Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hash Trash 1600

The Hash was hosted out at the Snake Pit, and we had a jolly good turnout. Tallyho was dressed up as Santa (Bad/Skinny/Mean – take your pick!) and proceeded to climb up on the Fire Truck with assorted kids and parents too lazy to run. We set off first to Amanaki, where we sang for what appeared to be the entire Japanese contingent in Samoa. On we went to Cappuccino Vineyard where the pack serenaded all and sundry in the streets, and we were joined by Pirate Princess skipping off from work. On on we went to On The Rocks, where the guests were not too happy for the interruption. We stopped off at Aggie Greys, where Godfather led the Hash in a moment of silence and a prayer for good health and continued blessings for the Grey family in this time of distress for them. It was then down to Paddles and the Marina, followed by a stop at Y-Not. Since most of the Hashers had not heeded the call to take it easy on the down-downs, the run back was a sorry affair, with many struggling to keep up with the rabbit feet of Vai Vai, Crime and Mike who were leading going back in a very athletic display.

SOTB our GM had made it back from Pago just in time, and while somewhat frazzled called the hash circle to order. This was not going to be easy with sheer numbers that we had present, including screaming kids high off all the lollies that Tallyho had scattered about. First off SOTB thanked all the sponsors – Aqua Samoa, Westpac, Pure Blonde, Sinalei, Vailima, Y-Not for their generous support, especially for the cool new Hash shirts. He also thanked the Fire Department for bringing the truck.
The GM then called forth those new to Hash – there was Pati, Sam, a friend of Steve’s, a friend of Tiger Woody – too many, will need to look at the Hash Cash sheet to clear this up! The same thing with the Rethreads – I counted in Do Me Twice, Ali, Soprano, Seismic, Tooth Fairy, Swinger, but lost track after Auntie Bev. Could not hear what the excuses were – choice between light to write by, or screaming kids!

New Shoes were found on Karaoke, who under protest drank them clean with much aplomb.
This Day in History we had Michael being crowned Eastern Roman Emperor in 1041, and in 2006 Monica got her MA in psychology. There was also the 1941 declaration of war by Hungary on the US – that worked out real well for them! Closest living relative to Zsa Zsa was deemed to be Captain Mortein, surprise. But Lewinsky had his own retaliatory list of historic dates, and dobbed in Pirate Princess (for the Captain), Tallyho, Tiger Woody, Ninja, Poumuli, and I can’t recall who got the Oldsmobile going off the market to be non-discriminatory against old people – check the photos from Slippery!

Celebrity Awards went to Vai Vai (letter to the Editor) and Ring Ring (on TV). Some firemen who arrived late were given a taste of hash. The GM then sought to honour one of the Hash Teams that had participated in the Perimeter Relay, and those present were joined by closest living relatives to receive Das Boot! Cocktails on the Rocks team – Mike, Captain Mortein, Josh, Alan, Swinger, DMT and Horny Ho. It was a struggle to complete the task but they did it.

Turning to the GM’s Awards, he had noticed that there was a star missing from the Southern Cross in the new Hash Logo, so the Prime Minister Award went to Slim Shady. A Showing Off Award went to Vai Vai and Crime for running so fast at the end. The GM had also been watching TV in Pago, and had seen a dance crew from On The Rocks that were frankly poofters, and thus awarded Lewinsky the Gay Sponsor of the Year Award. Poumuli felt strongly that the GM should join in for watching a gay TV channel while overseas, but this was sadly reversed, and he was joined by loud chattering nabobs Rottweiler, Kiwi and Soprano.

On the run back the GM had noticed that Santa had joined in the running, and Tallyho defended this by saying he was bothered by all the chariot riding and the lack of suitably aged Hash Meres to sit on his lap. In another GM award, a Hasher had left the keg tap open – dumbass award to Mike. The GM then called on the Band of Angels team to try their luck at Das Boot, which they did in 45 seconds, much speedier than that other lot. Crime apparently had been doing his bit for internationalism – that is partying with the Christchurch Hash Meres, so they all got a special Hash gift thanks to Ring Ring, who joined them in the down-down. But before that the Christchurchers in turn had a gift for Crime, even though two of them had dropped out, and for some reason the girls got the glass prick.

Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Tallyho for the Bad Santa Award for encouraging dysentery by dropping the lollies in puddles. Tallyho defended this practice vigorously, that he was only trying to toughen up their immune systems. After a vote, Tallyho succumbed.

Slim Shady nominated the GM for dedication to duty for coming back on time for the Hash, and for some reason Witch Doctor joined in. Princess of Darkness nominated Snake for hosting this 25th Anniversary of Hash in Samoa, and got the GM to join in for not mentioning this earlier. POD had also been updating the run lists, and had found that Captain Mortein had come to the most runs in 2011.

Tallyho nominated Seismic for not chiming in on the carol singing. Then for the Annual Awards, we had Celebrity of the Week of the Year Award was then given to Godfather, Sassy and Poumuli (need to check up on that one next year!). Front Running Hash Meres of the Year went to Ring Ring, Moa, Beck and Nicole. Front Running Hasher of the Year went to Cockblocker (through DMT), Captain Mortein, Vai Vai, with the add-ons of Lewinsky and SOTB for their Perimeter Relay performance. Most Down-Downs for the Year Award went to Captain Mortein, while Hashers with most Unexcused Absence Award went to Poumuli, Slippery and Titty Galore. The Best Run of the Year Award went to Snake. Hussy of the Year Award went to Horny Ho, and Prick of the Year went to CB, and this was taken by Sam.

At that point the Apia Hash Mad Monk appeared, and called forward Beck, who henceforth shall be known as Desperate Housewife. Mike was also made to kneel, and he shall henceforth be known as Sexpot.

Unfortunately Hideo and Yoko declined the honour of being named, probably something lost in translation.

Mismanagement was called forth and saluted, followed by the Hosts.
All in all this was a great celebration for Apia Hash – 25 years and 1600 runs. While having that amount of additional people and that many kegs was a recipe for disaster, we managed to pull it off and get through. Hopefully we haven’t offended too many people, but hey that’s Hash.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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