Thursday, November 29, 2012

Hash Run 1651

The hash will be hosted by the Westpac boys David and Skidmark up in Vaoala. Compound is approximately 300 mtrs past Myna's on the right hand side (going up the hill). Look for a white block wall (opposite Seascape).

You will need to park on the side of Cross Island Road.

Food will be provided so just bring your Hash Cash for the keg - hopefully Da Head will comply with instructions this week!

Towel/ swimmers if you want use the pool afterwards

On On and see y'all in January
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Hash Trash 1650

The Hash was hosted and hared by Weathercock out in Siusega. As is usual this time of year, what with daylight savings, it was bloody hot, so we tallied a little before setting off on what was described as a devious run. At the corner by the humongous church was our first check. The correct road to take was to the right of the church which gave Poumuli a head start on Tallyho, who aided by the new medical students bounded on. We continued for a while up this road until Hornithologist spotted the trail on a track into the bush. We emerged on a street that I believe leads to USP, but the trail was set otherwise, and we now tracked north again until we emerged on the main road to Tafagata for a Hash Halt. At this stage Tallyho instructed the walkers to turn left back to the house while the running hashers turned right. Down at the bridge we turned into the creek bed of the now dry Fululasau River. This was an ankle wrenching ordeal of gigantic proportions and there was much whingeing on the trail. We followed the river at walking speed until we emerged at the new construction area, ploughed through some familiar bush, and ended up at the bottom corner of the golf course, and then it was simply follow the road home. Your Scribe had pulled a calf muscle, but remarkably he wasn’t the last through the gates, as two med students ambled in much later, having been lost in the bushy parts. A good run with some very hot and hard bits.

Back at the house a cool pile of Godfather’s sweet nuts was being broached, and as Da Head had failed to deliver the keg, we resorted to using bottles, which must be a first in Apia Hash History at least in recent memory. Sassygirl BJ stood in as the GM for the circle, and called in those new to Hash to introduce themselves. These were Glenn brought by someone called David, Hannah, Jill, Sarah, Claire and Craig all brought by the med students. Rethreads were Dizzy and his wife, Carlos and Kiwi Tiger Woody. There was some near false accusations flying around Skunk, but eventually this was sorted and he joined Tallyho in his Failure Award.

Celebrity awards went to Slim Shady and Swinger (photo in Observer, of SS and Swinger’s mum), Sassy for getting some meditation award, and Hippy for being on TV. This Day in History Awards went to Prince (closest living relative to Dr Goldfinger, for St Cecilia’s Day), Tallyho (1859 – Darwin publishes Origin of the Species, oft celebrated as Evolution Day, and as he hasn’t evolved much…), Craig (1947 – NZ becomes independent of  legislative control from London), Slim Shady (International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women) and Lewinsky (1995 – Clinton continues “not to have sexual relations with that woman”).

Turning to the run report, the GM had seen a small sexual predator on the prowl, luring females to run out and prostrate themselves. Swinger’s dog was the perpetrator so its owner got the APS Failed Award. Then there was the Hashman  Rejected Award to Stick for being too sweaty after the run when greeting Hippy. An Environmentalist Confusion Award went to the hare for using lots then too little then lots of paper again.

Snake and Skunk were given the Jamie Oliver Award for cleaning the BBQ then bitching about it. We also had a Hash Mere leaving us – Today is leaving tomorrow, but not Tomorrow, and gave a lovely speech thanking the Hash for our friendship. Sayonara and see you again soon.
Opening up for nominations, Tallyho nominated Weathercock for having set his last run for the year, and in commemoration he had found a blue ladies undergarment on the run for placement in the Hash Shrine. When it was ascertained that there was also a white stain on this garment Lewinsky was compelled to join in.

Prick of the Week Award went to Poumuli. Prince had met him looking downcast at the airport, as he had been refused to go on the flight the night before for being to pissed, then falling over and hurting his back and nearly missing baby shower in Auckland. The defence that this was Hashmanlike behaviour fell on deaf legless ears.

Snake had been asked by a Hash Mere to pick up some med students, which he demurred until told it was 4 females, and then when he turned up at the pick up spot 8 males jumped in instead. False Representation Award to Sassy.

Poumuli’s attempt at revenge failed miserably, trying to get Lewinsky for not coming to Hash in Auckland with SOTB, and while lying is not an offence in the circle the plane schedule should have been checked, so Poumuli took a spurious False Accusation Award.
Dizzy was given a Dizzy Award for calling 6 times for directions to Hash. Swinger was mad at the non-appearance of the promised Thanksgiving Turkey, so Snake and Skunk were called forth and joined by Eveready for not cooking the non-existent turkey.

Thinking of setting out on a weekend bike tour, but having flat tires, Slim Shady turned to the person she deemed would be most helpful, namely Stick. He proceeded to pump up the tires until the inner tube exploded, scaring a small child in the neighbourhood.

Lewinsky had not rested long his wicked devious mind and added the Tit of the Week Award to Poumuli’s tally, by making up a story about leaving the pregnant Wahoo behind at the Viaduct. Weathercock had been sitting in a leaky boat with Ring Ring and he had offered her the cover of his sizeable lava-lava, which she refused, hence a Not Coming Under the Lava-lava Award.

Sassy then awarded one of the med students the Cant Count Award for sending a flurry of texts vastly exaggerating the numbers that would turn up at Hash. Sassy then celebrated the defeat of Samoa by France, which was taken by Kiwi Tiger Woody and Claire (I think). Weathercock rewarded the two med students who got lost with the Blind Leading the Blind Award (Retarded category).

Tallyho had been observing the proceedings closely and decreed that someone had been a little bit too schadenfreude about giving out dobs, so the Angry Bird Award went to Lewinsky. He then led the Hash in the Hash Anthem to farewell Today, having pointed out quite graphically the differences between the ladies and mens motions. The Hare and Host was thanked, and we had a sausage fest.

Check the blog for next week’s run. We will also need a Scribe for the next month or so.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, November 26, 2012

It's time to VOTE!

Good Morning AHHH's

It's that time of the year again. Christmas is just around the corner and our X-Mas Hash Run is a few weeks away and its time for you to cast your Votes for the "Prick of the Year" and the "Tit of the Year".

We will also be posting a Poll shortly on the "Best Run of the Year". While we work on our 'top 10' list, please feel free to nominate any run that you think should go in the Poll for the best run of the year. You can email your nominations through to or

Happy Voting


1650 Thanksgiving Run - Weathercock's @ Siusega

Hallo Hashers

Today's hash will be at Weathercock's place at Siusega. It is a thanksgiving Run and we thank Snake for offering to provide a turkey...whether he has found someone to cook it is another story so you may have to spend time sitting on your piece of turkey to cook it lol!

From the look of the weather, Weathercock has also organised crappy weather to go so please bring something warm to change into.

Our nectar in a barrel will be there so bring your Hash Cash... Can anyone remember what we were suppose to put into food?? besides the turkey from Snake??

In any case...see you all there...if you need a map, look up the previous maps on the blog and if you cant do that then call me on 7574250...



Friday, November 16, 2012

Hash Run 1649 @ Screamer's

Talofa Hashers
Monday's run will be hosted by Screamer at her house in Siusega. The theme for the run is Diwali, so bring something light and cheerful, carry a candle or a torch, or dress like your favorite Bollywood star. You know the wallies who break into dance at the drop of a hat, no rhythm and generally bloody annoying.
It has been decreed that as a test the run will commence at 6 PM. This is to make up for daylight savings and because Screamer doesn't get up any earlier. There will be a keg but please bring some stuff for the BBQ.
Please do not park in the neighbors yard, try and park inside the gate. You may want to swim so bring some togs, but no diving into the pool without showering off first - CB!
Have a nice run, I will be in Aotearoa.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Hash Trash 1648

In the beginning there was light, and it was good. And thus, lo, woe unto us then with daylight savings time. For as the Grand Tribal Elders of the Hash, those of mismanagement, have not as  yet had the gumption to sit down and ponder, the Hash was yet again commenced at the appointed time of 5.30, as decreed by the stone tablets posted on the internet. In the days of HRPPites, Hashers from near and far travelled to the house of Sicak Somun, or Hot Nuts, and many weary Hashers were allowed to make their ablutions in his outhouse. Hailing us with a voice like unto a band of trumpets, he bade the Hashers to enter out, not to the left, but to the right from his gates. Led forth by committed Albionite Ta’lly-ho, the Hashers stormed out of the gates like the Hounds of Ninneveh, that dwelleth in the land of very hot soil, hence their speed of grace. As the bounding and bouncing locks of the lead Hashers ran out, they ground mightily to a halting canter, as the steep ground rapidly descended into deep bushy marshes. With much wailing and gnashing of teeth, clinging to fence at their side, leaping over the wire that is barbed, and verily decrying their misery, the Hashers eventually landed in the Valley of the Shadow of Vaea. This valley is a particularly desolate place and the sinful were quickly reduced to a slow slathering walk, while the sprightly Catamite Gayboy avoided the Valley altogether. Like Moses leading the flock, his bouncing locks like the burning bush, T’ally-ho led the Hash up the valley. Soon appeared before them the Rock of Perdition, so named for it is easier for a rich man to get through the eye of a needle than it is for a camel to. The Rock, hewn from the valley wall by ancient megalopods was an obstacle that caused further wailing and gnashing of teeth, even unto the brave Albionite, who cried in a loud voice for the Hash to halt at the top of the rock for a moment of rejoicing. Being deaf as well as dumb, Cockblocker and Gayboy heedeth not the call of the ancient, and set forth on their own. T’allyho swore that they would be smote, even unto the down down. The flock was finally shown the true path, when the miraculously fine shredded papyrum was found, and the road to Rome – or via ad Roma was acquired. There were songs of thanksgiving at the sight of Patrinus Scriptor suavis nuces.

Enough. Tallyho assembled the circle stepping in again as GM, lord help us. There were a few new to Hash. They were Kalolo (brought by someone called Jams), Leon and Mellie (brought by someone called Aqua Samoa), Dave (works at SPREP), Anna (Med Student) and Annie (brought by Slim Shady). Clearly having lost his marbles, the GM needed unctuous persuasion to allow punishment to those who had not explained the rules to their guests – Swinger and Offspring.

The Rethreads were Do Me Twice (being a mummy), Witch Doctor (in Norway), Hippy, Screamer, Slim Shady, Popeye, Poumuli, Snake and John. Offspring was brought in for a farewell award, as we had been mistakenly informed that she was leaving (not until after next Hash).
Lewinsky as Shoe Inspector tried to get Witch Dr the award, but roundly failed and was condemned by the GM. Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (closest living relative to Sassy who was in the paper), Prince (some Princely scam reported in the paper), Godfather (fishing programme on TV), Poumuli (for Wahoo being in a TV ad for Manumea).

This Day in History went to Slim Shady (1674 Dutch hand over New Netherlands to the Brits – this became NY where she once lived), Ring Ring (1951 first cross country direct dial in the US), Eveready and Hippy (for marching on Armistice Day), Witch Dr (1905 Norway votes for monarchy not republic), and Lewinsky (1995 2nd incident of “no sexual relations with that woman”).

The GM took back the reins and as promised he wanted to punish those who hadn’t heeded his bellow of Hash Halt. This turned out to be CB, Gayboy, Stick, Ozzie Osbourne and Hornithologist, but the latter had buggered off already. Then there were those who had not been on the run – Prince, those who had gotten sweaty thinking about the run – Weathercock, and those who had been late – Zsa Zsa. This Incapability Award took the usual extraordinary time to be finished due to Zsa Zsa.

Snake had been handing out some goofy calendar of scantily-clad sweaty Kiwi firemen that had the Hash Meres agog with lust and slathering, but it was Titty Galore’s eyes-on-stalks that landed her the Cougar Award, much to Godfather’s righteous acclaim.

Opening up for nominations, DMT nominated CB for sending her babysitter home to get the Angry Bird Hat, threatening her and said sitter with violence if they told anyone, and then neglecting the Baby while the sitter was away. An Extraordinarily Bad Parenting Award to CB.

Poumuli had been reading disturbing stories about food poisonings and poor service in the papers, and as enquiring minds wish to know where to eat, asked several of the proprietors in the Hash whether they ate at their own establishments or their own goods. POD – absolutely. Eveready and Karaoke – for sure. Godfather – absolutely. Gayboy – er, well never is the real answer so now we know where not to eat.

Having overheard Karaoke muttering about the unfortunate defeat of Mittens Romney, CB decided to award her the Angry Bird hat. Snake nominated Hot Nuts for an FBI Award for his lengthy eructation of a speech at the start of the run, while Crash Bandicoot got a Latecummer Award.

Weathercock had been asked to step in to the Shave-it-or-Save-it event, as a colleague had volunteered but had had to travel. Poumuli thus got the Close Shave Award. Witch Dr accused CB of advertising as far away as Norway, and upon producing the proof, CB had to take his down down wearing the shirt (hope to get pictures of this soon).

At a local poker game Poumuli had been horrified to hear Slim Shady berating a fellow hasher as Lord Scrotum, but she countered that Weathercock was surely the largest lordliest of them all. Weathercock demurred by repeating the tale of what Slim Shady had been doing on an outback ranch, which was basically to polish bulls’ scrota – at  which point your Scribe was laughing to hard and the tears were coating the page making the full story lost to Hash History.

Lewinsky nominated Gayboy for Prick of the Week Award for selling shoes in the circle, while Swinger’s friend Robbie was nominated for being a moocher.

The hosts and the hare – Hot Nuts, Nutcracker, Slim Shady were saluted and Crime was added for being so helpful to getting people over that godawful rock. Godfather thanked the Hashers that had joined the walk for life, which had raised 50k or more. POD also announced that Hash had made a contribution to the funeral of Fireman Sam’s father.

Next week will be at Screamer’s place in Siusega, and the Assistant Trainee Scribe will be Slim Shady.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, November 09, 2012

Hash Run 1648

Talofa Hashers
Monday's run will be hosted by Slim Shady and Nutcracker and possibly Hot Nuts (may need to Hare). This will be at the Keil compound just across the road from Scalini's on the Cross Island Road. If coming from town this is just before the turnoff to Lynn's Market. Obviously will be on the left if coming from town. I do not have the GM's map making skills but should be easy to find. We have been advised that the house is at the end of the block of flats behind the tennis court, go in the drive opposite Scalinis and veer right, park by the breadfruit tree or between the house and the flats, not on or near the tennis court!

The theme for the run will be GOBAMA so all and sundry should wear red, white and blue. The hosts will cater the event.

See y'all on Monday

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1647

Only the brave dared to face the weather for Hash 1647. Hosted by Sexpot and Desperate Housewife at the Apia Yacht Club. Palolo season had certainly arrived, meaning rain, rain and more rain. The run started with the to order, explanation by Crime the Hare, and On On following paper. The run led us around the seawall towards sails and around Mulinu'u point. Lucky for all the heavy rain from earlier had subsided as we entered the muddy parts of the mangrove patch. After a brief foray around the back of the Court and government building the trail led on to the main road where the paper trail went dead. Apparently this was the run and it was On Home. Very short even in hash terms. CB lead those that were enthusiastic enough further down the road towards the fish market cutting through the empty handy craft stalls and back along the sea wall to the yacht club, where we were greeted with a torrential down pour and a 100m swim to finish. The run was enjoyed by all with the built up thirst washed away with God Fathers sweet nuts.

The GM of the evening, POD called the Hash Circle to order. There were 7 Newbies (again a bunch of med students) – they’re breeding like rabbits! Their names were James, Gibbo, Liana, James the II, Neil, Nira all from London (apologies for any misspelling or misinformation), also Swinger brought a friend along (unfortunately the scribe didn’t catch his name so we’ll call him Mr X). Mr X did manage to award Swinger a down down due to calling him by his real name.

Rethreads were next to be called up and they included Dumbass (who had been overseas), Crash and Delicious. We never got to hear their excuse for not coming as Godfather started playing the Down Down Song already. Little Luana joined in the down down too (good to see them starting early). Fireman Sam then was called up for avoiding the rethread call up. At the same time The Head arrived so was given the Latecummer award, so they drank together.

Many celebrities this week due to the Vailima Halloween Party and the two page spread in the Sunday Samoa showing numerous Hashers in Halloween Costume. Godfather, Titty G, POD, Lewinsky, Crash, Delicious, CB & DMT.

This Day In History went to: James as the UK rep - The game Monopoly was introduced by Parker Bros company in 1935. Mr X (Swinger’s Mate) – 1963 Archeologists found the remains of Viking Settlement in Newfoundland US. Ozzy – 1977 Ozzy Osbourne quits Black Sabbath only to rejoin a few weeks later. Lewinsky – 1998 President Clinton had to answer 81 questions for the House Impeachment Inquiry regarding Ms Lewinsky (“I did not have sexual relations with Ms Lewinsky.”) Zsa Zsa – 1999 a 12 day conference on global warming attended by delegates from 170 nations ended in Germany (SPREP).

GM didn’t muck around as she then went straight into GM’s awards. Hornithologist was nominated as when going to pay her Hash Cash she put her real profession Ornithologist instead of Hornithologist.

Twin Peaks did a check for new shoes. Nira had lovely bright pink shoes which everyone thought were new but she said she had them for ages and for Twin Peaks to smell them to authenticate her story. Even though they were new to Hash, she didn’t have to drink out of them or else all newcummers to Hash would be required to do the same, and that might not make us very popular.

Gayboy was quick to point out that Godfather, who wore his reef shoes to run in, would be require to drink out of them. Godfather rose to the occasion and took the down down.

Today was given a drink due to joining in a touch rugby game with the locals during the run.

Another Latecummer dropped in Jordan, and whilst he was coming to the circle, Delicious, Brent and Annie were all caught leaning so at least Jordan had some company whilst having his down down.

Andrea was called up to have a drink for her last Hash before returning to Wellington.

The Antisocial Award went to both newcummers James and James the II, nominated by Brent for running with an ipod.

Gayboy nominated Godfather for the frightening the bejesus out of him at the Halloween Party.

The Volunteer Award when to Crime nominated by Transporter who spotted him being a security guard for Italiano Pizza on Saturday night. He had actually had one Vailima too many and passed out outside the shop.

Angry Bird Handover was awarded from Last week’s Angry Bird Sexpot to CB. When he had to reverse CB’s car to get the BBQ out, he saw an axe in there. CB revealed that he has actually used the axe in a road rage confrontation. Sexpot had to have a down down as well though as he had not been wearing the Angry Birds attire the whole night (which is a Hash rule).

Prick of the Week time, and Gayboy was quick to nominate a certain Bank Manager because he wanted a loan and did not get one. The Bank Manager was quick to point out that Gayboy couldn’t be trusted to pay back the loan so GM put a vote to the Hashers to see who they would trust more and to Gayboy’s chagrin, he was the one to be drinking out of the Prick Glass. He had to shut his eyes when drinking out of the cock mug.

A down down went to Dumbass for being the BBQ Boss of the night.

Finally the Hare and Hosts, Crime, Sexpot and DH were called up and had their drink.

Then Godfather mentioned the Walk for Life 3km walk on Saturday. Then said he should have a down down for not thanking everyone for coming on Wednesday night to the Halloween Party at Ynot.

Next week’s run is open. We are looking for a Host if there are any takers.

On On.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Hash Run 1647

Appinoon from Port Vila
Hash will be hosted by Desperate Housewife and Sexpot at the Apia Yacht Club in Mulinuu. If you cant find that then you have no place in Hash. Just follow Beach Road as far as it goes and its on the right with a big bloody sign. Not sure of the catering arrangements but surely DH will put something in the chat if needed.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit