Hash Trash 1620

The Hash was hosted by Godfather and the Groundswell team at Ynot thanks to Dumass’ generosity. The Hare was Crime, which is always interesting, as he must have had some career advantages in finding all these back roads. The trail set out down towards the wharf, fairly straight forward, with Tallyho’s usual position as front running bastard threatened by several Groundswellers. Past a whole lot of village festivities and clean up campaign, we turned down towards Apia Park. Here there was a moment of confusion, but the trail was picked up on the path between the Apia Park fence and the fence of the car shop. This was a particularly muddy and slippery track, with all sorts of porcine, avian and human faecal matter flavouring the senses. The overall olfactory enjoyment was further enhanced by the numerous trash fires that had been set along the trail. We ended up back in familiar back roads, eventually coming down to the Faatoa Road, where we met Crime – we had to run as a group through the little village there at his request. We hit the riverbank and made our way to the bridge and on home. Plentiful and sweet were the nuts of Godfather. Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM as SOTB was returning from the fishing tournament. Those new to Hash were the Groundswell team – Luke, Trent, Sam, Reg, Nathan, Alex, Ben and Toby, and Marco brought by Ninja. Since two of the Groundswell were wearing hats and one called Godfather Grandfather, a selection were given a down-down. Rethreads were Kat, Ted, Slippery, Bruce and Jonathon. New Shoes were quickly spotted by Snake, and SOTB dispatched the award to Toby, who drank with no immediate typhoidal effects.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassy, Pirate Princess (taken by Captain Mortein) and SOTB for their appearances in the Apia Financial Review. Since SOTB is referenced in that journal as Captain Sass, a vote was called for all future nautical jokes and references, unless specifically Danish, to be awarded to SOTB, and this was carried unanimously. This Day in History Awards went to Offspring (1950 Group Areas Act in South Africa and 1994 1st free elections), Tallyho (1192 – King Conrad of Jerusalem killed by Hashshahin), SOTB (1789 – Mutiny on the Bounty, and 1975 – Operation Frequent Wind in Vietnam), joined by Poumuli. The GM then gave an Indecent Exposure Award to Crime for trying to seduce Hash Meres with just a lavalava on. A new addition has been made to the Hash Family, so Chi took this one as closest living relative to Tooth Fairy. An Arbitration Award was given to Bruce and Godfather for sorting out the kerfuffle with the surfing community. Tallyho then took over temporarily as GM, and Chi was quick off the mark with a nomination for SOTB. It was a convoluted reference to some previous chick-checking quest that he had been on, and the GM ran out of patience and ordered Chi to partake in a Boomerang Award. As mentioned Tallyho had been the FRB for most of the run, but in complying with his duties of calling On On, he had got in reply “yea, mate!”. So for failure to instruct new members, Godfather was brought forward, but his initial award of 8 down-downs for each of the Groundswellers was commuted to a single. Tallyho then spotted a well dressed Sexpot lounging unobtrusively in the back, not coming forward, so an Anonymous Sexpot Award was given. Much to Tallyho’s umbrage Ali had not been running, not even shagging, but playing pool. He had also offered, now that he is a certified doctor, to check Tallyho’s prostrate for him. This resulted in an Imagery Too Horrible to Countenance Award. And lo, the Apia Hash Mad Monk made her appearance, having been chased out of Syria. She called forth Kat, who has been playing in the water. Henceforth, she shall be known as Wet Pussy.

Ted was then brought forward to assume the position, and as someone who likes to sing and dance and play with Wet Pussy, henceforth he shall be known as Beyonce. The young man Chi was then called forward, and as is well known his place of business suffered from a serious spelling mistake. Henceforth he shall be known as Gayboy. As the Monk departed having guzzled a large down-down, SOTB recalled how the last time we had been in this venue a certain Hasher had challenged him to a pool beat-down, only to fail miserably. Captain Mortein countered that SOTB had given him so many awards that time that he was entirely legless, but this was deemed too thin an excuse for a Hasher.

Toby nominated Reg for taking him to lunch while the rest of the team had to work, but this was too easy to generate a backfire for, so both of them took the Skiving Off Award. Poumuli nominated anyone who had marched in the ANZAC Day Parade, and that was only him, although Sexpot had snuck in to the ANZAC breakfast and imbibed the rum-and-cokes but was being unobtrusive again. Damnit. Tallyho then demanded to know why Poumuli had been in the parade to begin with and his explanation of the expansion of the memorialisation of the parade fell on deaf ears – Tallyho’s that be. Ali suggested a further award to Poumuli for banking with ANZ – how the hell did he know that – some sort of Nigerian scam about to happen no doubt, so Ali took the Dissing Sexpot’s Competition Award. The GM grandly informed the circle that we were in a very well-built facility and that there was no need for anyone to try and prop it up, so Carlos got a Leaning Award. The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, and the Groundswellers thanked the Hash for the opportunity, the hospitality and the litres of Vailima they had consumed. Check the Blog for next week’s run. We also need an Assistant Scribe for a few weeks! On On Poumuli, IKA Slit