Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Hash Trash 1650

The Hash was hosted and hared by Weathercock out in Siusega. As is usual this time of year, what with daylight savings, it was bloody hot, so we tallied a little before setting off on what was described as a devious run. At the corner by the humongous church was our first check. The correct road to take was to the right of the church which gave Poumuli a head start on Tallyho, who aided by the new medical students bounded on. We continued for a while up this road until Hornithologist spotted the trail on a track into the bush. We emerged on a street that I believe leads to USP, but the trail was set otherwise, and we now tracked north again until we emerged on the main road to Tafagata for a Hash Halt. At this stage Tallyho instructed the walkers to turn left back to the house while the running hashers turned right. Down at the bridge we turned into the creek bed of the now dry Fululasau River. This was an ankle wrenching ordeal of gigantic proportions and there was much whingeing on the trail. We followed the river at walking speed until we emerged at the new construction area, ploughed through some familiar bush, and ended up at the bottom corner of the golf course, and then it was simply follow the road home. Your Scribe had pulled a calf muscle, but remarkably he wasn’t the last through the gates, as two med students ambled in much later, having been lost in the bushy parts. A good run with some very hot and hard bits.

Back at the house a cool pile of Godfather’s sweet nuts was being broached, and as Da Head had failed to deliver the keg, we resorted to using bottles, which must be a first in Apia Hash History at least in recent memory. Sassygirl BJ stood in as the GM for the circle, and called in those new to Hash to introduce themselves. These were Glenn brought by someone called David, Hannah, Jill, Sarah, Claire and Craig all brought by the med students. Rethreads were Dizzy and his wife, Carlos and Kiwi Tiger Woody. There was some near false accusations flying around Skunk, but eventually this was sorted and he joined Tallyho in his Failure Award.

Celebrity awards went to Slim Shady and Swinger (photo in Observer, of SS and Swinger’s mum), Sassy for getting some meditation award, and Hippy for being on TV. This Day in History Awards went to Prince (closest living relative to Dr Goldfinger, for St Cecilia’s Day), Tallyho (1859 – Darwin publishes Origin of the Species, oft celebrated as Evolution Day, and as he hasn’t evolved much…), Craig (1947 – NZ becomes independent of  legislative control from London), Slim Shady (International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women) and Lewinsky (1995 – Clinton continues “not to have sexual relations with that woman”).

Turning to the run report, the GM had seen a small sexual predator on the prowl, luring females to run out and prostrate themselves. Swinger’s dog was the perpetrator so its owner got the APS Failed Award. Then there was the Hashman  Rejected Award to Stick for being too sweaty after the run when greeting Hippy. An Environmentalist Confusion Award went to the hare for using lots then too little then lots of paper again.

Snake and Skunk were given the Jamie Oliver Award for cleaning the BBQ then bitching about it. We also had a Hash Mere leaving us – Today is leaving tomorrow, but not Tomorrow, and gave a lovely speech thanking the Hash for our friendship. Sayonara and see you again soon.
Opening up for nominations, Tallyho nominated Weathercock for having set his last run for the year, and in commemoration he had found a blue ladies undergarment on the run for placement in the Hash Shrine. When it was ascertained that there was also a white stain on this garment Lewinsky was compelled to join in.

Prick of the Week Award went to Poumuli. Prince had met him looking downcast at the airport, as he had been refused to go on the flight the night before for being to pissed, then falling over and hurting his back and nearly missing baby shower in Auckland. The defence that this was Hashmanlike behaviour fell on deaf legless ears.

Snake had been asked by a Hash Mere to pick up some med students, which he demurred until told it was 4 females, and then when he turned up at the pick up spot 8 males jumped in instead. False Representation Award to Sassy.

Poumuli’s attempt at revenge failed miserably, trying to get Lewinsky for not coming to Hash in Auckland with SOTB, and while lying is not an offence in the circle the plane schedule should have been checked, so Poumuli took a spurious False Accusation Award.
Dizzy was given a Dizzy Award for calling 6 times for directions to Hash. Swinger was mad at the non-appearance of the promised Thanksgiving Turkey, so Snake and Skunk were called forth and joined by Eveready for not cooking the non-existent turkey.

Thinking of setting out on a weekend bike tour, but having flat tires, Slim Shady turned to the person she deemed would be most helpful, namely Stick. He proceeded to pump up the tires until the inner tube exploded, scaring a small child in the neighbourhood.

Lewinsky had not rested long his wicked devious mind and added the Tit of the Week Award to Poumuli’s tally, by making up a story about leaving the pregnant Wahoo behind at the Viaduct. Weathercock had been sitting in a leaky boat with Ring Ring and he had offered her the cover of his sizeable lava-lava, which she refused, hence a Not Coming Under the Lava-lava Award.

Sassy then awarded one of the med students the Cant Count Award for sending a flurry of texts vastly exaggerating the numbers that would turn up at Hash. Sassy then celebrated the defeat of Samoa by France, which was taken by Kiwi Tiger Woody and Claire (I think). Weathercock rewarded the two med students who got lost with the Blind Leading the Blind Award (Retarded category).

Tallyho had been observing the proceedings closely and decreed that someone had been a little bit too schadenfreude about giving out dobs, so the Angry Bird Award went to Lewinsky. He then led the Hash in the Hash Anthem to farewell Today, having pointed out quite graphically the differences between the ladies and mens motions. The Hare and Host was thanked, and we had a sausage fest.

Check the blog for next week’s run. We will also need a Scribe for the next month or so.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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