by a Dumbass Award to Sam for parking outside the Hash Gate and calling to ask for directions. Witch Doctor tried to get a rebuttal in regarding the ciggie butts, since Swinger had refused to put out any ashtrays, and SOTB spotted the GM leaning. The GM therefore hastily closed off proceedings and we saluted the hosts and the hare.

We have no idea where we will run next week, although a suggestion was made that we could have it before the Horse Races. Stay tuned to the Blog

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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