Thursday, May 31, 2012

Hash Run 1625 - Swinger, BB, ACDC and team @ Siusega

Good Morning to you all.

Next weeks run will be hosted by Swinger, BB, AC/DC and team at Swingers pad in Siusega opposite the cricket grounds.

This run will be our Independence Run along with AC/DC's Birthday so it will be a big one. The hosts have kindly offered to provide the spread for the day so please bring yourself, a change of clothes and your drinking boots. Don't forget your hash cash of $15 for the day.

Our Brew-master Lekinsky is working to get us something extra for Monday's run so fingers crossed, Vailima comes to the party.

Run starts at 1730Hrs, see you all then and have a safe Independence weekend!

On On

Monday, May 28, 2012

Hash Run 1624 - HQ1 - On the Rocks

Afternoon All,

Tonights run will be a BYO run at HQ1 - On the Rocks at the Hole in the wall. We couldnt find anyone to host tonight so it will have to be a BYO Run so please bring something to throw on the BBQ this evening.

Run will start at 1730 Hrs and we will have our Keg, sweet Nuts and Softies there too. Crime is setting a trail for us this afternoon also.

Please remember to bring your hash cash $15 and if you had ordered UB40 Tickets, please bring your money for the tickets today.

On On
See you there.

Thursday, May 24, 2012


This week’s Hash Run was held at Vaoala on Hollywood Boulevard opposite SPREP and hosted by Strangler, Dave & Bruce. The run was on paper and paint and primarily in bushland. A few dead ends were marked out with a nice little surprise for whichever “Front Running Bastard” was in the lead. Tallyho was that FRB who was gifted with the surprise, a nice warm Vailima. He flatly refused to drink it, passing it off to Steakman to consume. We all thought it was very surprising for a pom to refuse warm beer. Isn’t it always beer like that in the UK?
We then ventured into the rough terrain, which Dave had attacked with a machete earlier. A few accidents occurred crossing the creek on the very slippery rocks. Frances and Sexpot both had a stack. Slippery was living up to his name, slip sliding down the hill, whilst trying to get the perfect action shot from his fellow Hashers. Just prior to the creek, there was a choice between a walking and a running track. A few of the softer Hashers opted for the walking track, GF included. Whilst the other Hashmen and meres went on to follow the running track, which didn’t involve too much running due to the vines and tree roots that accosted us. After going up and down the hill, grabbing whatever trees and roots we could to prevent falling, we finally got out of the bushland and ended up one street parallel to Hollywood Boulevard. Not too long a run, however, the Hashers were grateful as the sky was dark and foreboding, and as the run started a little late and the sun was setting, the bushland was very dark indeed. After everyone downed their coconuts and cleaned themselves up as best as they could, the Hash Circle began. Some Hashers showed poor form and left straight after the run – so we never found out who the mystery people were, but maybe next time. Back to the Circle, the people new to Hash were introduced. Toai, was brought to Hash by Sam. Two ladies from Christchurch, Catherine and Lynne were guests of Godfather. There was a plethora of rethreads, so many in fact that there were two rounds as there were not enough Hash mugs to go round. The retreads included DMT – her reason was being in Australia bearing a child, Steakman – in the Phillipines for 2 months [Ed note – sounds very dodgy!], Sam – in the fishing tournament, Buddah & Brownout – returning after 12 years for a visit; Gayboy – looking for the Monk in Sydney; Wet Pussy – working and living far away; Witchdoctor – working; Skidmark – working (but GM thinks it’s more working out at the gym) and finally Kevin, who said he had a gammy leg. Shoe inspection then followed, and Snake could find no new shoes and so had to drink. However later on in the night, Sassy’s work boots were under scrutiny and Snake had to reinspect and found from the odour issuing from them that they in fact were not new – so in the end they both ended up having a down down. This Day in History 1882 – Krakatoa erupts so Tallyho was made to drink due to the verbal eruptions that were flowing from his gob. 1897 – Oscar Wilde was release from prison for buggery, so Gayboy was called into the circle. 1936 – Sada Abe wanders the streets of Tokyo for several days with the severed genitals of her lover in her hands – up went Ninja. 1985 – Michael Jackson’s hair got caught alight whilst filming the Pepsi commercial, so all those who’s real names were Michael were called up (Sexpot and Strangler). [It was later found out that this particular day in history was a made up one, as the Assistant Scribe originally thought we didn’t have any material until Poumuli came to the rescue and emailed GM. The actual date Michael Jackson’s hair caught fire was 27 January 1984, but it was good just to get Sexpot and Strangler to have a down down.] It was also European Maritime Day so Captain Mortein was called to the circle [Ed note – I thought we agreed that all future maritime awards should go to SOTB?]. He was almost in the running for a double until the good missus saved him by taking his sunnies off his head. GM Awards were next on the agenda. Firstly GM nominated Steakman from being blacklisted by immigration to keep the likes of him out of the country. Then Captain Mortein got done for supposedly playing with the dog – if playing implies fondling the dog’s testicles. Tallyho had a down down for leaving not one beer behind on his run but two of them at those dead ends that were mentioned earlier, allowing Steakman to drink them himself. Poor form. The Delinquency Award went to Gayboy for having a run in with the law when in Sydney for a Buck’s Party, fracturing his hand and getting chased out by a horse.
The MIA Award went to a life member Apia Hashman, Snake who got lost last week at the Mother’s Day Hash run. Snake countered that he wasn’t lost, he knew he was in Samoa not far from Apia. Although that was not good enough and down down the Vailima went. GM then opened the floor to nominations. Strangler was the first to proceed, nominating Godfather who originally complained that the run was short, but then ended up taking the Walker’s Shortcut that was mapped out. The Self Abuser Award went to Snake who nominated himself for having to tell the GM that he was very beautiful at an APTC function. The Hashers were considering renaming him, but Gayboy was already taken, Sexpot thought maybe Gaysnake. Tallyho piped up that it was probably the first time that the GM had received such a compliment. Sassy then had a gripe with her beloved son, GM for turning up late to a VERTS (Volunteer Emergency Response Team) session because he was out late getting pissed with his boyfriend, Snake. Strangler then complained that again the Vailima team did not bring the Dark Vailima to Hash so Lewinsky was the nominee, however still in NZ, the closest living relative stepped up and it turned out to be Sassygirl BJ. Steakman then nominated Crime for going on a pub crawl with him to try that Vailima Dark and in the process visited every possible establishment in town, resulting in Steakman forgetting the way home. Someone piped up that Crime doesn’t pay – literally. Gayboy tried unsuccessfully to nominate the GM for saying Samoatel is tricking people into buying tickets early for UB40 so they don’t get charged more later so they can sell more tickets. GM’s right of reply was that it isn’t Samoatel, it’s Bluesky and also he didn’t work that day. So poor Gayboy had to drink. Sassy called up one Hashmere who had rung her twice to find out the Hash location. This Hashmere was Fang who didn’t look up the website to see the map of the run. Pirate Princess got done for leaning. Sassy called up Buddah and Brownout to see how well they can scull a Vailima after 12 years away. They still did a respectable job of it. Wet Pussy nominated Bruce, one for holding the Hash run and also having a toilet that flushes hot water. Everyone wanted to know how she knew it was hot water (ie washing her hands with it etc).
Wahoo and DMT were called up to have a drink by Sassy as they are both preggas and Sassy said that “Beer is good for the baby”, so both girls downed their Vailima. The Hare & Hosts were then called up: Strangler, Mad Hatter, Dave and Bruce (it was then that it was realised that Mad Hatter was also a Retread but had not owned up to it). Dave and Bruce have now earned a Hash Name so Mismanagement will have to delve in deeper into the private lives of these two Hashman to get a name fit for them. There are no hosts as yet for next week so put up your hand if you can. On On Desperate Housewife

Friday, May 18, 2012

Hash Run 1623 - Strangler, Dave & Bruce @ Hollywood Boulevard

Good Evening All,
Next week's run will be hosted by Strangler, Dave and Bruce up in Vaoala, aka Hollywood Boulevard, just opposite the SPREP Compound. There is no theme for the moment, but check back on Monday in case there is a change of plans.

The hosts have kindly offered to put on the spread for us so just bring a change of clothes and your hash cash $15 on the day. We will have our Keg there on Monday as well as sweet nuts and softies.

Directions: Head up the cross island road, turn off just after the American Embassy Compound and head down the SPREP Road and look for the paper or flour on the left hand side.

Run will start at 1730Hrs so be on time as it will get dark quite fast up there.

On On

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Hash Trash 1622, Mothers day run- Tafatafa

This week’s Hash held on the Mother’s Day Public Holiday Monday at the picturesque Tafa Tafa.  Hosted by Godfather and TTG again...Malo!
By the time all the Hashers had gathered, the run commenced around 2pm.  Not too many runners although a lot of Keg Security with many Hash meres hanging back to “guard the keg”.
So off went our brave runners on-East and on flour as they past Aunty Moega’s fales only to be met with a falsy.  So on back they begrudgingly trek and then past a group of admiring and applauding locals [obviously fans of the golden ale also].  On up along a beaten but pleasant dirt track towards the main road but alas, another dead-end!  FRB’s, Strangler and Sexpot went their separate ways and searched for options along the soaring bitch-umen heat, but only to hear the eventual cry of on-back. Damn it!
Crime somehow uncovered a track which if the truth be known may not have had a trace of flour, but apparently was following the strict instructions of God Father [I wouldn’t argue either]. Nevertheless, a cruel and twisted ‘path’ emerged for what seemed an eternity and not without injury.  New-cummer, Emily, seemed to cop the wrath of this jungle run, soldiering on with slight concussion and sporting a new Samoan Tatau.  Finally back to civilisation when the main road appeared and then on back along another dirt road for what was a great run.
The sight of the golden brew wrapped in its natural form of shining keg armour was a sight to behold for all, albeit, appeared somewhat less full thanks to those keg guarding [and non-running] Hash meres.  Mmmmm...
Soon the Hash Circle was called to order.  Only one Newbie was at Hash that day:  Emily from Tasmania who is here for 6 months teaching Surf Lifesaving to the Samoan people.  She was introduced to Hash by Sassy.
Retreads – too many to mention almost.  Nearly half of the Hashmen and Hashmeres were rethreads.  These included:  CB, Fang, Mata, Crash, Eveready, Karaoke, Triple D, DH and Gavin.  As there were too many rethreads, GM, in his usual grumpy mood, didn’t bother asking any of them why they had not graced the Hashers with their presence previously.
Karaoke then was awarded a down down due to breaking one of the Hash’s cardinal sins, calling Hitler by his real name.
Celebrity awards went to one of the regular “Meres on the Scene” – Sassy for something about Mango training (not sure what they are training them to do – roll over maybe?)  Also GF was in the news in regards to the building crew they had over doing a great job.
1787 – the First Fleet of convicts leave for Australia so Crime and two Aussie Representatives (Sexpot and Emily) took a down down.
It was also St John the Silent Day, and they called up the one Hasher who is known to be as silent as a monk, Tallyho, who then proceeded with some verbal diarrhoea thus breaking his Vow of Silence.
“Bike to Work Day” was also noted to be on the same day and therefore Strangler was called up due to this being his main mode of transport to work.
Snake had to drink as he forgot the BBQ, luckily friends in the fale next to us kindly assisted us in cooking the Hash feast.
Two reps from Vailima, Jerry and Deidre had to take a down down as they were supposed to bring a keg of the new Vailima Dark but turned up with the normal stuff.  They will probably be called up front and centre at the next Hash for forgetting to take the empty keg away with them too.  Do they actually work for Vailima??
Emily was called up by GM due to her new Samoan Tatau (scraping her legs and hands falling on the Hash run).  Crime was also called up for devising such a perilous run.
Snake then proceeded to call up Sexpot for his poor effort in pouring the down down brews.  Attributing it to his banker’s make up, only giving 90% of the full amount.  Subsequently it didn’t take Sexpot very long at all to down it due to the lesser amount.
Tallyho then decided to break that “vow” again and tried to tell Sassy that she should be a good wife to the old man.  Tallyho then got told off for giving Sassy a hard time on Mother’s Day and so he drank alongside GM.
Crash received the “Son in Law Award” (not sure if it was the Good son in law award).  He was warned by the Samoan Mafia (Karaoke) that if he doesn’t shape up, they’ll knock his block off.   This down down turned into a double as Crash forgot to take his hat off whilst having his drink.
GF was called up for calling Delicious Desirable.  Gavin took GF’s down down in memory of his daughter.  Malo!
The False Advertising Award went to Dumbass, nominated by Sexpot.  Sexpot was heading to Dumbass’s establishment for a refreshing ale at 5 o’clock on a Saturday evening, only to find YNot had not yet opened.  Then when he finally got in (later that evening), he noticed a sign for Happy Hour starting between 4 – 7pm. 
Sassy had a story about Swinger’s mere BB in Fiji who had a fridge full of food and alcohol and he stood her up.  As Swinger was not present at this Hash Session, CB was forced to take to the circle as the closest living relative.
 Sexpot then called up all the Mothers for a Mother’s Day Down Down. 
Gavin requested everyone to have a drink in memory of Desirable.
Jerry took a drink for taking 3 hours to deliver the Hash Keg.
Fang was done for leaning, Snake proposed it should be a double as she should know the rules.  GF’s phone went off so he had to take one too.
Snake accused Eveready of stealing a Hash Man’s Shirt:  Limpet’s.  Eveready refuted saying that Limpet “willed” his shirt to Eveready.  Snake and Eveready both took a down down.  Although Karaoke took Eveready’s for him.
It was Tino’s 15th birthday, so we all sang Happy Birthday and had a drink to him and Karaoke made a PG rated cake for him (unlike her usual X rated versions).
Latecummers were Godfather’s mates, the builders from Christchurch, who are building canoes out of plywood that can sail.  Their names were John, Malcolm and Paul.  When asked who introduced them to Hash they called GF by his name and so GF had to drink.
Then it was the Hare & Host toast, Titty G, GM and Crime all had a drink.
Sassy then wanted to thank the BBQ boys who cooked our food for us, Frico and Michael and they were awarded a Vailima for their valiant efforts.
Next week’s Hash Run is to be hosted by Strangler, Bruce and Dave on the way to SPREP off Cross Island Road. 
On On.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Mothers Day Hash Run - Tafatafa Beach with Godfather and Team

Talofa All,

Was good to see a few keen hashers on Monday, albeit was a small turn out, it was still a fun night. Thanks Tallyho for having us over.

After some discussion, Godfather has kindly offered to host a picnic hash run on Monday (Mothers Day Holiday) at Tafatafa Beach. We thought it would be nice to have a hash Picnic/Umu on Monday at the beach.
Godfather has kindly offered to put on a small Umu for us (#2 pig, taro, luau, the usual) but has asked if the Hash mere's could look at bringing a salad to add to this and if there numbers are large, then for each of us to bring a little something extra to throw on the BBQ.

The run will start around 1:30 - 2:00pm. We will reconfirm this soon and let you all know. Hash will also book a couple of Fales and I believe there may be some fun "games" on the day too.

We will work to get a keg on Monday, and possibly one special keg "Dark Brew" from Vailima for Monday. There will be Softies and Sweet nuts but if you feel you want to drink something else, please bring it with you.

Hope to see you all there.

On On

Monday, May 07, 2012

Hash Run 1621 - BYO Food run @ TallyHo's Castle in Siusega

Afternoon All,

Apologies for the late posting, we have been trying to find a host for tonight. Tally Ho has kindly offered his Castle as our venue for tonight and he will also be setting the trail for us.

Please remember this is a BYO Food Run so please bring something pre cooked/pre prepared or something to throw on the BBQ for tonight.

We will have a Keg as usual as well as softies and nuts. Please remember to bring your hash cash tonight too $15.

Run starts at 1730 Hrs so be on time.

On On

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Hash Trash 1620

The Hash was hosted by Godfather and the Groundswell team at Ynot thanks to Dumass’ generosity. The Hare was Crime, which is always interesting, as he must have had some career advantages in finding all these back roads. The trail set out down towards the wharf, fairly straight forward, with Tallyho’s usual position as front running bastard threatened by several Groundswellers. Past a whole lot of village festivities and clean up campaign, we turned down towards Apia Park. Here there was a moment of confusion, but the trail was picked up on the path between the Apia Park fence and the fence of the car shop. This was a particularly muddy and slippery track, with all sorts of porcine, avian and human faecal matter flavouring the senses. The overall olfactory enjoyment was further enhanced by the numerous trash fires that had been set along the trail. We ended up back in familiar back roads, eventually coming down to the Faatoa Road, where we met Crime – we had to run as a group through the little village there at his request. We hit the riverbank and made our way to the bridge and on home. Plentiful and sweet were the nuts of Godfather. Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM as SOTB was returning from the fishing tournament. Those new to Hash were the Groundswell team – Luke, Trent, Sam, Reg, Nathan, Alex, Ben and Toby, and Marco brought by Ninja. Since two of the Groundswell were wearing hats and one called Godfather Grandfather, a selection were given a down-down. Rethreads were Kat, Ted, Slippery, Bruce and Jonathon. New Shoes were quickly spotted by Snake, and SOTB dispatched the award to Toby, who drank with no immediate typhoidal effects.
Celebrity Awards went to Sassy, Pirate Princess (taken by Captain Mortein) and SOTB for their appearances in the Apia Financial Review. Since SOTB is referenced in that journal as Captain Sass, a vote was called for all future nautical jokes and references, unless specifically Danish, to be awarded to SOTB, and this was carried unanimously. This Day in History Awards went to Offspring (1950 Group Areas Act in South Africa and 1994 1st free elections), Tallyho (1192 – King Conrad of Jerusalem killed by Hashshahin), SOTB (1789 – Mutiny on the Bounty, and 1975 – Operation Frequent Wind in Vietnam), joined by Poumuli. The GM then gave an Indecent Exposure Award to Crime for trying to seduce Hash Meres with just a lavalava on. A new addition has been made to the Hash Family, so Chi took this one as closest living relative to Tooth Fairy. An Arbitration Award was given to Bruce and Godfather for sorting out the kerfuffle with the surfing community. Tallyho then took over temporarily as GM, and Chi was quick off the mark with a nomination for SOTB. It was a convoluted reference to some previous chick-checking quest that he had been on, and the GM ran out of patience and ordered Chi to partake in a Boomerang Award. As mentioned Tallyho had been the FRB for most of the run, but in complying with his duties of calling On On, he had got in reply “yea, mate!”. So for failure to instruct new members, Godfather was brought forward, but his initial award of 8 down-downs for each of the Groundswellers was commuted to a single. Tallyho then spotted a well dressed Sexpot lounging unobtrusively in the back, not coming forward, so an Anonymous Sexpot Award was given. Much to Tallyho’s umbrage Ali had not been running, not even shagging, but playing pool. He had also offered, now that he is a certified doctor, to check Tallyho’s prostrate for him. This resulted in an Imagery Too Horrible to Countenance Award. And lo, the Apia Hash Mad Monk made her appearance, having been chased out of Syria. She called forth Kat, who has been playing in the water. Henceforth, she shall be known as Wet Pussy.
Ted was then brought forward to assume the position, and as someone who likes to sing and dance and play with Wet Pussy, henceforth he shall be known as Beyonce. The young man Chi was then called forward, and as is well known his place of business suffered from a serious spelling mistake. Henceforth he shall be known as Gayboy. As the Monk departed having guzzled a large down-down, SOTB recalled how the last time we had been in this venue a certain Hasher had challenged him to a pool beat-down, only to fail miserably. Captain Mortein countered that SOTB had given him so many awards that time that he was entirely legless, but this was deemed too thin an excuse for a Hasher.
Toby nominated Reg for taking him to lunch while the rest of the team had to work, but this was too easy to generate a backfire for, so both of them took the Skiving Off Award. Poumuli nominated anyone who had marched in the ANZAC Day Parade, and that was only him, although Sexpot had snuck in to the ANZAC breakfast and imbibed the rum-and-cokes but was being unobtrusive again. Damnit. Tallyho then demanded to know why Poumuli had been in the parade to begin with and his explanation of the expansion of the memorialisation of the parade fell on deaf ears – Tallyho’s that be. Ali suggested a further award to Poumuli for banking with ANZ – how the hell did he know that – some sort of Nigerian scam about to happen no doubt, so Ali took the Dissing Sexpot’s Competition Award. The GM grandly informed the circle that we were in a very well-built facility and that there was no need for anyone to try and prop it up, so Carlos got a Leaning Award. The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, and the Groundswellers thanked the Hash for the opportunity, the hospitality and the litres of Vailima they had consumed. Check the Blog for next week’s run. We also need an Assistant Scribe for a few weeks! On On Poumuli, IKA Slit