Hash Trash 1549

Kia Ora from Auckland, where your Scribe and Wahoo are recuperating. The Hash was hosted by Godfather at the Faleata Horse Race Track. Given that it was a public holiday for sure the Hashers would make a mess of a starting time of 1 PM. Sure enough, the only people there when your Scribe turned up was Sassygirl BJ and SOTB. When Godfather was finally located his estimated time of arrival was not amenable to getting the run off and the beer flowing. Hence around 8 hashers set off for a walk/run around Faleata. A fairly short and sharp affair, but it got the juices flowing. At this point Godfather had turned up, and with the help of a few strong hashers, had succeeded in erecting his tents. He then decided that the lates had to run, and led them off around the compound for a much longer sojourn. But all were by now well set for the circle, which acting GM Sassy called to order.

There were a few new to hash – Sione from Australia, Alfred, Mere, Mo and Tua from Suva, and Vala from the US. The rethreads were BB (holidaying in Suva), FBI (boring other people), Jay (wishes he had been on holiday) and Uncle Fred. FBI got a double for sowing his oats in soil that he isn’t married to.

The GM set off a series of awards, giving Godfather the Latecummer Award for his unsharp arrival. Since we were at the races, one of the hash meres had been admiring the horses, but timidly asked the technical question if women jockeys can lose their virginity – Tash got this Equestrian Award. One of the hashers had turned up with a cowboy hat that looked suspiciously like a movie prop, so Pat got the Brokeback Mountain Award (where did the GM see that movie – thought it was banned in Samoa?).
On this day in history, it was the Feast Day of St James the Just (Swinger) and also the day with the largest mass hanging in history, thanks to the US who strung up 38 Indians in 1862 (Wayne and Vala). Wayne and Swinger took a double for wearing hats and glasses. Celebrity awards went to Godfather, Swinger, Poumuli, Wahoo and Uncle Fred for being in the Observer. Jay joined in for having repeatedly tested the strength of the tent by leaning on it.

A special thank you award went to SOTB for getting the beer and GM organized so a Wake Up Call Award to SOTB. The GM also took on a self promoting new hasher who claimed to be an excellent masseur with extra benefits – a Happy Ending Award to Sione, who got it doubled for starting too early.

Opening up for nominations from the floor, SOTB informed us of how a hasher had turned down an offer for a drink with Godfather in favour of resting up for the arrival of his girlfriend- Horrendous Choice Award to Swinger. SOTB also nominated the newly appointed Samoan paddling coach Jay for the Athletic Award. Wahoo also nominated Jay for his offensive tshirt – something about smoking, licking etc, but this was deemed appropriate gear, so Wahoo, Titty Galore and Tash took the down down for getting offended not aroused.

The GM had spotted a hasher playing around with Godfather’s sweet nuts – Dawn Raid got the Inappropriate Fondling Award. SOTB nominated the GM for a down down for not getting things organized, and was joined by Eveready – didn’t catch all of it but it was something related to Mr. Sassy. Jay recounted that over Christmas he had invited friends over for drinks, except that one stayed and then didn’t help clean up. After a vote it was agreed that the Slob Award for SOTB should be doubled, but that Jay should join in for Lack of Appreciation for Hashman-like Behaviour.

The GM had ruled earlier that only the elderly guests were allowed to sit, and she now spotted Ollie sitting. She also highlighted the great efforts of our new hasher at the UN, who only turns up to the Hash to try the brew – Saneka got the Just Gets Pissed Award. FBI nominated BB for the meagre Christmas presents brought back, which should have earned him an Ungrateful Award. But in true style he outdid himself a few seconds later and brought a Verbal Diarrhoea Award on himself. Swinger brought a complaint against BB as well relating to the non-arrival of his Christmas card, to which BB responded “why does he need a card when he’s got this” and suggestively posed. Unanimous vote gave Swinger the award.

At this point the GM wanted to close off the circle, and nominated the BBQ chefs Pat and SOTB, as well as their Foretaster –Poumuli. We then saluted the host and the hare – Clem stepped in for Godfather, while Poumuli was singled out as hare, resulting in the beer coming out of his nose.

The Hash then enjoyed the races and the BBQ. Dawn Raid was spotted sun worshipping later and this needs an award.

Next week’s run will also be at the racetrack. Its run number 1550 so a special one for the Apia Hash. Check the blog for any last minute details.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit