Friday, December 31, 2010

Hash Run 1550- Day at the races- Part 2

Morning All,
Seeing as last week was such a blast, next weeks run will be another Day at the races at the Faleata Race Track. Please note that this is a BYO Food for the BBQ, so please bring something for the BBQ unless you aren't interested in eating..haha

In any case, the run will start at 1pm and there will most likely be a live hare unless someone wants to set the run. Please bring your drinking vessels and the normal gear for the day..There will also be a keg on the day.

On On

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Hash Trash 1549

Kia Ora from Auckland, where your Scribe and Wahoo are recuperating. The Hash was hosted by Godfather at the Faleata Horse Race Track. Given that it was a public holiday for sure the Hashers would make a mess of a starting time of 1 PM. Sure enough, the only people there when your Scribe turned up was Sassygirl BJ and SOTB. When Godfather was finally located his estimated time of arrival was not amenable to getting the run off and the beer flowing. Hence around 8 hashers set off for a walk/run around Faleata. A fairly short and sharp affair, but it got the juices flowing. At this point Godfather had turned up, and with the help of a few strong hashers, had succeeded in erecting his tents. He then decided that the lates had to run, and led them off around the compound for a much longer sojourn. But all were by now well set for the circle, which acting GM Sassy called to order.

There were a few new to hash – Sione from Australia, Alfred, Mere, Mo and Tua from Suva, and Vala from the US. The rethreads were BB (holidaying in Suva), FBI (boring other people), Jay (wishes he had been on holiday) and Uncle Fred. FBI got a double for sowing his oats in soil that he isn’t married to.

The GM set off a series of awards, giving Godfather the Latecummer Award for his unsharp arrival. Since we were at the races, one of the hash meres had been admiring the horses, but timidly asked the technical question if women jockeys can lose their virginity – Tash got this Equestrian Award. One of the hashers had turned up with a cowboy hat that looked suspiciously like a movie prop, so Pat got the Brokeback Mountain Award (where did the GM see that movie – thought it was banned in Samoa?).
On this day in history, it was the Feast Day of St James the Just (Swinger) and also the day with the largest mass hanging in history, thanks to the US who strung up 38 Indians in 1862 (Wayne and Vala). Wayne and Swinger took a double for wearing hats and glasses. Celebrity awards went to Godfather, Swinger, Poumuli, Wahoo and Uncle Fred for being in the Observer. Jay joined in for having repeatedly tested the strength of the tent by leaning on it.

A special thank you award went to SOTB for getting the beer and GM organized so a Wake Up Call Award to SOTB. The GM also took on a self promoting new hasher who claimed to be an excellent masseur with extra benefits – a Happy Ending Award to Sione, who got it doubled for starting too early.

Opening up for nominations from the floor, SOTB informed us of how a hasher had turned down an offer for a drink with Godfather in favour of resting up for the arrival of his girlfriend- Horrendous Choice Award to Swinger. SOTB also nominated the newly appointed Samoan paddling coach Jay for the Athletic Award. Wahoo also nominated Jay for his offensive tshirt – something about smoking, licking etc, but this was deemed appropriate gear, so Wahoo, Titty Galore and Tash took the down down for getting offended not aroused.

The GM had spotted a hasher playing around with Godfather’s sweet nuts – Dawn Raid got the Inappropriate Fondling Award. SOTB nominated the GM for a down down for not getting things organized, and was joined by Eveready – didn’t catch all of it but it was something related to Mr. Sassy. Jay recounted that over Christmas he had invited friends over for drinks, except that one stayed and then didn’t help clean up. After a vote it was agreed that the Slob Award for SOTB should be doubled, but that Jay should join in for Lack of Appreciation for Hashman-like Behaviour.

The GM had ruled earlier that only the elderly guests were allowed to sit, and she now spotted Ollie sitting. She also highlighted the great efforts of our new hasher at the UN, who only turns up to the Hash to try the brew – Saneka got the Just Gets Pissed Award. FBI nominated BB for the meagre Christmas presents brought back, which should have earned him an Ungrateful Award. But in true style he outdid himself a few seconds later and brought a Verbal Diarrhoea Award on himself. Swinger brought a complaint against BB as well relating to the non-arrival of his Christmas card, to which BB responded “why does he need a card when he’s got this” and suggestively posed. Unanimous vote gave Swinger the award.

At this point the GM wanted to close off the circle, and nominated the BBQ chefs Pat and SOTB, as well as their Foretaster –Poumuli. We then saluted the host and the hare – Clem stepped in for Godfather, while Poumuli was singled out as hare, resulting in the beer coming out of his nose.

The Hash then enjoyed the races and the BBQ. Dawn Raid was spotted sun worshipping later and this needs an award.

Next week’s run will also be at the racetrack. Its run number 1550 so a special one for the Apia Hash. Check the blog for any last minute details.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, December 24, 2010

Hash Run 1549- Faleata Race Track/Turf Club

Morning, Hash next week will be a BYO Food Run at the Faleata Turf Club/Race Track. The run will start at 1pm. We will have our own Hash Tent setup and the Keg and BBQ will be there so bring something to throw on the BBQ or if you want, bring something pre cooked. Also, please bring your own drinking vessel and if you want to party all day long, then bring extra drinks in the event that the keg runs out..which it probably will...Bring what you would normally bring to the the swimming gear.. Map is posted below. On On and Have a Merry Xmas!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Hash Trash 1548

The Hash was hosted by Chilindrina, Carin and Ophelie off Bank Street in Vaoala. Zsa Zsa came late from work so few of us got to see him. Ring Ring was our Hare, and she had come to some agreement with Chili that there should be a run, then Zumba. Some of us were not that convinced. Anyway, the pack set off down Bank Street towards familiar grounds, led by Cockblocker and Poumuli. As we crossed the river stream, none of us bothered to check left as we have gone wrong there so many times. Er, not this time. We reacquired the trail at the top of the hill only to find ourselves back down in the stream. A protesting Ring Ring tried to get the pack to cooperate, but since we knew now where it all ended up, it was quicker to take the road route. This in turn led us under some treacherous barbed wire and into the cow pastures, where there was plenty of povipoo. Out again and under more barbed wire, we eventually just lost the trail at a falsie cross. No one actually figured out how to get back, so we all ran up the street again to have a taste of Godfathers sweet nuts.

Then Chili puts on a tight leotard, starts up the salsa music and expects all the sweating hashers to line up and, well, zumba. Sorry, but your Scribe was too stiff from the run (and was punished for it) so stood back and watched. Quite a display, as the ranks progressively got thinned out. Godfather stood out as a keen zumba’er, as well as one of the last to cease!

Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM for the evening, and called forth those new to Hash. There was Claire from Rotorua, staying in Poutasi for 6 weeks teaching ukulele and guitar to the kids there. She brought the house down by claiming to have been brought by someone called Joey? Joy? She is accompanied by Eileen who will be assisting. Then there was Samuel from Bordeaux, who is a schoolteacher. Then there was Anne from Auckland who has been here since May and not come to Hash! Finally we have new recruits in Fig Man and Banana Doctor, from the UK and Dominican Republic respectively. The GM ordered a down down for Godfather and Claire.

The rethreads were Poumuli (saving the world in Cancun), Dawn Raid (sick), Lily (stuck in Savaii), Flo (back visiting from NZ) AND Brazilian Wax (been to Germany?). CB and SOTB (I am sure it actually stands for Satan’s Other Toy Boy) had spiked the down down with tequila (well only your Scribe’s), and were suitably punished by the GM. But she brought in Poumuli for a Perving Award for not joining in the zumba.
Hot Nuts was given the New Grandchild Award, just as Titty Galore was spotted sneaking in. She valiantly tried to get out of it but no dice. The GM recounted how while on the trail a good samaritan had tempted some hashers with the offer of a chariot ride – Lucifer Award to Tiger Woody.

The GM then asked your Scribe to tell the Hash what had happened on This Day in History. While there were several related to Lewinsky, he was absent so the only tidbit was that in 1994, the hitherto dormant Mexican volcano Popocatepel erupted, and your Scribe wondered if we had any other Mexican volcanoes! Chilindrina was most definitely not dormant! Poumuli had to join the award for getting Sassy’s celebrity front page wrong. (Should have let Dawn Raid take that one, as he brought me the paper!) However, a true celebrity was found in that in Mexico there is an entire class of peanuts called Snatch!

Opening it up for nominations from the floor, SOTB brought that old chestnut of how a seasoned hasher like Captain Mortein still cannot open a coconut. CB sought to have the grumpy one punished further for perving at the zumba and moving around for a better view, but after a vote this became a double for CB instead.
Brazilian diplomatically enquired whose son this was that he spotted leaning – step forward Greenie for not giving better paternal instructions, and he was joined by Pat who was trying to hold up one of the tables. Late arrival Saneka joined them.
Winner of the last Chicken Award Dawn Raid, decided to give the Chicken Award to Fig Man for surreptitiously appropriating the chicken hat before his time, and then not wearing it. Next week Fig Man, you can have your revenge, but better make it a good one!

Brazilian again diplomatically enquired as to the Hash rules regarding destruction of property, pointing to the two kids digging up Chili’s lawn – Fig Man and Banana Doctor took the Offspring with Chains Award.

Eveready had been shocked out of his seat on Sunday while watching the televised church service and spotting Wahoo and Poumuli there – no arguments, but should have been brought in under the celebrity awards.
Anne from Auckland and her husband after a lengthy intro each got a down down, apparently the first time for her in public. Bringing forth some Hashit from the last run, Greenie said he had found some pink running shoes under his bed! Carin owned up to the shoes, but knew not of their location, she claimed.

Pussysnatcher complained that there was an unusual amount of chatter in the circle and demanded that a new method of enforcing politeness be introduced. Luckily Poumuli had brought a Mexican wrestling mask which was placed on Captain Mortein’s head after he took the Dome of Silence Award.

At this stage the GM had the bright idea of a boat race – 4 guys, 4 gals. SOTB, Brazilian, Samuel and Kiwi easily defeated Sassy, Wahoo, Jo and Flo. Hot Nuts admitted that he had been the chatterer to get Captain into trouble, and self-nominated.

The GM caught Kiss My Butt coming late, but also in full advertising mode. Meanwhile, Snatch had been forced to drive over the hill to the beach so that 2 Hashmen could cycle across. So much for speed cycling, as she had to wait for hours for them. Slow Nuts and Pansy took their Slow Ride Award. Somehow inspired by this, the GM did an advertisement for our new osteopaths, in residence at Roseberg’s, and Dan took the resultant down down for the GM.

Claire informed the Hash of some dastardly deed that almost led to chariot riding, namely that as newcomers they had been misled by Sassy and Flo to get in the truck! Samuel tried to get Snatch for misleading him – she had met him 4 months ago, told him when in Apia to come to the party, but nothing about the running! The GM told him off with a “what more do you want” remark. Finally, Kiss My Butt saw Snatch and Pussysnatcher making out in the bushes during the circle, so they took their Get A Room Award.

The hosts and the hare were saluted, before we descended on a large spread of curries, rice, bbq and salads provided by our generous hosts.
Check the blog for next week’s run, but rumour has it that we might be off to the races! Tallyho.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, December 20, 2010

Hash Run 1548- Vaoala, Bank St

Todays hash run will be hosted by Chilliandrina, Zsa Zsa, Carin & Ophelie at Zsa Zsa's house on Bank Street in Vaoala.

This is NOT a BYO Run, the food will be provided by the hosts...Indian im told.. so bring a change of clothes as it gets cool in the evenings and your drinking boots.

YES, there will be a keg...and cold nuts...

Directions: Head up Cross Island Rd and turn off on Bank Street, head down Bank St and take the Left Turn before the main road heads downhill (where Bits & Pieces and Goer used to live) Head up the road and look out for the turn off ont he Right hand side.

Check the Map for more details.

On On

Monday, December 13, 2010

Hash Run 1547- Greenie, Vailele Uta

Afternoon, apologies for the late posting. Hash today will be hosted by Greenie at his home in Vailele Uta. The map is a bit sketchy, but head up towards Vailele Uta and the house is next to Samoa Primary School. Use the map and your hash skills to find the place.
There are 2 maps and they both point to the same place. Call Greenie on 7771414 if you cant find the place...

Please note that this is a BYO Food Run and there will be a keg.


Friday, December 03, 2010

Hash Trash 1545

(Ed note - thanks to Spanky for obviously assisting Screamer with her remedial English - only a few typos this time around. Hope you all enjoy the Christmas Run - Feliz Navidad and hasta la pasta from Poumuli, IKA Slit in Cancun)

Hash 1545 was held at Slippery’s and Frances’ home. This was the Thanksgiving Hash – more on that later.

The run was set by Hareraiser, Ring Ring. A familiar run that commenced with a few panicked looks as hashers recalled the last run from Slippery’s that had them running over mountains and down valleys for more than an hour. This week’s run was less taxing but the heat ensured that there were some very tired runners by the end of it.

GM Princess of Darkness commenced proceedings and welcomed a long list of those new to Apia Hash. These included Jana, her husband (why do people mumble their names??)(why are Assistant Trainee Scribes too pissed to pay attention?), Salu (who came with Do Me Twice), Virginia, Jochen, Brigitte, Dietrich and a number of others who had come from Germany to help Harlich celebrate his 60th birthday in Apia.

Rethreads were Sassy, Vera, Harlich and Black Adder. Ring Ring insisted that Vulture was a rethread and had to drink for a false accusation.

There were no new shoes but Snake, the inspector, needed a drink and this was duly administered.

Salu and Karin took a celebrity award for holding the flag for stopping violence against women. Ninja had also been in the news as was Godfather. Snake had to join Godfather as it seems Snake’s mum spends an unseemly amount of time checking out Godfather on TV. Sassy Girl BJ received a rather special celebrity award – for a movie suspiciously titled “My Sassy Girl” – rented out by no less than Captain Mortein. They shared centre circle.

The Good Samaritan (Dumbarse Section) award of the week went to Swinger who, after giving three policemen a ride into town, discovered they had made off with his camera.

Tramp and Woman in Black are in town but did not front up to Hash due to various ailments so the two women dressed in black – Brigitte? (one of Harlich’s party) and Salu drank on WIB’s behalf while Tramp was well-represented by Greenie.

Karin was caught leaning.

Assistant Trainee Scribe had not got the scribings done on time (she had managed to send them out at 5:05pm that day) and GM has been receiving complaints from Poumuli (currently in Cancun) on this. Wahoo also took one on behalf of Poumuli who seems to spend an excessive amount of time checking the blog when on work travel (Absolute bollocks, just checking it once in a while). Romeo had cellphonus interruptus and Brynne arrived just in time so everyone shared the circle centre.

Tasha told Sass she would be wearing a “V” -String to hash next week…we are all waiting with bated breath.

Godfather had tried to mow down a Hash Mere on the cross island road when trying to get to family lunch on time on Sunday. This could become a regular award for GF.

DMT had managed to ruin two car tyres in one week – dropping the car in the same pothole, according to SOTB.

Pirate Princess had declined Eveready’s offer to open one of Godfather’s nuts for her because she claimed she had brought her own nutcracker…seems she was referring to Captain Mortein.

Black Adder was leaving the country and leaving behind a pile of shit (at the newly constructed and very smelly waste water treatment plant in Mulinuu) according to Sassy. Snake was also brought up for the dodgy wiring he’d installed. Black Adder was also farewelled in the circle and he added that every minute with hash had been enjoyable.

Jana and her husband were cited for chatting incessantly. There was some talk that Greenie was involved but he somehow managed to keep out of the centre.

Angela is leaving for some time so she was farewelled with a drink.

At about this stage it was clear the keg was next to empty….HOW, Assistant Trainee Scribe wonders. So the hare (Ring Ring) and the hosts, Slippery and Eveready (who drank a soft drink which was just as well, given the beer situation) were thanked and then we were reminded that this was the Thanksgiving Hash. Godfather and Brynne explained the meaning and purpose of this American tradition, which has now become firmly integrated in Apia Hash. He also used the opportunity to encourage hashers to give to the Lifeline fundraising drive (Lifeline is a phone counseling service that deals with suicide). Deadline for donations (to DMT) is Monday next week.

Eveready and Karaoke were thanked for the turkeys they had cooked, the food was blessed and hungry (and thankful) hashers descended.

Next hash is the Christmas Hash and will be held at the Snake Pit in town. Hashers are asked to come in their Christmas costumes. They will run to different bars in town, sing Christmas carols and drink a lot. Everyone is asked to come in a taxi or have a designated driver who won’t be drinking.

Addendum – after dinner, hashers were treated to a surprise visit from the Monk. Beers had been brought in and a quick naming ceremony commenced. Brynne shall now be known as Kiss My Butt for her amazing flexibility displayed at yoga while Angela was named Wax for her affiliations with Brazilian Wax.

On On.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Hash X-Mas Run

Talofa All,

Next weeks Run will be the Hash Xmas Run hosted at the "Snake Pit" in town. Run will start at 1730 HRS So be on time as we will be having a pub crawl run before returning to the snake pit to get totally plastered...and have a good time of course.

Please make sure you are wearing all your Xmas gear for the run and clear your vocal chords...yes, you too strangler!

Hash will provide the meats (Pig/Lamb/Sausages, etc) and Miss management has asked if everyone else could bring something to go with the meats (Salads, bread, desert, Faalifu Taro, etc....and dont all bring bread!)

On another note, as it will be quite a night, its best if you come in a taxi or car pool if you have a sober driver...

See you all then

On On
See the map below for directions.(Its in town)

Welcome Mr Whippy Jr

Eugene Louis Fetuafiafi Barker was born on 26 Nov 2010 at 3:07pm. Weight 7.5lbs. Length 20.25in.

Louisa and I brought him home late yesterday afternoon. We had some challenges that gave us a good scare and kept us in the hospital for six days. Bottom line though, we have a healthy, happy, and content little Eugene at home now.

About the name: We decided to name him after his grandfathers' Eugene and Louis; his first two names. We also wanted his name to represent his heritage; so we added the name of our Samoan village's athletic team, Fetuafiafi (fay-too ah-fee ah-fee), which means evening star.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Gene.(Mr Whippy)